Post: #1

Typically we focus on attention whoring girls, but curious people experience and how to deal with the other side of it, in adult men.

I have an extended family member who I see reasonably often, who is by every reasonable measure an adult, yet 90% of everything that comes out of his mount is pointless dribble that seems to serve no benefit aside from forcing people to briefly pay attention to him. It isn't funny, informative, or witty. Irreverent declarative statements, singing stupid songs. He does things like making mistakes on purpose, asking questions he knows the answer too (then asking the same question again claiming he 'forgot'), saying things he knows are wrong to get that "har har har what a silly guy!" response, and over-exaggerating every sneeze, cough, or laugh. What would cause a chuckle in reasonable people is a table slapping, fake roar of a laughing fit that causes people 10m away to look. Bringing up trivial shit like that he bought 6 eggs, but that sometimes you buy eggs in 12 packs too....The end. Then bringing it up again 4 more times, followed by a "remember when I bought eggs?" a few days later. Drama queen behavior exaggerating every little success or inconvenience no matter how minor. Like grievous hardship of having to wait for an elevator or conversely, the exhaustion from taking stairs. He mentioned that he found a dime 5 times, then goes on about how rich he is now then loudly starts singing "happy days are here again" while I'm trying to talk to someone. Constant bullshit interruptions when people are conversing or watching TV, just to yell at it, or chirp in some unwarranted comment that has nothing to do with anything.

I travelled with and him(and other family) over XMas, and despite having flown 100+ times in his life, apparently still doesn't know how to get through security without delaying everyone, pretending he didn't realize you need to show your boarding pass or that all metal has to come off which either means he's doing it on purpose or functionally retarded. As a frequent traveller, people who can't get around an airport annoy me, but if they truly only fly once every 2 years I can understand it. Someone who knows better and is doing it on purpose is doubly annoying. I doubt he's like this travelling alone with no one to act out for.

It seems everything he does is done with enough plausible deniability that they can deny doing it on purpose. Has anyone else ever dealt with people like this? It's wickedly annoying and exhaustive dealing with him. Typically I've always felt ignoring was the best bet, but this guy just gets louder and more obnoxious "Hey? Hey what do you think of that? HEYYYYYYYYY!!!!????" if you don't respond or acknowledge. I've also tried to calmly explain using a logical response when he asks stupid questions about things he knows or that have already been answered, but that just gives him the perfect opportunity to play the victim that he forgot and doesn't understand and why are you hassling me for an honest mistake.

Post: #2

Sorry I cant relate. Cant no dude get under my skin this way. A chick I'm tired of fucking...maybe...but another guy?

Post: #3

Sounds like a male version of Histrionic Personality Disorder. Or some kind of Cluster B personality disorder. I've dealt with too many people like this in my life, and cannot stand them.

The constant repetition of stories you mentioned as a characteristic rings especially true for these types of people. I had a friend who would do that all the time. Even if the people listening said "We've heard this story before" he would sally forth without any acknowledgment of what the group said. No self awareness whatsoever, just sheer desperation to have an impact, no matter what kind of impact. Eventually, once their tolerance for that social stimulation grows, they start to attract 'shock value' attention. In this case, it was story about how this guy 'accidentally' got his dick sucked by a guy. (but how he didn't want / wasn't able to stop it)

The stranger thing is, he did everything in his power to make sure everyone in our social group was aware of this fact.

That's about the time he lost all his friends.

I ran into him the other day outside of a coffee shop. We weren't even through giving each other formal greetings when he launches into a tirade about how "person A said XYZ on facebook and it like, caused so much drama and she was all over Person B's wall and it caused like this whole personal fued omg!"

I just kind of didn't know what to say to that.

Edit: Maybe all of this is just latent homosexuality, who the hell knows...

Looking back on it, there was always this sort of extremely anxious...borderline crazy look in his eyes. He couldn't just sit across from you and talk, and shoot the shit. He would constantly be squirming, eyes darting around, and just generally unable to conceal whatever crazy shit was going on behind those eyes. Any sort of normal social situation was always upsetting to him. If people were having a good time, he would be sitting in a corner pouting. Any time (normal) people would just be enjoying each others company, and it wasn't all about him, he would pout.The only time he would get social validation was by acting out and being "crazy" and when people accurately appraised this as the attention seeking ploy it was, and in turn ignored him, he would pout and exclaim how much he "doesn't care" what people think. Which to everyone (except him) was painfully obvious wasn't the case.

That's another feature of such people, the constant declarations of "not giving a fuck" while spending all their energy addressing things they allegedly "don't give a fuck" about.

Post: #4

^this .

Post: #5

I guess I just have a superbly developed ingnorus ignoramus muscle built from years of engaging it on a daily basis

Post: #6

I haven't been around someone as bad as described in the original post but that sounds like some kind of mental illness to me.

Post: #7

Have you talked to other family members about how they feel about him? If not, you should probably bring it up and be honest with how it makes you feel and how annoying and tactless the behavior is. Others are probably at least secretly thinking some similar thoughts and if so, it may be worth having an intervention with multiple people. If they blatantly refuse to acknowledge the obvious or in denial, it may be worth considering why they choose to act that way and how this way of thinking could be affecting your relationships with them.

In all honesty, though, I'm the type who would just nuke the guy, letting him know how much of a loser and weirdo he is and how nobody is down for his shit. Only you can assess how your family relationships would be affected by such an encounter.

Post: #8

This has to be the best post-holiday with the family reaction I have seen this year.

Its stating the obvious if you call it out to others. You can crack on him, and watch in horror with the peanut gallery. But getting all serious with him would end up making you look bad. Like others said, he's probably in serious pain or something is ticking wrong in the back of his head. You might induce a fight, tears, blaming or hysterics. Likely he will play the victim routine and find a way to blame you and make you look bad. Life is full of people like this. I would just avoid, I would straight up ditch him in the airport and walk straight to the gate and let him catch up. Use him for humor, if you dont have a conscience for making fun of someone clearly disturbed. Slim chance hes doing it on purpose, if so, then openly mock him. Change his bubble of influence and choose not to accept it.

Post: #9

(01-12-2017 06:00 PM)Rhyme or Reason Wrote:  Sounds like a male version of Histrionic Personality Disorder.

Wow, after searching that it's a pretty decent description. Surprised it didn't come up in my googling, but I guess 'attention seeking' is a much bigger problem in kids and girls which is where the results took me.

Other family members also find him annoying, although maybe I have less patience than them. Occasionally we all get curt with him telling him to just cut the shit, it's not funny, you're the only one laughing. I think part of him is actually looking for that sort of response, or any response for that matter. It's sort of if he has nothing worthwhile to say, instead of just sitting quietly then he'll just make something up, repeat something he's already said, or fire something back at you that you told him pretending like it's his idea. Again, it's all reasonably harmless, just annoying, but when we're in the same area, I do go out of my way to avoid him so I can just be in peace. It's sort of like the same person bothering you every 3 minutes on a beach to try and sell you sunglasses. They're demanding something (albeit small) of you - you're attention and time, but literally offering nothing in return. Around the 100th time it happens, it gets pretty old.

My other theory is that when people make a genuine silly mistake, it can be kind of funny, and you can laugh at yourself along with others. So perhaps he's just thinking if that garners attention and laughs, why not do it on purpose over and over again?

Post: #10

I've known at least two men who behave like this - probably more, but I mean extreme cases where it's not merely annoying habits but so bad that there has to be something wrong with them.

One was an adopted relative, who I suspect was put up for adoption because his birth mother went to the asylum. He was an only child who you'd think would've gotten plenty of one-on-one from his parents, but he still would incessantly act up to get attention from anyone and everyone, like a starving man will eat anything he can put into his mouth. Grandstanding, interrupting, shrieking or screaming randomly, inventing weird ritual behaviors, starting fights, spitting at adults when scolded, putting himself or younger kids into dangerous situations, tattling on others for bad things he did intentionally, you name it. He was four years older than me, and I recall this behavior from him from my earliest memories. Anything that would get him attention.

Mixed in with this was the sociopath's desire for others to see just how smart he is: with the tattling thing, for example, he'd wait until it'd blown over and then brag that he was the one who did it. Expert manipulator. If he sensed any of us getting wise to him or banding together against him, he'd target his malice at whoever it was or do something to pit us against each other. And this at 10-11 years old.

In his teens he progressed to anything outre or criminal he could think of because it was much easier to get attention that way: stealing stuff, streaking, acting out sexually (gay stuff, naturally, because was more shocking back then), vandalism, even arson. And he was always clever enough to get caught when it would bring him attention, but not when it would get him locked up. He left town after high school, lived on and off as a transvestite, went through a period of showing up unannounced at family members' houses or workplaces, and eventually ended up in prison, first on embezzlement, then on something drug-related (his craving for attention and being seen as too clever by half having finally outstripped his skills at evading punishment). Don't know where he is now, don't much care as long as he stays away. HPD? NPD? I dunno. There were stories in People of the Lie and the stuff AnonymousConservative has written that sure remind me of this guy. In his case, I'm certain it's innate and not something he learned or acquired.

The other guy is plainly a narcissist, but the worst example of this I've crossed paths with. He'll go to public meetings and attend dinner events and such just so he can make a spectacle of himself by hogging the microphone and being abrasive or combative when the floor is opened for questions/comments, ditto for local radio talk shows. And when not being abrasive or combative, he's using others' forums to promote himself and brag about how awesome he is. He knocks on the table instead of applauding. He flies off the handle when he doesn't get something he wants, no matter how trivial it is or how reasonable the refusal, and will pitch a big public scene complete with screaming and yelling at the drop of a hat. Makes controversial statements for shock value, then denies having said them. Provokes people on social media by poking at them passive-aggressively until they respond, then turns it into a big dramafest about how they attacked him out of the blue and everyone should take his side because he's a poor innocent victim.

Like Zep's example, he's developed such a reputation by this behavior that he's a laughingstock at best even to people who don't know him.

And yet I've seen plenty of other guys attention-whore. What sets these guys apart is not the fact of the attention-whoring itself but the pathological, un-manly extent of it. There's something qualitatively different when some guys do it.

Post: #11

(01-12-2017 06:00 PM)Rhyme or Reason Wrote:  ....That's another feature of such people, the constant declarations of "not giving a fuck" while spending all their energy addressing things they allegedly "don't give a fuck" about.

*cough* John Scalzi *cough*

Post: #12

(01-12-2017 06:49 PM)Seadog Wrote:  

(01-12-2017 06:00 PM)Rhyme or Reason Wrote:  Sounds like a male version of Histrionic Personality Disorder.

Wow, after searching that it's a pretty decent description. Surprised it didn't come up in my googling, but I guess 'attention seeking' is a much bigger problem in kids and girls which is where the results took me.

Other family members also find him annoying, although maybe I have less patience than them. Occasionally we all get curt with him telling him to just cut the shit, it's not funny, you're the only one laughing. I think part of him is actually looking for that sort of response, or any response for that matter. It's sort of if he has nothing worthwhile to say, instead of just sitting quietly then he'll just make something up, repeat something he's already said, or fire something back at you that you told him pretending like it's his idea. Again, it's all reasonably harmless, just annoying, but when we're in the same area, I do go out of my way to avoid him so I can just be in peace. It's sort of like the same person bothering you every 3 minutes on a beach to try and sell you sunglasses. They're demanding something (albeit small) of you - you're attention and time, but literally offering nothing in return. Around the 100th time it happens, it gets pretty old.

My other theory is that when people make a genuine silly mistake, it can be kind of funny, and you can laugh at yourself along with others. So perhaps he's just thinking if that garners attention and laughs, why not do it on purpose over and over again?

Ironically I posted a thread about HPD a while back but I've been so myopic about applying it to women only that I'd missed the connection if Rhyme or Reason hadn't called it out

Post: #13

Need more info.

Does he uptalk with heavy sibilence & enjoy gay sex?

Post: #14

I don't want to derail the thread, but I think there is something worth mentioning about PT's post on HPD. This part jumped out at me:

Quote:People with histrionic personality disorder may crave novelty, stimulation, and excitement and have a tendency to become bored with their usual routine. These individuals are often intolerant of, or frustrated by, situations that involve delayed gratification, and their actions are often directed at obtaining immediate satisfaction. Although they often initiate a job or project with great enthusiasm, their interest may lag quickly.

This also resonates with my above post:

Quote:Individuals with this disorder often have impaired relationships with same-sex friends because their sexually provocative interpersonal style may seem a threat to their friends’ relationships. These individuals may also alienate friends with demands for constant attention. They often become depressed and upset when they are not the center of attention.

I think most women that exhibit these traits tend to get a pass, because frankly...they're all too common with women. Just like the painfully idiotic "women, we'll never understand 'em!" cultural meme, and "Happy wife, happy life" BS, it is based on the assumptions that women's demands and needs are retroactively justified, and thus most men are conditioned to overlook these glaring personality flaws with a shrug of the shoulders, thinking women are simply mysterious creatures. Heartiste commented on this at one point saying that "Womens narcisism is like white noise...always present, so barely even registered"

So as a result when men portray these traits they are more easily identifiable (or at least people are less in denial about identifying said traits) because they go against the grain of what most men consider acceptable behavior. Whereas with women, it's almost par for the course.

Post: #15

(01-12-2017 07:22 PM)Conscious Pirate Wrote:  Need more info.

Does he uptalk with heavy sibilence & enjoy gay sex?

No, no gay stuff. I have just read up on this stuff and am amazed to learn how far some people will go - so far as to lose a limb just to get people to pay attention to them.

I think it could stem from self esteem issues as well. Aside from family, I don't think he has many friends (maybe a feedback loop from this?), and really doesn't do many interesting things. Watches a lot of TV, spends a lot of time on the computer, does fine at work as far as I know, travels a bit, but mainly to all inclusives and cruises. Doesn't read much.

Anyways, compared to some of the other anecdotes people mentioned, he seems like a pretty mediocre case, he doesn't get manipulative or explicit. Just the forum equivalent of the guy who starts pointless threads, or copy/pastes click bait from facebook then bumps them when no one responds. Wants attention and reps, but doesn't post anything interesting or of sustenance, largely because they don't do anything interesting or of sustenance.

Post: #16

Gaijin clown game; this guy would be killing it in Japan.

Post: #17

My first thought was "too much female influence on his life". But yeah, HPD most likely. The only guy I know like this has ADHD.

Post: #18

There was one guy I once worked with who was like this. I'm pretty certain he had ADHD because he could neither sit still nor shut his mouth. He told people he just met about how his wife cheated on him, how she continued texting the guy she had fucked, and how he still loved her and would stay with her. The body language and facial expressions of the people would proclaim: "EJECT!!" but, in an effort to not seem rude, they'd stay and listen.

When people would greet him, he would take the expression "How's it going?" and use the opportunity to say, "I'm glad that you asked that..." and then proceed to tell the sob story of whatever drama had recently occurred in his life. These people would try to walk away, and he'd follow and continue talking--zero self-awareness. It was cringe-worthy.

Whenever I would try to concentrate, read, or write, he would yap my ears off. I tried several methods to shut him up, but the best method I found was literally talking to him like a child using a slow, soft voice:

"It's quiet time now, you need to hush."
"Ok, shhhhh (putting finger over my mouth)."
"I'm reading. Be nice and stop talking."

It would piss him off, but he did shut the fuck up. You could see the nervous energy boiling inside of him, like he was about to burst. Looking back on it, I'm glad he never snapped and shot the place to shreds. I probably would have been target #1.

Post: #19

(01-13-2017 01:28 PM)Serious Sam Wrote:  There was one guy I once worked with who was like this. I'm pretty certain he had ADHD because he could neither sit still nor shut his mouth. He told people he just met about how his wife cheated on him, how she continued texting the guy she had fucked, and how he still loved her and would stay with her. The body language and facial expressions of the people would proclaim: "EJECT!!" but, in an effort to not seem rude, they'd stay and listen.

He made a video

Post: #20

OP, I have nog been diagnosed but I'm probably on the histrionic scale samewhere. You have two options:

1. Trying to change the situation. Don't do this yourself, but ask the family member with whom that idiot feels the most connected. Let that family member explain carefully what the desired changes are. With an existing connection already in place, this has a higher chance of succeeding then trying to do this yourself. He probably doesn't like you or the rest of the family anyway - liking someone relieves a lot of anxiety for these types - so best to let him be handled who can at least reach him.

2. Accept it the way it is. All engagement with this person will result in more annoying behavior on his part. Don't engage him and avoid being in the same room as him. This person is sick and he is not going to change just because you tell him to.

These are the only options I can give based on what I've read. He sounds like a pain to deal with. Remember he probably is very anxious inside and every attempt to reach him by someone he doesn't like will both make this anxiety and his behavior worse.

Post: #21

(01-13-2017 01:41 PM)PapayaTapper Wrote:  He made a video

Is that movie good? Sounds like a good pua movie from the imdb description.

Post: #22

(01-12-2017 08:21 PM)Seadog Wrote:  

(01-12-2017 07:22 PM)Conscious Pirate Wrote:  Need more info.

Does he uptalk with heavy sibilence & enjoy gay sex?

No, no gay stuff. I have just read up on this stuff and am amazed to learn how far some people will go - so far as to lose a limb just to get people to pay attention to them.

I think it could stem from self esteem issues as well. Aside from family, I don't think he has many friends (maybe a feedback loop from this?), and really doesn't do many interesting things. Watches a lot of TV, spends a lot of time on the computer, does fine at work as far as I know, travels a bit, but mainly to all inclusives and cruises. Doesn't read much.

Anyways, compared to some of the other anecdotes people mentioned, he seems like a pretty mediocre case, he doesn't get manipulative or explicit. Just the forum equivalent of the guy who starts pointless threads, or copy/pastes click bait from facebook then bumps them when no one responds. Wants attention and reps, but doesn't post anything interesting or of sustenance, largely because they don't do anything interesting or of sustenance.

So, I'm getting a clearer picture here. HPD is definitely in the mix & generally overlooked in the male populace.

I have one more question.

Is his name "John Bozz" ?

Post: #23

(01-13-2017 10:37 PM)spokepoker Wrote:  

(01-13-2017 01:41 PM)PapayaTapper Wrote:  He made a video

Is that movie good? Sounds like a good pua movie from the imdb description.

It's worth a watch. The first 3/4 of the film is pretty much Gosling red-pilling Carrell.

Post: #24

(01-13-2017 11:54 PM)KidA Wrote:  

(01-13-2017 10:37 PM)spokepoker Wrote:  

(01-13-2017 01:41 PM)PapayaTapper Wrote:  He made a video

Is that movie good? Sounds like a good pua movie from the imdb description.

It's worth a watch. The first 3/4 of the film is pretty much Gosling red-pilling Carrell.

Yes it's pretty entertaining. His pickup advice and examples are fun to watch but ultimately even the Ryan Gosling character "falls in love"...It is Hollywood after all

Post: #25

^^^^
And Carrell pines after his cheating ass wife, even after getting all sorts of fresher and better pussy. Still better than most romantic comedies that come out of Hollywood, though.