Post: #1

My dad keeps bothering me about my social life

I work a job with him and during breaks he goes on and compares me to my cousins who have girlfriends and have plenty friends, what he doesn't know is that my cousins do drugs and treat their girlfriends like complete crap, stay late at night. its just ironic to me because my dad is against me doing drugs and treating women like that, and blows up my phone when i go out.. Right now im trying to stabalize my life by getting my own place and becoming man; but he keeps bothering me

My dads advise is contradicting, hypocritcal and worthless.

Everybody knows people who are succesful with women know
that their parents advise on women is close worth to nothing.

how do I tell my dad to stop critisizing my life?

He tells me to do one thing but reacts the complete opposite.

tells me to go out but when im out complains that my friends are bad people so then I get rid of them and stay at home because pretty much everybody drinks at 19 then he goes on and complains when I never go out and don't have any girlfriends.

How do I tell em off?

Post: #2

Tell him that you are your own man and while you appreciate his advice, you have your own path to blaze. If he doesn't get it by then, be blunt.

Or you can lie and tell him you've actually got some girls on the side but don't feel comfortable talking to him about it. There's plenty of options for these father/son scenarios.

Post: #3

(11-02-2011 06:05 AM)StraightMackin Wrote:  how do I tell my dad to stop critisizing my life?

Have a few beers with him and tell him how you feel.

(11-02-2011 06:05 AM)StraightMackin Wrote:  How do I tell em off?

Do you really want to tell your dad off? I think if you were just honest with him, he would understand and support you.

Just tell him what you have told us.

Post: #4

I disowned my dad last year. He's been a douchebag my whole life.

Fuck what other people think including your dad. Do what works for you.

Post: #5

Either go hang out with your cousins and do some drugs, or quit your job and stay away from him. The problem isn't someone suggesting you do something, but them repeatedly talking about it.

I get along well with my parents, but I have no problem with disowning friends, relatives, or family.

Post: #6

There is a section on David Deida's great book "The Way of the Superior Man" where he says "live as if your father was dead".

There are many grown man that even way past their father's "physical" death so to speak carry their father's voice within them, judging, criticising, blaming etc.

It is difficult, but there is a basic understanding that you should have... all of us... The only power that our fathers (anyone?) has over us is the power we bestow over them. They only have the power to influence our lives if we "allow" them so, not so much on literal terms, but on psychological terms.

You can try and talk to him, but that might not work... If he is open enough you can give it a try. But trying to change other people for your own personal relief is a very frustrating way to solve things, and it doesn't work as planned most of the time.

Change yourself. Realise that it is not so much your physical, literal father that disrupts you, but the figure that "you" created inside yourself of him. And as it is a part of -you- it can be changed. And when you change things on the inside, things tend to change and get better on the outside as well.

Ironically, the only way to fully love and appreciate your father is to "kill" his figure inside yourself. Then you learn how to fully love in your own terms, without holding any grudges.

Post: #7

(11-02-2011 10:46 PM)Amour Fou Wrote:  There is a section on David Deida's great book "The Way of the Superior Man" where he says "live as if your father was dead".

There are many grown man that even way past their father's "physical" death so to speak carry their father's voice within them, judging, criticising, blaming etc.

It is difficult, but there is a basic understanding that you should have... all of us... The only power that our fathers (anyone?) has over us is the power we bestow over them. They only have the power to influence our lives if we "allow" them so, not so much on literal terms, but on psychological terms.

You can try and talk to him, but that might not work... If he is open enough you can give it a try. But trying to change other people for your own personal relief is a very frustrating way to solve things, and it doesn't work as planned most of the time.

Change yourself. Realise that it is not so much your physical, literal father that disrupts you, but the figure that "you" created inside yourself of him. And as it is a part of -you- it can be changed. And when you change things on the inside, things tend to change and get better on the outside as well.

Ironically, the only way to fully love and appreciate your father is to "kill" his figure inside yourself. Then you learn how to fully love in your own terms, without holding any grudges.

I wanted to say something but this really beats anything I could have offered. Don't blame the outside world, fix things within yourself.

Post: #8

When you reach about the age of 17-18, you should stop listening to your parents. There is little more they can teach you by that age, because most of what they say is obvious shit.

Post: #9

How old are you? Do you live at home?

Post: #10

Get a new job.

Post: #11

I was in the same situation 10 years ago. I found a new job. Wasn't easy and it brought a lot of troubles. But you live once, and your dad is not going to change.

Post: #12

(11-02-2011 10:46 PM)Amour Fou Wrote:  There is a section on David Deida's great book "The Way of the Superior Man" where he says "live as if your father was dead".

There are many grown man that even way past their father's "physical" death so to speak carry their father's voice within them, judging, criticising, blaming etc.

It is difficult, but there is a basic understanding that you should have... all of us... The only power that our fathers (anyone?) has over us is the power we bestow over them. They only have the power to influence our lives if we "allow" them so, not so much on literal terms, but on psychological terms.

You can try and talk to him, but that might not work... If he is open enough you can give it a try. But trying to change other people for your own personal relief is a very frustrating way to solve things, and it doesn't work as planned most of the time.

Change yourself. Realise that it is not so much your physical, literal father that disrupts you, but the figure that "you" created inside yourself of him. And as it is a part of -you- it can be changed. And when you change things on the inside, things tend to change and get better on the outside as well.

Ironically, the only way to fully love and appreciate your father is to "kill" his figure inside yourself. Then you learn how to fully love in your own terms, without holding any grudges.

Yes. Great fucking book.