Look, I’m going to answer those of you that are giving me shit in depth in this post, but after that, I’m really going to stop paying it much mind.
I really don’t get you guys - you remind me of some Jehovah's Witnesses sometimes. lol
This is the reason I didn’t want to bother arguing with people who believe in the whole AA-type thinking, which is basically that people who overdrink are alcoholics who have a disease, genetic disposition, etc. No matter what I say in response, you’re going to think and express that it’s me just rationalizing and addiction – because you have already been led to believe that’s what alcoholics do.
I’ll say more on this later, but like I said, this post will be my last time to address it because arguing this shit here is really nothing more than spinning wheels when you have that idea about me.
If you want to argue the points on abstinence vs. self-control, I encourage you to just start your own thread. This thread is a personal development thread to me. It’s meant to be a positive change in my life – not a place to have my methods harped on. If I was trying to lose weight or improve my game or make some other life change, you wouldn’t be coming in here being negative and shooting down my progress without even giving me a chance to start, so do me a favor and don’t do it here.
It only makes me not want to post in here or be honest about fuck-ups because I know there are a bunch of you sitting there doubting me and shaking your heads.
I realize what I’m doing violates your life view, but try to get a hold of yourselves. It’s almost like some of you want to see me fail just so you can be right…
(10-30-2012 05:02 AM)mistermister Wrote: what's your workout regime like ? i used to have what in my mind i thought to be a drinking problem. downing a bottle of wine with dinner after work. once i got committed to strength training, the drinking stopped.
I don’t currently have a workout program. I was going to begin with Starting Strength but my hand is a little too sore from the last escapade when I wrote that first post – I think barbell work would be a little much for it. Not to mention I just moved out of my place and have not got another yet, so I’m not sure what gym I’ll be going to until I settle in a little.
For those reasons, I think I’m going to get back with Convict Conditioning. Or just put together my own program with bodyweight exercises. I’d like to go the gym route just for additional social interaction – since I work online – but I travel so much that something like CC would be ideal.
I did get up and do some pushups this morning as a way to start breaking my cherry again.
(10-30-2012 02:24 PM)xsplat Wrote: I've been in a similar situation like you, and also had the same plan. I would take frequent drinking holidays, stopping for a week, a month, four months. But then I'd wind up on a binge again. I'd try to control my drinking by allowing a set amount after 7pm only. But then I'd declare some days a party day, and then I'd be on a long bender again.
It got pretty bad at times. Being weak in the knees in the morning if I hadn't had a drink. Then some stomach problems caught up with me, and my decision was made for me. I could no longer drink without feeling very sick.
It wasn't that difficult, once the switch was made. No more bars or nightclubs though, because for me that's associated with a specific flavor of fun, and that's the start of the slippery slope.
I heard you notice that you have strong will power - but just not after a certain number of drinks. Maybe we have alternate personalities that come out? I know I did, and for a while I missed my alternate. It's a little like murder to him, not drinking. Poor guy.
But after three years sober, I don't much miss him anymore.
Maybe really that's a big part of what not getting hammered is about - a kind of suicide pact with a part of ourselves we really appreciate and don't want to see go.
I'd have kept my inner drunk around if I could have. But he would have killed me.
I already had a few mini strokes and have heart disease and some serious cognitive deficits - especially memory problems now. And serious stomach problems. And my left eye is partially blind as a result of a mini stroke. All because of the year after year of "just one more". At the time I always think "well, why not". It's only when you get to the stage where you are that notice why. And then it can get worse, health wise. Sooner or later it's something - it's not sustainable.
But...
You are right that some people are able to make moderation work.
I gave it a serious effort for about two years, and didn't make much overall progress. The drinking holidays were pretty easy. I don't have any real insights about what would draw me back into heavy drinking - I suppose brain chemistry and addictions are involved.
Oh - that reminds me - I hear people use low dose naltrexone as a way that helps. I use that myself, to this day.
Anyway, none of this is meant as advice. Just thought I throw out my history, and let it be known what my solution was. It was to get too sick to be able to drink anymore at all. Worked for me.
Thanks for your well-rounded reply.
I definitely haven’t experienced any of the health problems that you did. I don’t feel a need to start drinking early in the day or afternoon, and I’ve never felt a craving for alcohol or got woozy because I wasn’t drinking.
If I started getting sick, I’d certainly stop. I know guys who drank holes in their stomachs and didn’t have a choice either. One of the reasons I’m cutting back is because I don’t want to face those helath problems someday.
Glad you’re doing better, Man.
(10-30-2012 09:56 PM)Farmageddon Wrote: Something that really helped me curb my drinking was watching the videos that John Cheese from Cracked.com made about his decision to stop drinking. He had his 3 year anniversary today,
Thanks for these videos. I did watch some of these and they were pretty eye-opening. This guy was an everyday 12-pack a day drinker, so certainly on a different level, and I’ve never suffered the physical effects he did when abstaining – nonetheless he’s an intelligent guy who offers some real insight on how our drinking habits can carry us away.
(10-31-2012 02:52 AM)germanico Wrote: That is the first lie alcoholics tell to themselves. "I can stop drinking anytime I want"
This is one of the hilarious arguments people who think alcoholics are diseased use that I take a real issue with. This is no argument at all.
Whether a person did have the power to stop drinking or didn’t have the power to stop drinking, they would say “I can stop drinking anytime I want.” So how in the world does it follow that anyone who says this is an alcoholic?
People also say they can get in shape whenever they want. Then they keep eating crap and never start working out. Does this mean they should completely restrict themselves from ever eating another spoonful of ice cream again in their lives, or that they should moderate their eating habits and get on a treadmill?
I know I can stop when I want because I do it once a year for a month just to remind myself what it’s like to live completely sober, to practice self-control (I also fast periodically), and to flush out my system, etc. It’s never even been an inkling of a problem to do this – and I usually frequent bars on my month off to socialize.
One year I did it for four months – again, just to practice self-control and for no other reason. It was a breeze. We went sky-diving for my birthday and had a blast.
My mother used to do a lot of coke and speed – she did so much coke she put a hole through her nostrils. One day she decided she didn’t want to do it anymore. So she stopped then and there without issue. Do you think anyone believed her before all those times she said she would just quite if she was ready?
She was a hard core cigarette smoker for years and always said she could quit if she wanted. What happened? One day she wanted to quit bad enough, so she did. Cold turkey.
She’s still a major alcoholic, at least on the weekends, and I worry about her. She tells me all the time that she could stop if she wanted.
Do I believe her?
You bet your ass I do.
She probably won’t anytime soon, but if she wanted to bad enough she could and would – and this is true for most alcoholics.
The thing is that people are weak (me included). We want things for our lives but we never pursue them. We try to stop bad habits but never follow through. This is true for everyone – whether they want to lose weight, stop eating shit, get stronger, improve their skills with women, or become good at surfing.
At the end of the day, we can all control our behavior if we want to. That includes people with drinking problems.
(10-31-2012 02:52 AM)germanico Wrote: Well, I you have so much self control "when you choose to practice it", then choose to practice it by not drinking. Choose to practice it by not hurting yourself or other people.
Why in the world would I do that if I can control myself through moderation and responsible drinking? You’re asking me to make a lifelong commitment to something I don’t yet believe I need to do.
What if some day I decide that decision was unnecessary? At this point, I’ve already accepted “I’m an alcoholic” as my identity. At that point there’s no ever going back because if I identify myself as an alcoholic, my subconscious will bring me to meet that expectation should I ever drink. To change my mind would be akin to giving in to alcohol.
If I start with moderation and then choose to completely quit if I fail, that is much more realistic. That’s a decision I can come back from.
As for practicing it by not hurting myself or other people, that’s what I’m doing here. That’s the point of my post.
(10-31-2012 02:52 AM)germanico Wrote: You also say that you dont need to stop drinking and that you dont want to be "that guy"... so, how has THAT been working out for you so far?
Do whatever you want man. If you want to get piss-drunk every night and beat people up everytime, then do so. Just dont lie to yourself.
Look, I understand what you’re doing here, but you’re attitude isn’t helping anything and is only going to put me on the defensive, which is not a productive state for life change. I never said I drink every night and I never said I get piss-drunk every time I drink. Nor do I beat people up every time.
There’s no lying to myself here; I’m being pretty honest about my behavior and trying to make a change.
You’re basically saying that instead of making a change that isn’t on your terms that I should just decide that’s who I am and go hurt other people and myself. Yeah, that makes sense…
(10-31-2012 03:22 AM)Aliblahba Wrote: Don't buy rounds. That means you are drinking at the pace of the fastest person in the group. It's bad mojo. Buy your own at your pace.
If you have any questions or want to PM me let me know. We have a lot of similarities minus the extreme anger issues.
Good point on the rounds. That’s a good way to think about it.
Thanks for the pm invitation. I may just do that.
Cheers
(10-31-2012 03:50 AM)w00t Wrote: Hey man one of my best friends was drinking ALOT. He wasnt getting into fights but he would get so drunk that he would lose his phones, fall all over the place and hurt himself, rip his clothes and whatnot. Sometimes he would wake up in another city and have no idea how he got there. He also banged alot of bitches but often times was so drunk he couldnt get it up anymore.
Well bottom line he died this year in a terrible accident and without alcohol he would still be alive. This was one of the smartest kids I know and he was in the process of starting a restaurant and making shitloads of cash.
So I hope you can find a way to get off the sauce. Alcohol is a terrible drug and brings nothing but trouble IMO. I havent stopped drinking but I never get drunk so I dont really have a problem with alcohol like that. Have you tried smoking some weed to chill out? If you puff some nice sativa it will not make you all lazy and unmotivated you can still go out and enjoy yourself and be social.
Yo, I’m really sorry about your friend, Man. It does sound like he had it pretty bad – I’ve never woken up in a strange city. I did have some blackout drunks in Thailand that were pretty scary though- more on this later.
I’ve had friends go a similar way and the ones that did were no surprise. May they rest in peace.
Thanks for the tip on the sativa – I actually rolled up a j the other night but it made me too paranoid when I was sober. I only do good with weed after a drink or two. That said, it’s a nice way to switch over to something when I’m ready to stop drinking – that’s what I did the other night and worked well.
(10-31-2012 10:45 AM)reaper23 Wrote: almost four years here with not one drink.
took 20 years of lots of bullshit to get me to the point where it was time to quit.
That’s awesome, Man – good for you!
(10-31-2012 10:45 AM)reaper23 Wrote: you already know that you can't drink in moderation for long periods of time.
No, I don’t know that, and you certainly don’t know that about me. Look, I don’t want to argue with you not only for the reasons stated above but also because the last thing I want to do tell an alcoholic that quitting drinking is unnecessary.
But look around you – not everyone is like you.
“Research has produced evidence for decades that some alcoholics could return to moderate or controlled drinking. However, Alcoholics Anonymous and other influential and powerful groups have tended to define an alcoholic as a person who can never drink in moderation. Thus, their conceptions and definitions have caused them to reject this mounting evidence. For example, they tend to argue that if researchers identify alcoholics who can now drink in moderation, that simply means that the alcoholics were falsely diagnosed and really weren’t alcoholics or they wouldn’t have been able to drink in moderation.”
The problem with the type of thinking your post exemplifies is that it paints everyone with the same brush. We are not all the same, and all around you are people who have chosen a different path than you. It’s not only possible; it’s been done a thousand times before.
(10-31-2012 10:45 AM)reaper23 Wrote: just ask yourself what is so fucking important about having to drink that you'll through all this headache, discipline, journaling, reading, etc just
so you can keep on drinking... what is it?
you've had enough negative consequences
I know you think you’ve asked an eye-opening question here – further evidenced by the fact that you asked it twice here and again later when I delayed on responding – but you’re simply looking at it from a completely different paradigm than I am.
An erroneous one at that, in my honest opinion.
To me, this isn’t about doing all of this so I can keep drinking. It’s about trying to change the bad habit of drinking too much. To you it’s all or nothing – to me there are other options right in front of me.
If I go forward with a new workout program or try to change some other area of my life, guess what I do? I read. I practice self-discipline (which is a fantastic skill to hone, I might add). I keep a journal because it makes my progress clearer and keeps me on track.
In fact, I’ve thought of starting threads just like this one for getting myself in shape and for improving my game; I’ve chosen this one instead because it seems to be the one disrupting my life most. This isn’t a headache to me – it’s a proven method of breaking bad habits and adopting new ones. It’s a healthy, effective means of change.
(10-31-2012 10:45 AM)reaper23 Wrote: why is it so important to drink...thats the question you can't answer without saying that you need it / love it / are addicted to it
But okay, I’ll bite.
Again, I feel bad about even saying this to an you as you state you are an alcoholic, but here are some reasons I’d like to drink in moderation rather than quit…
1) Alcohol is a huge part of our culture. The vast majority of Americans drink on a regular basis, and this is the default ice breaker for just about any social situation. It allows you get to know someone more in an hour or two than you otherwise would in weeks or even months. It allows you to seamlessly enter social situations. It allows you to bond with people quickly.
2) I travel a lot in new cities and in new countries. In other cultures, not drinking at all is akin to a huge handicap, and in many cultures, turning down a drink or an invitation to drink is an insult.
If I want to continue traveling as much as I do, quitting the drink completely is going to drastically alter my experiences in a way I’m not quite ready to accept, especially operating under the belief of it being unnecessary.
Still having the self-freedom to drop into a bar and have a beer allows me to instantly meet people in any of these countries at any time. I can meet other expats and foreigners alike. I can do that with other pastimes, but to do so in a matter of hours is usually only allowed over a cold glass of suds.
3) Studies show that people who completely abstain are not as happy as people who drink in moderation. Nor are they as healthy or wealthy. I personally attribute this to the ease of socialization since drinking is such a cultural norm.
4) Once again, you’re asking me to decide to never do something again FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE when I see it as unnecessary. That’s a huge decision to make and I don’t take it lightly; the fact that so many people who abstain end up falling off the wagon shows that most people do take it lightly.
If I don’t yet believe I have to do it, why would I make a lifelong decision before trying to change my behavior through less extreme means?
(10-31-2012 10:45 AM)reaper23 Wrote: i've run game in bars sober, i've dated tons of chicks without drinking...you can do it
I know I can. Thanks for the vote of confidence, and tell it to a couple other of these guys, wouldya? If I can quit now, I can quit after trying this should it not work. Just like any problem drinker, I can always make a choice if I find the motivation.
(10-31-2012 10:45 AM)reaper23 Wrote: one thing i noticed after i quit drinking is that no one around me was as drunk as i thought they were back when i was drinking
I actually find the reverse to be true. Drunk people can be damn annoying when I’m completely sober. Good thing my temper cools.
(10-31-2012 03:48 PM)Vacancier Permanent Wrote: Damn bro, that's some hardcore stuff. I know it's not easy to get rid of a bad addiction. I feel the same whenever I travel as I can get pretty crazy with drinks and as a result, got really drunk a few times and even a couple of times, really sick to the point of being in bed for the whole day for a day or 2. I gotta control my drinkings whenever I go to another country/city. When I'm at home, I don't drink at all. I'm toying with the idea of totally stop drinking as it can cause havoc at times. I wish you all the best man.
Yeah, nothing like a 2-day hangover to fuck up your productivity. And it sure is easy to get carried away in a foreign place.
Thanks for the good wishes, my man.
(11-01-2012 11:47 AM)Charlemagne In Sweatpants Wrote: Damn dude - this thread really hit home for me. I struggled badly with alcohol through most of my drinking history, and although I didn't have your extreme violent streaks, I can certainly relate to the self-destructive aspects of being on the sauce.
I posted a bit about how I got my shit together in my intro thread. Feel free to PM me if you're curious about what I went through for treatment or have any questions. I still continue to drink a bit too much, but my existence is completely different than it was back in 2011 when I was literally drinking myself to death.
I know this shit is tough, but you've already taken a huge first step by admitting that you have some issues with booze and things need to change - most people don't have the balls to be honest with themselves in that regard. You've gotten yourself a moderation resource, put together a plan, and you seem damn motivated to make this work. You've also added some public accountability by creating a thread with your progress. That will go a long way.
I'm really rooting for you to get where you want to be.
Best of luck,
CIS
Thanks a lot, Bro. I read your other thread, and it definitely sounded like you were in a dark place. Thanks for the support.
(11-02-2012 04:59 AM)SelfPaid Wrote: 1. To be honest what the fuck is a Social Drinker? you Drink or you don't Drink. There is no in between if you take it seriously.
So in your case I would change my Goal to not drinking at all since going from a Social drinker, to a heavy drinker is a fine Line and quite easy to cross.
Hey SelfPaid – to be honest, I thought you were a troll based on some of your other posts about money and still haven’t made up my mind, but you did offer some good advice in this post, so thanks for that. I’ll check out the link.
As far as asking what a social drinker is, that seems to be a bit of a strange question. A social drinker is someone who drinks in moderation in social situations rather than going out and binge drinking on the weekends or drinking at home alone on the a daily basis.
Don’t play word games with me – I’m a writer.
And who told you there is no in between? That seems to be something you’ve heard rather than something you know from experience or from looking at the people around you.
(11-02-2012 08:53 AM)reaper23 Wrote: why is it so important to you to drink? that is the real question
I understand you’re only trying to help, but why did you feel you needed to come back in here and throw this question back at me again when in the reply just above I’d stated I was going to come answer you guys when I had the time. Please don’t treat me like a child.
(11-02-2012 08:53 AM)reaper23 Wrote: people who have a real problem find very intricate ways of rationalizing continued behaviors consequences be damned
As do all human beings for all types of behavior; this is not unique to alcoholics nor mean that abstinence is the only answer. Whether my rationalizations are genuine and correct or irrational and alcohol-fueled, you’re not going to give my thinking a chance, so why even bother?
In your mind, anything I say is a contrived rationalization. This is your paradigm, and I can’t have a reasonable discussion on those grounds.
This is what I meant by not being down with typical AA-thinking. I don’t care if you still go to AA or not; you still subscribe to their belief systems and the idea that abstinence is the only answer. You still think it’s a disease and that I’m not capable of rational thought about alcohol even when sober, which I find ludicrous.
And you’re still not open to outside opinions of the nature of alcoholism.
I’m not asking you to be because I wouldn’t want to affect your decisions in this way or turn this thread into a debate (again, feel free to do it in another thread), but understand that I’m trying to make some changes here. That’s a big step, so let me take it.
(11-02-2012 08:53 AM)reaper23 Wrote: is my life better for not drinking? yep.
is it worth drinking to have all the risks of the consequences you outlined? nope
That’s great. But I believe I can minimize or remove those risks and consequences without abstaining completely.
You don’t, and that’s fine.
(11-02-2012 04:43 PM)LoveBug Wrote: Don't drink alcohol, but have a similar problem with caffeine. Coke and energy drinks have been like water, and my body over time has become dependent. Its a war, not a battle. I think many people fail to stop drink because they make it an either/or proposition, and I don't think the body works that way in most cases. Have to ween yourself off gradually. Give yourself props on just cutting back the smallest amounts of it at a time while your body gets used to the change of condition
Thanks!
(11-07-2012 12:20 PM)iknowexactly Wrote: (10-29-2012 09:46 PM)Beyond Borders Wrote: 4) I don't want to be that guy that never drinks and can't manage drinking -
Sounds like getting thrown in jail might be good luck for you , before you kill somebody and and end up with 10 years to debate the wisdom of your stubbornness.
Better luck might be facing that you can't handle alcohol and stopping drinking.
Wow, really? That's a hasty conclusion...
Let me make a few things clear about me for those who might have the wrong idea. It might not change anyone's mind, but as every situation is unique, here's mine.
First, I’m not a senseless thug, and I don’t victimize people. In a lot of ways I probably just come from a different world than you guys.
Let’s have a look, if you have the patience.
First off, my violence doesn’t come from alcohol, as another poster hinted above. That’s the only time it shows itself anymore, but it began far before that.
I come from a very violent background and local culture, for one. My father spent the majority of my childhood in prison and my mom used to have this boyfriend who used to beat himself in the face with one of those big maglights – even knocked himself out once. Pulled a knife on me another time; used to get in knife fights at the bar and one time my buddies saw him put one threw a guy’s neck.
Nothing ever came of it because no one ever talked. That’s the culture around here – it’s outlaw country. This place is the real wild west and it’s still alive and kicking.
I remember I beat up that crazy boyfriend of my mom’s up once because of the one single time he laid a hand on my mom and I hit him so hard he lost his balance for a month. I can still see him on his knees bleeding all over the place and pleading for me to stop.
I was 14 years old.
After that he made up a story that my older brother and I jumped him from behind. Suddenly there’s word that a bunch of his biker buddies are coming after us – probably a rumor, but we were kids and these guys were dangerous – we got scared so we reacted. We bought a sawed off shotgun and waited. We lived in the woods back then and the nearest cops were a half hour away.
Every noise outside had me on my feet grabbing a gun.
I was barely a teen – you see what I mean? Her time with this nutcase was the same time I was going through puberty, and I learned his style of violence as a result – it was the most impressionable period of my life. Can you imagine what that does to a person?
I was a crazy motherfucker all through high school and couldn’t go through a week without flipping out and bloodying my knuckles on some lockers or walls. Often it took multiple people to subdue me. Often, if there was no way of moving my limbs at this point, I’d just headbutt the ground. A ridiculous amount of destructive behavior.
I was severely depressed too. Many times I couldn’t go through the day without flipping for no apparent reason and then I’d hitchhike home and just sit there feeling like I was going crazy.
They told me I needed to take anti-depressants. They told me there was no way I could control it. That I was like my father and bound to be manic depressive and paranoid schizo.
You know what? I decided fuck that and that I didn’t need meds to straighten out my mind – just like I’m telling you now I can control myself. I decided I was strong enough and smart enough, so I sat down and made it happen. And I was better within a matter of weeks. So good that my therapist said I didn’t need therapy anymore.
My behavior when I’m sober has been mellow ever since with very few outbreaks – the only incidents have been when I’m drunk. People who’ve met me sober or never seen me go to the dark side think I’m the most mellow, friendliest dude you’d ever meet – those who knew me way back when wouldn’t have believed that would ever be possible.
I was doing very well for a long time and shit hit the fan for me. My father had since OD’d and died, but I made my peace with him. I’d worked my way up from real poverty and was making a name for myself, but shit hit the fan and I lot everything I owned and had built for myself.
Every single thing.
It was a hard blow but I kept pushing forward.
After a year, I had built a good deal of it back and was going to the university and getting straight A’s when I had a run-in with some real hard-core criminals. I’m not talking your run-of-the-mill corner-street gangster – I’m talking about one of the most dangerous criminal enterprises in our country if not the world (I’m not saying the name on a forum for a good reason). They made a mistake. I had fucked a girl who was involved, and somehow I got caught in their bullshit crossfire (players beware).
Next thing you know I’m hiding out with a pistol and sneaking out of town, losing everything I owned once again because I had to make a run for it. All over something that was none of my business with people I didn’t know.
A friend was supposed to send me money he owed me – that was the plan. Start a biz with it and move on with my life. Travel the world and have adventures. Instead he burnt me and left me hanging overseas. I ended up living for years in Thailand with no visa, running from the cops at times so as not to get caught – I couldn’t afford to get shipped back to America without even having the money to properly hide.
Imagine that for a second.
You’re broke and down to nothing in a foreign country. You don’t have a penny to your name besides what’s in your pocket. You have nowhere to go. And you don’t know if you’ll ever be able to contact your family again in your life. No support system - and living in Thailand, an amazing place but in many ways a cesspool of addiction and extreme behavior.
I hit rock-bottom, Man – is it any wonder? I didn’t have to, but I did. I was living in a bad movie.
Got suicidal and crashed bikes. Would wake up sometimes not remembering driving them home. When I slammed one particular hooker without a condum, I did so because I didn’t care anymore – I figured if I got the bug, aka HIV, I’d rent a crotch rocket and drive it a hundred miles per hour into the side of brick wall and call it a life lived at full speed.
At times I got depressed when drinking and stood on my balcony looking down. Just thinking about it. That was the dark side. I was living in a bad movie and wanted out – not seeing that all I had to do was change my behavior. But we get caught up in the emotions sometimes, you know what I mean?
To go further, imagine what growing up in that way and hiding for your life like that does to your psyche. How it makes you react to aggression…
If you ask anyone who knows me, I don’t look for fights nor do I ever start them. In fact, many who don't believe that assertion go with me to a public place and then sit there shaking their head when they see the way certain guys get aggressive towards me when I'm doing nothing to invite it - I just come across as a mark. The other night some guy I never met spit on the back of my head. I'd only been at the party for five minutes and was getting ready to shoot a game of pool. hadn't said a word to him.
Sure, I’ve slipped here and there and instigated something when I just took it the wrong way, but in the vast majority of cases, the people I fight are bullies or people known for starting problems. It certainly doesn’t mean I want to continue doing it, but nor am I running around fucking with people.
Given my history, if someone is in my face, my whole body goes into survival mode. I don’t “step outside.” I seek to put someone out of the fight and get myself out of danger. If someone is in within arm’s reach and showing aggression, I act.
On top of that, you’ve got this place I’m in right now. A place where 80% of the men, if not more, are outlaws who made shitloads of money on the only industry around here, which is growing pot. There is ZERO other industry around here – I shit you not.
If you’ve never experienced something like that, it’s hard to explain the vibe of these mountain boys with stacks of cash. They think they’re hard, even though the vast majority of them were babied by their grower parents and never had to fight for a thing in their lives. They become dangerous. They drink and do coke to crazy excess and think they’re on top of the world.
The county I’m in has a higher death by gunshot rate per capita than L.A County. Higher STD rate. Higher drug use. And that’s the whole county together; I think if they just counted south county, or the boondocks, where I’m from, that shit would be through the roof.
And the women issue here – fuck. I shit you not that any night you go out you’re talking 95% men in the bar or at the party – 95%! That’s a shitload of unspent testosterone.
Here’s my point. People fight around here. They get down. They have bad attitudes and think they’re unstoppable. They think they like to fight until they run into guys like me and my friends and learn something new.
In fact, when I go to other areas, I very, very rarely get in fights. In Asian countries, where people don’t start shit (only finish it like me), I don’t get in fights at all unless with other Westerners, and this with spending 99% of my time with the Asians.
I’m not saying my behavior isn't extreme. Especially by the standards of the domesticated world. What I am saying is that I’m not going out hurting innocent people.
One of the guys I put in the hospital, for instance, ripped my cell phone out of my hand, put it in his pocket and wouldn’t give it back. Earlier in the night I’d already slammed him on his head for getting physical with me and then after helping him up was giving him a ride home and he talked me into stopping for a beer to smooth it over. Someone called me and he took my phone. Wouldn’t give it back.
I’m going to hit you if you don’t give it back, I said, and he just sat there staring at me with a crazy look on his eyes – far too close for comfort. The first, single, punch knocked him down but he kept staring at me from his seat and wouldn’t give it back. I was in a state. It was almost daylight and I’d been drinking all night. It was dumb, and I should have left. Instead of leaving, I told him I was going to hurt him if he didn’t give it back. He still didn’t, so I hurt him.
I took it back and left him there. In actuality, I wanted to take him to the hospital, but I was more afraid of being caught by the cops without a visa.
This guy was a gangster and a menace; he’d been bragging to me all night about his affiliations and starting shit with everyone in the bar. I have a real problem with gangsters after that shit that happened to me. Did I go too far? Of course I did. Was he an innocent victim I cornered? Absolutely not.
Another guy I put in the hospital? This girl I knew was bartending and she cut him off. He smashed her in the mouth with his glass.
Real defenseless victim, this guy. Did I go overboard? Yep.
Another guy was messing with my brother, who has broken multiple vertabrae and isn't even supposed to play soft sports. You don't mess with my brother. Period. Did I go too far? yes.
Fighting’s a helluva drug, much like alcohol.
When you’re good at it, it starts being fun for you. You’ve got this aura about you when someone starts shit, and you really feel like nothing can happen to you. The alcohol really brings that shit out of you too.
That’s what I meant when I said I invite that stuff sometimes these days. I’m starting to realize that I’m getting to a point when drinking well beyond my BAC where if someone is acting like a dick or being aggressive around me, I no longer wait until I have to teach them a lesson.
Instead, I’m inviting it – if not with my words then with my eyes and body language.
Because at the end of the day, part of you learns to like it.
Not to mention that as you can tell by some of my stories, I don't leave situations that are obviously ripe for confrontation or get away from dangerous people (that's why I mentioned in the first post I needed to take that step too).
My point of my original post was that I don’t want to unload on every guy who fucks with me – I’m getting too old for this shit, and my drinking was getting out of hand. After my experiences, I think it’s completely understandable, but it’s time to get a hold of it because that part of my life is (mostly) over and I’d like to move on.
I don’t want the health problems. I don’t want jail. And I don’t want to hurt people if I don’t have to.
My best friend used to fight more than me and get himself in worst predicaments. He still drinks – usually more than me – but no longer fights. In fact, he’s usually the voice of rationalization when we go out; it used to be the other way around. Yet another example of someone who’s done what I’m doing.
I still think violence is sometimes the answer. I still like a beer with an old friend or my brother. I still like a glass of wine with dinner and the easy socialization of a night at the pub with strangers.
I think I’ve set myself some very reasonable standards in the initial post and have been pretty upfront about my demons. As I mentioned before, the fact that I’ve made this public will force me to acknowledge if it’s truly uncontrollable. So if you guys are right, I’ll eventually have no choice but to own up and phase it out completely.
Meanwhile, let me do my thing.
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