Post: #26

Some of my own experience from successful storytelling I've told. I've told a lot of bad stories in my day:

Pause before you tell the story and while everybody has their attention focused on you- This builds mild suspense and allows you a moment to calibrate your own energy. That said...

Express positive energy- Be animated with your hands, know when to increase tone of voice.

Believe in the story- You really need to believe that your story is interesting and show people that. Again, this is expressed in your tone and confidence.

Pause before ending the story/delivering a punchline This leads back to suspense. Even if the people who were listening weren't actually aware of the words, they'll realize they're about to get the "moral" of the story when you set up that indicator.

You want to be like that ancient storyteller at the campfire who was the equivalent of television or internet back when electricity, writing, and plays didn't exist.

Post: #27

(10-06-2011 04:21 PM)KingofScotland Wrote:  That will solve part of the problem but there's obviously something about the way I speak or project myself that makes people lose interest in the first place, I literally see peoples attention fade away before my eyes. I think this is a much more pressing problem that needs to be addressed, putting people in their place and letting them know they are rude is a side issue that I can address as well though, thanks for the advice.

I totally hear you. I commend you for coming clean on this because it takes a high level of self-awareness and self-honesty to realize that this is because of something you are doing and not just on account of a rude audience. This doesn't always happen to me, but sometimes it does, and I hate when it happens because it makes me self-conscious and wondering what I'm doing wrong. I also notice when I'm with a large group of people, you can tell who the alpha males are because people shut up when the talk, they hang on his every word, and they are nodding in acknowledgment when he delivers a story. I try to carefully watch the way they deliver their words. How they hold their body posture, how their voice projects, whether they build momentum and anticipation in telling the story, their eye contact and such.

If people's eyes are glazing over when you tell a story, then your words aren't being given enough value. Either that's because they see you as a low value person that they don't have to listen to or your good words are wrapped in poor delivery. I'm thinking about joining a local Toastmasters speaking group just to get better at public speaking and learn how to tell a story in a way that holds an audience's attention.

Have you ever thought about recording yourself when you're talking to others? Just about every phone now has digital voice recording. It's easier to evaluate your speaking ability when you can review it later without your attention focused on others. It may then become obvious what the problems are. Listening to an audio of yourself talk or even better, a video can be an eye-opening experience. Maybe even making you cringe. That's a good place to start I think.

Post: #28

I'm an introvert and I do fine in groups of 4 or 5, but once the sixth person enters the group I visibly stop giving a shit and let others take over. If this is also the case with you, I'd suggest playing to your strengths. Try to keep your main interactions to smaller groups where you do well & avoid holding forth over a crowd.

Also I really liked David Deangelo's torrentable 'Body Language' series for basic issues of masculine presence and posture---that will definitely be of benefit.

Post: #29

(10-10-2011 05:12 PM)speakeasy Wrote:  I totally hear you. I commend you for coming clean on this because it takes a high level of self-awareness and self-honesty to realize that this is because of something you are doing and not just on account of a rude audience. This doesn't always happen to me, but sometimes it does, and I hate when it happens because it makes me self-conscious and wondering what I'm doing wrong. I also notice when I'm with a large group of people, you can tell who the alpha males are because people shut up when the talk, they hang on his every word, and they are nodding in acknowledgment when he delivers a story. I try to carefully watch the way they deliver their words. How they hold their body posture, how their voice projects, whether they build momentum and anticipation in telling the story, their eye contact and such.

If people's eyes are glazing over when you tell a story, then your words aren't being given enough value. Either that's because they see you as a low value person that they don't have to listen to or your good words are wrapped in poor delivery. I'm thinking about joining a local Toastmasters speaking group just to get better at public speaking and learn how to tell a story in a way that holds an audience's attention.

Have you ever thought about recording yourself when you're talking to others? Just about every phone now has digital voice recording. It's easier to evaluate your speaking ability when you can review it later without your attention focused on others. It may then become obvious what the problems are. Listening to an audio of yourself talk or even better, a video can be an eye-opening experience. Maybe even making you cringe. That's a good place to start I think.

Maybe they do see me as low value. Hard to judge that though. Depends what people consider 'value' I guess. I'm definitely not the best looking, well dressed or most confident (not shy either) of guys but I'm educated, cultured (been told this by a few people), well travelled and have done a lot more than most people I know because of my adventures across the world. Whilst everyone I know was stuck in a rut and getting blind drunk in their home town every weekend since the time they left school I was off at uni in a big city and then off travelling the world and have continued to do so since.

As for recording my voice, because a lot of my work involves making calls my boss actually recorded a few of mines recently and let me play them back. Apparently I sounded confident, upbeat, assertive and talked like I knew what I was talking about. Whether I translate that into normal convos I don't know.

I'm going to work on eye contact and speaking loudly, more clearly and more directly.

Post: #30

(10-11-2011 02:57 PM)KingofScotland Wrote:  

(10-10-2011 05:12 PM)speakeasy Wrote:  I totally hear you. I commend you for coming clean on this because it takes a high level of self-awareness and self-honesty to realize that this is because of something you are doing and not just on account of a rude audience. This doesn't always happen to me, but sometimes it does, and I hate when it happens because it makes me self-conscious and wondering what I'm doing wrong. I also notice when I'm with a large group of people, you can tell who the alpha males are because people shut up when the talk, they hang on his every word, and they are nodding in acknowledgment when he delivers a story. I try to carefully watch the way they deliver their words. How they hold their body posture, how their voice projects, whether they build momentum and anticipation in telling the story, their eye contact and such.

If people's eyes are glazing over when you tell a story, then your words aren't being given enough value. Either that's because they see you as a low value person that they don't have to listen to or your good words are wrapped in poor delivery. I'm thinking about joining a local Toastmasters speaking group just to get better at public speaking and learn how to tell a story in a way that holds an audience's attention.

Have you ever thought about recording yourself when you're talking to others? Just about every phone now has digital voice recording. It's easier to evaluate your speaking ability when you can review it later without your attention focused on others. It may then become obvious what the problems are. Listening to an audio of yourself talk or even better, a video can be an eye-opening experience. Maybe even making you cringe. That's a good place to start I think.

Maybe they do see me as low value. Hard to judge that though. Depends what people consider 'value' I guess. I'm definitely not the best looking, well dressed or most confident (not shy either) of guys but I'm educated, cultured (been told this by a few people), well travelled and have done a lot more than most people I know because of my adventures across the world. Whilst everyone I know was stuck in a rut and getting blind drunk in their home town every weekend since the time they left school I was off at uni in a big city and then off travelling the world and have continued to do so since.

As for recording my voice, because a lot of my work involves making calls my boss actually recorded a few of mines recently and let me play them back. Apparently I sounded confident, upbeat, assertive and talked like I knew what I was talking about. Whether I translate that into normal convos I don't know.

I'm going to work on eye contact and speaking loudly, more clearly and more directly.

Your problem might be that people think you are talking down on them, rather than to them. Rather than confront you about it, they just tune you out.

Just saying this because you seem to hold yourself in higher regard than them.

Post: #31

(10-07-2011 05:14 PM)MikeCF Wrote:  Read "Voice Power."

I never read this book but I heard its very helpful to "soft speakers"

(10-11-2011 02:08 AM)DLuzhin Wrote:  Also I really liked David Deangelo's 'Body Language' series for basic issues of masculine presence and posture---that will definitely be of benefit.

I bet thats pretty good too.

KingofScotland,

Study hard and practice hard. That's the only proven strategy to get better.

Post: #32

Try recording your voice, but put the recorder a little far away, and see how well your voice carries. Some voices trail off very quickly with distance, and some carry very well.

Just think... if you had an excellent, amazing voice, do you think people would still *not* pay attention? I just don't think it's a matter of much else.

Post: #33

Quote:Just saying this because you seem to hold yourself in higher regard than them.

Of course I do.

It's confirmed my voice is definitely not too quiet, I asked some friends and family and they;ve all said I have a loud, deep voice.

Post: #34

(10-10-2011 01:22 PM)Gmac Wrote:  

(10-10-2011 12:54 PM)KingofScotland Wrote:  

Quote:your not doing this are you?

Nah I'm pretty sure I'm not like this. I'd have been told straight by one of my good mates a long time ago if I was. Everyone knows someone like that and I don't think it's me.

I think part of the problem is that I do naturally have a loud, deep, voice and for years have always been told I talk to loud or it sounds like I'm shouting so have over the years calmed it down a bit and started purposely speaking softer and less loud which means my voice is being lost in the crowd. This problem mainly occurs at work, I work in a place where a lot of people are taking calls so when you're having a convo with someone you can't be shouting or even talking too loudly as it pouts everyone off. I can't seem to get the middle ground right either. I really need to work on locking in eye contact with people too, I do look them in the general direction but definitely have realised that I don't make sure we're locking gazes.

Maybe you just need to project a more energetic personality. The most enthusiastic and animated speakers are paid attention to the most. My company president (a true type A) is the perfect example. His presence says it all. People listen.

As I opened more I've become somewhat of a hand talker, using more gestures and using my whole body when I tell a story, it seems to get people much more enthused to hear more.

Chef In Jeans
A culinary website for men

Post: #35

I was told today, I asked for honesty, that my voice is loud, boring and 'drones' on. Apparently no matter what I say it just sounds like one long, dull, noise. This is not good and I'm not sure how to fix it.

Post: #36

(10-16-2011 04:49 PM)KingofScotland Wrote:  I was told today, I asked for honesty, that my voice is loud, boring and 'drones' on. Apparently no matter what I say it just sounds like one long, dull, noise. This is not good and I'm not sure how to fix it.

I haven't done this myself too much but... I recall one voice professional recommending this:

You need to add color to your voice. That means varying the qualities of your voice as you speak. You want the tone, pitch and cadence of your voice to vary, as appropriate. The way you speak should reflect the content of your speech.

Find an exciting literary passage. "The Raven" by Edgar Allen Poe is a favorite. Listen to a professional recording of it. And then produce your own recording, and listen to it, and repeat. Don't try and replicate the professional recording, but create your own narration.

Look up Voicing It by Nancy Daniels. She devotes a chapter to vocal color and how to enhance it.

Post: #37

Inflection.

Learn from this "delicious" woman.

http://www.ehow.com/video_4959569_public...ction.html

Post: #38

I'll take on board the suggestions, this is the one thing that drives me mad the most. I need to get this problem fixed.

Post: #39

Does this happen with groups of your friend or when you're interacting with new people? If it's with your friends then I would think that's going to be a little harder to fix as the group dynamic is already there.

I think being genuinely interested in what other people have to say, letting them know that you're not going to take over the conversation and will give everyone else a turn by pausing and letting others contribute are ways to get people to listen.

Post: #40

If your voice is loud, deep, boring and 'drones on' as I've been told can you fix it?

Post: #41

(10-22-2011 09:38 AM)KingofScotland Wrote:  If your voice is loud, deep, boring and 'drones on' as I've been told can you fix it?

Try recording yourself talking and see how you sound.

Chef In Jeans
A culinary website for men

Post: #42

Everyone hates how they sound, how do you disect it and work on it though?

Post: #43

King,

Have you tried any of this stuff?

(10-06-2011 10:32 PM)Parlay44 Wrote:  Take a public speaking class

It also let's you practice commanding an audience so you can see what keeps their attention.

(10-07-2011 05:14 PM)MikeCF Wrote:  Read "Voice Power."

(10-11-2011 02:08 AM)DLuzhin Wrote:  Also I really liked David Deangelo's 'Body Language' series for basic issues of masculine presence and posture---that will definitely be of benefit.

(10-11-2011 04:25 PM)basilransom Wrote:  Try recording your voice, but put the recorder a little far away, and see how well your voice carries. Some voices trail off very quickly with distance, and some carry very well.

(10-16-2011 05:25 PM)Gmac Wrote:  Inflection.

Learn from this "delicious" woman.

http://www.ehow.com/video_4959569_public...ction.html