Post: #1

Hey guys,

So tomorrow is Wed(uni night) and its my first time out since joining the forum! Am an absolute newbie who has a severe case of approach anxiety. Any mind tricks to get the frame right for the night? Rolling solo as usual, the things I would do for a wing

What should the plan be? Currently, I think going for the pubs rather than the clubs would be more productive. What do you think?

The problem with pubs is that in very small cities like mine, pubs are only 25% filled with professional types in the weekdays so girls are all seated usually in pairs. Is approaches fruitful in such a case?

Thanks!

Post: #2

From one newb to another, a mind trick that might be appropriate would be to become comfortable with the idea of being a clown, not being afraid of embarrassing yourself and viewing yourself as an approach machine ready to target seated pairs and everything else.

Visualize the clown, be the clown.

Post: #3

Wednesday is student night in my city too. Where abouts are you based? Assuming it's the UK send me a PM.

Post: #4

Take it easy and have fun. Watch couple of episodes of comedy and get the mood right before going out. Since I can feel your nervousness all the way here, the most important thing to focus on is that you do certain amount of approaches. Of course you should be always be closing, but it's not so easy to change your personality. I'll give you a challenge, do at least five (5) approaches. They can be anything from single girls to groups. Open, be chill and try to feel the vibe. If it's good, game on. If not, bounce elsewhere.

PS. I think you should slow down on making threads, you can find lot of information on the forum using the search function and ask questions there.

Post: #5

Don't set unreal expectations for yourself. Instead the only goal you should be setting for yourself is to work on being social and having fun. I'm not a big night game person but the times I have done it I've always been the most successful when I started out by casually chatting up anyone who was around me. If you go to a pub solo start chatting up the bartender or whoever is sitting next to you. If there's sports on the tv start with that, or if you're trying a new drink use that as a springboard to get something going.

It sounds like you're more of an introvert like me so the most important thing for us is to get some social momentum going when we go out. I know once I can start talking to a couple of people (male, female, young, old) I can feel my energy change and the rest of the night is much easier.

The last thing you want to be thinking prior to going out is "I need to talk to x number of girls". The only thing that will do is freak you out. Instead focus on what you can control (your attitude) and take what the night gives you.

Post: #6

(10-06-2015 02:36 AM)Hazaer Wrote:  Hey guys,

So tomorrow is Wed(uni night) and its my first time out since joining the forum! Am an absolute newbie who has a severe case of approach anxiety. Any mind tricks to get the frame right for the night? Rolling solo as usual, the things I would do for a wing

What should the plan be? Currently, I think going for the pubs rather than the clubs would be more productive. What do you think?

The problem with pubs is that in very small cities like mine, pubs are only 25% filled with professional types in the weekdays so girls are all seated usually in pairs. Is approaches fruitful in such a case?

Thanks!

Got the blind leading the blind in here.

Sounds like you need to read a book on the subject.

Read as many as you can. For every hour of reading, spend 2 hours in the real world applying...

______________________________________________________
Let's just go piece by piece

1. Going out on a Wednesday

GREAT IDEA. Weekdays are the best days to go out. A girl that's going out on a weeknight doesn't have shit to do in the morning that she really thinks is important.

2. Approach Anxiety

If you're at Uni, to get over your approach anxiety for the night time, talk to people ALL DAY.

- extended family that you don't talk to that often
- friends
- classmates
- professors
- people in the halls
- people on campus
- people working the shops
- the maintenance guys

The real key is knowing that you can strike up a conversation ANYTIME WITH ANYONE. That's the bread and butter skill of game.

Talking to strangers is something you were able to do when you were a kid. But it's something that gets beat out of you by parents, family, and school. Humans by nature are social animals. It's why we're at the top of the food chain and not those lousy fucking dolphins.

You have to relearn that skill. Talking to people is like weight lifting at first. You don't know if your form is right, or if people are watching you and judging you...and you might be sore the next day. But then it becomes like riding a bike.

You develop muscle memory when you learn a physical skill, you will learn social AND muscle memory when you learn to talk to people all the time. For reasons to complex for this little post here, your body taps back into how to behave when you converse regularly - no more adrenalin, no more fight or flight response, just ease - which communicates to others that you are calm when talking.

If you wait to be social at your game location, the stakes will be too high, and you'll be afraid to play. As a young man, the entire world is at your disposal. You have to learn to treat it as such.

3) Pubs vs Clubs

It really doesn't matter in the big scheme of things, but I'd go where you most feel comfortable. I never used to drink and I could dance, so Clubs always beat out feeling weird at a bar. Plus good music puts me in a good mood.

Now, I can go to either and just have a good time.

Don't go where you think the girls are going to be more amenable to fucking, go where you're going to feel your best.

The better you get at game, the less you rely on external circumstances and more on the internal state of mind.

4) Professionals aka older chicks no longer in school

There are hard limits and soft limits.
Some girls don't date younger.
A chick in her career usually has had her fun already, and if she wants a romp - she will go with a guy who has more money and more stability than some student.

But that's why you're learning the game. You're not trying to marry the chick, you just want to have some fun.

The problem with a young man is his immaturity and his lack of experience. He just hasn't been around long enough to know that social graces.

That's fine. As you learn the game, you want to bring that boring salary girl back to a time when she was carefree.

You can't change her mind initially, but you can change her mood.

What you do and say is the essence of game, and making her believe that your world is not on possible, but right there...if you like her is the entire point.

Part of talking to a 25 year old when you're 20 is dressing better than a 20 year old. You don't want to give this chick a reason to stereotype you.

The second angle specific to slightly older chicks, is the 1st rule of game conversation
- you need to talk about her
- she needs to talk about her
- don't talk about you

When you're younger, you can only talk about shit that you know, and you don't know much. You know your parents, your friends, your school. Chicks that are 2-3 years older than you...that's all they know too, but they want something else.

Most guys, game or not, brag on themselves.

That's a sure fire way to kill a budding conversation. Same with sports and political talk.

You have to engage her about her.

If it's a pair, then you engage them both, about each other.

"You two look like you're ...
- about to plan a murder
- about to talk about that other girl's outfit
- are having the talk, where one of you is trying to define the relationship to the other...

5) Seated pairs

If they're in stools at the bar/or standing by the bar, you

like come to the bar like this

You - target - obstacle

Then you talk to the *obstacle* and include the target in the conversation.

If they're sitting down, at a table and there's no way for you to pull up a chair - you just have to be so much more compelling to draw them in.

Now most of these books will tell you to avoid the seated pair until you get better...but never tell you
1) how to get better,
2) how much better you need to be
3) how to approach a seated pair exactly

Let's loop back around to the 1st bit of advice I've given.

You've been social all day, to all sorts of people. A person sitting down is NOT A PROBLEM.

The problem only exists in your mind.

So when you talk to these chicks, start the conversation, and then INVITE YOURSELF to sit next to them - and then run the 2 chicks standing at a bar style of approach.

What if it's a table of people?

Same thing.

It's not an easy thing to do when it comes to your fear, but sitting down at a table of girls AND GUYS and charming the group is probably the second scariest situation you will face on the regular. Hardest typical situation is a guy with a girl, but you don't think they're a couple. (he might though...thus starting a possible physical altercation if the guy wants to show off)

6) Will it be fruitful?

Is it typical to sit down next to two friends, charm them both, make one feel good, and then take the other one home at the end of the night?

Yes, if you manage to charm them in the first place.

The obstacle has to be convinced you're a hot guy, but not a threat.
So does the target.

And then you need to give the target some "cover" so that the obstacle doesn't judge her for sleeping with the 7th guy this month.

Now, to get the ball rolling with the target chick
- you've charmed them both
- you've laid hands on both (maybe you'll do a hand size test, or practice breakdancing...you've got to break the touch barrier)

If it's a pub or a club,
- obstacle girl, sit here with the things
- target girl, help me get some drinks

ISOLATION.

Now that she's away from her hating ass girlfriend, you can
- see what she's doing later (if you haven't already)
- get her digits
- contact her when the club breaks out for some low key loving

When you get back to the situation with the obstacle, now you can really play the game - because you and the target have a SECRET.

Failing that,
- always have a plan
- so bounce them both back to the after party/diner
- and let one tire out
- drop one off, and make sure the other gets home 'safely'

_________________________________________________________

Game 101.

WIA

Post: #7

(10-06-2015 08:18 AM)Monxp Wrote:  Take it easy and have fun. Watch couple of episodes of comedy and get the mood right before going out. Since I can feel your nervousness all the way here, the most important thing to focus on is that you do certain amount of approaches. Of course you should be always be closing, but it's not so easy to change your personality. I'll give you a challenge, do at least five (5) approaches. They can be anything from single girls to groups. Open, be chill and try to feel the vibe. If it's good, game on. If not, bounce elsewhere.

PS. I think you should slow down on making threads, you can find lot of information on the forum using the search function and ask questions there.

Yes you are right. Got myself suspended with a warning for multiple treads.. Will probably discuss all my thoughts and queries in this thread from now on.

Post: #8

(10-06-2015 11:58 AM)WestIndianArchie Wrote:  It's why we're at the top of the food chain and not those lousy fucking dolphins.

God I hate those fucking dolphins and their smug Tourette's-like laughs.

Post: #9

Honestly as a newbie it's all about number of approaches in the beginning. Getting the first 300 out of the way day or night is more crucial and a faster path to success than any mindset or anything you could read here because you would learn it and let it seep in subconciously. Opening a girl and getting her to smile, laugh, and make good eye contact is the first pillar.

Have a few beers get a light buzz. Tell yourself you can't go home until you get in at least 3 approaches on girls you find attractive. That alone is a big success for someone at your level.

Post: #10

(10-06-2015 11:58 AM)WestIndianArchie Wrote:  

(10-06-2015 02:36 AM)Hazaer Wrote:  Hey guys,

So tomorrow is Wed(uni night) and its my first time out since joining the forum! Am an absolute newbie who has a severe case of approach anxiety. Any mind tricks to get the frame right for the night? Rolling solo as usual, the things I would do for a wing

What should the plan be? Currently, I think going for the pubs rather than the clubs would be more productive. What do you think?

The problem with pubs is that in very small cities like mine, pubs are only 25% filled with professional types in the weekdays so girls are all seated usually in pairs. Is approaches fruitful in such a case?

Thanks!

Got the blind leading the blind in here.

Sounds like you need to read a book on the subject.

Read as many as you can. For every hour of reading, spend 2 hours in the real world applying...

______________________________________________________
Let's just go piece by piece

1. Going out on a Wednesday

GREAT IDEA. Weekdays are the best days to go out. A girl that's going out on a weeknight doesn't have shit to do in the morning that she really thinks is important.

2. Approach Anxiety

If you're at Uni, to get over your approach anxiety for the night time, talk to people ALL DAY.

- extended family that you don't talk to that often
- friends
- classmates
- professors
- people in the halls
- people on campus
- people working the shops
- the maintenance guys

The real key is knowing that you can strike up a conversation ANYTIME WITH ANYONE. That's the bread and butter skill of game.

Talking to strangers is something you were able to do when you were a kid. But it's something that gets beat out of you by parents, family, and school. Humans by nature are social animals. It's why we're at the top of the food chain and not those lousy fucking dolphins.

You have to relearn that skill. Talking to people is like weight lifting at first. You don't know if your form is right, or if people are watching you and judging you...and you might be sore the next day. But then it becomes like riding a bike.

You develop muscle memory when you learn a physical skill, you will learn social AND muscle memory when you learn to talk to people all the time. For reasons to complex for this little post here, your body taps back into how to behave when you converse regularly - no more adrenalin, no more fight or flight response, just ease - which communicates to others that you are calm when talking.

If you wait to be social at your game location, the stakes will be too high, and you'll be afraid to play. As a young man, the entire world is at your disposal. You have to learn to treat it as such.

3) Pubs vs Clubs

It really doesn't matter in the big scheme of things, but I'd go where you most feel comfortable. I never used to drink and I could dance, so Clubs always beat out feeling weird at a bar. Plus good music puts me in a good mood.

Now, I can go to either and just have a good time.

Don't go where you think the girls are going to be more amenable to fucking, go where you're going to feel your best.

The better you get at game, the less you rely on external circumstances and more on the internal state of mind.

4) Professionals aka older chicks no longer in school

There are hard limits and soft limits.
Some girls don't date younger.
A chick in her career usually has had her fun already, and if she wants a romp - she will go with a guy who has more money and more stability than some student.

But that's why you're learning the game. You're not trying to marry the chick, you just want to have some fun.

The problem with a young man is his immaturity and his lack of experience. He just hasn't been around long enough to know that social graces.

That's fine. As you learn the game, you want to bring that boring salary girl back to a time when she was carefree.

You can't change her mind initially, but you can change her mood.

What you do and say is the essence of game, and making her believe that your world is not on possible, but right there...if you like her is the entire point.

Part of talking to a 25 year old when you're 20 is dressing better than a 20 year old. You don't want to give this chick a reason to stereotype you.

The second angle specific to slightly older chicks, is the 1st rule of game conversation
- you need to talk about her
- she needs to talk about her
- don't talk about you

When you're younger, you can only talk about shit that you know, and you don't know much. You know your parents, your friends, your school. Chicks that are 2-3 years older than you...that's all they know too, but they want something else.

Most guys, game or not, brag on themselves.

That's a sure fire way to kill a budding conversation. Same with sports and political talk.

You have to engage her about her.

If it's a pair, then you engage them both, about each other.

"You two look like you're ...
- about to plan a murder
- about to talk about that other girl's outfit
- are having the talk, where one of you is trying to define the relationship to the other...

5) Seated pairs

If they're in stools at the bar/or standing by the bar, you

like come to the bar like this

You - target - obstacle

Then you talk to the *obstacle* and include the target in the conversation.

If they're sitting down, at a table and there's no way for you to pull up a chair - you just have to be so much more compelling to draw them in.

Now most of these books will tell you to avoid the seated pair until you get better...but never tell you
1) how to get better,
2) how much better you need to be
3) how to approach a seated pair exactly

Let's loop back around to the 1st bit of advice I've given.

You've been social all day, to all sorts of people. A person sitting down is NOT A PROBLEM.

The problem only exists in your mind.

So when you talk to these chicks, start the conversation, and then INVITE YOURSELF to sit next to them - and then run the 2 chicks standing at a bar style of approach.

What if it's a table of people?

Same thing.

It's not an easy thing to do when it comes to your fear, but sitting down at a table of girls AND GUYS and charming the group is probably the second scariest situation you will face on the regular. Hardest typical situation is a guy with a girl, but you don't think they're a couple. (he might though...thus starting a possible physical altercation if the guy wants to show off)

6) Will it be fruitful?

Is it typical to sit down next to two friends, charm them both, make one feel good, and then take the other one home at the end of the night?

Yes, if you manage to charm them in the first place.

The obstacle has to be convinced you're a hot guy, but not a threat.
So does the target.

And then you need to give the target some "cover" so that the obstacle doesn't judge her for sleeping with the 7th guy this month.

Now, to get the ball rolling with the target chick
- you've charmed them both
- you've laid hands on both (maybe you'll do a hand size test, or practice breakdancing...you've got to break the touch barrier)

If it's a pub or a club,
- obstacle girl, sit here with the things
- target girl, help me get some drinks

ISOLATION.

Now that she's away from her hating ass girlfriend, you can
- see what she's doing later (if you haven't already)
- get her digits
- contact her when the club breaks out for some low key loving

When you get back to the situation with the obstacle, now you can really play the game - because you and the target have a SECRET.

Failing that,
- always have a plan
- so bounce them both back to the after party/diner
- and let one tire out
- drop one off, and make sure the other gets home 'safely'

_________________________________________________________

Game 101.

WIA

+1
Good advice. Putting these into practice is where the difficulty lies.

I mentioned going out on a Wed bec it's uni night but now it looks like the uni kids are all in full force with their cliques so it gets hard to penetrate through especially if it's an all girls group. Other weekdays are simply dead here.. only guys having a drink in the pub and that's it.

Yeah, you are right, getting chatty is the absolute first step even before going into gaming. I think a wing sometimes helps because you need to bring the chattiness to the venue as well. Going solo might not help, especially when there is no one walking around at the city centre except at the night spots. I know guys here who have given up going out at night because of the abysmal vibe of the city and the nightlife in general.

I am not a good dancer unfortunately and a guy with average dancing skills doing it solo on the floor may not look good. So I was thinking pubs but then the verbal game must be good for that. And where I am in, the majority girls are from uni and they are more into the clubs. Tough choice there.

I am in my mid 20s so yeah, gaming older chicks can be an option. They might not have as much of a cliquish nature I am guessing. Will definitely the keep the bragging part of it in my mind!

Good write on tackling girls in pairs. Charm is something I have to work on, some guys naturally have it without saying much, others talk a lot but girls just get bored and leave. I think one of the challenges for me is getting the initial interest going. After a while, the girls start talking between themselves and its all downhill from there.

Also, should one follow the girls to their next venue? From what I read, getting the number should only be a last resort.

Thanks for the read and comments man!

Post: #11

(10-06-2015 08:06 AM)JordanH Wrote:  Wednesday is student night in my city too. Where abouts are you based? Assuming it's the UK send me a PM.

Unfortunately not, am in Aus at the moment.

Post: #12

So, I went out yesterday night solo. Terrible night. Went to a pub, did no approaches. Closed space with small dancing floor, loud band and very crowded. Went to the smoking area although I dont smoke, should have approached this group of 5 girls, one of them was giving me the eyes, but am still bogged down by Approach Anxiety for larger groups. Later, that one was really chatting up one of the musicians of the band that was playing. Hesitated on approaching this chick who was just trying to dance up to guys and not one was responding. One of the guys got a make out with her. She was doing everything while he was just standing there holding a drink and just kissing! Later I saw her in another pub with a friend and couldn't believe it, guy had it on a silver plate and he just threw it away! I would say she was about a 7 in my books. Anyway, left that place shortly after that.

Went to the other pub, dance floor was very empty. Went to the smoking area, a probably uni aged girl came by and stood next to me. Said 'hi' to her and she walked away to her friends! WTH! Went to the dance floor after a while. Held out my hand for a dance with another college chick and she made a weird face and turned away! Was quite depressing to see groups of uni girls standing in a circle and dancing with themselves so wrapped up the night soon after.

Any ideas what went wrong here?

On a side note, there were black guys who were doing their cool moves on the floor but no Aussie girls seem to be onto them despite the fact that they are quite a rarity here. Wondering if Aussie chicks prefer white guys to coloured ones. Aussie guys so far seem so passive that it seems that the girls have to take the first step unless they are acquainted but as the night goes on they get aggressive and seem threatening like boxing girls in etc. Is it a girl approach guys strategy that works in regional Aus? Thanks for the comments!

Note: No racism intended here, Some of my best friends here are of all races. My apologies and do advice if some of the words used are offensive to people. Also, I am a coloured guy as well.

Cheers!

Post: #13

I'm a newbie as well so don't quote me on this but I think holding your hand out to a chick you've never spoken to for a dance is the worst thing you can do.

Good luck bro!

Post: #14

(10-10-2015 12:33 PM)BambiNotForLong Wrote:  I'm a newbie as well so don't quote me on this but I think holding your hand out to a chick you've never spoken to for a dance is the worst thing you can do.

Good luck bro!

How so? It doesn't take much time to go from a hand shake to holding hands.

To OP it sounds like your weren't mentally prepared enough when you went out. You might want to start your preparations early. Watch some comedy and a fairly small amount of weight lifting then take a walk into town. Supermarkets, shops etc and talk to anybody to get you into a social mood.
Then each bar you go into think to yourself 'how would I act if I were the owner of this bar?' and walk around and talk as if that were true. Talk to guys, talk to girls ask them what they think of the venue, drinks selections and music etc. Ask them where they drank before coming there etc.
One of the girls you do this with will vibe with you well enough for you to proceed from there.

It might be worth starting in a town that is not your home town. That way if your vibe is not so cool to begin with you won't see any negative outcome from it. Might be worth getting a friend who has similar goals to you to wing for you to begin with.

Post: #15

(10-10-2015 12:59 PM)JordanH Wrote:  

(10-10-2015 12:33 PM)BambiNotForLong Wrote:  I'm a newbie as well so don't quote me on this but I think holding your hand out to a chick you've never spoken to for a dance is the worst thing you can do.

Good luck bro!

How so? It doesn't take much time to go from a hand shake to holding hands.

To OP it sounds like your weren't mentally prepared enough when you went out. You might want to start your preparations early. Watch some comedy and a fairly small amount of weight lifting then take a walk into town. Supermarkets, shops etc and talk to anybody to get you into a social mood.
Then each bar you go into think to yourself 'how would I act if I were the owner of this bar?' and walk around and talk as if that were true. Talk to guys, talk to girls ask them what they think of the venue, drinks selections and music etc. Ask them where they drank before coming there etc.
One of the girls you do this with will vibe with you well enough for you to proceed from there.

It might be worth starting in a town that is not your home town. That way if your vibe is not so cool to begin with you won't see any negative outcome from it. Might be worth getting a friend who has similar goals to you to wing for you to begin with.

+1
Good advice mate. You kind of hit the nail on the head. I have always felt this was the case.

This is not my hometown, just came here about 3 months back. But might be staying here for the long term, about 2 yrs because of work.

I did watch some shows to get into a lighter mood before going out but here, the city just becomes deserted after 8pm, everyday of the week. The only sound you will hear after about 9 will be teens racing the roads in their fancy cars. To be honest, I am the only one taking the bus to the city at night and the only places where there are people are the night spots so this kills the mood a little bit.

Have asked for a meetup of in this forum but no replies so far. Being in the mid 20s, and this being more like a small town a lot of the guys are in LTR or married and all they are interested in is a drink or two with their buddies. It definitely feels weird going out alone and have never seen anyone else running approaches here but that can be a good and a bad thing. All my mates in campus unfortunately are rarely up for a night out and if we are out give typical beta excuses for not approaching.

But your topics on conversation are good, the confidence to approach and holding it after the approach is what's missing right now. And one newbie question, wouldn't going around talking to everyone seem strange to other people, wouldn't one be pegged as 'that guy' desperate for some company?

Post: #16

(10-09-2015 08:41 PM)Hazaer Wrote:  Any ideas what went wrong here?

Your SMV takes a huge hit if you're standing around alone, watching things happen.

Ideally you want to be in a group with a fun vibe. People need to see you taking over the space and owning it. To the point where they want to join you because it will improve their night.

Maybe figure out a rule where you should be approaching within 5 minutes of walking into a space. If you don't, go to another room in the bar, or bounce to a different place.

You can chat with another guy if you have to. Just do anything so that girls don't observe you alone and staring into space.

Another option is to make new friends with party people who go out drinking midweek. If you're on campus, that's a good place to start.

Post: #17

(10-10-2015 08:51 PM)Tigre Wrote:  

(10-09-2015 08:41 PM)Hazaer Wrote:  Any ideas what went wrong here?

Your SMV takes a huge hit if you're standing around alone, watching things happen.

Ideally you want to be in a group with a fun vibe. People need to see you taking over the space and owning it. To the point where they want to join you because it will improve their night.

Maybe figure out a rule where you should be approaching within 5 minutes of walking into a space. If you don't, go to another room in the bar, or bounce to a different place.

You can chat with another guy if you have to. Just do anything so that girls don't observe you alone and staring into space.

Another option is to make new friends with party people who go out drinking midweek. If you're on campus, that's a good place to start.

Going solo, this means that I have to constantly engage with random people from the moment i enter the venue. A very tall order but something that must be overcome..

Post: #18

Hey guys, I experienced an approach and would like to hear your opinion on it. Was in my kitchen washing up my dishes when a friend of a flatmate of mine who I have never talked to, asked to fill up a glass of water. I said 'sure' and after doing so, thanked me for which I replied 'no problem'. Had one instance of eye contact with her after that and then left the venue.

There was another tap which she could have used which was available so was wondering if it was a kind of shit test/attention whoring. What do you guys think?

Should I have asked her to use the other tap? On my part, I just stared at the cup as she was filling it, probably a 'beta' move. What could I have done? Gave that 'whatever' expression throughout the encounter to avoid looking too desperate.

Any suggestions to improve in such situations looking forward? Thanks!

Post: #19

Mate why are you caught up worrying about filling up her cup. Who cares? It's not beta to fill up her cup unless she asks you to do it all the time. Don't worry about little things like that. They don't mean anything.

Was she attractive?

Why didn't you introduce yourself, you know, have a conversation?

Post: #20

(10-15-2015 03:58 PM)Hazaer Wrote:  Hey guys, I experienced an approach and would like to hear your opinion on it. Was in my kitchen washing up my dishes when a friend of a flatmate of mine who I have never talked to, asked to fill up a glass of water. I said 'sure' and after doing so, thanked me for which I replied 'no problem'. Had one instance of eye contact with her after that and then left the venue.

There was another tap which she could have used which was available so was wondering if it was a kind of shit test/attention whoring. What do you guys think?

Should I have asked her to use the other tap? On my part, I just stared at the cup as she was filling it, probably a 'beta' move. What could I have done? Gave that 'whatever' expression throughout the encounter to avoid looking too desperate.

Any suggestions to improve in such situations looking forward? Thanks!

You're over analyzing the situation. It wasn't beta to let her use your tap. You should have chatted her up while she was filling her cup. If you didn't know what to say, talk about the first thing that comes to your mind.

"Wow, nice cup. Did you get that from Disneyland?"

"You're new, I haven't seen you around here before. I'm XXX"

"Yeah, I guess I'll take a break from the most important event of my night."

"It's so cold outside I think the cacti are dying."

etc.

Say something. Once you've had enough experience you'll have a better feel of what works. You will never learn from inaction.

Edit:

Also, when she thanked you could have said "That will be $5" to tease her. Fruit for thought.

Post: #21

Thinking of something witty to say is always challenging especially when you have do to so at the moment. I am guessing it gets better with practice.

And yeah, I gotta stop thinking too deep into the stuff girls do. Girls I have been with have said the same thing too. Guess I am starting with negative game here!

Post: #22

Went out yesterday night.. Another terrible night with no results to show. Prepared beforehand by watching 'just for laughs' and stayed chatty with the bus driver (who was the only other person in the bus during the trip to town) but approaching at the bar still seems impossible! Bar was not at usual capacity due to the upcoming study week for the uni kids bit there was no denying that there was at least one chick checking me out at the bar. She was seated and there were no other seats so I thought the approach wouldnt last long and getting ejected after that would be more awkward.

I also have this feeling that approaching pairs of girls is not productive as they wont be open to continuing the interaction because of the friend and groups of people just seem like they are old friends catching up and not into meeting new people.Think this is part of the reason for hesitating to approach.

Went to a club later. Got 'cockblocked' by a guy when dancing. This guy kept grinding the girls in his group and kept blocking me while I was dancing and I was trying to go around it causing him to stumble along with the girl. Finally, the dude told me to dance 'somewhere else because all the girls have boyfriends'. The beta in the group also kept staring at me when I was dancing.. Left the scene to avoid things getting ugly. Would this be the social group incest that ppl in this forum have talked about and is this common in Aus?

Also saw girls cockblocking everywhere. A girl is making out with the guy when the friend starts dancing opposite to the girl and suddenly pulls her hand and leads the other girl away leaving the guy stranded.

It seems that I should have started approaching at the bar rather than the dance floor. Approach anxiety is pulling things down big time and is made worse by the social group setting here. I am still not having the correct vibe, girls still make the weird face and move away when I approach.

Hitting town with just one other guy seems to be the best approach to pull because girls here like to come here in pairs or even if they come in groups split into pairs later.

Seems like a long road for me and I have not even reached the starting line yet

Any suggestions are welcome!

Post: #23

Australia is hell for solo game. Girls will find you weird or creepy if you go out alone and get the idea that you have no friends. It's especially bad in any smaller city outside of Sydney and Melbourne. In saying this, I've done some damage in nightclubs on Saturday nights because most places are packed out, everyone is drunk and girls don't even really notice you're alone so I would avoid weeknights and focus on weekends for a start. It is a long road, and I wish I could say eventually you'll get there, but not everybody is cut out for cold approaching solo. I'm introverted at heart with slight anxiety so I know where you're coming from. When I drink I'm VERY successful. When I don't, I'm terrible. Drinking is only a temporary solution to a permanent problem, and I wouldn't recommend it to you, but at the moment it gets results and that's why I keep doing it. Without alcohol, I would probably have to find other ways to meet girls outside of night game and drunken cold approaching (Joining clubs, casual sports teams in mixed gender venues, social circle etc) and you sound like you might be the same.

One tip: You seem like you're going out on a sole mission to pull girls. This always leads to disaster because your mindset is wrong and women can sense desperation from a mile away. Go out to have fun. Talk to strangers (men and women), make contacts with bartenders/bouncers etc, dance to good music, make a fool of yourself and have the ability to laugh at it. Then at least at the end of the night, if you don't get anywhere, you can think to yourself that you had a fucking good time anyway.

Which city are you in?

Post: #24

(10-18-2015 09:25 PM)Adrenaline Wrote:  Australia is hell for solo game. Girls will find you weird or creepy if you go out alone and get the idea that you have no friends. It's especially bad in any smaller city outside of Sydney and Melbourne. In saying this, I've done some damage in nightclubs on Saturday nights because most places are packed out, everyone is drunk and girls don't even really notice you're alone so I would avoid weeknights and focus on weekends for a start. It is a long road, and I wish I could say eventually you'll get there, but not everybody is cut out for cold approaching solo. I'm introverted at heart with slight anxiety so I know where you're coming from. When I drink I'm VERY successful. When I don't, I'm terrible. Drinking is only a temporary solution to a permanent problem, and I wouldn't recommend it to you, but at the moment it gets results and that's why I keep doing it. Without alcohol, I would probably have to find other ways to meet girls outside of night game and drunken cold approaching (Joining clubs, casual sports teams in mixed gender venues, social circle etc) and you sound like you might be the same.

One tip: You seem like you're going out on a sole mission to pull girls. This always leads to disaster because your mindset is wrong and women can sense desperation from a mile away. Go out to have fun. Talk to strangers (men and women), make contacts with bartenders/bouncers etc, dance to good music, make a fool of yourself and have the ability to laugh at it. Then at least at the end of the night, if you don't get anywhere, you can think to yourself that you had a fucking good time anyway.

Which city are you in?

Am currently in Launceston, Tasmania.

Going solo in a small city is definitely a steep learning curve. I think that a wingman would greatly help things, but here, no one is bothered about game when they have their social circle.

When you say you get drunk, are you just a little buzzed or visibly drunk?

Post: #25

My two cents...

It's easier to start gaming with online dating. OkCupid worked well for me. Once you get a few bangs under your belt, approaches are way easier. Women aren't a mystery, they all respond to the same shit, and you're not worried about rejection.

My cold approaches didn't get good until I'd had some bangs. In the long run, cold approaches are way more efficient than online dating because you don't waste time with all the messaging bullshit. However, at first it's a great way to get some hands on experience with women face to face.