Post: #51

Ok, so you acknowledge you want a close friend. That's a good start. I understand it's not gonna be easy, but at least you've got something to work towards.

Traveling isn't conducive for that. Unless you stay put in the same area for long periods of time, it's gonna be hard to form close connections with locals. Those take time, usually through shared activities. Perhaps you could join a meetup group that requires shared activities that minimize the need to be a social butterfly, maybe something like a hiking group. After enough sessions, maybe they'll grow comfortable with you and be willing to form tighter bonds.

Have you tried searching the forums for threads about forming friendships and growing your social circle?

Post: #52

One of the things that make people happy is having something to look forward too. Something that gets you excited when waking up in the morning.

I understand you're lonely, but I don't think having a friend will break you out of this funk.

I do think you need to find something that ends up becoming a passion.

Something that you could lose yourself doing. Something that will get you out of your own head. Meaning... you would be working on something and not focusing on how bad life is or that you're lonely or whatever bad thoughts may pop in when you're sitting around dwelling on the bad.
Hopefully this is something that could even become a profession.

Don't get me wrong, having friends is important. I do think you will make better friends when you find people that have the same passion. I understand you think the root cause of your depression is loneliness. That may be a part of it, but I think it isn't as big as not having path/passion to look forward too.

Post: #53

(12-08-2015 03:56 PM)CleanSlate Wrote:  

(12-08-2015 03:43 PM)swfter2456 Wrote:  I'm at a point where I've sought help from the few people I could (family) professional help, and no one really gave a shit.

Hang on. Who did you specifically ask for "professional" help? Your family?

Big mistake.

When you are seeking professional help, you DON'T ask any of your family members for that kind of help.

For one, they are not professionals and are in no position to help you with your condition.

Secondly, they are biased. While they may have good intentions, they may only enable you to continue your depressive thought process (instead of disrupting it and replacing it with a more constructive thought process).

Third, they might not care enough to really help you and if they show you such indifference (as you said they have), it puts you even deeper into a depressive state.

The fact that you've sought "professional" help tells me that you know you need to talk to someone who can actually help you. But your family members won't help you - because they can't. You need to actually hire a therapist or counselor. Look for a cognitive behavioral therapist. This way, you do get the real help that you need, along with the recommendations made in this thread (get sunlight, check testosterone, walk daily, etc).

Sorry, forgot a comma, I meant family,professional help. I've seen many psychiatrists/psychologists. I've done CBT and just found it a joke in my head kind of

Post: #54

(12-08-2015 04:06 PM)thoughtgypsy Wrote:  Ok, so you acknowledge you want a close friend. That's a good start. I understand it's not gonna be easy, but at least you've got something to work towards.

Traveling isn't conducive for that. Unless you stay put in the same area for long periods of time, it's gonna be hard to form close connections with locals. Those take time, usually through shared activities. Perhaps you could join a meetup group that requires shared activities that minimize the need to be a social butterfly, maybe something like a hiking group. After enough sessions, maybe they'll grow comfortable with you and be willing to form tighter bonds.

Have you tried searching the forums for threads about forming friendships and growing your social circle?

I've done that, I've even tried to make my own meetups via local reddits and never worked out well. I just have trouble connecting to anymore, and as more time passes the more insecure I get about it the the more shields I put up.

(12-08-2015 04:20 PM)worldwidetraveler Wrote:  One of the things that make people happy is having something to look forward too. Something that gets you excited when waking up in the morning.

I understand you're lonely, but I don't think having a friend will break you out of this funk.

I do think you need to find something that ends up becoming a passion.

Something that you could lose yourself doing. Something that will get you out of your own head. Meaning, you would be working on something and not focusing on how bad life is or that you're lonely or whatever bad thoughts may pop in when you're sitting their dwelling on the bad.

Hopefully this is something that could even become a profession.

Don't get me wrong, having friends is important. I do think you will make better friends when you find people that have the same passion. I understand you think the root cause of your depression is loneliness. That may be a part of it, but I think it isn't as big as not having path/passion to look forward too.

I mean I did this for years. I can't lose myself in anything anymore, when I watch a movie I just think about how much life sucks.

Post: #55

(12-08-2015 04:27 PM)swfter2456 Wrote:  Sorry, forgot a comma, I meant family,professional help. I've seen many psychiatrists/psychologists. I've done CBT and just found it a joke in my head kind of

Ok I stand corrected. As long you are trying to get better, you're doing good. Keep trying.

Post: #56

I'm having a hard time believing you did everything you say you did and none of it helped you. By the way, watching a movie isn't what I call a passionate purpose.

Post: #57

(12-08-2015 04:06 PM)thoughtgypsy Wrote:  Ok, so you acknowledge you want a close friend. That's a good start. I understand it's not gonna be easy, but at least you've got something to work towards.

Yeah, I know isolation is the reason I"m depressed at this point and no amount of therapy/antidepressants/meditation,etc will fix that

(12-08-2015 04:45 PM)CleanSlate Wrote:  

(12-08-2015 04:27 PM)swfter2456 Wrote:  Sorry, forgot a comma, I meant family,professional help. I've seen many psychiatrists/psychologists. I've done CBT and just found it a joke in my head kind of

Ok I stand corrected. As long you are trying to get better, you're doing good. Keep trying.

That's the point of this thread, I've basically given up at this point as I don't know what to do anymore, currently not seeing any doctors.

(12-08-2015 04:46 PM)worldwidetraveler Wrote:  I'm having a hard time believing you did everything you say you did and none of it helped you. By the way, watching a movie isn't what I call a passionate purpose.

That's why I'm so depressed and have no idea what to do anymore. The fact I've done it all and worse than ever.

I don't mean watching a movie is a passion, I just mean losing yourself for like an hour or so. Like I used to be able to watch an hour of let's say breaking bad and lose myself in the story but not anymore. I don't have much energy for new hobbies but really never got interested in anything

Post: #58

You need to sell everything you own, strip everything away in your life that holds you back and start from scratch. Pack you up a few suit cases and get on a plane or Greyhound to Boulder Colorado. I'll help you get a small apartment here, buy yourself a bicycle and use that for transportation, get yourself a gym membership, take the bus to snowboard/ski on the weekend. Maybe find you a part time job at the coffee shop. Spend 350 days a year in the sunshine. I'll help you as much as I can.

Or you can keep complaining about how much life sucks. I feel for you because I was in your shoes after I got back from war. I was at the end of my rope. I did the exact same thing I am telling you to do. I sold everything I own and drove from Alabama to Colorado and reinvented my life. Don't get me wrong, I have my moments when I'm down but I have one hell of a fucking life. I only sleep alone when I want to and I have hundreds of friends that I can call on when I need them. If I was still stuck in the trailer park in Alabama, I would never have those things.

Unless you make a drastic change in your life, I have feeling you'll keep living in the shadows.

Post: #59

(12-09-2015 01:13 AM)LINUX Wrote:  You need to sell everything you own, strip everything away in your life that holds you back and start from scratch. Pack you up a few suit cases and get on a plane or Greyhound to Boulder Colorado. I'll help you get a small apartment here, buy yourself a bicycle and use that for transportation, get yourself a gym membership, take the bus to snowboard/ski on the weekend. Maybe find you a part time job at the coffee shop. Spend 350 days a year in the sunshine. I'll help you as much as I can.

Or you can keep complaining about how much life sucks. I feel for you because I was in your shoes after I got back from war. I was at the end of my rope. I did the exact same thing I am telling you to do. I sold everything I own and drove from Alabama to Colorado and reinvented my life. Don't get me wrong, I have my moments when I'm down but I have one hell of a fucking life. I only sleep alone when I want to and I have hundreds of friends that I can call on when I need them. If I was still stuck in the trailer park in Alabama, I would never have those things.

Unless you make a drastic change in your life, I have feeling you'll keep living in the shadows.

This covers everything, changing scenery. Going somewhere where OP can meet new people and make friends. Not to mention he was offered a helping hand and wouldn't have to do it all alone.

Post: #60

And for those in your life who suggest that relocating is simply running away from your problems, ignore them. People vastly under-estimate the difference a change in environment can do for a man determined to change his life.

Post: #61

(12-09-2015 01:13 AM)LINUX Wrote:  You need to sell everything you own, strip everything away in your life that holds you back and start from scratch. Pack you up a few suit cases and get on a plane or Greyhound to Boulder Colorado. I'll help you get a small apartment here, buy yourself a bicycle and use that for transportation, get yourself a gym membership, take the bus to snowboard/ski on the weekend. Maybe find you a part time job at the coffee shop. Spend 350 days a year in the sunshine. I'll help you as much as I can.

Or you can keep complaining about how much life sucks. I feel for you because I was in your shoes after I got back from war. I was at the end of my rope. I did the exact same thing I am telling you to do. I sold everything I own and drove from Alabama to Colorado and reinvented my life. Don't get me wrong, I have my moments when I'm down but I have one hell of a fucking life. I only sleep alone when I want to and I have hundreds of friends that I can call on when I need them. If I was still stuck in the trailer park in Alabama, I would never have those things.

Unless you make a drastic change in your life, I have feeling you'll keep living in the shadows.

I've been doing this for year, moving from place to place. I own nothing, it hasn't made things better. The scenery isn't a problem, it's me

(12-09-2015 07:05 AM)malakaix Wrote:  And for those in your life who suggest that relocating is simply running away from your problems, ignore them. People vastly under-estimate the difference a change in environment can do for a man determined to change his life.

Other people aren't saying it, I am because it was just me running away for years

Post: #62

If you're seriously considering suicide, get off this forum and check yourself into a hospital; I'm serious. That is fucked up.

Post: #63

Look around and find role models and even mentors. Who are the ones that you would wish to be like? Find out what they did or are doing -- and try to do the same.

All actions create results -- if you are depressed, it has to do something with your actions.

Imo though, the people who are mostly spiritually fulfilled are the ones who grow outside of heads and do things to help others without expecting anything in return.

I don't like to use the word happiness -- as it is only a temporary emotion - just like sadness is. Depression is being stuck in sadness or helplessness for a long period. That is it.

What people really want is to feel full filled - and that happens mostly for those who find a spiritual purpose.

Post: #64

swfter, LINUX just extended a massive olive branch and you're choosing to ignore it. You claim that you've tried everything, and that you have no one to turn to. LINUX just offered to bring you into his social circle and help you as much as he can, which you haven't even acknowledged.

At this point you're just making excuses.

Post: #65

OP is in a downward spirale
Nobody will be able to help him but himself.

He is blind to everything and every good comments made to make him feel better.

OP won't be able to feel better until he learn how to revert the process.

I'm pretty sure he got a lot of good story though...

good luck op

Post: #66

OP have you done a meyers briggs personality test to see how you're wired? Everyone in the world can give you advice on how a solution could work for them but you need to know how you are self actualized.

When you have money, you've had girls, you've traveled, you have some close friends, you have hobbies. What's next? I think it lies in serving something greater than yourself. For some people this is: military, religion, family, business, political movement, volunteering, art, etc. Find where you need to direct your energies and this in turn will give you a purpose. A reason for living. Everything else is just noise.

Post: #67

Is there a *positive* music genre that you particularly enjoy?

Is there a sport that is always a thrilling experience for you?

I have found that during harder times, music and athletics are saving graces.

I'm not claiming this is a solution. But this could be a piece to help you solve your puzzle.

Post: #68

Might be time to invoke Law 10. There are limits.

Post: #69

That really sucks. Its tough dealing with a depression like that. I've got my own mental health issues and until recently I had been in a dark depression for months on end. Never finding the energy to do much more than going to the local wellness center in town and playing video games, occasionally going on long walks and going to the gym. I know this is a serious thread but " I know that feel bro". The depression has become just a fact that I have to deal with. I do get good days, I have fun at school learning. But I barely make it. I don't know the difficulties you face but try to remember there are people that care, there are things you can do to make it at least a bit more bearable. I hope you find some purpose and something to lift your mood a bit.

Post: #70

(12-09-2015 01:13 AM)LINUX Wrote:  You need to sell everything you own, strip everything away in your life that holds you back and start from scratch. Pack you up a few suit cases and get on a plane or Greyhound to Boulder Colorado. I'll help you get a small apartment here, buy yourself a bicycle and use that for transportation, get yourself a gym membership, take the bus to snowboard/ski on the weekend. Maybe find you a part time job at the coffee shop. Spend 350 days a year in the sunshine. I'll help you as much as I can.

Or you can keep complaining about how much life sucks. I feel for you because I was in your shoes after I got back from war. I was at the end of my rope. I did the exact same thing I am telling you to do. I sold everything I own and drove from Alabama to Colorado and reinvented my life. Don't get me wrong, I have my moments when I'm down but I have one hell of a fucking life. I only sleep alone when I want to and I have hundreds of friends that I can call on when I need them. If I was still stuck in the trailer park in Alabama, I would never have those things.

Unless you make a drastic change in your life, I have feeling you'll keep living in the shadows.

Fucking hell, LINUX, that is one tempting offer/kick in the ass. If I was OP, I'd hop on that in an instant.

Beyond All Seas

"The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe.
To be your own man is a hard business. If you try it, you'll be lonely often, and sometimes
frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself." - Kipling

Post: #71

(12-09-2015 01:15 PM)thoughtgypsy Wrote:  swfter, LINUX just extended a massive olive branch and you're choosing to ignore it. You claim that you've tried everything, and that you have no one to turn to. LINUX just offered to bring you into his social circle and help you as much as he can, which you haven't even acknowledged.

At this point you're just making excuses.

Yeah dude, that's a crazy good offer - if you don't want to take LINUX up on it that's your decision, but there's not gonna be anything better coming in this thread. You can go to Boulder and try to really start a new life and meet new people. If there's nothing else in life for you at the moment what are you waiting for.

Post: #72

Go to coolworks.com. Apply for a seasonal job. Right now is the very beginning of the winter season so if you act quick you can still get something. The job itself will be something entry level and boring but it's not about the job. Make sure to get into the employee housing most places offer.

Benefits include built in social circle...no more loneliness. You don't have to put in any effort you will have friends just by default because everyone is working, living, and playing in the same area. Just by proximity you will be invited to all parties and activities with other coworkers.

Also, this will include a big change of scenery... one of the major ways to change the direction your life is going. You will have positive momentum.

You state traveling is lonely for you which is often the case for many people. Traveling you have an endless supply of single serving friends. Easy to meet people and hang out for a day or two, but in the end it's superficial at best. You lose contact with these people, and aren't forming deep social bonds.

Seasonal work is the opposite. You form the same kind of quick bonds that happen when traveling, except they tend to be much more permanent. You will make life long friends.

After the season is over, get a job with some of those new friends at the next seasonal spot...spend a summer working in a national park or something like that. Rinse repeat.

This is an opportunity with a very low barrier of entry and doesn't take much effort to try. At worst you have wasted six months of your life, are still depressed, and have to go back to the drawing board. I think this is unlikely though. Either way it's doing something, and something is better than nothing.

You could apply for a job and be on your way to a new better life by next week. That is how fast these places are hiring right now.

See http://www.coolworks.com/help-wanted-now/

Post: #73

(12-09-2015 01:13 AM)LINUX Wrote:  You need to sell everything you own, strip everything away in your life that holds you back and start from scratch. Pack you up a few suit cases and get on a plane or Greyhound to Boulder Colorado. I'll help you get a small apartment here, buy yourself a bicycle and use that for transportation, get yourself a gym membership, take the bus to snowboard/ski on the weekend. Maybe find you a part time job at the coffee shop. Spend 350 days a year in the sunshine. I'll help you as much as I can.

Or you can keep complaining about how much life sucks. I feel for you because I was in your shoes after I got back from war. I was at the end of my rope. I did the exact same thing I am telling you to do. I sold everything I own and drove from Alabama to Colorado and reinvented my life. Don't get me wrong, I have my moments when I'm down but I have one hell of a fucking life. I only sleep alone when I want to and I have hundreds of friends that I can call on when I need them. If I was still stuck in the trailer park in Alabama, I would never have those things.

Unless you make a drastic change in your life, I have feeling you'll keep living in the shadows.

If you're in a trailer park almost anything is better.

Post: #74

(12-09-2015 05:33 PM)jake1720 Wrote:  If you're in a trailer park almost anything is better.

You obviously haven't used El Mech's trailer park lottery ticket game.

Post: #75

Trailer parks can be an oasis of young (and old), low-income, down-to-party, easily impressed, low barrier to entry pussy. Maybe not the best place to spend your life, but the prospects are not nonexistent if you embrace your surroundings and don't mind getting down and dirty with some hoodrats and broke single moms.

Hell, if guys on this forum (myself included) can grin like a kid at Christmas about banging broke ass girls in the third world who take dick for a living, sleep on a blanket on the floor with all their friends, and still wipe their ass with their hands - surely our American ghetto floozies can get a little of that good RVF lovin' too!

Go ahead and mine that trailer park treasure, I say. Get yourself a rusty little pickup, throw a cooler in the back, and keep that sonfabitch full of ice cold beer. Throw a bottle of Lord Calvert in the toolbox, a pistol under the driver's seat, and a box of condoms in the glove compartment. Tumble up your music colleciton with country music, hard rock, and gangster rap, and be sure to report back with all the Jerry Springer level drama you're sure to get into!

Adventure to be found just about anywhere on this green Earth for a young stallion willing to expand his horizons a little.

DISCLAIMER: You should still go to Boulder, OP.

Beyond All Seas

"The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe.
To be your own man is a hard business. If you try it, you'll be lonely often, and sometimes
frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself." - Kipling