Post: #1

One of the things Deida's Superior Man's book consists of, is his suggestion that a man should live like his father is dead.

Quote:A man must love his father and yet be free of his father's expectations and criticisms in order to be a free man.

When I do something bad/good. I imagine my father's response. Be it positive or negative. These are mostly minor things like talking to people, etc. I also tend to share the same opinion on many things and I reply like he would to people's questions.

I think I have been doing this for my whole life but I've just been noticing it.
Is anyone else the same?

Post: #2

(12-26-2011 06:21 PM)Donald Duck Wrote:  One of the things Deida's Superior Man's book consists of, is his suggestion that a man should live like his father is dead.

Quote:A man must love his father and yet be free of his father's expectations and criticisms in order to be a free man.

When I do something bad/good. I imagine my father's response. Be it positive or negative. These are mostly minor things like talking to people, etc. I also tend to share the same opinion on many things and I reply like he would to people's questions.

I think I have been doing this for my whole life but I've just been noticing it.
Is anyone else the same?

But my father really is dead. When he was alive, he never criticized me ether, he was my biggest support, and best friend.

Not sure what it is you are trying to get at from your post.


MIxx

Post: #3

It's really just a mental exercise.

I think what he was getting at in the book is that too many men still look to their father to guide them through life, always seeking his support and approval even late into life. As a result, many of these men never really grow up completely until they teach themselves to stop doing this and finally acknowledge that whatever value they could've gotten in their father's lessons has already been learned and absorbed.

To be real men, we have to leave our parents behind eventually (at least on this level) and step out into the world on our own.

If you feel like you're still constantly looking to him for guidance on some level, Duck, maybe you should really spend some time on the exercise. By the way, I don't think it's completely a bad thing either - it's good to have a male figure to turn to for advice and support, and if you think about what he would do because you admire him, that's cool too. The point of the author, in my opinion, is just take the time and think these things through to be sure you're relying on his ideas because they are right rather than because it's easy.

Edit: And of course if after doing a mental exercise like that you realize that the woman you date, the job you have, the car you drive, or anything else major in your life is all owed up to pleasing your father then you definitely have some issues that need to be taken care of in your father/son relationshionship. That certainly wouldn't be "the way of the superior man." But that's on the extreme end.

Beyond All Seas

"The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe.
To be your own man is a hard business. If you try it, you'll be lonely often, and sometimes
frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself." - Kipling

Post: #4

I wrote about this on a post over at the newbie forum.

It is about finding your own voice. Metaphorically, psychologically killing your "father", so that you stop projecting authority outwards and become your own authority, self-responsible and self-disciplined. Boys project their authority onto others, men mature into being self-responsible. I wrote a bit on this on this other post as well.

Post: #5

i haven't really thought of my father as an authority figure since... shit, i don't even know... freshman year of college? what i do know is that i still think of my dad as one of the most badass mother fuckers alive.

Post: #6

You should live as if your mother is dead too..

Post: #7

People don't know what they have until they lose it. So much in American culture, children are rebellious and disrespectful towards their parents. To me, it seems silly to be angry at your parents for buying you an Amazon Kindle instead of an iPhone 4. Children are angry at their parents for their rules, restrictions, and other things, but as soon as one of your parents dies, I almost guarantee you that you'll only remember the good about them, not the bad. Then, you feel like a piece of shit for ever being mad at them for stupid things and wished you had spend more better time with them. Oh well, I guess you'll realize it sooner or later.

The Manosphere likes to discuss about the entitlement complex of American women, but have you also noticed that some men also seem to have an entitlement complex? (Wahhh...I got a black iPhone4 instead of the white iPhone4) Eh, maybe it's just the spoiled younger guys. I haven't seen an older guy complaining about his Christmas presents...yet.

Post: #8

I think people might be taking Deida's wording a little too much to heart on this. He's not saying forget and neglect your parents. His point in the book was to live in a completely self-sufficient manner because that's what a real man has to do sooner or later.

He wasn't hating on parents or saying anybody would actually want their parents to be deceased, and from what I've read of Deida he's a pretty well-rounded guy. Not the entitled type blurb is talking about at all.

Beyond All Seas

"The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe.
To be your own man is a hard business. If you try it, you'll be lonely often, and sometimes
frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself." - Kipling

Post: #9

Its about belief systems and ways of thinking. Most of us inherited our mentality from our parents. The way we think, the way we view the world, our attitude. If your parents are dysfunctional, and/or your dad doesn't have any Game, you might inherit a belief system that is unattractive to women and self destructive. These are the people who have to "delete" the programming of their parents and create their own custom made attitude and worldview that was designed by them , specifically to serve them. They are not using the social, financial, dating, etc. strategies inherited from their parents.

And the people who live with constant parental pressure. Pressuring their kids to get married. Choosing their kids career.

Sometimes we have to go against our parents wishes and do things that we know make us happy. Sometimes we have to quiet the influence of our parents and listen to our own desires. Live the life that we want , which is maybe not what they envisioned.

Has anyone read Dieta's work? What does he say about it?

Post: #10

I don't want to entirely 'delete' him out of my life. Although I am tired of his BS advice and comments about everything. He still thinks I'm a 14 year old kid who he can mold into whatever he wants and expects me to do his business with him which I do not want to.

Post: #11

Maybe it's just me, but I come from a family of alpha males, including my father, whose notch count is probably close to 300 by his own estimates. I don't often disregard the old man.

Post: #12

My dad doesn't want me to be in the same business as him. He saw how it worked out with his own father and does not want that to happen to us. Just my theory though. Id love it if he hired me on and had me work an entry level job. Although it is nice to forge ones own path.

Post: #13

(01-21-2012 05:45 PM)kickboxer Wrote:  My dad doesn't want me to be in the same business as him. He saw how it worked out with his own father and does not want that to happen to us. Just my theory though. Id love it if he hired me on and had me work an entry level job. Although it is nice to forge ones own path.

My dad said the same thing, now he makes six figures and I make bupkis

I did work for my dad all through highschool though, if I ever move back to Ohio I'll probably end up working for him PT again.

Chef In Jeans
A culinary website for men

Post: #14

Good advice.

Those who's father's were red-pilled and gave the right support were lucky.

I bet if you look into the past of most successful people, their fathers were either successful in their own right or off the scene.

Looking around that seems to play out.

My father's a GREAT guy, but everytime I meet with him at the moment it's a fairly constant stream of blue-pill 'wisdom'.

I actually fell on this thread looking for advice to deal with that.

Post: #15

Equal alternative to this is be so valuable to your employer that it would be hard to lose you. You don't want to be the guy that gets fired when management is looking at metrics and they need to demote or fire unproductive workers.

Post: #16

My father died 27 years ago.