Post: #1

Hi forum,

I'm a long time lurker and have been interested in game concepts for the past 5+ years.

I believe the topic of getting caught cheating, and how to salvage it has been delved into on Heartiste, with this great article;

https://heartiste.wordpress.com/2018/08/...do-you-do/

However, I think my situation is a bit unique, and I'd be keen for any advice and opinions from any dark triad types here.

Here's the story (bear with me, all elements are important);

I'm 31, my girl has just turned 25. We have been dating and living together for just over a year. I had met her in a period of burn-out, where chasing notches wasn't doing it for me anymore, so I decided to find a girlfriend.

The relationship started hot and heavy, she moved in almost straight away. I maintained a good frame and she was putty in my hands. 4 months into the relationship/living together and she noticed I was texting a lot on my phone, but I brushed her off. I was getting itchy feet in the relationship, but only for side-pussy. She was also so submissive that I got careless. I think at that point I was desperate to bang other women.

I underestimated her resourcefulness. She's a clever girl so she somehow managed to guess the passcode to my phone, which was not that difficult - it's 6 0's. This is the first time I was caught with her (more to come). The first time I was caught she found evidence of me exchanging photos, chatting-with and arranging meet-ups with girls. Critically, there was no conclusive proof that I'd slept with anyone, so I portrayed it as just me being a bit uncertain about her, and her not stepping up to the plate and tying me down - I explained this by saying that we had no plans for the future and made her feel like it was her responsibility to tie down a rogue like me. I maintained that I didn't sleep with anyone and she swallowed it quite quickly. She left for a day and then was back every night with me again.

However, something was definitely missing from my frame and control over her from that point on. She was slightly more defiant and questioning from this point, but it would only emerge sometimes. For the vast majority of time she was still quite submissive and compliant. In this period she also looked into an old harddrive I had and found 100's of videos that I'd recorded of me having sex with other women prior to our relationship. I had maintained a bit of a trophy collection. She was horrified by it, but I detected some intrigue as well. Women are a bit perverted like that. I could tell aspects of my cheating and womanising turned her on. I was starting to wonder how far I could take this.

She knew I was a player before meeting her and I never hid that, so I think finding the videos was just confirming what I'd already told her.

Crucial also is I'm her first proper bf, who gave her a first proper dicking. This gives me big leverage in the 'bonding glue' department.

She caught me again 3 months later in the same way. Similar evidence found of me texting girls and exchanging photos. She guessed my passcode again, a slightly more complicated one that was 979797, and I basically gave her the same story and noted that I was getting 'better, playing less and texting less.' She again swallowed it after a series of temper tantrums and things settled back down for another 4 or 5 months.

To explain how I manipulated her - She's a child of divorce and therefore she's very nervous about having her own kids. This was her major weakness. I could manipulate this by saying that I wanted to have kids soon, an expectation I knew she wouldn't easily be able to fulfil, and then used it to justify my bad behaviour. It's a variation of 'if you like it then you shoulda put a ring on it.' This manipulation may seem strange, but it put her in a position of her feeling like she couldn't fulfil my needs. It even got to a point where she was watching baby delivery videos on youtube to try and ignite her maternal side. She definitely put effort in, but just wasn't able to come around to the idea of having kids. This was a terrible game for me to play, because I'm quite certain that if she told me she was going to stop taking contraception and wanted kids, then I would have bailed. I do want kids, but I just wasn't convinced she was the one, especially with my control over her slipping slightly. I'm also not financially in a position to raise a family to a standard I'd be proud of. I'd need a really solid and committed woman if I was going to do that. Funnily enough, this manipulation ended up hurting me because there was a blow to the ego that I couldn't get this woman to want to have my kids, even though I know divorce is ruinous for the children of the divorce and their future family forming desires.

Next time I was caught cheating was the big one. She broke into my phone again, very difficult passcode so I don't know how she managed to guess it and I'm still in awe. I never unlocked my phone in front of her, so she must have guessed it trying random combinations. She searched in a hidden photo album on my phone and found a video of me banging a woman doggy style on our bed. The video was dated, the bed was instantly recognisable, so I was caught red-handed and there was no easy way to initially talk my way out of it.

Long story short, she was incredibly upset and left me for a few days, but then she came back after much drama. We were together for another month and it seemed like it was going back to normal, although a pattern was emerging that she would only see me on weekends, however she'd be calling me every day to check up on me (I never initiated phone calls with her). I was being my usual aloof, uncaring self while mixing in some kindness so I didn't come across as a total prick, but maybe I over-calibrated my mean side. An example of aloof is that in this last month of our relationship it was her birthday and I forgot to call her on the day. She had to call me and remind me.

The relationship was seemingly shaping up to be an ideal situation. She was only wanting to see me on weekends and I potentially had the week free to bang other women. I felt like a God, having managed to get a young, beautiful woman to forgive me for blatant cheating.

Then, last Friday, she called me out of the blue and told me that she's going to have to 'let me go' and that she's interested in meeting other people. She then admitted she wants to meet other guys (do women just say this without doing it? I always thought that women's words were not to be paid attention to, only their actions).

It has been 4 days since the phone call and I understand that the plan from here is radio silence and wait for her to come back. I fucked up the initial radio silence because I wasn't taking her break-up seriously. Tried to convince her to come over a few times. We spoke on the phone last night and she clarified her position again, making it seem very real now. She has also been quite limited in her contact with me and her demeanour appears quite melancholy, but she's maintaining her line of "our relationship has become toxic, I'm holding out a seed of love that I hope I can replant in the future when we meet after space."

I know the average guy will say I deserve this and I should leave her alone now. I'm not interested in moralising. I know I treated her badly.

What would a dark triad do from here to manipulate a girl back into his orbit?

She has agreed to meet me next weekend (6 days from now) for a bushwalk in a lovely mountainous area near the city. I sold it to her as our last meeting and leaving on a good note. She seemed very enthused, but I'm also aware that she could cancel between now and then. Women are brutal and cold when they want to be.

Where to from here, sage gentlemen?

Post: #2

If you're a long time lurker, you should have posted this in the newbie forum. Regardless of whatever you think your skill is, if you're new to the forum (new to us) and asking for advice, that's where this thread should go. Will read through give you a better answer later.

G

Post: #3

(02-24-2019 11:37 PM)Geomann180 Wrote:  If you're a long time lurker, you should have posted this in the newbie forum. Regardless of whatever you think your skill is, if you're new to the forum (new to us) and asking for advice, that's where this thread should go. Will read through give you a better answer later.

G

Thanks for letting me know and apologies for the lack of manners on my part.

Post: #4

All those sex videos, leaving old hard drives laying around, using shit passwords -- bro you wanted her to catch you. It sounds like you enjoy the drama, and possibly the cruelty. Especially because you're not asking how to salvage the relationship or build trust. You're asking for the best way to manipulate her back into your bed after the cruelty.

A psych profile of your gf would be helpful, but at this point you've probably whipped a dead horse long enough. Start over with another girl. Maybe find a woman who enjoys sadism. You could find happiness there.

Post: #5

I'm not "dark-triad" qualified enough to advise you in this situation. Our values are different.

The only thing I can say is to be a bit more specific as to what you want in this case. When you say you want her in your orbit - do you just wanna fuck her? Fuck her once? Casually?

Would make it easier for someone else to give you the specific advice you're looking for.

G

Post: #6

I've been where you have been minus the getting caught.
I understand the head space that can make you do things like this.

My advice is let her go.
Without trying to sound like a therapist...You want the stability of a gf at home and the freedom to hunt new strange. The gf at home is more or less and backup for your (ego) when you get rejected by a new girl.

Getting caught just adds to rush of screwing up and knowing you can recover the relationship. You get a high from pulling her back into your orbit. Its addicting but very self destructive. Eventually as chasing pussy bores you you'll look back and realize how messed up the things you did were to her and other girls.

If you want to cheat, do better. Otherwise just have some fuck buddies and let them know you are seeing other girls right now.

Post: #7

Post: #8

(02-25-2019 01:32 AM)kinjutsu Wrote:  I've been where you have been minus the getting caught.
I understand the head space that can make you do things like this.

My advice is let her go.
Without trying to sound like a therapist...You want the stability of a gf at home and the freedom to hunt new strange. The gf at home is more or less and backup for your (ego) when you get rejected by a new girl.

Getting caught just adds to rush of screwing up and knowing you can recover the relationship. You get a high from pulling her back into your orbit. Its addicting but very self destructive. Eventually as chasing pussy bores you you'll look back and realize how messed up the things you did were to her and other girls.

If you want to cheat, do better. Otherwise just have some fuck buddies and let them know you are seeing other girls right now.

Great advice. I'd combine that with the inevitable afterglow and memories after a relationship ends. Grass is always greener syndrome. Thank you

Post: #9

(02-25-2019 12:34 AM)Savonarola Wrote:  All those sex videos, leaving old hard drives laying around, using shit passwords -- bro you wanted her to catch you. It sounds like you enjoy the drama, and possibly the cruelty. Especially because you're not asking how to salvage the relationship or build trust. You're asking for the best way to manipulate her back into your bed after the cruelty.

A psych profile of your gf would be helpful, but at this point you've probably whipped a dead horse long enough. Start over with another girl. Maybe find a woman who enjoys sadism. You could find happiness there.

There was a definite aspect of self-sabotage, but you don't appreciate what you've got until its gone. When I was with her, all I wanted was space to fuck other women. Now that I have that space, my mojo has definitely gone into hibernation. I hope i don't have oneitis. And if i do, hopefully it's a temporary spell.

Psych profile of the girl is child of divorce. Introverted. Structured and careful thinker. Takes time to make decisions. Very hypergamous and rides beta behaviour brutally. I feel sorry for the next guy that falls under her spell.

Interestingly, her previous boyfriend was an investment property goober. Rich but beta. She switched off her phone one day and fucked a guy from her work, blowing up that relationship. Apparently her previous boyfriend was a lovely guy, but in her own words he could 'never say no to her.'

To be honest, my cheating was definitely motivated partially by self preservation and quietly having the upper hand (also motivated by horniness). If I had have apologised the first time she caught me texting, I wouldn't have lasted as long. I only held the relationship together with strong frame. The minute I showed too much sensitivity, she was onto it.

Post: #10

(02-25-2019 12:53 AM)Geomann180 Wrote:  I'm not "dark-triad" qualified enough to advise you in this situation. Our values are different.

The only thing I can say is to be a bit more specific as to what you want in this case. When you say you want her in your orbit - do you just wanna fuck her? Fuck her once? Casually?

Would make it easier for someone else to give you the specific advice you're looking for.

G

I use dark triad methods because they work. I'm not necessarily proud of myself for it.

My goal is to get some measure of power back so I have the option of getting back with her. If I have the option, then what to do becomes clearer.

When the decision has been taken away from me, I find a natural tendency to want to claw back that power.

Post: #11

Cheating is not fair on your main girl. I promote having as many side chicks as you like (I've done it in an LTR before) but what I can't tolerate is hurting another individual intentionally. Yes, what you're doing by cheating is "unethical" by society's standards, just don't get caught. When I was cheating on my long-term partner I was the smartest criminal on the planet. I used fake pictures on dating sites, had a burner phone that was locked away, made sure I only dated when she was working on night shift. It's unfortunate that we as men want to play the field as much as we do, but let's try and be sensitive not to hurt people close to us. Be smart.

Post: #12

(02-24-2019 10:51 PM)Cheatingcad Wrote:  I underestimated her resourcefulness. She's a clever girl so she somehow managed to guess the passcode to my phone, which was not that difficult - it's 6 0's.

Kanye is that you?

Post: #13

Live your life man, but what i'll never understand is why you allowed her to move in. You are clearly a social man about town, what the fuck did you have to gain by her moving in other than a shit load of stressful smothering?

Post: #14

You and the girl both sound like trainwrecks. Invest in yourself and get some therapy, you've got serious issues.

It's very disturbing to me that, in your sociopathic breakdown of your "situation," not once did you even mention caring about this girl. It was all about you, and her reactions to your manipulations. Zero concern for her as a partner or human.

Post: #15

Just be thankful you are not married.

Also, a lot of people stay in relationships due to inertia or the woman becomes pregnant. Think through where this is going for you ling term before it's too late. You don't want to marry a girl who had this against you. Make sure she doesn't manipulate you into marriage by not taking the pill or something

Post: #16

(02-25-2019 01:02 PM)KeepMovingForward Wrote:  You and the girl both sound like trainwrecks. Invest in yourself and get some therapy, you've got serious issues.

It's very disturbing to me that, in your sociopathic breakdown of your "situation," not once did you even mention caring about this girl. It was all about you, and her reactions to your manipulations. Zero concern for her as a partner or human.

I mention her and her psych profile quite a bit, but I suppose you're right - Cheating does require a level of sociopathy.

Post: #17

(02-25-2019 10:15 AM)quaker13 Wrote:  Live your life man, but what i'll never understand is why you allowed her to move in. You are clearly a social man about town, what the fuck did you have to gain by her moving in other than a shit load of stressful smothering?

I ask myself the same question. The answer is really poor self control on my part, failing to set those boundaries early on. Also, she made it very easy. She would turn up every day, no effort on my part. I had just started a new job and I knew that having a stable gf would help me to focus on my work (chasing notches can be a disaster for job stability). I probably wanted out of the notch chasing lifestyle too. I was worried I'd bitten off more than I could chew having casual sex with women in the West. A woman was bound to get upset at some point and we know where that leads.

Post: #18

I'm more of a fickering-fluorescent-tube quartet, but this is easily salvaged as long as:

1) You have proper frame that you have parts of life that are none of her business and there's nothing wrong with that. You'd be surprised how many women knowingly accept this.

2) There's at least some doubt in her mind and her wish for it to be untrue is stronger than her interest in the truth. You'd be surprised how many women are in this state at all times because their default mode is to keep the peace.

The #2 ship has sailed if she found a dated picture of your cock in another woman.

You're biffing it on #1 by backing down and acting like you're changing for her when confronted.

Your best hope at that point is to establish, straight-up, that you want to be with her and she's your priority - and that's it. She knows what's up now and she's either into you enough to accept you having a private life as a male or she isn't. No more breaking into phones, no asking stupid questions, and your end of the deal is to let her live in peace without being confronted with all this shit. Maintain frame throughout and there's a chance she'll go into full feminine bloom, desperate to "fix him" and "start our healing journey" so she can be the hero of her own tragic story. She will probably freak out and cheat sometimes, but that can happen even if you do everything right. If you're up for that kind of relationship, good luck with it.

The alternative is one of those living hell situations where she's so far up your ass that the two of you have a joint Facebook account because you've conceded that you did something wrong and that she is entitled to special treatment to "win back her trust", which is unbearable even for third-parties watching it happen.

I was dicking down some girl for a while years ago and, inexplicably, told her directly I had to go spend Christmas with my ex's family because I had already said I would. I just wanted to fuck my ex. She didn't even bat an eye until I dumped her, at which point she tried to shake me down for answers about what really happened. As long as she was getting the date nights and dick, it didn't even occur to her to want to make herself unhappy by finding out where else I was getting it.

Post: #19

(02-24-2019 10:51 PM)Cheatingcad Wrote:  *snip*

Then, last Friday, she called me out of the blue and told me that she's going to have to 'let me go' and that she's interested in meeting other people. She then admitted she wants to meet other guys (do women just say this without doing it? I always thought that women's words were not to be paid attention to, only their actions).

*snip* I'm holding out a seed of love that I hope I can replant in the future when we meet after space."

No...they say it when theyve already done it. A girl who doesn't immediately leave you when she catches you cheating on her is one who is more driven by the fear of being "single" (and all that connotes in modern society) than the desire to be self respectful.

She's already monkey branched on to new dick (and rightfully so) and her "seed of love" comment is just her safety net in case the new branch / dude / dick doesnt turn out to be a sure thing. The "seed of love" she's referring to is another chode's jizz that has or will very soon be dribbling down her chin and / butt crack

By the way your Op-sec is for shit. If youre actually long time RVF lurker your reading comprehension and retention is at the retard level. Youre an embarrassment or a troll or both.

Youre not Dark Triad running dread game in order to keep her. You were only causing this girl needless pain with your idiocy.


Edit: The link to the article OP posted

https://heartiste.wordpress.com/2018/08/...do-you-do/

...is about catching her cheating

Retard level confirmed

Post: #20

(02-25-2019 01:35 PM)PapayaTapper Wrote:  

(02-24-2019 10:51 PM)Cheatingcad Wrote:  *snip*

Then, last Friday, she called me out of the blue and told me that she's going to have to 'let me go' and that she's interested in meeting other people. She then admitted she wants to meet other guys (do women just say this without doing it? I always thought that women's words were not to be paid attention to, only their actions).

*snip* I'm holding out a seed of love that I hope I can replant in the future when we meet after space."

No...they say it when theyve already done it. A girl who doesn't immediately leave you when she catches you cheating on her is one who is more driven by the fear of being "single" (and all that connotes in modern society) than the desire to be self respectful.

She's already monkey branched on to new dick (and rightfully so) and her "seed of love" comment is just her safety net in case the new branch / dude / dick doesnt turn out to be a sure thing. The "seed of love" she's referring to is another chode's jizz that has or will very soon be dribbling down her chin and / butt crack

By the way your Op-sec is for shit. If youre actually long time RVF lurker your reading comprehension and retention is at the retard level. Youre an embarrassment or a troll or both.

Youre not Dark Triad running dread game in order to keep her. You were only causing this girl needless pain with your idiocy.


Edit: The link to the article OP posted

https://heartiste.wordpress.com/2018/08/...do-you-do/

...is about catching her cheating

Retard level confirmed

Apologies, the article I was referring to was this. I think it has having many useful tips in the context of getting caught cheating and her heart and legs close up ;

https://heartiste.wordpress.com/2007/04/...irlfriend/

Post: #21

(02-25-2019 01:33 PM)Jetset Wrote:  I'm more of a fickering-fluorescent-tube quartet, but this is easily salvaged as long as:

1) You have proper frame that you have parts of life that are none of her business and there's nothing wrong with that. You'd be surprised how many women knowingly accept this.

2) There's at least some doubt in her mind and her wish for it to be untrue is stronger than her interest in the truth. You'd be surprised how many women are in this state at all times because their default mode is to keep the peace.

The #2 ship has sailed if she found a dated picture of your cock in another woman.

You're biffing it on #1 by backing down and acting like you're changing for her when confronted.

Your best hope at that point is to establish, straight-up, that you want to be with her and she's your priority - and that's it. She knows what's up now and she's either into you enough to accept you having a private life as a male or she isn't. No more breaking into phones, no asking stupid questions, and your end of the deal is to let her live in peace without being confronted with all this shit. Maintain frame throughout and there's a chance she'll go into full feminine bloom, desperate to "fix him" and "start our healing journey" so she can be the hero of her own tragic story. She will probably freak out and cheat sometimes, but that can happen even if you do everything right. If you're up for that kind of relationship, good luck with it.

The alternative is one of those living hell situations where she's so far up your ass that the two of you have a joint Facebook account because you've conceded that you did something wrong and that she is entitled to special treatment to "win back her trust", which is unbearable even for third-parties watching it happen.

I was dicking down some girl for a while years ago and, inexplicably, told her directly I had to go spend Christmas with my ex's family because I had already said I would. I just wanted to fuck my ex. She didn't even bat an eye until I dumped her, at which point she tried to shake me down for answers about what really happened. As long as she was getting the date nights and dick, it didn't even occur to her to want to make herself unhappy by finding out where else I was getting it.

Excellent advice man! Thank you.

I've maintained open relationships in the past and they can have their fair share of drama too. Women are simultaneously turned on and infuriated about sharing a man. It must be a royal headfuck for them.

Post: #22

(02-25-2019 01:16 PM)Cheatingcad Wrote:  

(02-25-2019 01:02 PM)KeepMovingForward Wrote:  You and the girl both sound like trainwrecks. Invest in yourself and get some therapy, you've got serious issues.

It's very disturbing to me that, in your sociopathic breakdown of your "situation," not once did you even mention caring about this girl. It was all about you, and her reactions to your manipulations. Zero concern for her as a partner or human.

I mention her and her psych profile quite a bit, but I suppose you're right - Cheating does require a level of sociopathy.

Having a side doesn't require sociopathy.
Hurting your main, on purpose, requires sociopathy.

Post: #23

(02-24-2019 10:51 PM)Cheatingcad Wrote:  What would a dark triad do from here to manipulate a girl back into his orbit?

Why are you interested in keeping her 'in orbit'? You got the bang, you got her 'mind' so to speak. She 'loves' you, seems pretty clear you don't have those same feelings. Why not move on and find a new plate? You don't seem to have much trouble with it.

Post: #24

(02-25-2019 02:23 PM)Cheatingcad Wrote:  I've maintained open relationships in the past and they can have their fair share of drama too. Women are simultaneously turned on and infuriated about sharing a man. It must be a royal headfuck for them.

I wouldn't even go so far as to call it an open relationship. Neither rub it in her face, nor lie. Just tell her to mind her own business and stay out of your phone. Again, never act like you've done anything wrong or are asking for an unreasonable concession.

This is you. She's into you enough to take it or she can fuck off.

If it comes down to you catching her cheating first, you reserve the same right to put her ass on the curb that she'd exercise with you.

The cultural programming for women to be outraged about their men nutting anywhere, including in their own hands, is strong, but it's only been a historical norm to keep a side piece, concubine, or slave for, oh, three or four thousand fucking years. She may not be the type and this may be a lost cause, but at the end of the day, just because they act all pissed doesn't mean they're not turned on by the drama and a convenient outlet for their free-floating anxieties.

...and get some real security for your shit.

Post: #25

(02-25-2019 12:53 AM)Geomann180 Wrote:  I'm not "dark-triad" qualified enough to advise you in this situation.

Me neither.