Post: #1

I feel like fear plays a big part in every man's life.

It is definitely a huge part of whether or not a man succeeds with women.

I notice some men are simply born fearless, some are capable of overcoming their fears, the rest will rationalize away their fears in order to avoid dealing with them.

Personally, I am very interested in fear and would like to talk about it, so I am asking:
What do you think about fear?
How do you deal with your own fears?
How do you recognize that you are afraid?

And anything else along those lines.

Please share your thoughts.

Post: #2

I think some fear is healthy, it just depends on what kind. For example, I have a healthy fear of heights.

Fear can motivate a man in Game, as long as the fear of being lonely and not getting sex far exceeds the fear of approaching.

Just my two cents.

Post: #3

(10-03-2013 11:39 PM)deathtofatties Wrote:  Fear of being lonely and not getting sex far exceeds the fear of approaching.

While I see what you're getting at perhaps you might want to word it differently or at least elaborate, as these fears quoted above are what keep men in bad situations with women.

Post: #4

Straight up, I'm as fearful as shit. But really about one thing - death.

I actually find it weird most people are so calm about dying. To me, it's such an inherently terrifying and stupefying prospect that I can't even wrap my head around it for a moment, let alone a lifetime.

My opinion - not an original thought, mind you - is that people have made their peace with it because it's inevitable, not because its desirable. I believe one day that will change, once technology is available to stave off death, but that's a different subject.

Anyway, as far as fear goes - read the ancient Stoic philosophers. Read Epictetus:

"Who is there left, for me then, to fear? The man who is master of what? The things that are under my control? But there is no such man. The man who is master of the things that are not under my control? And what do I care for them?"

From the Discourses of Epictetus.

In other words, either something is under your control and you shouldn't fear it on account of that fact, or it it is beyond your control, in which case it is useless to feel fear.

Post: #5

Read the link in my sig that Gio wrote up on getting over our fears. Or look up my thread on how I got over my fear of going out solo.

Post: #6

It's about embracing fear, not overcoming it.

Fear is useful.

Post: #7

Fear is useful. Fear is shackling.

Fear (and pain) are important feedback mechanisms critical to our survival. For instance, if an angry elephant comes charging at you and you do not have the feedback loop in place, you're pretty much dead.
It is important to recognize that we can broadly classify fears into two different types-- inherent fears, and learned fears. Certain fears are ingrained deep in our primitive brains (fear of the dark, snakes, vertigo, approach anxiety etc). And then there are the fears that we acquire over time or learn from others(for instance, if you had an abusive father who branded you every week with a curling iron, you will sustain an "irrational" fear and hatred of curling irons).

Fear will also shackle you, if you allow it to. Because fear and pain are so intricately intertwined, and because we have a propensity to avoid pain at all costs, most people follow the path of least resistance, and avoid tackling their fears, or make an effort and give up. There are thousands of examples of how people behave irrationally in order to circumvent feeling pain(physical and/or emotional). So while fear does serve a primary biological imperative to keep you alive, it also prevents you from living to the fullest extent by imposing exaggerated barriers.
Therefore, you want to be able to consciously override this mechanism in some way. Screw it, lets do it is usually a handy philosophy, but we'll get there.

By now, you know that people are not born fearless, unless they have some sort of genetic defect. Some people grow up to be fearless, because they have been taught to face their fears early on in life, because of enough instances of successfully having overcome their fears, or because they needed to be fearless to survive (growing up in an excessively violent environment etc). You can liken these to the naturals. Most people will rationalize their fears away and live a half life, just as betas are content with ugly overweight cat enthusiasts. And then, there are people who actively learn to overcome their fears. Such as yourself.

How, then, do you overcome your fears?
Different people cope differently. Screw it lets do it is an excellent motto to stick to. Instead of feel, and then act, do the opposite. You're afraid of heights? Bungee jump. Afraid of women? Wear a chicken costume and approach a thousand women. Then notice how you feel. Most likely, you'll feel like a boss. Gradually, after enough reproducible instances, your brain will assume you are fearless, and it will get easier. However, do use a bit of common sense. If you're an overweight, heavy smoker with a history of heart disease, tone down the macho ism in the beginning. Don't kill yourself. So long as your body can endure the physical trauma you throw at it, you're good.

And if you still needed more reasons to go out and face your fears, remember this. The brain is exceedingly plastic. People can be conditioned to fear something, and they can be conditioned to unlearn that fear. Plenty of experiments and real life experiences if you look around.

Who you are today, is not who you will be tomorrow.

Cheers.

Post: #8

I think most of the fears, despite the fear of death are conditioned fears.

When you just think of fears like approaching women or quitting your job to do what you really love to do.

In my opinion all of those conditioned fears can be unlearned again by facing them and by doing it anyway.

Post: #9

I think these quotes describe what I think about fear pretty well

"I asked him how can a man be brave if he is afraid? That is the only time a man can be brave, he told me"

"What do I fear?

I fear stagnation and lack of progress. I fear never reaching my potential and being average. I fear being forgotten... The past... Yesterday's news. I fear giving up and being passed by, going softly into that good night. I fear letting those I love down, letting myself down. I fear settling, giving in to the "that's just the way it is" mindset. I fear dying without leaving my mark. I fear not feeling these fears anymore and just floating along. These fears feed me, they nourish my drive.

I love my fear."

Now, how do I deal with my fear? If it's something small like approaching a girl, or eating something unusual, I prefer to just go for it. I used to be afraid of heights, but I've gotten over that by exposing my self to heights. I started by just cleaning the roof of my house, and then I started to do those tree climbing courses (the ones where trees are connected by bridges, balance beams, etc.) and then some zip lining. I'm still uncomfortable with heights, and I don't plan on going sky diving or bungee jumping anytime soon, but I'm comfortable enough to stand on roofs, or climb trees.

How do I recognize if I am afraid? Physically, I start to sweat, my heart races, I get butterflies in my stomach, I start to need to go to the bathroom a lot. Mentally, I have a battle inside between "do it" and "don't do it", and I really try to convince myself not to do it.

All in all I think it's good to be afraid. It shows you where your limits are, so you can go past them.

Post: #10

Fear of success also holds a lot of guys back.

I see it in the gym all the time, lots of guys making no progress - because adding more weight is hard, and if you lift x+1, you then have to work on lifting x+2.

Some other quotes:

Lord Moran, The Anatomy of Courage Wrote:By cowardice I do not mean fear. Cowardice… is a label we reserve for something a man does. What passes through his mind is his own affair.

Sebastian Junger, War Wrote:There are different kinds of strength, and containing fear may be the most profound, the one without which armies couldn’t function and wars couldn’t be fought

Jack Donovan, The Way of Men Wrote:Masses of men never rushed to the streets demanding the freedom to show weakness and fear, and they never braved gunfire or battle axes for the right to cry in public.

"I'd hate myself if I had that kind of attitude, if I were that weak." - Arnold

Post: #11

(10-04-2013 07:14 AM)Sharkie Wrote:  Fear will also shackle you, if you allow it to. Because fear and pain are so intricately intertwined, and because we have a propensity to avoid pain at all costs, most people follow the path of least resistance, and avoid tackling their fears, or make an effort and give up. There are thousands of examples of how people behave irrationally in order to circumvent feeling pain(physical and/or emotional). So while fear does serve a primary biological imperative to keep you alive, it also prevents you from living to the fullest extent by imposing exaggerated barriers.

Sharkie, what drives you to face this pain and overcome your fears?

I honestly want to know. I have a feeling your answer would be interesting.

Post: #12

Acute fear (i.e. danger, fight/flight reaction) is just a chemical reaction to stimuli. It isn't actually anything real. The most difficult part of dealing with fear is remembering that it's all in your head. If you can master that single skill, telling yourself "it's just chemicals in my brain, it will pass" then you will be able to maintain control and focus in the most stressful of situations. If you're gonna die, you're gonna die. But your best chance to live is ALWAYS to stay calm and remember your training.

Which brings us to the most important part of success: being prepared.

Now, emotional fear is another matter. Fear of failure, fear of disappointment etc. With emotional fear there is no real danger, so the solution while difficult in practice is simple in concept: drive through that shit. You're a winner. You're a bad motherfucker, and there's no such thing as failure: only setbacks. And you have to accept that THERE WILL BE SETBACKS.

Post: #13

Fear is a normal feeling.

The question is, how do you respond to it? Fight, flight, or freeze?

I normally chose fight. I like a good challenge, especially a social one. No need to be afraid especially in something that can't hurt you (talking to women).

Post: #14

Fear is the mind killer.

Post: #15

(10-04-2013 01:50 PM)All or Nothing Wrote:  

(10-04-2013 07:14 AM)Sharkie Wrote:  Fear will also shackle you, if you allow it to. Because fear and pain are so intricately intertwined, and because we have a propensity to avoid pain at all costs, most people follow the path of least resistance, and avoid tackling their fears, or make an effort and give up. There are thousands of examples of how people behave irrationally in order to circumvent feeling pain(physical and/or emotional). So while fear does serve a primary biological imperative to keep you alive, it also prevents you from living to the fullest extent by imposing exaggerated barriers.

Sharkie, what drives you to face this pain and overcome your fears?

I honestly want to know. I have a feeling your answer would be interesting.

The fear of waking up one day and realizing that my entire life had been a waste. That I never did things that I wanted to, because I always took the easy way out. You can lose women, money, prestige, family ... and get it back. Lost time never comes back.

This is at the back of my mind.

But see, honestly, I don't pump myself every time I'm gonna face some obstacle. I don't go "Yeah man Sharkie, you're the boss.You can do it!". Neither do I go all pessimistic. Self thought, in any form, is just a waste and will keep you back... its like when you want to do something your brain is bullshitting you till the moment passes away.

Don't think/feel. Do an activity, and then evaluate yourself. For example, when I first read the four hour body by Tim Ferris(good book) he spoke about the importance of cold showers blah blah. I'd always have burning hot showers, but decided on impulse to check out cold ones. So I turned the shower on, and stared at the cold water petrified for about half a minute. Then said fuck it and jumped in. The first 2 min were a horror, but I kept at it and by 6 min I was laughing. Came out feeling fantastic !

Banal example, but I hope it clarifies the screw it lets do it philospohy. So long as its not extremely harmful to you, shut your brain up, do the thing, then let the brain talk.

Sorry I'm a little verbiose in my posts.

Post: #16

There's fear and there's FEAR.

fear is being brought to the principal's office in the 2nd grade for making a joke in class, or getting into a fistfight and realizing you're getting your ass kicked, wondering why you ever volunteered to jump out of a good airplane, or watching the market go down with your investments.

FEAR is being face down in the dust while there are 122 mm high explosive rockets or mortars landing around you.

FEAR is from the complete loss of control over your fate.

Post: #17

“I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.” - Frank Herbert

Post: #18

You can give fear an audience, but you don't have to let it control you.

Post: #19

I no longer fear death.

I'm over it. I know I will die one day soon. I don't care. I just hope its a peaceful death.

There is really no point in fearing death. It only brings anxiety and worry.

Life is more fun when we are get over our fears.

Here is my advice on how to do that:

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