Post: #1

I've been seeing a girl for the past six months, and things have been going pretty good. She's feminine, submissive, and the sexual chemistry is right on the money. Tinder girl (I know, I know). Both in our 30s.

She admitted a few months back that she has fallen in love with me, and she treats me with such appreciation that it has honestly made me think that she's close to the perfect girlfriend. She never nags or makes demands of my time. When we've hung out there's never been any suggestion (to my eye) that her attraction has decreased. She's always telling me how much she misses me when I'm not around, and she's very tactile.

Of course, the infatuation phase has gone for me, and I've been itching to cheat. I think the world of her, but it's not enough for my wandering eye to have kicked in around the 5 month mark.

We'd see each other about once or twice a week. The last time I saw her was last Sunday. Something has happened since then.

Her texts (normally long and effusive and always initiated by her daily if I neglect to do so) have dropped off. I haven't had an initiated text from her since last weekend. Not one. I texted her on Thursday and received a sparse one-line response (admittedly, responded to within a few minutes), but the curtness of it was more than a little odd, and it's been silence since then.

There would normally be texts bouncing back all week. Not a considerable amount, but she'd be in touch. There is usually a wall of text from her to my one or two lines. Something is up, but how do I proceed?

Obviously I can't initiate a third time. In all honesty, I wouldn't be heartbroken if things were over as I have options, but I'm interested in the correct way to proceed on this one. It's strange to say the least as last weekend when we saw each other things were to my eye fine.

She has in the past told me that the best way to break up with someone is just to stop texting. We discussed this in the past, and both agreed that if things went south, this is the correct procedure. It's possible this is what's happening.

Thanks for any advice, gents!

Post: #2

(03-18-2017 07:12 AM)griffinmill Wrote:  We discussed this in the past, and both agreed that if things went south, this is the correct procedure.

Sounds to me you're regretting that agreement now?

Post: #3

Doesn't sound like you too are "exclusive." Relationships die down after the initial infatuation phase where you have to actually try to make it work.

Sounds like she has lost that initial infatuation with you too, or she has found someone who in her eyes is better.

Go radio silent for now. If she responds, cool.

I'd be looking for new girls stat. Don't play those games with her. You are the one in control.

Post: #4

(03-18-2017 08:03 AM)Remington Wrote:  I'd be looking for new girls stat. Don't play those games with her. You are the one in control.

Thanks, Remington! I was on a date last night. Point taken.

Post: #5

Griffin, read your OP again.

According to what you wrote, the girl has admitted she's in love with you and investing on you and your relationship for the past few months. She can definitely sense you are not reciprocating - few dates a week/month, she writes you Bibles and you reply with "k". So she's pulling back. It's only natural.

You're both in your thirties so obviously time is sensitive, especially for her. She doesn't want to invest on something that doesn't give her the returns she wants. At this point she's probably thinking you should either shit or get off the pot.

Maybe she's tired of your idleness, maybe she found another guy. Can't tell.

There are so many threads like this. Guys don't invest on the relationship and say they don't care whether they stick around or not. And then they get surprised then chicks leave. If guys really didn't care, they wouldn't be asking what to do - they'd shrug it off and keep on keeping on.

The first step to resolve these issues is not to game the girl. It's to figure out what YOU want.

If you want to keep seeing her, you'll have to invest more, with whichever currency is appropriate - time, care, dedication.

If you want to keep things as they are, change nothing and ping her once in a while. Just be aware that it's a delicate balance because there factors outside of your control.

If you truly don't care about keeping her (which is ironic since you're creating a thread to discuss how to proceed), just cut off contact.

Post: #6

If she has been telling you she loves you for a length of time and you aren't reciprocating then she has probably moved on. Go with your gut here - sounds like you know the answer already.

Quote:She has in the past told me that the best way to break up with someone is just to stop texting. We discussed this in the past, and both agreed that if things went south, this is the correct procedure.

You agreed that the best way to break off a relationship is to ghost someone? Damn...

Post: #7

She probably wants to gauge your reaction; your interest level; your investment. Or maybe someone new's shown up. There could be a gazillion other reasons. No need to panic. Game on as usual. She probably will come around still.

The one who cares less in a relationship has the power.

Continue to shoot her playful texts once in a while. Her behavior must not phase you.

Post: #8

As other posters said, she likely isn't getting enough reciprocation from you, and she's pulling away and looking for someone else. If she's in her 30's, never married and no kids, chances are she wants that most of all. You have done a good job of holding back as long as you have, and when a girl says I love you, I think its a big deal for a woman. They don't usually say it lightly, so she sees big things with you. But I wouldn't play games with this girl. Pursue her and bring her back in if you really like her, without giving away your frame that you wisely built. But if you know she isn't a potential wife in your mind, then I would back away. If you really like her you wouldn't try to keep her all to yourself, when she wants a lot more than that from a relationship. Six months is the proper point of time to do that, at this point in your lives.

Post: #9

Yes, ghosting was agreed as the best break-up strategy as it mitigates any drama, which may sound callous, I know.

In my defence I've not been totally lackadaisical when it comes to the relationship. It's just not like it was a few weeks ago when the infatuation stage was in full force. We'd see each other perhaps 3/4 times a week back then, now it's down to 2.

The fact last weekend was as good as any other weekend we spent together, and now it's almost radio silence on her part, just completely blindsided me.

But I accept the point she may sensitive to me having pulled back somewhat. My boredom threshold is so fucking low at this stage, and my need for variety so great, that I'm my own worst enemy.

Of course, she may text later on today, who knows, but thanks for chipping in!

Post: #10

Let this situation be a reminder to you that it is a big gamble to be emotionally and/or physically beholden to just one female. They can go cold out of the blue with no reason or explanation.

Post: #11

(03-18-2017 10:45 AM)General Stalin Wrote:  Let this situation be a reminder to you that it is a big gamble to be emotionally and/or physically beholden to just one female. They can go cold out of the blue with no reason or explanation.

This is what is always on my mind, and could probably be the reason I'm often so reluctant to fully involve myself with a woman in today's 21st dating marketplace, especially if these women are from daygame or an app.

Post: #12

(03-18-2017 10:49 AM)griffinmill Wrote:  

(03-18-2017 10:45 AM)General Stalin Wrote:  Let this situation be a reminder to you that it is a big gamble to be emotionally and/or physically beholden to just one female. They can go cold out of the blue with no reason or explanation.

This is what is always on my mind, and could probably be the reason I'm often so reluctant to fully involve myself with a woman in today's 21st dating marketplace, especially if these women are from daygame or an app.

The original post is full of evasion. First of all, what is 30's? There is a vast life difference between a woman who is 31 and 39. She gave a good effort and woke up one day and realized what is easy to see. "I think the world of her" - pussified line of crap. You would gain more respect by saying something truthful.

What does it say about your willingness to take a stand as a man that you set up or agreed to this passive method of a breakup to what you knew was meaningless all along and what she suspected would only be worth silence one day.

"I've not been totally lackadaisical."
I encourage all men to live in such a way as to never have to make such a vile and cringeworthy statement about any aspect of their lives.

Post: #13

Quote:"I've not been totally lackadaisical."
I encourage all men to live in such a way as to never have to make such a vile and cringeworthy statement about any aspect of heir lives.

What is vile and cringeworthy about such a statement?

Post: #14

(03-18-2017 11:46 AM)griffinmill Wrote:  

Quote:"I've not been totally lackadaisical."
I encourage all men to live in such a way as to never have to make such a vile and cringeworthy statement about any aspect of heir lives.

What is vile and cringeworthy about such a statement?

I think what OTR is saying is that it sounds so wishy washy, like your a chick in a shoe store that can't decide if you want the red shoes or the white shoes. This may be an unpleasant truth but so many men are just as screwed up as women these days, probably because a lot of men have become more feminine which entails passive aggressiveness, indecision and an inability to forge a path and lead the way.

If you want this chick to stick around, you need to tell her so. If you want to go date other chicks, you need to tell her that. If you want her around and you want to date other chicks at the same time, you need to tell her that. Don't be surprised if she outright rejects option 3 (which she should if she's smart). So then you need to figure out what you want to do. And understand that you may lose this chick and be willing to accept it. Ghosting however is an utterly cowardly way to handle it though which I think is the gist of what OTR is saying.

Post: #15

(03-18-2017 11:46 AM)griffinmill Wrote:  

Quote:"I've not been totally lackadaisical."
I encourage all men to live in such a way as to never have to make such a vile and cringeworthy statement about any aspect of heir lives.

What is vile and cringeworthy about such a statement?

It implies that you have still been lackadaisical, just not "totally lackadaisical". Its a statement of your stature as a man from an effort standpoint--that you are a lackadaisical person.
I totally get where this guy is coming from. My parents instilled in me that if I'm going to do something I need to be ready to put forth the effort to be amazing at it, if I can't commit to that level of effort then I shouldn't be doing said thing.
Dude was saying you should holistically aspire to put forth the effort to be awesome in all aspects of your life. And if you can't put forth the effort to do that try harder or don't do it.

Post: #16

You can only spin a plate on minimal effort for so long, especially if she is in 30's.

She knows how to use Tinder, and she knows she can get more effort and more interest, and that's what she has done.

She has also sensed your disinterest "itching to cheat" etc.

Post: #17

(03-18-2017 10:21 AM)Ringo Wrote:  The first step to resolve these issues is not to game the girl. It's to figure out what YOU want.

So often THIS is the answer to soooooo many of the questions.

Post: #18

(03-18-2017 10:45 AM)General Stalin Wrote:  Let this situation be a reminder to you that it is a big gamble to be emotionally and/or physically beholden to just one female. They can go cold out of the blue with no reason or explanation.

As men we may not be adequately astute or emotionally aware/intelligent, particularly at key junctures, but there are always reasons.

Yes, women can be fickle, but if you actually sit down and decipher the situation with a reasonable level of critical thinking it's not that hard to empathise with her decision, ego aside.

Similar to how a beta herb may be dumbfounded by a wife's decision to go with another man "out of the blue" - which we all know generally only happens after many months/years of patently poor game and ineffectiveness as a leader of a relationship/household, stories like this reek of what I would term as thumb-in-bum, mind-in-neutral mentality. Just meandering along because she's pleasant to be around and you're satiating base needs without actively seeking higher purpose or meaning from a relationship.

That's all well and good if the woman you're with is on the same page, but if she's not, it doesnt matter what you're bringing to the table from a game standpoint, she'll always opt for the guy that's going to meet her needs whilst she's in a position to leverage her looks/youth in doing so.

Don't mistake this for hypergamy either, as every man has the power to nip it in the bud from the outset by being honest and self-effacing with what he wants from the relationship.

Post: #19

Sometimes girls play a game to pull away just to see how invested you are. This is a "fake" though and they want you to chase to show them that you care.

Who knows if this is the situation in this case, but without going after her and telling her that she means a lot to you, you'll never know.

Post: #20

(03-18-2017 05:18 PM)Windom Earle Wrote:  

(03-18-2017 10:45 AM)General Stalin Wrote:  Let this situation be a reminder to you that it is a big gamble to be emotionally and/or physically beholden to just one female. They can go cold out of the blue with no reason or explanation.

As men we may not be adequately astute or emotionally aware/intelligent, particularly at key junctures, but there are always reasons.

Yes, women can be fickle, but if you actually sit down and decipher the situation with a reasonable level of critical thinking it's not that hard to empathise with her decision, ego aside.

Similar to how a beta herb may be dumbfounded by a wife's decision to go with another man "out of the blue" - which we all know generally only happens after many months/years of patently poor game and ineffectiveness as a leader of a relationship/household, stories like this reek of what I would term as thumb-in-bum, mind-in-neutral mentality. Just meandering along because she's pleasant to be around and you're satiating base needs without actively seeking higher purpose or meaning from a relationship.

That's all well and good if the woman you're with is on the same page, but if she's not, it doesnt matter what you're bringing to the table from a game standpoint, she'll always opt for the guy that's going to meet her needs whilst she's in a position to leverage her looks/youth in doing so.

Don't mistake this for hypergamy either, as every man has the power to nip it in the bud from the outset by being honest and self-effacing with what he wants from the relationship.

AKA Wisdom Earle