Post: #26

I'm very sorry for your loss. I lost a loved one last year, it was a brutal shock for me. What helped a little was to stay with people who were close to this person, as we would support each other for a few days. It's a shock so avoid to stay alone. There are many people who loved your brother you can support each other. Also, I agree with people who say you should talk it through with someone. It will help you to accept what has happened. My sincere condolences man.

Post: #27

(02-13-2019 12:35 AM)bigolteddies Wrote:  I hate how my brain is playing these what if games, if maybe I tried a little harder to help him, reach out to him, if I wasn’t too harsh on him, if I had checked on him a few hours earlier....

Check this Jordan Peterson 6min video:






Sorry for your loss. It's nobody's fault.

Post: #28

I'm sorry for your loss.

Post: #29

I think posting that here is unfair to everybody. I don't know what response you are looking for beyond a "sorry" or a hug telling you it will be ok. He chose his path, stop acting like a girl on Facebook looking for sympathy and reflected status by way of your bereavement. Disclaimer: I have lost someone close to suicide myself.

Post: #30

I am sorry brother. Lost one close relative (in different circumstances) many years ago and still think about it every single day of my life.

The bad images will probably go away but I suggest to go therapy man. May he rest in peace.

Post: #31

(02-13-2019 02:35 PM)Steve McQueen Wrote:  I think posting that here is unfair to everybody. I don't know what response you are looking for beyond a "sorry" or a hug telling you it will be ok. He chose his path, stop acting like a girl on Facebook looking for sympathy and reflected status by way of your bereavement. Disclaimer: I have lost someone close to suicide myself.

Cool thoughts bro..... how about you keep them to yourself next time.

I don't think op posted this to get rep points or likes.... hes dealing with a situation hes not sure how to go about dealing with or who to talk to about it I imagine... so he posted here which is perfectly fine.

OP I'm sorry for your loss... 99.9% of the RVF are here for you if you need to talk to someone or perhaps some direction from someone who has dealt with such a loss.

Post: #32

Yeah he just got said advice, you prove my point cr33pin. Your help/advice was "sorry", anything else?

Post: #33

(02-13-2019 02:56 PM)Steve McQueen Wrote:  Yeah he just got said advice, you prove my point cr33pin. Your help/advice was "sorry", anything else?

I'm not hijacking this thread to teach you some decency. If you have something to say pm me

Post: #34

Deeply sorry for your loss. I grew up in a small town and 2 guys both in my age (late 20s), killed themselves which lived in the same street as I did. Kind of scary to think about it. We truly have a problem with male suicide around the world.

Post: #35

No man, fk you, you are part of the problem appeasing this kind of behaviour, it's not about decency, this dude needs to stop acting like a bitch looking for sympathy and accept what happened is part a of life. His brother made his choice, it's not on him to rationalize it, but to move on. OP it's not your fault btw, and l accept whatever ban comes to pass on good advice.

Post: #36

(02-13-2019 02:35 PM)Steve McQueen Wrote:  I think posting that here is unfair to everybody. I don't know what response you are looking for beyond a "sorry" or a hug telling you it will be ok. He chose his path, stop acting like a girl on Facebook looking for sympathy and reflected status by way of your bereavement. Disclaimer: I have lost someone close to suicide myself.

This type of thing can quite easily put someone into shock. People react differently and being in shock isn't a weakness he needs to get over.

It's quite different when you are, on a daily basis, trying to help someone who has had issues for years than say a close friend who you don't live with.

Sure, they both hurt, but it is normal to have some guilty thoughts that maybe, just maybe, you could have done something different to have helped your friend or brother.

I get what you're saying. There isn't anything anyone here will be able to say to make this go away. He still wanted to share and people still wanted to share their "sorry". Who are you to tell him he can't share his story and members can't respond with sympathy?

These are one of those times you should have just moved along instead of posting.

Edited to add: After reading your next post, it looks like you are getting overly emotional because of the OP's post. Maybe you need to deal with your emotions and move on. No one should get this way over a post.

Post: #37

Yes, it's not me its you. How original

Post: #38

My condolences. Losing a younger sibling is tragic. Allow the grieving process to happen on its own. It's a long road.

(02-13-2019 02:35 PM)Steve McQueen Wrote:  I think posting that here is unfair to everybody. I don't know what response you are looking for beyond a "sorry" or a hug telling you it will be ok. He chose his path, stop acting like a girl on Facebook looking for sympathy and reflected status by way of your bereavement. Disclaimer: I have lost someone close to suicide myself.

7 day ban. This was very close to a permanent ban.

Post: #39

(02-13-2019 02:35 PM)Steve McQueen Wrote:  I think posting that here is unfair to everybody. I don't know what response you are looking for beyond a "sorry" or a hug telling you it will be ok. He chose his path, stop acting like a girl on Facebook looking for sympathy and reflected status by way of your bereavement. Disclaimer: I have lost someone close to suicide myself.

Dude pretty much everybody said what you're saying.

1. it happened, 2. there wasn't much he could do about it but prolong the pain 3. That we can't do anything to help him feel better besides give condolences. 4. Say the only thing he can do is move on

You added nothing to this, even your edgy "Here's the real advice" is advice he already received. "stop acting like a girl on facebook" Hell i believe there's only ONE time a man cries for help/tears are justifiable and that's after losing a loved one.

Post: #40

Terrible news. Sorry for your loss.

One of my work mates lost his best friend and room mate in similar circumstances. They had been partying the night before which was not unusual and his room mate got very drunk which again was not unusual. My friend went to bed early because he had work the next day.

In the morning he got up, stepped over his friend on the floor assuming he was hungover / asleep and went to work as normal. On returning his friend was in the same position.

My buddy was accused by the family of allowing this to happen, saying he should have done more etc, but the reality was everyone had tried to help him.

There is a process of grieving and coming to terms with the situation but you must realise that it's not your fault. What you mustn't do is let this be an excuse to fall into a "woe is me" mindset, at least not for a prolonged period.

Post: #41

(02-13-2019 03:46 PM)Roosh Wrote:  My condolences. Losing a younger sibling is tragic. Allow the grieving process to happen on its own. It's a long road.

Thank you Roosh and everyone else for your condolences and advice. My girlfriend and I actually watched your recent livestream on youtube today and that helped give us some laughs and take my mind off things.

I know I'm not going to find 'answers' anywhere and I did not post for attention. You all's posts and advice help me more than you know and I feel lucky to be a part of such a good community.

I will be taking the advice to see counseling and will be arranging a meeting with my brother's therapist shortly.

Thanks again for all the condolences, it wasn't my intention to put anyone in an awkward spot, just having the support of you guys makes a huge difference.

Post: #42

I am sorry for your loss, I wish I had more to offer than my condolences.

Post: #43

My condolences. Take this time to spend with family and friends, reminisce about good old times with your brother and honor his memory.

Post: #44

hey whats up op. sorry to hear what happened .

Post: #45

Yeah. I feel your pain. My brother jumped off a bridge in July of last year. He shut us out in the beginning of the month and spiraled down. I finally picked up his phone from the detectives in December. I saw the last text I sent him. It was two days before he jumped. I saw all his thoughts from July on to the day he jumped.

I still cry at least once a week. I grew up with him. He's younger by 20 months. The pain probably won't go away but you will always have your memories. Try to remember the good times. I have the shirt he wore at my wedding. That was the last time I saw him alive.

I began with anger. Why would he do that to us? But he was living in mental pain. He was schizophrenic. The had thought broadcasting. The world was against him reading his mind. He wanted a wife and kids but realized he couldn't have that. He couldn't stay on his meds and stop drinking.

I am now glad he is in peace.

Post: #46

(02-14-2019 01:18 PM)Belize King Wrote:  Yeah. I feel your pain. My brother jumped off a bridge in July of last year. He shut us out in the beginning of the month and spiraled down. I finally picked up his phone from the detectives in December. I saw the last text I sent him. It was two days before he jumped. I saw all his thoughts from July on to the day he jumped.

I still cry at least once a week. I grew up with him. He's younger by 20 months. The pain probably won't go away but you will always have your memories. Try to remember the good times. I have the shirt he wore at my wedding. That was the last time I saw him alive.

I began with anger. Why would he do that to us? But he was living in mental pain. He was schizophrenic. The had thought broadcasting. The world was against him reading his mind. He wanted a wife and kids but realized he couldn't have that. He couldn't stay on his meds and stop drinking.

I am now glad he is in peace.

I'm sorry to hear that. My parents seem to be taking it pretty roughly. We found out today it was from a heroin overdose, and none of us even knew he was using. I think you're right in that some people are just living a life of pain like that, and it's not something we can understand.

Post: #47

(02-13-2019 04:02 PM)Sooth Wrote:  Terrible news. Sorry for your loss.

One of my work mates lost his best friend and room mate in similar circumstances. They had been partying the night before which was not unusual and his room mate got very drunk which again was not unusual. My friend went to bed early because he had work the next day.

In the morning he got up, stepped over his friend on the floor assuming he was hungover / asleep and went to work as normal. On returning his friend was in the same position.

My buddy was accused by the family of allowing this to happen, saying he should have done more etc, but the reality was everyone had tried to help him.

There is a process of grieving and coming to terms with the situation but you must realise that it's not your fault. What you mustn't do is let this be an excuse to fall into a "woe is me" mindset, at least not for a prolonged period.

Did you have any ptsd or trouble dealing with the shock of finding a dead body of someone close to you. This is what disturbs me the most, the images, coldness, colors, and emotions that happened when I found the body, I can't get it out of my head.

Post: #48

(02-14-2019 10:13 PM)bigolteddies Wrote:  

(02-13-2019 04:02 PM)Sooth Wrote:  Terrible news. Sorry for your loss.

One of my work mates lost his best friend and room mate in similar circumstances. They had been partying the night before which was not unusual and his room mate got very drunk which again was not unusual. My friend went to bed early because he had work the next day.

In the morning he got up, stepped over his friend on the floor assuming he was hungover / asleep and went to work as normal. On returning his friend was in the same position.

My buddy was accused by the family of allowing this to happen, saying he should have done more etc, but the reality was everyone had tried to help him.

There is a process of grieving and coming to terms with the situation but you must realise that it's not your fault. What you mustn't do is let this be an excuse to fall into a "woe is me" mindset, at least not for a prolonged period.

Did you have any ptsd or trouble dealing with the shock of finding a dead body of someone close to you. This is what disturbs me the most, the images, coldness, colors, and emotions that happened when I found the body, I can't get it out of my head.

Thats terrible. Wishing you well at this time..

We're all trying to say the right things but we will all, inevitably, fall short in what we want to say to you.

I cant stand my brother, have days when I feel positively violent toward him, it pains me. I cannot imagine how painful it would feel to lose him though. Here you were living with him and trying to help him. If you experience guilt and regret bear in mind that it is a totally natural response. Feeling those emotions doesn't actually indicate anything objective about you. Except that you are human.

Maybe.. bear in mind the example of a man that visited a buddhist teacher I know of. He was walking with his young son, 6/7 years old. Empty street. A propos of nothing, the kid excitedly stepped off the kerb. Just as a speeding car came flying, hugging the corner. The guy sees his son's hair fly up as he gets hit - over and over and over.

And every day he replays it. Grabbing his son. Giving his son a stern talking to before the walk. Giving his son a loving lecture. Making sure the kid was still walking on his inside just before it happened.

The Buddhist teachers response: that is what the mind does. And it will keep on doing it.
Maybe one day when the father is able to fully experience all the pain and sadness he will no longer replay it all the time.

At first it is natural. Over time it is a way that the mind protects itself until it is able to fully experience the pain.

In my experience: I didn't want to do that. In my life I kept replaying the pain and the images.

Two dipshits out of nowhere saying to me that they were going to kill me.
Just the glee in their faces when they were screaming to Allah and attacking me.
Fighting them off but more and more of their friends coming. Just the noise, the echoing noise in the street of their footsteps, when I was keeping them at bay and they circled me and tried to get around behind me.
The dark blackness and the feeling that my head was a stone that was being pierced by a needle.
The voice calling to me, telling me to leave this life behind. Such a sweet voice, telling me its okay to let go.
The harsh white lights when I came to.. the medics working on me. The scraping sound of everyones footsteps, the look of disgust on bystanders faces when they looked at me.

When I finally faced up to the pain of my whole life being turned upside down I was left in pieces. the replaying went at that time, maybe it would have gone with the course of time anyway but in my case but in my case it went with an emotional catharsis and at some cost to my ego, my self esteem, my ability to hold it together for a few days.

I had PTSD - it is not beyond the bounds of probability that the trauma you just experienced will leave you with PTSD.
In the Uk they leave a gap of a few months between the trauma and diagnosis and treatment. Getting help and support is great. If you get frustrated with the pace of things or your own inbuilt resistance to treatment/ moving forward don't be surprised.

You will have an inbuilt timetable for recovering that in many ways will be taking care of you, allowing you to deal with things at a pace that you can sustain.


There is a tension between acknowledgement and resolution - you have to get on living and part of you will both want and need to 'get past' this.. of course. But as you already know your brother and his memory is not something to get past or put behind you,

the trauma is..

it will take time and it will follow its own timetable, but if you find yourself struggling remember that a) you are struggling because you are a human being .. b) you are probably going through into an even deeper level of acceptance which, no matter how weird and strange, even angry, stupid, lazy, irritable, even drunk and drugged, it seems.. in the long run will allow your brother to live on inside your heart in a much fuller and stronger way into the future.

I hope this helps.
(Disregard if it doesn't.)

Post: #49

That really must hurt, sorry to hear about your loss, live on in his spirit and I hope things improve for you too.

Post: #50

Sorry to hear about this.

But I would definitely not be pointing the finger at myself if I were you. You wrote: "[He] has been to rehab for xanax twice and is prescribed a bunch of anti-depressants."

While most people know anti-depressants can trigger "suicidal thoughts" because of the TV ads, what people don't know is that they've been found to have the most harmful effect on those under age 25. Here is a link to an Independent (UK) story on that from 2009.

This is not the time or place to go on one of my anti-media tirades, but I will say this: We don't get enough info on how harmful drugs in general can be because our media (radio, TV, and print) is driven by advertising and pharmaceutical companies buy a lot of ads. Badmouth them, and they buy ads with another media company.

Again, sorry to hear this. Death is never easy, especially when the person is younger than you. Good luck.