Post: #4901

(11-03-2015 09:25 AM)Remington Wrote:  I think the random restart text was a bit weak. She saw right through it as an excuse for you to try and talk to her. Be up front about what you want. Should have said "bar in xx, would you like to meet me there at 7?" This will put the ball in her court. It will also serve as a way to screen her to see if she is really as interested as you say.

If she was wanted to meet up with you in the middle of the week, schedule something the day she offers. Then, you will be able to re-engage after a day or two and confirm your date.

Yeah, the difficulty is I'm coming from out of the area, so to schedule something successfully in my experience requires more mutual work. I don't know anything about where she lives, and I've never had much luck with girls who didn't want to stay in at least a minimal amount of active texting until the day of.

Post: #4902

(11-03-2015 01:17 PM)XPQ21 Wrote:  For me, at the moment, the difficulty is always one of logistics. These chicks generally live in the city a good 40 miles from me, so immediate meets are pretty much out of the question.

I also generally know fuck all about the areas that they live in, so I often have to rely on them to suggest places - not ideal I know.

Basically, the way it plays out in all the successes I've had, due to the proximity issue, is that we tentatively agree for X day, we text with each from time to time until the day of the date, and then we finalize plans on that day and I meet them.

I have found that even if we're "booked" for X day, if she doesn't make any effort to converse from time to time until then, that's a bad sign.

What I meant by immediately closing on the date is setting a firm day and time, not meeting them in the next hour. And who says you need to stay in constant dialog with them until the day of your date? Yeah, you may lose some but my belief is they were probably flakes ready to happen anyway. Here's how I would play it for what it's worth

Me: let's meetup and grab a drink/coffee/ice cream/etc. what days work for you?
Her: oh, I'm going to be busy for the next week or two....
Me: ok, let me know if your schedule changes

Three days later:
Her: Hey what's up?/Happy x day/stupid funny meaningless message from her
Me: Hey, just happened to be thinking about you
Her: Oh really, how so?
Me: I'll tell you when I see you when are you free to meetup for that drink?
Her: I'm open x or y day

Now is when you need to be checking yelp or some other sight to figure out what places work logistically for you.

Me: I've been wanting to check out x place let's meet there at x time and place
Her: Sounds great!
Me: Cool, if I don't talk to you before I'll see you then
Her: Ok!

If she balks again at you trying to setup a date hard next her and never look back. Otherwise be decisive and set that date. If she flakes she flakes. It really is that simple.

Post: #4903

Yeah. I think perhaps that's a good way to go from now on, though some have suggested that some attempt at "comfort building" rapport prior can help with escalation during. For me at least, that's always been the case for the couple women I've managed to have success with from the site.

When I first started doing this I usually tried to get at least a phone call out of them before meeting. However, I discovered I was actually getting flaked on/next-ed after the call as if it were the first date. I would never do it now, as I think it's counterproductive. Don't become real until you're fully real in the current environment IMO.

She was also asking a few too many probing questions about me in the initial exchange, rather than talking about herself. Not the best sign.

From now on when I get questions about what I do for work out here in the 'burbs I'm just going to say I run a small trading company dealing in life potions and power-up crystals.

Post: #4904

(11-03-2015 05:59 PM)XPQ21 Wrote:  Yeah. I think perhaps that's a good way to go from now on, though some have suggested that some attempt at "comfort building" rapport prior can help with escalation during. For me at least, that's always been the case for the couple women I've managed to have success with from the site.

When I first started doing this I usually tried to get at least a phone call out of them before meeting. However, I discovered I was actually getting flaked on/next-ed after the call as if it were the first date. I would never do it now, as I think it's counterproductive. Don't become real until you're fully real in the current environment IMO.

She was also asking a few too many probing questions about me in the initial exchange, rather than talking about herself. Not the best sign.

From now on when I get questions about what I do for work out here in the 'burbs I'm just going to say I run a small trading company dealing in life potions and power-up crystals.

I used to be the same way and I'm in no way trying to give you a bad time for wanting to maximize every lead you have. Over the last several months my attitude towards online women has dramatically shifted. Being a natural introvert my available social energy is always limited and it's something that I have to constantly manage. I'm not going to expend it all needlessly going back and forth with some faceless woman over text trying to convince her to put her phone down and meet in person for a simple drink. I've been fortunate enough to have decent success over the last four years so my sense of urgency is not what it used to be.

That said, will I miss out on some potential dates and bangs? Absolutely. But the toll on my time and sanity was just too much to bear. They're either into me enough to meet me for a simple drink without being a pain in the ass or they aren't.

Post: #4905

(11-03-2015 05:59 PM)XPQ21 Wrote:  When I first started doing this I usually tried to get at least a phone call out of them before meeting. However, I discovered I was actually getting flaked on/next-ed after the call as if it were the first date. I would never do it now, as I think it's counterproductive. Don't become real until you're fully real in the current environment IMO.

I'm still undecided about the phone call. Sure you can get nexted from a call but at the same time it is a good filter to save you time from a shitty date. Unless you actually believe the calls that lead to you getting nexted wouldn't have played like that in real life. I usually find on average if a phone call is bad it would have ended bad anyway in real life.

With that said I found no correlation between calling and not calling for personal success. The only thing I will say calling does is allow you to be nexted before the date which is a good thing and I've nexted girls from calling as well. The flipside I like putting in the least about of work on faceless girls so the last thing on my mind is calling them most of the time.

Post: #4906

Ironically, the last girls I've called, one was really talkative, but we still met had better convo in person (but limited), the other we spoke on the phone briefly (once or twice), and never met...but the nudes were nice.

OTSC has a good point. Some women aren't worth that time trying to convince. Some are just down...some are not.

Post: #4907

I've been in a pretty bad slump recently - I've been blown out on the last three dates I've been on. It's making the summer look beautiful by comparison.

The girl the other night was by far the loudest chick in the bar - other people were giving me looks as if there were anything I could do to stop her talking so loudly about herself. I sat there for two hours as she slammed drinks, scarfed bar food (she was heavier in person naturally), and alternately touched me and told me "you're sitting too close" while going on about her high-powered job and how many hundreds of messages she gets a month on dating sites. I felt like I could have been anybody - she just wanted an audience.

You're right. I need to learn how to just leave. It's not worth it

Post: #4908

(11-05-2015 03:24 AM)XPQ21 Wrote:  and told me "you're sitting too close"

At that moment I would have stopped her and said "you're absolutely right" and then pulled out cash to cover your portion of the tab only and walked out without saying another word.

Post: #4909

(11-05-2015 10:18 AM)OregonToSoCal Wrote:  

(11-05-2015 03:24 AM)XPQ21 Wrote:  and told me "you're sitting too close"

At that moment I would have stopped her and said "you're absolutely right" and then pulled out cash to cover your portion of the tab only and walked out without saying another word.

Most of my dates over the summer were with girls who were affectionate on the first date, so I guess if there's any upside to this stretch of frigid narcissists, it will give me an opportunity to practice my "walk out" skills.

Post: #4910

(11-05-2015 10:35 AM)XPQ21 Wrote:  

(11-05-2015 10:18 AM)OregonToSoCal Wrote:  

(11-05-2015 03:24 AM)XPQ21 Wrote:  and told me "you're sitting too close"

At that moment I would have stopped her and said "you're absolutely right" and then pulled out cash to cover your portion of the tab only and walked out without saying another word.

Most of my dates over the summer were with girls who were affectionate on the first date, so I guess if there's any upside to this stretch of frigid narcissists, it will give me an opportunity to practice my "walk out" skills.

Don't beat yourself up over this. Every one us on this forum, myself included, who have done any amount of online dating has dealt with these train wrecks where we wanted to get the hell out. It's all a good learning experience for you.

Post: #4911

Someone help me with how to handle this?

She's a very common young girl archetype. Kind of a handful. Bratty. Looking for a guy to put her in her place. Her first reply to me was "you seem like an asshole I don't date assholes" and few messages later she gave me her number.

Made plans with the girl, she ended up flaking, called me to apologize and said he'd friend was having a panic attack with loud girl sound in the back.

Next day i hit her up she says someone already got dibs on her sunday. I talk some bs about the dude saying he's boring for laughs and tell her to reschedule him. We banter be she doesn't budge. She tells me "he made plans before you he rescheduled first I have to see him because i flaked on him already" blablbla.

There's nothing more I hate than a girl saying "he got to me first"

She says we can meet Friday. Tell her I already have plans with another girl. She tells me well you're canceling on her because I'm better. Be free friday at 7. pick a restaurant. I don't like fish "

I don't know what I should say next? But she seems like the type that acts bratty on purpose to get alpha behavior out of men.

Post: #4912

(11-05-2015 10:18 AM)OregonToSoCal Wrote:  

(11-05-2015 03:24 AM)XPQ21 Wrote:  and told me "you're sitting too close"

At that moment I would have stopped her and said "you're absolutely right" and then pulled out cash to cover your portion of the tab only and walked out without saying another word.

Fully agree.

I have wanted to do something to that effect in the past on some dates. I sat next to a girl and got questioned "why are you sitting here" with a serious look on the face while shifting away from me and another playing with her phone half the time while apologising but clearly not giving two fucks. This is why I carry some cash on me on dates. Worst comes to the worst it is easy to bail out.

Post: #4913

(11-07-2015 09:57 PM)Valhalla Wrote:  She says we can meet Friday. Tell her I already have plans with another girl. She tells me well you're canceling on her because I'm better. Be free friday at 7. pick a restaurant. I don't like fish "

I don't know what I should say next? But she seems like the type that acts bratty on purpose to get alpha behavior out of men.

I never do dinner dates. It is a poor investment because of her expectation for you to pay and you don't want to have to sit through it if she acts like a spoiled brat.

Just tell her you'd rather meet her at a bar because you don't want to waste a good Friday evening happy hour. If she doesn't respond well, don't worry about it, move on to the next one.

Post: #4914

(11-07-2015 09:57 PM)Valhalla Wrote:  Next day i hit her up she says someone already got dibs on her sunday. I talk some bs about the dude saying he's boring for laughs and tell her to reschedule him. We banter be she doesn't budge. She tells me "he made plans before you he rescheduled first I have to see him because i flaked on him already" blablbla.

A woman who talks a little bit about other dates she's been on, that were either good or bad, when you're actually on your first date? That's OK, maybe even a good thing.

When she's talking about other guys she's scheduling and even flaking on before your first date? What the hell! Who does she think she is?

In my opinion there is a social dynamic expected of "normal" people who do online dating - you at least make a pretense that the person you're planning on meeting is the only person in the picture. Even if one is just there looking for casual sex. Sure, it's likely not true, but that's what's expected. I've encountered some women like the ones you've described who want to openly discuss their HECTIC DATING SCHEDULE with me before we've even met.

Most young women on online dating sites likely feel as if they're rock stars to some degree, but these chicks have gotten way too big for their britches. I'd bet money that you never get a scrap of physical affection from a girl like this - she's there mainly to feed her ego and possibly have sex if she finds a man whose SMV is twelve thousand points above hers.

Again, who does she think she is? If I told some woman I was chatting with on the site that I had to reschedule her because I had to go see a "HB8" who suddenly wanted to meet, would she have anything further to do with me?

I tried a couple times to schedule a meetup with women who openly told me that they had cancelled on other guys before. And when the time came to meet, guess what? They flaked on me. Golly gee.

Post: #4915

Met up with an OKC girl the other night. She seemed standoffish at first, but after a while at the bar she started warming up to me and after about an hour was carrying the whole conversation herself pretty much. Kissed her halfway through and she seemed to enjoy it, and wanted to keep making physical contact with me and so on.

Went outside with her at the end of the evening and I was pretty buzzed. She quickly shut down after I kissed her a few times outside the bar and asked her if she wanted me to walk her to her car. Fuck. FUCK! It was going well inside the bar, but once we got outside at the end of the night it quickly turned to irritation and anger on her part when I tried to be physical. She pulled away every time I tried to touch her, and eventually I was just like "whatever" and left her standing there.

I'll never hear from her again. Fuck. Three hours of conversation, drinks, kino, etc. for her to go cold on me and blow me out at the last moment. What a waste of time.

There were sort of awkward looking goofy guys all around me at the bar who were going home with "7s" and "8s" in their 20s, and here I am getting blown out once again by an online dating chick who is a "5" on a good day.

It's enough to make one want to put one's fist through a wall...

Post: #4916

Post game analysis - She was somewhat into me, but not into me enough for her to be down with a SNL. I read the situation wrong and tried to escalate when she was definitely not into escalation at that point.

But it was a tough call to make, particularly when drunk. I sort of felt like if I didn't try to escalate at that point I likely wouldn't hear from her again anyway, so why not? Even if she did contact me again, spending three dates trying to bed an average-looking woman in her 30s who is a bit wishy-washy to start with seems like a poor investment of time. Maybe I made the right call after all, but the sunk cost pisses me off.

I think I'm going to scale way back on the online dating thing for a while - shunt it way back onto the back burner. I've been dipping my toes back into night game around here and I'm liking what I'm seeing a lot more, now that I have some Rooshv knowledege up my sleeve. And it will improve my game a lot more than sitting around sending messages.

I've had some successes with the online thing but for me at this point, the cost to benefit ratio just doesn't feel good. Lately it's just feeling like I'm being fed scraps from these grizzled online dating veteran chicks who have been on the site for years. Bleh.

Post: #4917

^ I know it's hard to stay positive when it comes to online dating but you did a lot of things right. Your two biggest takeaways should be:

1. Limit your drinking and stay in control, always! Set a limit for yourself and don't go over it while you're away from home. For me it's two drinks max and I always make sure that I have food in the stomach before leaving home.

2. You didn't give a lot of details but if I had to guess you over escalated and turned into the drunk and sloppy guy who was pawing all over her. Out of curiosity when things were going good in the bar and the two of you were vibing did you invite her back to your place to (fill in blank here with seemingly innocent excuse)?

I've been burned too many times by overly escalating in public and now I either never kiss her unless we're back to my place or if the moment is screaming out to me to make a move it's a quick kiss and then I pull away and carry on with the conversation.

It's frustrating but the only way to get better is to make every mistake there is and learn what works and what doesn't for your particular game style.

Post: #4918

A lot of guys will probably bust me for this but just get a coffee on a first date. Go for the bang on the second date.

For every 10 girls I meet online and organise a face to face date I'll probably be only be attracted to 5 of them. Out of those 5 say maybe 3 will be interested in me if I'm lucky !
Dating in London is f-cking expensive when each drink costs £8-16 and a lot of girls I date might be students so you can't always expect them to go half's.

With coffee dates you can bail out really easily and it will have only cost you a few bucks.

Post: #4919

(11-11-2015 01:51 PM)cosworth Wrote:  A lot of guys will probably bust me for this but just get a coffee on a first date. Go for the bang on the second date.

For every 10 girls I meet online and organise a face to face date I'll probably be only be attracted to 5 of them. Out of those 5 say maybe 3 will be interested in me if I'm lucky !
Dating in London is f-cking expensive when each drink costs £8-16 and a lot of girls I date might be students so you can't always expect them to go half's.

With coffee dates you can bail out really easily and it will have only cost you a few bucks.

I certainly won't bust on you for preferring the coffee dates. I've vacillated between coffee or ice cream first dates and traditional bar/drink dates for a while now. I love the coffee date but there's always that risk of never seeing her again even if you've done everything right due to the rampant ADD of today's woman.

Post: #4920

Asian nerd type I snagged off of here a few days ago, and soon started grappling with over text over the last few days. Been a big chat so far, but have yet to snag a meet, as she "travels for work" - Psh. Snippet where I thought it finally hit the skids, but kept rolling . . .

her: is it raining??
me: under your skirt
her: Ew.
me: whuzza matter
her: here I thought you were a decent guy, but then you go all Tinder on me.
me: whats tinder
her: a soul sucking app, hahaha
me: you sure know your way around
her: indeed I do

Whatever.

Post: #4921

(11-11-2015 04:20 AM)XPQ21 Wrote:  There were sort of awkward looking goofy guys all around me at the bar who were going home with "7s" and "8s" in their 20s, and here I am getting blown out once again by an online dating chick who is a "5" on a good day. It's enough to make one want to put one's fist through a wall...

Don't let this get you down. All of the women frequenting these sites are being hit up on a minute-by-minute basis by hordes of thirsty men. This goes for ALL of the chicks, even the average to below-average looking ones. This fosters an attitude of entitlement - just read some of their obnoxious profiles and you'll see what I mean.

Most of them are content in keeping their options open. And, yes - the irony is that all of these entitled women are damaged goods. Step outside your house and you'll see sidewalks full of HOTTER and more PSYCHOLOGICALLY HEALTHY women.

Post: #4922

Had an OKC date.

Sent her a few messages with my standard question opener, then got her number fairly easily. Blonde, 6 with average body from pics. We were suppose to me at 3 at the starbucks that's a five minute walk from my place, but she text and says she can't make it until 7. I say okay, was already at the starbucks, but drunk my tea and walked back home. Was glad I scheduled the initial meet up close to my place incase flake. Anywho go back home put on a solid playlist getting into my relaxed mode not trying to let the flake bother me when she sends a slew of text saying she is on her way, where am i, apologizing etc. I make her wait outside for like 10 minutes before I show up. To my surprise she looks a solid 2 points better than her pictures, with a nice tight body.

We walk around the city, just talking and what not and stop into some hipster cafe. We grab a seat on the couches and have a drink of wine. During the convo I make sure to not lean in, don't smile much (surprisingly hard), make some rude comments and touch her every few minutes. Surprisingly, she reciprocates the touches after a few minutes or so. I see her slouching a little on the couches so I tell her we are leaving to walk around more as i'm getting sleepy. She follows and I grab her arm as we walk around. She grabs onto my arm as we walk around so I was confident attraction was built by now.

After a few more minutes of walking, we stop so I can get a kebab and we talk about feminist stuff, she's from sweden, and other shit that slips my mind. At this point i'm feeling pretty confident as she has her hand on my knee while we talk. I tell her "let's go to my place", she says "starbucks is better" -__- This was actually a good call in retrospect because that kebab had my breath on level 9000. We go to starbucks I get the coffee because she paid for wine and go take a piss. When I come back she is in the corner and says she thought I left and she took the trouble of finding us a nice spot to cuddle. We sit in a secluded area legs wrapped around each other, talking and I kiss her on the cheek. Yeah I know, 3 hours into the date and no SNL with Ass to mouth action, i'm beta. 5 minutes later employee tells us place is closing. This is same starbucks near my place.

We walk out and are walking down the street when we are at a stop light, she comes in close to me says I smell good and kisses me on my neck. This happens 1 block from my place. I say "let's go to my place," she agrees. She's impressed by the apartment as we enter. We go up, play some music and talk for a few minutes. She then proceeds to kiss my neck again and



The reason why I posted this was because usually every single chick I met off OKC was worse than her pictures or had a fucking stuck up ass entitled attitude. I messaged like 40+ chicks, 32 looked at my profile and like 5 responded. This chick I banged, on the same day, looked better than probably 90% of the chicks I messaged. Just goes to show life is random.

-CD

Post: #4923

Well, naturally, as soon as I say I'm going to pull back on the online stuff for a while, fortune swings back my way. I had been chatting a little bit with one of those "one line response" chicks who I mention in one of my posts above. I asked her to meet up and gave her my number and I never heard anything for about a week, so I figured she was just another random timewaster.

Got a text out of the blue from her today and she seemed to want to chat more - she's 24. One of the texts said "so, what are you looking for on these online things?", which in my limited experience is as close to the phrase "hi, I'm looking for a hookup" as a girl will say. Ripped a page from the "what to do if she asks if you're a player" thread and replied something like "Well, just looking to meet interesting new people and see where things lead. I'm not running down a checklist or anything." She seemed to like that response. Date is booked for the weekend.

It'll be the youngest woman I've met, and I'm guessing pulling this one off is going to be a trial by fire where I'll have to apply everything I've learned.

Post: #4924

XPQ21 Online game is like playing the lottery. To be honest I don't miss okc/pof but Tinder's sort of like coupon's towards new lays. You get the match, but its not a guaranteed that you'd get the date. How long do you keep a girl's number after she's gone cold?

Post: #4925

(11-11-2015 03:16 PM)OregonToSoCal Wrote:  

(11-11-2015 01:51 PM)cosworth Wrote:  A lot of guys will probably bust me for this but just get a coffee on a first date. Go for the bang on the second date.

For every 10 girls I meet online and organise a face to face date I'll probably be only be attracted to 5 of them. Out of those 5 say maybe 3 will be interested in me if I'm lucky !
Dating in London is f-cking expensive when each drink costs £8-16 and a lot of girls I date might be students so you can't always expect them to go half's.

With coffee dates you can bail out really easily and it will have only cost you a few bucks.

I certainly won't bust on you for preferring the coffee dates. I've vacillated between coffee or ice cream first dates and traditional bar/drink dates for a while now. I love the coffee date but there's always that risk of never seeing her again even if you've done everything right due to the rampant ADD of today's woman.

When are you guys doing coffee dates? Im a huge fan of the screening process that cosworth mentioned and then you just get them directly over for day 2. One girl i've seen multiple times cost me a grand total of $2 and now I just have her head straight to my apartment. She'll text me to come over when she's in the area so best $2 i've spent in a while.

Daytime for coffee dates is limited to me except on Saturdays. Last night coffee date I went on was with a girl out of rehab.