Post Reply 
Shaming when flaking
Author Message
rottenapple Offline
Wingman
***
Gold Member

Posts: 888
Joined: Oct 2013
Reputation: 102
Post: #51
RE: Shaming when flaking
There can be gain in burning the bridge... a deep satisfaction of teaching someone who did not respect your time, a lesson.

I understand many points made in this thread and agree with most, but I also think that sometimes, when you are completely through with a girl after her making you waste time, you have the full right to return the favor.

One time a girl flaked on me twice in a row without any warning or reason given. What I generally do then is just not contact her anymore and forget about it. I did so and time went past without any contact. A couple months later she hit me up on fb after seeing some value displayed by me in pictures, acting like everything was normal. I played along and she said she wanted to meet me, not realizing that at that time I already moved to another place, about 7 hours away from where she lived. She also wanted to sell me some tickets for a party, probably this was the main reason of ´let´s meet up´ off course. I told her fine, I´m interested, she could come to my place (my previous place). It was about 45m-1 hour away for her so she was a bit reluctant at first but then she said she was on her way.

She arrived about 15 minutes late. Typical. But I said I was coming late as well. Time went past and she was sitting on a bench some place, texting me about every 10-15 minutes. More time went past... After an hour or so she went home. A total of about 3 hours of her time well spend. She spent some money on busses and perhaps even wasted some time trying to get the tickets from another person.

I told her I moved to another place a couple of months ago as well. No need for me to hide my true intentions.

I don´t think she´ll ever hit me up again, which is fine, but maybe she´ll think twice with the next guy. Or maybe not.
07-21-2016 03:31 PM
Find all posts by this user Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[-] The following 1 user Likes rottenapple's post:
ball dont lie
cosworth Offline
Recovering Beta
*

Posts: 179
Joined: Nov 2014
Reputation: 5
Post: #52
RE: Shaming when flaking
So my options for flakeyness :
Rarely do I call them out on it , always leave things on a nice note , as you never know if she will hit you up again. Banging the shit out her on your living room floor in 3 months time will be far more enjoyable than the 30 seconds of one up man ship you get from sending an arsey text message.

If I get zero response to my message , wait a few days then if you really want a response I send something like :
“ Kate” , I’m gonna take your silence to mean “cosworth” you handsome devil I can’t wait to see you !

Put them on a group rotation general message, that you might send to everyone every 3 months, see if you can prick her interest again: “ Hey , my band is playing tonight at the Cavern club , 7pm check us out “ blar blar

If they flake out of the date setup , few options here , the standard:
Oh
Or
Ok , or just “k”

Reply back with “ Hey what up FlakeyMcFlakster “ kinda calling her out but in a jokey sense.
My personal favourite is :

Send her a picture of a single “Cornflake” , let her figure it out !
07-21-2016 04:41 PM
Find all posts by this user Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[-] The following 2 users Like cosworth's post:
JayJuanGee, Vincent Chase
Albatross Offline
Banned

Posts: 17
Joined: Jul 2016
Post: #53
RE: Shaming when flaking
It's just the market, plain and simple, supply and demand - they've moved on to other options, they have enough going on to afford to be indecisive, etc. - in other words they don't care. If they did then wouldn't have flaked. It would be like if a beggar or a telemarketer started up on you after you turned them down. Would you care all of a sudden? No of course not, they'd just make themselves look even more of a sad sight.
07-21-2016 08:43 PM
Find all posts by this user Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[-] The following 5 users Like Albatross's post:
Rhyme or Reason, DonnyGately, DarkTriad, mpr, Master Of My Own Kingdom
The_e_man Offline
Chubby Chaser
**

Posts: 532
Joined: Jun 2014
Reputation: 27
Post: #54
RE: Shaming when flaking
(07-21-2016 08:43 PM)Albatross Wrote:  It's just the market, plain and simple, supply and demand - they've moved on to other options, they have enough going on to afford to be indecisive, etc. - in other words they don't care. If they did then wouldn't have flaked. It would be like if a beggar or a telemarketer started up on you after you turned them down. Would you care all of a sudden? No of course not, they'd just make themselves look even more of a sad sight.

Yes. They are acting that way because they CAN act that way. A plethora of readily available options tends to do that.

Grant me serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference
07-25-2016 06:58 PM
Find all posts by this user Like Post Quote this message in a reply
Rhyme or Reason Away
Banned

Posts: 2,521
Joined: Mar 2015
Post: #55
RE: Shaming when flaking
(07-21-2016 03:31 PM)rottenapple Wrote:  There can be gain in burning the bridge... a deep satisfaction of teaching someone who did not respect your time, a lesson.

It's cute when guys think they are teaching flakey bitches a lesson. They learn nothing, and you gain nothing... if this was a guy friend then it would be a different story, but it isn't.

It's fallacious reasoning. You are tacitly assuming that they will take to heart this 'lesson' not to waste other people's time. They learn nothing.

You are operating under the false assumption that they are on the same level of maturity and social intellect as you.

They learn nothing.
07-25-2016 07:07 PM
Find all posts by this user Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[-] The following 3 users Like Rhyme or Reason's post:
weambulance, ElFlaco, BrunoCasanova
weambulance Offline
International Playboy
******
Gold Member

Posts: 3,067
Joined: Apr 2014
Reputation: 56
Post: #56
RE: Shaming when flaking
I've experimented with this sort of thing, out of curiosity, and in my experience it's worse than useless.

It's much more effective to just structure my life such that people flaking will not inconvenience me (as in, only invite chicks to do shit I was going to do anyway) and take note of which girls behave well and which demote themselves to "booty call only" status.
07-25-2016 07:17 PM
Find all posts by this user Like Post Quote this message in a reply
GreenHills Offline
Recovering Beta
*

Posts: 171
Joined: Jul 2014
Reputation: 0
Post: #57
RE: Shaming when flaking
I always tried to deal with flaking in a nonchalant way, but I did something different for my last flake and I'm satisfied.

It was a hot thin girl from OKC who I spoke on the phone for an hour with, due to her not wanting to hang up the phone. So she was into me apparently. She tried to set up something with me a few days later, but I was busy. On one weekend we agreed to meet at 8pm, but at 7:30pm she asked me to give her some time to rest and then she flaked at 8:50pm. My response - a simple "ok". The game manual says you shouldn't care. You have options. Find another girl and restart this one after three weeks. 5.23% of restarts of 6s and 7s lead to bangs. Or something.

However, I got pissed by this. This bitch totally disrespected my time. I texted something random the next day and she didn't bother to respond.

Next day, I was still pissed. So I texted her telling her that this behavior doesn't go unnoticed and she was disrespectful. Two minutes later she replies saying that she's really sorry and she has been busy and not feeling well. Oh, so now you see my messages. I tell her that's fine and I understand, but if you want to see me again, don't do that again. And that's it, my anger disappeared completely. And I wasn't even rude to her or acting butthurt, or being passive aggressive, I just called her out.

Am I going to see her? Probably not, but I don't care. I forgot about her quickly.

Is this going to change her or teach her a lesson? I really don't care. I'm not trying to teach her a lesson, I'm just not bottling up anger.
07-25-2016 11:06 PM
Find all posts by this user Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[-] The following 1 user Likes GreenHills's post:
Graft
The_e_man Offline
Chubby Chaser
**

Posts: 532
Joined: Jun 2014
Reputation: 27
Post: #58
RE: Shaming when flaking
(07-25-2016 11:06 PM)GreenHills Wrote:  I always tried to deal with flaking in a nonchalant way, but I did something different for my last flake and I'm satisfied.

It was a hot thin girl from OKC who I spoke on the phone for an hour with, due to her not wanting to hang up the phone. So she was into me apparently. She tried to set up something with me a few days later, but I was busy. On one weekend we agreed to meet at 8pm, but at 7:30pm she asked me to give her some time to rest and then she flaked at 8:50pm. My response - a simple "ok". The game manual says you shouldn't care. You have options. Find another girl and restart this one after three weeks. 5.23% of restarts of 6s and 7s lead to bangs. Or something.

However, I got pissed by this. This bitch totally disrespected my time. I texted something random the next day and she didn't bother to respond.

Next day, I was still pissed. So I texted her telling her that this behavior doesn't go unnoticed and she was disrespectful. Two minutes later she replies saying that she's really sorry and she has been busy and not feeling well. Oh, so now you see my messages. I tell her that's fine and I understand, but if you want to see me again, don't do that again. And that's it, my anger disappeared completely. And I wasn't even rude to her or acting butthurt, or being passive aggressive, I just called her out.

Am I going to see her? Probably not, but I don't care. I forgot about her quickly.

Is this going to change her or teach her a lesson? I really don't care. I'm not trying to teach her a lesson, I'm just not bottling up anger.

No man, I'm not trying to belittle you or argue with you, but you are just wrong. Sending her a text like that the next day probably just made her think "damn this guy is a weirdo, better just be nice to him then ghost away."
At least you are correct in thinking that you are probably (almost certainly) never going to see this girl.

Grant me serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference
07-26-2016 06:56 PM
Find all posts by this user Like Post Quote this message in a reply
The_e_man Offline
Chubby Chaser
**

Posts: 532
Joined: Jun 2014
Reputation: 27
Post: #59
RE: Shaming when flaking
But if it helps you deal with bottled up anger, then all the power to you I suppose.
Though that anger / energy would be better served being funnelled into another endeavour besides calling flaking girls out. It is words that will fall on deaf ears.

Grant me serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference
07-26-2016 06:58 PM
Find all posts by this user Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[-] The following 1 user Likes The_e_man's post:
JayJuanGee
JayJuanGee Offline
International Playboy
******
Gold Member

Posts: 5,973
Joined: Aug 2013
Reputation: 74
Post: #60
RE: Shaming when flaking
(07-26-2016 06:58 PM)The_e_man Wrote:  But if it helps you deal with bottled up anger, then all the power to you I suppose.
Though that anger / energy would be better served being funnelled into another endeavour besides calling flaking girls out. It is words that will fall on deaf ears.


It does seem like a bad way to phrase what is your purpose: "to deal with bottled up anger."

I don't see any reason to get angry or to feel "disrespected."

Those kinds of feelings about behaviors of others outside of your control seem to reflect either inabilities to recognize and deal with actual aspects of the world or unrealistic expectations about the world and/or your ability to change certain parts of the world.

Don't get me wrong, there can be circumstances to actually get angry, such as a circumstance in which you invested some considerable amount of money and then the girl flakes (such as a ticket to a $50 per person concert), but a flaking girl without any actual investment (besides your expecting that she shows up) is just too common of an occurrence to allow it to have that kind of an affect on you.. especially when you already can deal with it in a variety of ways including completely cutting her off or causing her to have to make it up to you (and using the situation to your advantage to the extent that the chick may want to make it up to you, but the ball would be in your court with that kind of perspective rather than having the victim perspective).
07-26-2016 07:13 PM
Find all posts by this user Like Post Quote this message in a reply
GreenHills Offline
Recovering Beta
*

Posts: 171
Joined: Jul 2014
Reputation: 0
Post: #61
RE: Shaming when flaking
I don't get angry at every flake, they are a very common occurrence indeed. But there was actual investment here. I was outside doing stuff and she asked to see me on that day. I interrupted what I was doing (I was riding my bike). My battery was dying and I told her that when I go home I'll text her. She told me to text her soon so that she can plan her evening. I went home, we agreed on the place, I took a shower, got ready and then she says "oh, I'm going to chill for a bit, I need to rest, will hit you up later". And then she flakes, an hour later. What a bitch!

As you can see, there was investment. I challenge you to not have a feeling of anger if that happens to you Wink. A girl flaking on you a few hours before you're supposed to go out - yeah, who cares, you do something else that evening. But this was shit.

And anyways, I didn't lash back, as I was planning to go out with her some other time, but then she ghosted and I was like "fuck it, I usually don't do that, let's see what happens".

She might have thought "he's a weirdo", she might have thought "I'm such a pathetic bitch". How would I know!? I don't consider myself a weirdo, I don't feel like this is weird.

I don't know. Personally, I don't consider dates with girls I haven't met to be actual dates until they happen. They're tentative plans, best efforts. But the above situation was different.

But anyways, let's be constructive here. How would you have responded to her? I responded with "ok" on that evening. What is it that I should have said? How can I cause her to have to make it up to me?
07-27-2016 12:31 AM
Find all posts by this user Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[-] The following 1 user Likes GreenHills's post:
JayJuanGee
JayJuanGee Offline
International Playboy
******
Gold Member

Posts: 5,973
Joined: Aug 2013
Reputation: 74
Post: #62
RE: Shaming when flaking
(07-27-2016 12:31 AM)GreenHills Wrote:  I don't get angry at every flake, they are a very common occurrence indeed. But there was actual investment here. I was outside doing stuff and she asked to see me on that day. I interrupted what I was doing (I was riding my bike). My battery was dying and I told her that when I go home I'll text her. She told me to text her soon so that she can plan her evening. I went home, we agreed on the place, I took a shower, got ready and then she says "oh, I'm going to chill for a bit, I need to rest, will hit you up later". And then she flakes, an hour later. What a bitch!

That's a great example. You know that every example is going to play out differently, and you would have to probably write a lot more in order for RVF guys to really have a decent grasp of your relationship with the girl and the full context; however, we do not always need to know every little detail in order to make an assessment - yet every guy's assessment is going to be a little bit different.

I understand that you were in the middle of doing something else already, and you kind of changed your plans for the chick. Then after you already took a number of steps in changing your plans and even going into the direction that you were going to meet the girl, that is when she actually flaked on you.

This particular situation that you describe actually sounds as if the chick was being an opportunist. Remember what she says and what she does can be two different things, but it sounds as if she may have been a bit desparate to do things and she had a few options. You were not her best option, but you were one of the options, but after she had already agreed to go with you, a better opportunity came up.

You do not need to get her to respond or to explain, just next her... you don't need to be used as a second choice option and her behavior more or less seems to show that is what happened.




(07-27-2016 12:31 AM)GreenHills Wrote:  As you can see, there was investment. I challenge you to not have a feeling of anger if that happens to you Wink. A girl flaking on you a few hours before you're supposed to go out - yeah, who cares, you do something else that evening. But this was shit.

Again, I agree with you that there are varying levels of investment, and sure there are reasons to get pissed off - but still the relief should be that you are not going to let this particular chick put you in that position again... so that is why you next her... cut off communications because you are already wise enough to know that she knows what she was doing and that she had an obligation to follow through to meet you once she knows that you had gone through that level of changing your plans and preparations.

(07-27-2016 12:31 AM)GreenHills Wrote:  And anyways, I didn't lash back, as I was planning to go out with her some other time, but then she ghosted and I was like "fuck it, I usually don't do that, let's see what happens".

I doubt that there is any absolute rule about whether you should lash out or not, and it depends on circumstances..

For example, what if she calls you up right as you were walking out of the door and you already were heading to the meet location and she says: "Hey GreenHills, this is chick. I know that we were going to meet at X, but I've just decided that I was going to chill out a bit for the rest of the night. I just don't have enough energy to meet you as we agreed."

Then you say: "What the fuck. You know that I was already in the middle of something else, and I went home to get ready for this and after we agreed, I changed my plans and got ready!!!!!!!! You fucking self-centered opportunist."

Yeah, nothing wrong with lashing out, when you got her on the phone, but yeah, we know that almost no one calls these days, so instead she sent you some lame text that asserted something similar with less opportunities for you to be orally spontaneous, but you can still improvise depending on the context, and you are pretty much telling her that you do not appreciate what she does while at the same time letting her know that you are not going to put up with her shit.. you do not necessarily need to tell her that you are nexting her, but she should get the message that the burden is on her to jump through a few hoops before you are going to change any plans for her.. so she has to make the efforts and on your schedule because you already gave her a chance and she fucked up. Some things do not need to be said in order to be understood that it is now her turn to make up for her playing around if she wants to have a relationship with you.




(07-27-2016 12:31 AM)GreenHills Wrote:  She might have thought "he's a weirdo", she might have thought "I'm such a pathetic bitch". How would I know!? I don't consider myself a weirdo, I don't feel like this is weird.

I'm not sure if it matters very much about what she thinks about you, but just that you are not going to take shit from her.. and if she subsequently makes up to you in some kind of way, then yeah, you may give her some other chances with you.

(07-27-2016 12:31 AM)GreenHills Wrote:  I don't know. Personally, I don't consider dates with girls I haven't met to be actual dates until they happen. They're tentative plans, best efforts. But the above situation was different.

I agree. There is a difference between tentative, and actually agreeing that it is going to happen.

Sometimes, we may say to a chick, oh we should go get coffee sometime, and she says, yeah, but you do not work out the specifics. Or maybe you say, how about next thursday after work.. blah blah blah.. and she says, yeah, that sounds pretty good.. let's confirm on Thursday morning.. If you do not confirm on Thursday morning, then the plan remained tentative because you did not solidify it.

(07-27-2016 12:31 AM)GreenHills Wrote:  But anyways, let's be constructive here. How would you have responded to her? I responded with "ok" on that evening. What is it that I should have said?

You have to respond with whatever you believe is within your ability to follow up. If you just say o.k., then you have to question whether you are ever going to set up any kind of agreement with her again. You can get pissed or not, it is certainly optional and maybe it depends upon if you are going to set up anything with her again. I personally would not set up anything again with a chick that has done that level of backing out with me, unless she does some kind of major making up for what she had done.

(07-27-2016 12:31 AM)GreenHills Wrote:  How can I cause her to have to make it up to me?

You cannot really cause her to do anything, except to make it a condition for you agreeing to make another agreement with her. If you don't set the boundary, then she is just going to do the same thing again, and if she is not going to voluntarily do something for you, then you just say that you are not going to agree to anything with her and you just go on with your own life in other circles.

On the other hand, if she seems motivated to make it up to you, then she may try a few things or even propose a few things to make up to you. If she is not in that mind-set to make things up to you, you cannot put her in that mindset except for making concrete efforts to next her.
07-27-2016 01:24 AM
Find all posts by this user Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[-] The following 2 users Like JayJuanGee's post:
GreenHills, The_e_man
GreenHills Offline
Recovering Beta
*

Posts: 171
Joined: Jul 2014
Reputation: 0
Post: #63
RE: Shaming when flaking
(07-27-2016 01:24 AM)JayJuanGee Wrote:  You have to respond with whatever you believe is within your ability to follow up. If you just say o.k., then you have to question whether you are ever going to set up any kind of agreement with her again. You can get pissed or not, it is certainly optional and maybe it depends upon if you are going to set up anything with her again. I personally would not set up anything again with a chick that has done that level of backing out with me, unless she does some kind of major making up for what she had done.

Yes, you're right, I'm not going to try to set up anything with her.

I told her to contact me again when she's more free, but not like the way she did that evening. She might contact me, she might not. I don't know. I'm not going to go after her.

I hope she knew what she was doing. If she is so lacking self awareness to realize that this is a shitty thing to do, I wasted time and energy on a dumb girl.

But there's a point where I fucked up and allowed for all of that to happen. I don't think when a girl says "I need some time to figure out if I want to see you, can you wait?" (not using these words, of course), I should agree to that. But I did agree.
07-27-2016 02:04 AM
Find all posts by this user Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[-] The following 1 user Likes GreenHills's post:
JayJuanGee
JayJuanGee Offline
International Playboy
******
Gold Member

Posts: 5,973
Joined: Aug 2013
Reputation: 74
Post: #64
RE: Shaming when flaking
(07-27-2016 02:04 AM)GreenHills Wrote:  But there's a point where I fucked up and allowed for all of that to happen. I don't think when a girl says "I need some time to figure out if I want to see you, can you wait?" (not using these words, of course), I should agree to that. But I did agree.

I think that we learn these kinds of boundary settings and interactions by practice rather than someone else saying what is going to work for you or not.

I'm in my late 40s and I am still single and dating chicks, etc etc, so I have experienced a lot of my own mistakes in sometimes letting chicks have too much of their own way, and when I reflect on my some parts of my youth and some of my interactions, sometimes, I did not realize what I was doing when I may have allowed a girl to keep me on her timeline and schedule too much.

Even, for example, when you told this chick, oh let me know when you are available, that may be leaving her permission to abuse you or to accept that you are o.k. with the earlier abuse that she had dished out when she flaked on you - even if you have no intention of ever scheduling any meet up with her again.

You already said it, so there is no real going back... but maybe to learn from the experience, consider some better things that you could have said and then maybe attempting those new techniques and strategies with some new girl under similar circumstances.

One thing that is fairly certain is that girls are going to push their limits with you in a variety of ways, and flaking or even threatening flaking is just one of those ways, and so we can practice a variety of techniques in order to deal with those circumstances better or even to let her know that you have other options in the event that you cannot rely on her following through with a meeting with you.
07-27-2016 02:23 AM
Find all posts by this user Like Post Quote this message in a reply
DarkTriad Offline
True Player
*****
Gold Member

Posts: 2,398
Joined: Aug 2012
Reputation: 14
Post: #65
RE: Shaming when flaking
Guys, there is virtually no way to call out a girl for flaking without looking weak or even possibly hurting your reputation. Obviously, nothing can be her fault, so if any bad feelings are generated YOU must be the asshole or creeper. However, there is a solution that matches the OPs need.

You just walk away, with your dignity and your manhood intact. And then a few weeks (or months) later, when her favorite band is in town, you tell her you've got front row seats and backstage passes. If she hasn't already asked if she can bring a friend (if she doesn't respect you, it's her first instinct) you tell her you have extras and are happy to accommodate her besties.

You tell them you'll meet them at the venu, and let her and her friends get all dolled up for the occasion. Then you leave her hanging outside for hours looking like an asshole in front of all her friends, endlessly calling and texting you.

Then sometime the next day, you write "oops, I flaked". Point made. You just made a better person.

Bonus points if you can have them wait in the rain.
07-27-2016 02:33 AM
Find all posts by this user Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[-] The following 17 users Like DarkTriad's post:
ball dont lie, Rhyme or Reason, DimeBait, General Stalin, debeguiled, mpr, Benoit, Moma, Dalaran1991, TonySandos, The_e_man, Off The Reservation, Bushido, Matrixdude, Palo_alto, CaptainChardonnay, KnjazMihailo
JayJuanGee Offline
International Playboy
******
Gold Member

Posts: 5,973
Joined: Aug 2013
Reputation: 74
Post: #66
RE: Shaming when flaking
(07-27-2016 02:33 AM)DarkTriad Wrote:  Guys, there is virtually no way to call out a girl for flaking without looking weak or even possibly hurting your reputation. Obviously, nothing can be her fault, so if any bad feelings are generated YOU must be the asshole or creeper. However, there is a solution that matches the OPs need.

You just walk away, with your dignity and your manhood intact. And then a few weeks (or months) later, when her favorite band is in town, you tell her you've got front row seats and backstage passes. If she hasn't already asked if she can bring a friend (if she doesn't respect you, it's her first instinct) you tell her you have extras and are happy to accommodate her besties.

You tell them you'll meet them at the venu, and let her and her friends get all dolled up for the occasion. Then you leave her hanging outside for hours looking like an asshole in front of all her friends, endlessly calling and texting you.

Then sometime the next day, you write "oops, I flaked". Point made. You just made a better person.

Bonus points if you can have them wait in the rain.

I agree with you that the guy is not going to be in any kind of decent position to engage in any kind of negotiation or any kind of back and forth with a flakey self-absorbed chick regarding her having had flaked, but your "get even" with the chick suggestion is totally nonsense and childish and maybe you just mean it as a kind of joke?

But anyhow, no guy who is psychologically healthy, should feel any kind of inclination to go through those kinds of dramatic efforts in order to strive to "get even" or to punish some non-deserving flake chick.

In all but exceptional situations, it's not going to be worth any guy's thoughts, resources and/or energies to employ anything approaching those kinds of vindictive and quasi-pathogolical kinds of measures.
07-27-2016 02:43 AM
Find all posts by this user Like Post Quote this message in a reply
Graft Offline
Chubby Chaser
**
Gold Member

Posts: 423
Joined: May 2016
Reputation: 39
Post: #67
RE: Shaming when flaking
Can't quote Greenhills from mobile, but he basically said that he shamed a girl who flaked for the sole purpose of his conscience, the principle of retaliating when someone disrespects you.

I love what Greenhills said. Althought I disagree with the whole "deaf ears" argument (they are emotional and insecure, unlike us), half the reason to do it is out of respect for yourself. All flakes are inconsiderate, but some are blatantly disrespectful. When someone disrespects me, I call them out on it, and it helps me sleep better. The collective tolerance of this behavior has fucked us. I almost think it's white-knight ish to give a pass to women when you KNOW if your boy did this you'd call him out on it.

Great post, DarkTriad, now I see youre namesake. I know a guy who dumps his flakes into telemarketing lists. Minimal time investment, maximum trolling when they realize whats going on. I like your style.
(This post was last modified: 07-27-2016 11:39 AM by Graft.)
07-27-2016 11:37 AM
Find all posts by this user Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[-] The following 4 users Like Graft's post:
rottenapple, TonySandos, DarkTriad, Perspicacity
JayJuanGee Offline
International Playboy
******
Gold Member

Posts: 5,973
Joined: Aug 2013
Reputation: 74
Post: #68
RE: Shaming when flaking
(07-27-2016 11:37 AM)Graft Wrote:  Great post, DarkTriad, now I see youre namesake. I know a guy who dumps his flakes into telemarketing lists. Minimal time investment, maximum trolling when they realize whats going on. I like your style.


Yeah right. Attempt to apply these kinds of negative theoretical practices and principles on an ongoing basis in real life circumstances, and your life is going to be filled with lots of drama and emotional outbursts (like a chick), if that is what you are seeking.

I could give a shit about the feelings of the girls being abandoned and in the rain and being led on, but I am not going to waste my time by purposefully and intentionally setting up such circumstances just for some kind of personal vengance and thrill and hope for the last word, yet I may not have a problem in leaving a chick and her friend stranded, if I am pushed into playing such a card.
07-27-2016 01:01 PM
Find all posts by this user Like Post Quote this message in a reply
General Stalin Offline
International Playboy
******
Gold Member

Posts: 5,033
Joined: Nov 2013
Reputation: 124
Post: #69
RE: Shaming when flaking
Really just do what ever you want.

If sending a bitchy text to a girl makes you feel better, then do it. It's not going to hurt you any besides wasting a few second of your time typing a text. 5% chance it makes her feel like a cunt for a few seconds. Most likely she just thinks you are a butthurt weirdo but whatever. I like DarkTriad's game of the revenge flake (apt username as well).

It is annoying when a girl flakes, but that's just it. Plan your days/dates so that if she flakes it is simply annoying and nothing else. I don't clear away my schedule for girls I've only chatted with online or talked to for a few minutes at a bar/on the street. If we want to hang then either they come to my place, join me in something I'm doing anyway, or meet me somewhere I am happy to go to alone.
07-27-2016 01:18 PM
Find all posts by this user Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[-] The following 4 users Like General Stalin's post:
DimeBait, debeguiled, mpr, Graft
mpr Offline
Chubby Chaser
**

Posts: 364
Joined: May 2015
Reputation: 5
Post: #70
RE: Shaming when flaking
Quote:Just flip the script and stack girls for your typical "dates" day:
If one flake you got other options and that send a better message to those who flaked on you.



This is the solution. Fight fire with fire. I used to feel bad when stacking dates 2 or 3 high and flaking one the rest of them when I got the bang. But after getting burned 25% of the time I learned it's necessary because of the dating culture these women have created.

If you get flaked on either nuke the hamster and delete their number, or put them in your mass text list; and if you get them to agree to another date schedule them as the 3rd date of the night. Both because they've proven themselves to be the most likely to flake, and because they'll be the most likely to be stood up by you.

"Those who will not risk cannot win." -John Paul Jones
(This post was last modified: 07-27-2016 02:21 PM by mpr.)
07-27-2016 02:16 PM
Find all posts by this user Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[-] The following 1 user Likes mpr's post:
JayJuanGee
mpr Offline
Chubby Chaser
**

Posts: 364
Joined: May 2015
Reputation: 5
Post: #71
RE: Shaming when flaking
(07-27-2016 02:33 AM)DarkTriad Wrote:  Guys, there is virtually no way to call out a girl for flaking without looking weak or even possibly hurting your reputation. Obviously, nothing can be her fault, so if any bad feelings are generated YOU must be the asshole or creeper. However, there is a solution that matches the OPs need.

You just walk away, with your dignity and your manhood intact. And then a few weeks (or months) later, when her favorite band is in town, you tell her you've got front row seats and backstage passes. If she hasn't already asked if she can bring a friend (if she doesn't respect you, it's her first instinct) you tell her you have extras and are happy to accommodate her besties.

You tell them you'll meet them at the venu, and let her and her friends get all dolled up for the occasion. Then you leave her hanging outside for hours looking like an asshole in front of all her friends, endlessly calling and texting you.

Then sometime the next day, you write "oops, I flaked". Point made. You just made a better person.

Bonus points if you can have them wait in the rain.

I love it!!!

"Those who will not risk cannot win." -John Paul Jones
07-27-2016 02:27 PM
Find all posts by this user Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[-] The following 3 users Like mpr's post:
Graft, DarkTriad, Moma
Moma Offline
Innovative Casanova
*******
Gold Member

Posts: 7,218
Joined: Oct 2010
Reputation: 121
Post: #72
RE: Shaming when flaking
Graft, I think you should call her out. I used to think about this before and they did it a lot in Toronto. I think ignoring the lizard who flakes encourages that behaviour and allows the lizard to continue carrying out her fcukery in the social marketplace.
Will your rebuke of her change her behaviour? Maybe it will, maybe it won't.

Ignoring her encourages the situations that occur in heavily beta cities and causes 6s to think they are 9's (a known problem in San Francisco so I've heard).

I also think the feeler text to dead lizards falls in the same line. I've done it before but very rarely capitalised on it. I'm not using my own experience to look to the value of it but I felt shytty while sending it out to lizards who had already wasted my time and expectations.

Gassing mediocre lizards is bad news and some lizards assess their market value based on how many dudes they turn down. Inflating the value for badly used goods spoils it for other merchants.

OUR NEW BLOG!

http://repstylez.com

My NEW TRAVEL E-BOOK - DOMINICAN REPUBLIC - A RED CARPET AFFAIR

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00K53LVR8

Love 'em or leave 'em but we can't live without lizardsssss..

An Ode To Lizards
07-27-2016 07:56 PM
Visit this user's website Find all posts by this user Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[-] The following 3 users Like Moma's post:
Graft, HOD, TonySandos
Graft Offline
Chubby Chaser
**
Gold Member

Posts: 423
Joined: May 2016
Reputation: 39
Post: #73
RE: Shaming when flaking
(07-27-2016 07:56 PM)Moma Wrote:  Graft, I think you should call her out. I used to think about this before and they did it a lot in Toronto. I think ignoring the lizard who flakes encourages that behaviour and allows the lizard to continue carrying out her fcukery in the social marketplace.
Will your rebuke of her change her behaviour? Maybe it will, maybe it won't.

Ignoring her encourages the situations that occur in heavily beta cities and causes 6s to think they are 9's (a known problem in San Francisco so I've heard).

I also think the feeler text to dead lizards falls in the same line. I've done it before but very rarely capitalised on it. I'm not using my own experience to look to the value of it but I felt shytty while sending it out to lizards who had already wasted my time and expectations.

Gassing mediocre lizards is bad news and some lizards assess their market value based on how many dudes they turn down. Inflating the value for badly used goods spoils it for other merchants.

If they make up an excuse I won't call them out, even though I should start saying something like "oh that's a new one."

But if they book me for a night, and don't show, I'm calling them out, end of story.

My texts to dying leads is always very sexual and oftentimes involves a remark about my penis size. Nothing to lose, right?
07-27-2016 08:38 PM
Find all posts by this user Like Post Quote this message in a reply
DarkTriad Offline
True Player
*****
Gold Member

Posts: 2,398
Joined: Aug 2012
Reputation: 14
Post: #74
RE: Shaming when flaking
(07-27-2016 01:01 PM)JayJuanGee Wrote:  
(07-27-2016 11:37 AM)Graft Wrote:  Great post, DarkTriad, now I see youre namesake. I know a guy who dumps his flakes into telemarketing lists. Minimal time investment, maximum trolling when they realize whats going on. I like your style.


Yeah right. Attempt to apply these kinds of negative theoretical practices and principles on an ongoing basis in real life circumstances, and your life is going to be filled with lots of drama and emotional outbursts (like a chick), if that is what you are seeking.

I could give a shit about the feelings of the girls being abandoned and in the rain and being led on, but I am not going to waste my time by purposefully and intentionally setting up such circumstances just for some kind of personal vengance and thrill and hope for the last word, yet I may not have a problem in leaving a chick and her friend stranded, if I am pushed into playing such a card.

Drama would be if you decide to show up at the venu with a hotter chick, look surprised when you see her and say "Oops, I flaked, was I supposed to take you out tonight?"

This is a minimal investment strategy, a few texts and maybe a phone call. Minimal blowback.
(This post was last modified: 07-28-2016 01:02 AM by DarkTriad.)
07-28-2016 12:57 AM
Find all posts by this user Like Post Quote this message in a reply
JayJuanGee Offline
International Playboy
******
Gold Member

Posts: 5,973
Joined: Aug 2013
Reputation: 74
Post: #75
RE: Shaming when flaking
(07-28-2016 12:57 AM)DarkTriad Wrote:  
(07-27-2016 01:01 PM)JayJuanGee Wrote:  
(07-27-2016 11:37 AM)Graft Wrote:  Great post, DarkTriad, now I see youre namesake. I know a guy who dumps his flakes into telemarketing lists. Minimal time investment, maximum trolling when they realize whats going on. I like your style.


Yeah right. Attempt to apply these kinds of negative theoretical practices and principles on an ongoing basis in real life circumstances, and your life is going to be filled with lots of drama and emotional outbursts (like a chick), if that is what you are seeking.

I could give a shit about the feelings of the girls being abandoned and in the rain and being led on, but I am not going to waste my time by purposefully and intentionally setting up such circumstances just for some kind of personal vengance and thrill and hope for the last word, yet I may not have a problem in leaving a chick and her friend stranded, if I am pushed into playing such a card.

Drama would be if you decide to show up at the venu with a hotter chick, look surprised when you see her and say "Oops, I flaked, was I supposed to take you out tonight?"

This is a minimal investment strategy, a few texts and maybe a phone call. Minimal blowback.

hahahahaha...

I will take all of this as a form of locker room banter... may be true, may not be true?

Many of us talk big, and sometimes ballsy moves are going to be made based upon some of the talk and planning and sometimes it is just talk.

If you can deal with that level of drama by actually employing such confrontational choices, more the power to you. Different strokes for different folks.
07-28-2016 01:15 AM
Find all posts by this user Like Post Quote this message in a reply
Post Reply 


Possibly Related Threads...
Thread: Author Replies: Views: Last Post
  Why I'm against Slut shaming fitness2569 33 5,186 02-18-2018 03:26 AM
Last Post: Keepiticy2
  Women Shaming Beta Males rangman2000 22 18,389 12-28-2017 06:26 PM
Last Post: questor70
  Flaking and Flake Management wonderer1 6 4,149 09-07-2017 01:56 PM
Last Post: Rocha

Forum Jump:


User(s) browsing this thread:

Contact Us | RooshV.com | Return to Top | Return to Content | Mobile Version | RSS Syndication