Post: #1

Gentlemen,

I find myself in a quandary. Yet again.

Recent girl of Long Distance said to me 'she needs time off'. we all know what that means:

a) she met another guy that makes her tingle or
b) I lost attraction that she had for me.

Either way it blows.

Background: we had an LDR, for a while, I went visiting overseas 2 times this year already, staying almost 2 months each time. Any other bitch would be static, Id think. I love her (yah, after a parade of women -saturation point reached). She claimed to love me.
We lived together for almost a year, now apart for 3 months at a time. I did a hell of a good job boning her everytime I got, FWIW.Owned her. She is a hard 9, no kidding. Im a half decent dude, Id say Im a 9, mobile, good looks, cash flow, educated, cosmopolitan. No issues on relocating other than language (which I have a primitive understanding of).
In Rossy's classification, I'd fit into lesser Alpha (not hard to meet dames).
But as the prophet Iceberg Slim would say, 'a woman needs to feel close to her man'... aint that the truth brother... 'a woman away is a woman in despair' I might add... LDRs suck hard.

In any case, I had her take care of minor business affairs in her country, to see where she stood (and wiring her a large amount of $$). Nothing life saving or wrecking. I can get the $$ back.
However, she took it way too serious, freaked out, and cant handle it... Now she is getting advice from some wankers that she 'doesnt have to do it'... (help with the business). Thought she knew that these affairs could be, in the long run, a profitable lifeline for both of us.
The idea was to set-up a business that would allow me to stay in her country, and yet be flexible to other venues (the company is setup to teach engrish, import/export an excellent, sellable product, restaurant, etc etc, I like to keep things flexible always) but she is not getting it. The mentality of the country is only to do a) b) or c). I, of course, am an abc kinda guy.

We had spoken of being a team, of being on this for the long run (and she was down), but I think she might be too young for this (22) and I cant work in the country without a visa (business investor visa). She swears up and down there is no-one else in her life besides me. But yet she wants to travel to another city with a bunch of her friends (including a guy Im pretty sure she is into). I cant be there for distance and logistic reasons. I can gut feel where this is going... she feeling guilty about another dood, boning him, trying to feel not slutty....

Today I think I would had married this chick if her character was stronger. She is afraid of abandonment and needs to have someone near most often... and she is still inmature and drives me up the wall sometimes. I have never yelled at a woman. Yet this one gets the worst out out of me, but wouldn't you know it, I think she likes it. Drama, after all, is universal.

Question is, what would you do? go there and try to re-spark what we had ( I have nothing to stop me going there), and sort things out (maybe smack her around a little) or nothing, and next?


My take: cut losses and move on. Any other perspectives are welcome.
I also CARVEd the issue. Stiill coming out even.

Post: #2

I know how you feel ... Some girls need constant male attention and companionship.. Can be irritating..

But your post is unclear. Why did you wire money and what can't she handle?

Post: #3

tl;dr cut losses and move on.

As a guy who's had a lot of long-distance relationships as a beta I kind of know what you're going through. I think the 'absence makes the heart grow fonder' rule applies here and you're idealizing/pedastalizing her and the relationship itself to the point you might convince yourself of anything. I know I used to do that.

I say man up and let it go. Just drop all contact to the extent you can & go away, it's not going to work out, u lost the 'frame' and it will be incredibly difficult if not impossible to get it back. If she wants to come back entertain the idea and try to get a couple breakup bangs, but I think this relationship is kinda over and she'll never look at you or respect you in the same way ever again.

To be frank, I'd say you moving over there to be with her is pretty beta, and business and love never mix, no matter how small the involvement. I guess it would be different if you'd been married and had kids or something. But that's not the case. She's young at 22 (not sure how old you are) and isn't ready anyway at least from her actions, which are alarming at best, and serious indication you need to eject.

I'm willing to listen to counter-arguments, but from your post it's like "but I love her, we had a great thing, how can this be, these are the reasons it could work or why we're having issues, yadda yadda yadda" which to me screams it's a severe case of 'one-itis' bc you're afraid of losing her. Sad to tell you, it also seems like it's dead and you need to move on.

A lot of the way you frame the whole situation up seems to say to me that you've been out of the game for awhile and are a bit afraid to get back into it, especially since she's a "9" and you might fear you can't get that sort of quality. Honetsly if you are half the man you say you are then you should have no problem getting new girls in your life, but you gotta do the work so get ready to move and and get out there. That's just how it works.

Edit: after re-reading the post and this..

Quote:Today I think I would had married this chick if her character was stronger. She is afraid of abandonment and needs to have someone near most often... and she is still inmature and drives me up the wall sometimes. I have never yelled at a woman. Yet this one gets the worst out out of me, but wouldn't you know it, I think she likes it. Drama, after all, is universal

...it's 100% clear you need to GTFO of this relationship. Why are you putting yourself through this kind of sh*t??? You're higlighting issues that clearly make her a terrible gf or partner - I think you know the answer to your situation...

Let me ask you this: if she were two-three notches below what she is today would u put up with her behavior? Would you seriously still look at her as some kind of 'life partner"??

Post: #4

(07-30-2013 04:00 AM)bacan Wrote:  I know how you feel ... Some girls need constant male attention and companionship.. Can be irritating..

But your post is unclear. Why did you wire money and what can't she handle?

I wired her money to setup business, get an investor visa. She says its too much with school, PT work etc... all bs if you ask me.

Post: #5

(07-30-2013 04:00 AM)Akula Wrote:  tl;dr cut losses and move on.

As a guy who's had a lot of long-distance relationships as a beta I kind of know what you're going through. I think the 'absence makes the heart grow fonder' rule applies here and you're idealizing/pedastalizing her and the relationship itself to the point you might convince yourself of anything. I know I used to do that.

I say man up and let it go. Just drop all contact to the extent you can & go away, it's not going to work out, u lost the 'frame' and it will be incredibly difficult if not impossible to get it back. If she wants to come back entertain the idea and try to get a couple breakup bangs, but I think this relationship is kinda over and she'll never look at you or respect you in the same way ever again.

To be frank, I'd say you moving over there to be with her is pretty beta, and business and love never mix, no matter how small the involvement. I guess it would be different if you'd been married and had kids or something. But that's not the case. She's young at 22 (not sure how old you are) and isn't ready anyway at least from her actions, which are alarming at best, and serious indication you need to eject.

I'm willing to listen to counter-arguments, but from your post it's like "but I love her, we had a great thing, how can this be, these are the reasons it could work or why we're having issues, yadda yadda yadda" which to me screams it's a severe case of 'one-itis' bc you're afraid of losing her. Sad to tell you, it also seems like it's dead and you need to move on.

A lot of the way you frame the whole situation up seems to say to me that you've been out of the game for awhile and are a bit afraid to get back into it, especially since she's a "9" and you might fear you can't get that sort of quality. Honetsly if you are half the man you say you are then you should have no problem getting new girls in your life, but you gotta do the work so get ready to move and and get out there. That's just how it works.

Edit: after re-reading the post and this..

Quote:Today I think I would had married this chick if her character was stronger. She is afraid of abandonment and needs to have someone near most often... and she is still inmature and drives me up the wall sometimes. I have never yelled at a woman. Yet this one gets the worst out out of me, but wouldn't you know it, I think she likes it. Drama, after all, is universal

...it's 100% clear you need to GTFO of this relationship. Why are you putting yourself through this kind of sh*t??? You're higlighting issues that clearly make her a terrible gf or partner - I think you know the answer to your situation...

Let me ask you this: if she were two-three notches below what she is today would u put up with her behavior? Would you seriously still look at her as some kind of 'life partner"??

Thanks man. Appreciate the insight. Thought I still have to get there and get my $$, deal with her for that. That is the fucked up part.

I do have pipelined a few dames to follow up, but I dont want to stay in this country either. I should have added that. Go solo there and try my luck, or stand another stupid Canadian winter. Fuck this shit. I seriously get clinically depressed every winter. Chips at my soul.

Post: #6

How much money? If it will cost you a significant amount in airfare just to fly out, it might be worth it.

but yeah, you definitely need to cut all contact with her after settling the money issue

Post: #7

a 22 yr old woman is a child.

An utter, flat-out child.

Making any kind of business arrangements or having any expectations with such a one is pure folly.

Might as well be frustrated that her tea parties only have pretend tea and dollies.

Post: #8

(07-30-2013 05:53 AM)master_thespian Wrote:  How much money? If it will cost you a significant amount in airfare just to fly out, it might be worth it.

but yeah, you definitely need to cut all contact with her after settling the money issue

Ticket is around $1500 these days. So still cheaper than loosing $ on money wire fees, and I can still make some solid business contacts.

I second the cutting her out, the behaviour she is showing is just unacceptable. King Solomon is right, too young for this, no real life experience or the maturity to deal with it.

Hey, at least I got to bone a super hot chick for a while. Lesson learned.

Post: #9

(07-30-2013 10:45 AM)King Solomon Wrote:  a 22 yr old woman is a child.

An utter, flat-out child.

Making any kind of business arrangements or having any expectations with such a one is pure folly.

Might as well be frustrated that her tea parties only have pretend tea and dollies.

I second this notion. My only long distance girlfriend (who was 22) was nothing but a temperamental brat.

Post: #10

Update:

First, thank you everyone for the advice.

Like a fool, didnt listened (not my strong suit). Pussy will be my downfall, no question.

Came back to Japan and she was acting all weird, avoiding me and such... I knew something was up.

Turned out she got preggers with another dude and had an abortion... yet she had the nerve to say it was my fault because 'she was ready to have babies but I couldnt give her one' WTF

thank you baby jesus for vasectomies! Oh, the hamster spins wildly on this one.

Unreal. Really hard lesson to learn.

So, Im in a foreign country, and the show goes on. But holy shit, dont wish it on anyone. What a horrible feeling.

Im giving her the heartiste 3-week silent treatment™, its gonna be interesting to see what happens.

In any case, learn from me kids. Ol' wisdom will always apply: chicks can be hot, sane or smart. Pick 2.

Post: #11

Holy shit.

It goes to show. Always listen to your gut instinct when listening to the BS women come up with.

I have been in very similar situations. When it sounds like an excuse of any kind, 99% chance it's because she's getting fucked by another guy.

Sounds like you dodged a bullet. Can you imagine having babies with this sort of blame/logic being employed? Be happy all you lost was a little cash on this one-itis.

Return of the mack.

Post: #12

1) Long distance relationships don't work. They're not relationships. They're tangentially faintly linked fantasies that become more and more tenuously linked as time passes.

2) Who invented go fuck 10 other women GFTOW? One of the top sayings ever.

3) Never believe excuses. Only believe sustained action in the physical world. Words are not actions for women, they are solely PR devices.

Post: #13

"However, she took it way too serious, freaked out, and cant handle it... Now she is getting advice from some wankers that she 'doesnt have to do it'... (help with the business). Thought she knew that these affairs could be, in the long run, a profitable lifeline for both of us."

I'm amazed that men echo what women tell them as truth. They don't even know what truth is. Never believe an explanation from a woman, it is always a PR device.

IN this scenario, as she buys these guys drinks they probably laugh together about how YOU are the wanker.

Post: #14

Your only play is to immediately cut her off and actually move on. If you show you don't need her then she'll want you back. There is no recovery otherwise. You may lose her but she's gone anyway.

You have to hold on by letting go. It's zen.

Post: #15

(12-22-2013 02:09 PM)iknowexactly Wrote:  "However, she took it way too serious, freaked out, and cant handle it... Now she is getting advice from some wankers that she 'doesnt have to do it'... (help with the business). Thought she knew that these affairs could be, in the long run, a profitable lifeline for both of us."

I'm amazed that men echo what women tell them as truth. They don't even know what truth is. Never believe an explanation from a woman, it is always a PR device.

IN this scenario, as she buys these guys drinks they probably laugh together about how YOU are the wanker.

This is great advice. A woman is a politician at all times. Anthony Weiner, Bill Clinton, Rob Ford...all have shit on your average woman in a relationship.

Post: #16

(12-22-2013 02:00 PM)Courage Reborn Wrote:  Holy shit.

It goes to show. Always listen to your gut instinct when listening to the BS women come up with.

I have been in very similar situations. When it sounds like an excuse of any kind, 99% chance it's because she's getting fucked by another guy.

Sounds like you dodged a bullet. Can you imagine having babies with this sort of blame/logic being employed? Be happy all you lost was a little cash on this one-itis.

Return of the mack.

Yah, imagine that. Now I couldnt picture being married to this nutcase. Hot chicks are poison to the mind, until you develop a tolerance, no question. Still working on that.

(12-22-2013 02:06 PM)iknowexactly Wrote:  1) Long distance relationships don't work. They're not relationships. They're tangentially faintly linked fantasies that become more and more tenuously linked as time passes.

2) Who invented go fuck 10 other women GFTOW? One of the top sayings ever.

3) Never believe excuses. Only believe sustained action in the physical world. Words are not actions for women, they are solely PR devices.

1) completely agree. Very hard to keep up, unpleasant for all parties.
2) will do, Zeus help me.
3)agree. Chicks do and say very different things.

(12-22-2013 09:22 PM)Fisto Wrote:  Your only play is to immediately cut her off and actually move on. If you show you don't need her then she'll want you back. There is no recovery otherwise. You may lose her but she's gone anyway.

You have to hold on by letting go. It's zen.

Yep. I summoned her today to meet my attorney and see about splitting her off the business. I was cool calm and collected. She tried everything she could, but she is cracking already, begged me afterwards to meet and chat. No dice lady.

'I need time to think' might be one of the greatest lines ever too.

We'll see where this goes, but honestly cant see more than putting her on rotation for fun. The show goes on.

Thanks for listening. Once again the wisdom of the board and Heartiste have yet to steer me wrong.

Post: #17

(12-22-2013 04:14 AM)Fortitudinal Wrote:  Update:

First, thank you everyone for the advice.

Like a fool, didnt listened (not my strong suit). Pussy will be my downfall, no question.

Came back to Japan and she was acting all weird, avoiding me and such... I knew something was up.

Turned out she got preggers with another dude and had an abortion... yet she had the nerve to say it was my fault because 'she was ready to have babies but I couldnt give her one' WTF

thank you baby jesus for vasectomies! Oh, the hamster spins wildly on this one.

Unreal. Really hard lesson to learn.

So, Im in a foreign country, and the show goes on. But holy shit, dont wish it on anyone. What a horrible feeling.

Im giving her the heartiste 3-week silent treatment™, its gonna be interesting to see what happens.

In any case, learn from me kids. Ol' wisdom will always apply: chicks can be hot, sane or smart. Pick 2.

Jesus Christ. What a shameful c**t. My last LTR ended in a similar fireball, so I feel for you buddy.

It sounds like you have a lot going for you, which is awesome, and now that this has happened, you know it won't happen again. That's the most important thing you'll take from this.

If you need some other points of view on something like this, check this thread out (/thread-15697.html). It helped me out.

Good luck.

Post: #18

Let it crumble dude.

Pull away and let your tunnel vision subside. It's dangerous to trust people who demonstrate disloyalty.

Stop gaming her and just let your masculine instincts take the wheel. Sit down, think about what is wisest for YOU, then execute.

She sounds like a value-taker, not a value-giver.

Post: #19

(12-22-2013 09:22 PM)Fisto Wrote:  Your only play is to immediately cut her off and actually move on. If you show you don't need her then she'll want you back. There is no recovery otherwise. You may lose her but she's gone anyway.

You have to hold on by letting go. It's zen.

Even so: she's a waste of time, energy and resources, and is playing you for a fool. If you take her back after this shit, she will never, ever respect you again and take it as implicit permission to do whatever the hell she wants with the expectation she can blame you for it and that you'll forgive her again.

Move the fuck on. She's a worthless human being. Don't even fuck her: there's plenty of other vaginas out there, and I've yet to experience a pussy that was so unique to be worth putting up with such deep disrespect. Let your attorney talk to her from here out. Get out there and meet positive women. Your fixation on her is holding you back.

Post: #20

(12-23-2013 07:31 PM)polymath Wrote:  Let it crumble dude.

Pull away and let your tunnel vision subside. It's dangerous to trust people who demonstrate disloyalty.

Stop gaming her and just let your masculine instincts take the wheel. Sit down, think about what is wisest for YOU, then execute.

She sounds like a value-taker, not a value-giver.

Thats exactly it, trust in business is key. Also, she was a captain bringdown all the time, now that I see it in retrospect. . . I am really doubtful that it was a cultural thing.

(12-24-2013 12:34 AM)AnonymousBosch Wrote:  

(12-22-2013 09:22 PM)Fisto Wrote:  Your only play is to immediately cut her off and actually move on. If you show you don't need her then she'll want you back. There is no recovery otherwise. You may lose her but she's gone anyway.

You have to hold on by letting go. It's zen.

Even so: she's a waste of time, energy and resources, and is playing you for a fool. If you take her back after this shit, she will never, ever respect you again and take it as implicit permission to do whatever the hell she wants with the expectation she can blame you for it and that you'll forgive her again.

Move the fuck on. She's a worthless human being. Don't even fuck her: there's plenty of other vaginas out there, and I've yet to experience a pussy that was so unique to be worth putting up with such deep disrespect. Let your attorney talk to her from here out. Get out there and meet positive women. Your fixation on her is holding you back.

Yeah man, I feel what you are saying. She is regretful, but I think that as usual, she is regretful that she got caught, not about what she did. What really pushes it out there for me is that she was stupid enough to get preggers. Holy fuck, how stupid do you have to be?

Shit sucks, being Xmas and all. But hey, Im still alive, the sun still shining and there be ladies out there to be gamed. Should be an interesting 2014 thats for sure.

Thank you gentlemen. May your booty in 2014 be plentiful.