Post: #1

Hi all,

I've recently acquired approach anxiety so severe that I can't even talk to girls in cafes, bars, clubs etc. I have talked to girls in these places in the past, closed several, and have a pretty high notch count ~30, but after going through a dry spell combined with living in a girl desert (major city in California), my mind somehow is convinced that every girl will just reject me. I think part of this stems from a few of my last approaches where the girls said I was ugly, not good looking etc, although I live in a snobby part of the city where many of the girls are stuck up.

My question is : Have any of you gotten returning approach anxiety, and how did you get rid of it again?

Post: #2

Any chick that doesn’t know you and delights in insulting you is merely projected their own insecurities.

Also most chicks will reject you, despite the game you bring. Be thankful for this as why would you want to be with someone who isn’t really into you?

Providing you’re not a social retard and bring some sort of value, the more rejections you get the higher the probability is of not being rejected in your next approach. Have that in the back of your mind and you’ll be fine.

Post: #3

Interesting! I am in a very similar situation (without the high notch count lol)
I have a journal here but i've not been updating it recently, but when I read it back I realise how bad my AA is at teh moment compared to then.

Like you, i've had some really bad rejections recently where girls have just ignored me and called me ugly etc and it's just so soul destroying (one stunning girl pretended to be sick the other night after I approached her on the street at night!). I've even consulted with plastic surgeons recently as i'm more convinced than ever that it's about looks and not 'game'!

But yeah, I need something to kick-start me back into approaching again. Even alcohol isn't quite cutting it at the moment since the AA feels so strong!

Post: #4

Had some stuff typed out, but decided it wasn't really of much value.

I'll just say AA drills are highly useful. Set a #. Hit that # of approaches. You either approach or don't in that scenario.

You can begin with easy solo sets. Then work into pairs or larger groups & so on.

Gamers who do the drill obtain unexpected benefits that those who don't will never have.

Post: #5

Not a nofap bishop here but I do notice an increase in AA and general lack of desire to socialize with randoms if I fapped in last day or two. Been going through something similar myself lately and I can't put my finger on it. Lack of momentum at the moment so gotta get the ball rolling.

Post: #6

Hey OP. I was having the exact same problem as you for the past few weeks and it took me until a few nights ago to snap out of it.

What I did and my advice to you is to just go out and have fun one night and not care whether you get a bang or not. This can help you just relax and if you're having enough fun, you'll be able to talk to girls and people and you won't care whether they like you or not. Now like I said, you probably won't get a bang that night, but it'll reset your state of mind to where you can regain the confidence to just talk to girls in the near future.

Post: #7

First, remember that pyrotechnic rejections and blowouts say a lot more about her than about you. Any person who thinks that's OK to do is damaged, entitled or both. (Chris from Good Looking Loser had a whole podcast saying exactly this and it really helped me not take those events personally.)

The most useful thing for me was a riff from Roosh's book Bang - his advice on openers was, "just say the words." Pick an easy opener that doesn't need much/any customization (e.g. /thread-10685.html), and just tell yourself, "say the words." In my experience the AA pretty well vanishes once the girl gives a non-bitchy reply of any kind, even a polite brushoff.

+1 to dknightbro on approach drills. I did a few pay-back nights with a friend - give a friend twenty bucks, every girl you talk to he gives you one back (twenty approaches in one venue is a lot so tune the amount for the scope of your evening plan).

You might also consider "approaching" guys (non-romantically) - being social in a social venue lowers everyone's shields toward you, they see you are just an outgoing guy and not someone honing in on the chicks.

Post: #8

(07-01-2018 02:13 AM)Celestial Wrote:  Hi all,

I've recently acquired approach anxiety so severe that I can't even talk to girls in cafes, bars, clubs etc. I have talked to girls in these places in the past, closed several, and have a pretty high notch count ~30, but after going through a dry spell combined with living in a girl desert (major city in California), my mind somehow is convinced that every girl will just reject me. I think part of this stems from a few of my last approaches where the girls said I was ugly, not good looking etc, although I live in a snobby part of the city where many of the girls are stuck up.

My question is : Have any of you gotten returning approach anxiety, and how did you get rid of it again?

Even the best go through it bro. It cycles. Just have to get on the next wave. Your last wave crashed and you have lost some confidence. It just takes one good move to get another wave started. Been there many times. Just push through it. It is a confidence game.