Post: #1

Back when i was a child a family member of mine physically and emotionally abused me and took advantage of me many times. It had long term effects on me and damaged me mentally. I'm still recovering because of all of that trauma. It was 10 years ago and lasted 6-8 years.


What would you guys do today would you bash their head in?
Would you guys not care about the law and take justice in your own hands?

or would you do the most painful thing and not do anything

The person is visiting me soon.
It tears me inside knowing I can't get justice.

Post: #2

Post: #3

The most important thing is that the past is in the past. Look forward and don't look back. It was another life already buried. Do not dig old traumas. Avoid him.

“Yesterday is gone. Tomorrow has not yet come. We have only today. Let us begin.”
Mother Teresa

Post: #4

I'm rather amazed that someone who just registered this month and is on their third post would entrust us with this kind of information.

Also, why are you posting in the lifestyle section? Both of your threads should be under EE or Newbie.

Post: #5

(12-11-2016 04:20 AM)Cattle Rustler Wrote:  I'm rather amazed that someone who just registered this month and is on their third post would entrust us with this kind of information.

Also, why are you posting in the lifestyle section? Both of your threads should be under EE or Newbie.

When I talk to people in real life they are not honest or adhere to a religion or ideology that prevents them from giving me good advice. The people on this forum are rational thinkers that's why I posted this.

I just chose to ignore him. It sucks I can't do anything but I guess no one can live life without some times being screwed over by others.

Post: #6

It's hard to give actionable advice without knowing any specifics.

How old were you? What is the relation? What exactly happened (that you're comfortable sharing, of course)?

Post: #7

(12-11-2016 04:38 AM)wi30 Wrote:  It's hard to give actionable advice without knowing any specifics.

How old were you? What is the relation? What exactly happened (that you're comfortable sharing, of course)?

It was a family member

I was 13 and went on to 18
- He borrowed my life savings and didn't give back
- Assaulted me many occasions
- Used my insecurities to destroy my self- esteem
- A ton of verbal elaborate techniques to destroy my self esteem
- Got me to do a ton of free things for him by threats

I was too young to understand what was happening

The older I got the less of an impact he had on me

Post: #8

Please DO NOT do anything you'll live to regret. The past is gone, and unfortunately there's nothing you can do about what's already happened -- but you do have a say in your future. Don't allow this person to negatively impact your life more than they already have. Remember, the best revenge is living well.

Post: #9

(12-11-2016 05:06 AM)LeoneVolpe Wrote:  Please DO NOT do anything you'll live to regret. The past is gone, and unfortunately there's nothing you can do about what's already happened -- but you do have a say in your future. Don't allow this person to negatively impact your life more than they already have. Remember, the best revenge is living well.

Thanks bro I'm not going to do anything but ignore him and focus on school.

Post: #10

OP, my situation can not compare to what you have probably been through.

However, when I was 19 and beginning university, I had a lot of anger, particularly directed at my parents.

It was just small things that had added up over the years, but it was limiting my happiness.

I got professional help and talked to a counselor at my school. He didn't give me any answers, but he gave me an opportunity to talk out how I was feeling and find answers for myself.

The members on this forum or more than qualified to help you make improvements to your life in dating, fitness and business, but your case isn't something we are going to be able to help you with in the same way that a qualified professional would.

Get help. Don't let this ruin your life.

If you can't afford to see a professional, consider visiting a church and seeing what counselling services they offer for free.

Post: #11

(12-11-2016 05:32 AM)Suits Wrote:  OP, my situation can not compare to what you have probably been through.

However, when I was 19 and beginning university, I had a lot of anger, particularly directed at my parents.

It was just small things that had added up over the years, but it was limiting my happiness.

I got professional help and talked to a counselor at my school. He didn't give me any answers, but he gave me an opportunity to talk out how I was feeling and find answers for myself.

The members on this forum or more than qualified to help you make improvements to your life in dating, fitness and business, but your case isn't something we are going to be able to help you with in the same way that a qualified professional would.

Get help. Don't let this ruin your life.

If you can't afford to see a professional, consider visiting a church and seeing what counselling services they offer for free.

I just wanted a second opinion on how they would address this situation if it happened to them. I did call a therapist to figure out if there is something that stuck with me psychologically because of past experience.

Post: #12

There may be members of this forum that are professionals who could help you, but they would know better than to try to help you over the Internet. That isn't how people with that type of training work.

What we can help you with is working on the other areas of your life. It's harder to move away from past pain if you don't have a bright future to move towards.

How are the other aspects of your life fairing?

Are you in shape? Are you as fit as you would like to be?

Are you successful with women?

Do you (or will you earn) enough money to give you the type of lifestyle you desire?

Post: #13

(12-11-2016 07:06 AM)Suits Wrote:  There may be members of this forum that are professionals who could help you, but they would know better than to try to help you over the Internet. That isn't how people with that type of training work.

What we can help you with is working on the other areas of your life. It's harder to move away from past pain if you don't have a bright future to move towards.

How are the other aspects of your life fairing?

Are you in shape? Are you as fit as you would like to be?

Are you successful with women?

Do you (or will you earn) enough money to give you the type of lifestyle you desire?

I'm physically fit, I do well with women, and still studying to become an Electrician but for my age i do well.

Post: #14

Why do you allow him to visit you?

Also, revenge is definitely not a solution and is always anti-climatic. If you are still thinking in that direction, you need to keep working on moving past the pain and spend time in this person's presence is not something that is your best interests.

I'm not a big fan of family members cutting each other out of their lives of petty squabbles, but this is different.

I have a university friend who is in a very similar situation to you (abused by her mother). She finally took my advice and avoids her mother at all costs. Her life is better for it.

Post: #15

(12-11-2016 07:19 AM)Suits Wrote:  Why do you allow him to visit you?

Also, revenge is definitely not a solution and is always anti-climatic. If you are still thinking in that direction, you need to keep working on moving past the pain and spend time in this person's presence is not something that is your best interests.

I'm not a big fan of family members cutting each other out of their lives of petty squabbles, but this is different.

I have a university friend who is in a very similar situation to you (abused by her mother). She finally took my advice and avoids her mother at all costs. Her life is better for it.

Not visit me directly but a family gathering. The overall damage i received from him was significant but I have better things to do in my life than get revenge. The only reason what happened did happen was because i was shy and non confrontational as a kid which i broke out of.

I was thinking of taking pictures of him smoking weed and printing out 100s of copies then distributing it during a wedding to all the guests. Its a Muslim community so it would destroy his families reputation forever.

Post: #16

“Before you embark on a journey of revenge, dig two graves.” - Confucius.

Post: #17

(12-11-2016 07:36 AM)HectorLavoe Wrote:  “Before you embark on a journey of revenge, dig two graves.” - Confucius.

2 and a half graves is needed my balls would grow the size of pitbulls

Post: #18

(12-11-2016 07:40 AM)HisHighness Wrote:  

(12-11-2016 07:36 AM)HectorLavoe Wrote:  “Before you embark on a journey of revenge, dig two graves.” - Confucius.

2 and a half graves is needed my balls would grow the size of pitbulls

Post: #19

(12-11-2016 07:54 AM)Suits Wrote:  

(12-11-2016 07:40 AM)HisHighness Wrote:  

(12-11-2016 07:36 AM)HectorLavoe Wrote:  “Before you embark on a journey of revenge, dig two graves.” - Confucius.

2 and a half graves is needed my balls would grow the size of pitbulls

I just had too.

Post: #20

(12-11-2016 07:58 AM)HisHighness Wrote:  

(12-11-2016 07:54 AM)Suits Wrote:  

(12-11-2016 07:40 AM)HisHighness Wrote:  

(12-11-2016 07:36 AM)HectorLavoe Wrote:  “Before you embark on a journey of revenge, dig two graves.” - Confucius.

2 and a half graves is needed my balls would grow the size of pitbulls

<snip>

I just had too.

OP, we're genuinely trying to help here. Especially with Roosh's new rule of not dropping an"OP is a phaggot".

With that said, there are a few things that are troubling me here:

(12-11-2016 04:26 AM)HisHighness Wrote:  When I talk to people in real life they are not honest or adhere to a religion or ideology that prevents them from giving me good advice. The people on this forum are rational thinkers that's why I posted this.

I just chose to ignore him. It sucks I can't do anything but I guess no one can live life without some times being screwed over by others.

Generally these issues that you're trying to talk about with people are best left to very close friends, significant others, and councilors whether they be religious or otherwise. With that said, i'm willing to bet most of these people are giving you the same advice that we're giving you right now.

Personally, I think you know what you want to do (seek revenge) and are hoping someone out there will give you a plus one to justify your actions.

This is wrong and frankly dangerous. You are risking putting everything you've done in your life in jeopardy.

The harder and honestly better thing to do is to forgive and forget. Make yourself the winner in the end. It's really the forum panacea: hit the gym, eat better, get hobbies, be social. Really it's that simple.

Holding onto this hate and anger will eat you up inside. It will age you and for those unfortunate enough it can kill you.

Listen to Suits and some of the other posters who have posted already. It's actionable, well thought out, and in your best interest (even for anonymous folks on the internet).

My 2 cents: why in God's name are you entertaining this person? Push him out of your life. There's no reason to keep a toxic person around and this very much includes family.

If you're at the point of your life where you want to overcome this and can do so in a very mature way (no revenge/violence) tell said person that you need to speak to them seriously. Tell him all of the bad things he did and how they impacted you. You essentially want to guilt the living shit out of him. Make him squirm in his seat.

Then at the end of it all, just say, "All I want from you at this point is an apology."

Most decent people will give it to you. Hell, he might spill his guts and give you a sob story of his own as to why he did it.

If he doesn't or gives you anything less than a straight out apology, cut him out of your life for good and never speak to him again.

It's your life and conscious. Make the best of it.

Post: #21

(12-11-2016 09:12 AM)The Beast1 Wrote:  

(12-11-2016 07:58 AM)HisHighness Wrote:  

(12-11-2016 07:54 AM)Suits Wrote:  

(12-11-2016 07:40 AM)HisHighness Wrote:  

(12-11-2016 07:36 AM)HectorLavoe Wrote:  “Before you embark on a journey of revenge, dig two graves.” - Confucius.

2 and a half graves is needed my balls would grow the size of pitbulls

<snip>

I just had too.

OP, we're genuinely trying to help here. Especially with Roosh's new rule of not dropping an"OP is a phaggot".

With that said, there are a few things that are troubling me here:

(12-11-2016 04:26 AM)HisHighness Wrote:  When I talk to people in real life they are not honest or adhere to a religion or ideology that prevents them from giving me good advice. The people on this forum are rational thinkers that's why I posted this.

I just chose to ignore him. It sucks I can't do anything but I guess no one can live life without some times being screwed over by others.

Generally these issues that you're trying to talk about with people are best left to very close friends, significant others, and councilors whether they be religious or otherwise. With that said, i'm willing to bet most of these people are giving you the same advice that we're giving you right now.

Personally, I think you know what you want to do (seek revenge) and are hoping someone out there will give you a plus one to justify your actions.

This is wrong and frankly dangerous. You are risking putting everything you've done in your life in jeopardy.

The harder and honestly better thing to do is to forgive and forget. Make yourself the winner in the end. It's really the forum panacea: hit the gym, eat better, get hobbies, be social. Really it's that simple.

Holding onto this hate and anger will eat you up inside. It will age you and for those unfortunate enough it can kill you.

Listen to Suits and some of the other posters who have posted already. It's actionable, well thought out, and in your best interest (even for anonymous folks on the internet).

My 2 cents: why in God's name are you entertaining this person? Push him out of your life. There's no reason to keep a toxic person around and this very much includes family.

If you're at the point of your life where you want to overcome this and can do so in a very mature way (no revenge/violence) tell said person that you need to speak to them seriously. Tell him all of the bad things he did and how they impacted you. You essentially want to guilt the living shit out of him. Make him squirm in his seat.

Then at the end of it all, just say, "All I want from you at this point is an apology."

Most decent people will give it to you. Hell, he might spill his guts and give you a sob story of his own as to why he did it.

If he doesn't or gives you anything less than a straight out apology, cut him out of your life for good and never speak to him again.

It's your life and conscious. Make the best of it.

I already cut him out of my life.
I known this person a long time he robs donation centers he has no guilt. I tried confronting him but some people are just are too manipulative. I don't want to waste too much time with him because I'd rather focus on building my life.

I'm thankful for people in this forum and how they positively contributed to my life.

Post: #22

Asking about this at RVF is going to recieve lots of invalidation. That is just the name of the game when it comes to familial abuse, most people are clueless and or willfully ignorant about the topic. Literally what makes matters much worse is that even a lot of psychologists are clueless and untrained to deal with the truthful things you laid down in your posts here.

One trait of people that were emotionally harmed by the people closests to them, is that they over share, with the wrong people too. Its okay by me and I wouldhang out with you but most people see it as weak because they just lack first hand experience with this stuff.

A lot of psychologists with advanced degrees are clueless about the most basic and simple concepts that their clients have to deal with especially family based dysfunction and abuse. That is my experiences with psychologists. If you suggest to a psychologist that they lack the most basic understanding of most peoples family problems, they will naturally be offended, then suggest you need to take pills.

Its like walking into a fraternity of rich kids and saying hey guys, my family abused me psychologically and nobody believes me, and it ruined my self esteem. They would say you are gay and throw beer cans at you.

The same thing consistantly happens in neighborhoods. If a kid is always depressed and all the parents notice it, they wont help out, most of the neighborhood will just talk trash and make matters worse while joining in on the abuse.

Revenge? Just move on with your life. Eject any toxic family members out of your life. Its infectious too. In your case it is possible that all of your family also caught the bug of using you as a punching bag of sorts. Eject all of them out of your life and just move on. The same goes for how toxic family members recruit other to join in on the torment. Just move on.

Post: #23

I see things in a different light. I wouldn't let that slide at all. I notice that when you do bad things to people who did bad to you,you carry less emotional energy because they are the ones now carrying it. Obviously not everybody that did me wrong paid for it but if I have the opportunity to give them some of the pain, I am doing it. Go ahead and distribute pictures of him smoking weed, I am sure that it will make you feel good in the long run, revenge is sweet.

Post: #24

There is already a lot of good advice stated here. As a community we are always looking to help better one another. Now I can't say we have a shared experience, but I know that feeling of wanting revenge and wanting to release that unvented rage. Plain and simply, don't. It is far better to channel that energy into something productive. As far as your family gathering goes, you need to be as cold as ice. Give that person the cold shoulder. Do not even acknowledge their presence. Do your best not to make it obvious. Float around the room talking with everyone else, be positive and exuberant, you picked "hishighness" as your username, own it.

Post: #25

OP, for the love of God, stop thinking like that.


Before you attack me, know that I speak all of this from experience. I was once like you. As a kid, I had a very low self esteem, due to very, very messy divorce my parents went through. I constantly blamed myself for not doing anything to stop it. It sounds silly now, but try to explain that to a small boy. Due to lack of self esteem, I had a lot of problems growing up. I was mocked as a child. All the people that were supposed to help me - psychologists, teachers, even parents...didn't - because nobody could relate to me.



But, despite all of the crap I was forced to eat, I turned to be alright. I finished Uni. I was a top soldier in my unit. I am doing great as a businessman. And I am a good looking motherfucker.



Now, whenever i see someone who made me suffer (does not matter whether it was 2 years or 102 years ago), I simply ignore him/her. Why? A desire for revenge costs a lot of energy. And, to be honest, I would spend that energy somewhere else:


(1)Gym.

(2)Expanding my business.

(3)Girls.

(4)Learning new stuff (such as browsing RvF...there is a lot of stuff from which you can benefit- just take your time).



In your case, all you really need to do is to totally ignore that member of the family. Whenever you go to a family meeting, in your mind, that person does not exist. Whenever you organize a family meeting...you do not call that person. As simply as that. As Snowplow said...you ignore her very existence. Again, all the energy that you would invest plotting to destroy, or discredit someoner should be invested somewhere else. I said where in my previous paragraph.



If you disregard the advice the others and myself said and commit an act of revenge...you will become nothing better that the person who wronged you. You may not know it now, but, in time, you will. Deep inside, you know it, and we know it too.


Take care.