Post: #1

Alright so I'm not sure what exactly I did that messed it up but I have a feeling I showed way to much interest in this girl and scared her off. What's my next move to real her back in?

Here's what happened:

I recently found this girl and invited her over to my place (directly after we met) which I normally don't do but for some reason I thought "what the hell" She accepted and we proceeded to have the best evening I've ever had since moving to the State of California 2 years ago. We each had drank 2 beers when I asked if she wanted a third. She said "Well that depends" "Depends on what?" I replied. She said "If I have to drive home or not" I told her she didn't have to if she didn't want to. So onto beer number three. We watched a movie 7 Pounds Starring WIll Smith. We got a little closer on the couch before heading out to my Casino in the garage so I could school her on the finer aspects of playing pool. After I won (Although trying really hard to let her win) I said she owed me a kiss which she honored and we proceeded back inside to snuggle on the couch and finish our movie (which neither of us were paying much attention to) While taking a smoke break I asked her where she wanted to stay, she said the couch. Back inside to the movie, another smoke break later I asked "are you sure you wanna spend the night on my
cold lonely sofa?" She asked what her other options were and I said she could snuggle with me in bed if she wanted to. She accepted. Back inside to watch the last of the movie, it was about 1AM and I could tell she was getting sleepy. So off to bed we were about to go. When I attempted to get up she pulled me in close and started sucking my face off. Enjoyed that for awhile, quickly shut down the house and off to the bedroom. I could tell I kinda liked this chick so I didn't wanna spoil anything, even going as far as asking "Am I not being a gentleman by letting my hands wonder?" She said "I haven't stopped you yet!" SO
slowly but surely my hand made it's way down there to the oasis and things just escalated from there. Going as far as her climbing on top of me (without any penetration). I said I must confess Cowboys don't put out on the first date. She said she respected that and said "sometimes I disappear after having sex with someone" So she dosed off (by now it was about 3:30) The next morning we woke up (actually just a few hours later haha) I maid us coffee, turned the morning news on for some back ground noise and we chatted for awhile before she ran out to her car to grab a change of clothes (Was this chick in the boy scouts or something?) She came back inside, quickly changed (Which I must say she looked damn good) and then gave me a quick peck before running off to school. (She goes to College I'm not a chimo) We texted a few times that day up until lunch time and then she just vanished, called her when I got home from work, nothing. The next day around noon I said "you're not going to disappear on me are you? lol" No response. FInally around 3 (the second day after) I asked really nicely if I had said something stupid or anything like that (I often say stupid stuff without realizing it) She finally responded "I Disappear remember? I'm sorry, I thought I was ready for something I was wrong. I'm really sorry..You were really nice and it's not about you." So my long winded question. Do you think I have
any chance of seeing this girl again? She was awesome in every way possible. She did promise me while we were in bed together that I would get to see her again. I'm confused as to why she disappeared when technically we didn't do the nasty.

Any help would be greatly appreciated. I've never seen anything like that in my life before!

Post: #2

Hey man, I'll give you my humble opinion on the whole thing. First off, what did you want from this? Looks like you could have easily gone all the way with this but didn't. If you're looking for a relationship, her comments indicates that she isn't, even so, there's no reason you shouldn't have gone for it. If you guys were at the making out/groping stage it doesn't seem there is any reason you couldn't escalate further, even sounds like she wanted you to but you just didn't do it. Also the random breaks from the movie/couch to play pool or do whatever else seem like they're just delaying your chances at hooking up with her. I mean she was down to sleep in your bed...

Some of your comments you said to her seem like bad ideas. "Am I not being a gentleman by letting my hands wonder?". That seems like a pretty beta thing to say. It makes you sound nervious and you're asking for permission which is never a good thing to do. You don't ask to kiss her, you don't ask to let your hands wander, you just do it and guage her reaction, then proceed from there.
"I must confess Cowboys don't put out on the first date." Why did you say this..? You had your chance to hook up and flat out denied it... what exactly are you looking for answers to with this thread? She obviously just wanted to hook up with you that night, you didn't, and she's no longer interested.

"you're not going to disappear on me are you? lol" That text came across as nervious and needy. If she wasn't answering you to begin with any further prodding would only hurt your chances and make you look needy. You're supposed to be an alpha male, you don't care, you have better stuff going on than one girl. Then you followed that unanswered text with asking her if you did or said anything wrong. You're giving her all the power and showing her you're obvioulsly looking for her approval, thus greatly lowering your value to her. Her last text to you basically means "I wanted to hook up with you and you were too beta to make a move when they literally fell in your lap, so now I'm moving on to the next guy who won't make that same mistake"

So yeah, I'm going to go ahead and say that you're not going to see her again. I still don't understand what the hell you wanted from this, the opportunity couldn't have been any better and you just passed it up, then wonder why she moved on. Also you came across as really beta and needy with those things I listed.

I'm not meaning to sound harsh or anything, but I'm trying to help. It seems like you made pretty obvious/amatuer mistakes so if you haven't already been reading this forum a lot, I'd suggest you do so. Also I'd recommend reading BANG because it covers all that stuff.

Post: #3

I guess basically what I'm saying is. Somewhere throughout the evening I started liking this girl more and more and was worried I was going to screw something up. I don't know what part of my head was working in reverse but I NOW REALIZE that I screwed up. So with all of that said where do I go from here? I want a second chance (even more so than Tony Romo @ The Meadowlands). Is there ANYTHING, even a LONG SHOT that I can try? I haven't tried contacting her in a few days now.

Post: #4

she was riding you and you told her you dont put out.....=fail.

Post: #5

I'm still new to all this, so if someone disagrees let me know. The only chance I'd think you have is to go cold on her for like two weeks, maybe longer, no texts, no calls, nothing. Then casually ask if she wants to hang out and suggest something. Do something simple with her and try to get her back to your apartment, loosen her up, make your moves and take it from where you had it last time. If she's the only girl you're into and have a chance with make sure you don't let any neediness leak into your game again. And if she is, you'll just be waiting this whole time while you're going cold on her so you should be moving on anyway. This is a longshot and I doubt it'll work though. Maybe some of the more experienced guys will have better advice for you.

Post: #6

Just for the record I have the ultimate man cave not an apartment. Casino/Bar in the garage, hot rods out front, pool and spa in the back yard and multiple guitars on the wall! I wouldn't say she's the only girl I'm interested in but she's a lot more interesting than anything I've come across lately. Either way, she lives in a small town about 30 miles north of here and every Wednesday night they have cruise night (just like it sounds) where everyone with sweet rides shows up and cruises the main drag till dark. I'm definitely going (as I was planning on it anyways) and taking my 71 LeMans and a buddy with me. If by chance I see her there do I avoid eye contact?

Post: #7

so what..you have cool stuff but told her you wouldnt put out....you blew it...
im no expert but its pretty obvious what you did wrong in this particular situation......
you used a girls line on a girl...i know you were trying to be funny and testing the water but never ever say that again man.....
you were in the strike zone and fumbled the ball into the oppositions possession.
i like what constantine says though.....you should play it cool for a bit then try again.

Post: #8

just to make it clear I'm not disagreeing with either of you. If I did it would be the same as Romo saying "Well ya Coach I threw an interception but it was a good interception...right?" I realize my mistake now. I screwed up. This much is clear to me. I was already planning on trying again (shit Romo's been trying again for 6yrs now) Next time I won't have my head up my A##. I'm just looking for advice to best guarantee I get a next time. That's all. How long do I wait? Suggestions of what to say to gain some interest and at the same time get the point across that I don't give a damn if she replies. Get my drift?

Post: #9

Is English your first language?

Post: #10

(09-20-2011 07:36 AM)Gmac Wrote:  This chick wanted a man (which unfortunately wasn't a role you could fill cowboy), you lost your shot and then you couldn't take the rejection (or you didn't realize her silence was rejection). This is her way of telling you that you (a nice guy / beta) are not what kind of guy she's looking for (an asshole / alpha).

http://www.bangpickupguide.com/misc/text...rooshv.pdf
http://hokieblogger.com/2011/08/10/15-si...needy-man/
http://www.rooshv.com/stop-being-needy
http://heartiste.wordpress.com/the-sixte...s-of-poon/ (you should pay particular attention to #3, #4, #5, #8, #11, and especially #16)

And I would add #14. She was looking for a dominant man to fuck her.

Here's the deal...if you really like a woman, go for it. Go big. You never of course impose yourself or go past what is true resistance. But women have to get over the hump and start humping. Help her over that hump.

Post: #11

She is gone. Better not to think about her but remember this experience as it should help you avoid making the same mistakes.
Never turn down a woman when she's ready to do it with you. Better to err on the aggressive side that on the meek side.
I've made that mistake several times in my youth - especially when I really liked the girl, like you did. I remember once a girl slept over at my place and I offered the her my bed and slept on the couch, trying to be a gentleman - then I saw her dress down to just her panties (bra off!) and get in my bed and I still did not get the hint! Needless to say, she disappeared on me later, just like your girl did.

Post: #12

So y'all seem to be repeating yourselves over and over. I understand what I did wrong now. I get that. What I'm looking for is if anybody has any sort of idea as to a possibly come back? Even if it's a long shot.

Post: #13

(09-20-2011 10:02 AM)Bookemdano01 Wrote:  So y'all seem to be repeating yourselves over and over. I understand what I did wrong now. I get that. What I'm looking for is if anybody has any sort of idea as to a possibly come back? Even if it's a long shot.

Pretend it didn't happen when speaking to her. I assume you know what kind of stuff she is into. Ask her if she would like to come over and see your Mongolian vase (or whatever exotic shyt you think you can lure her back with). If she mentions what you did the other night, acknowledge it lazily with indifference as if it meant nothing to you.

Probe for her to come over. If she doesn't yield, push for a final ultimatum (ask her where she stands). If you have led her to a point where she cannot weasel her way out of a firm commitment to a second state then the bad news is, you've lost her.

I do have some good news for you. There are literally, millions more reptiles like her out there and they are being created faster than you can say blueberry pie. Go and hunt, fellow man.
Go out and hunt.

Post: #14

Well I know she works at a ranch north of here as a trail guide (which I thought was cool do to the fact that I grew up on a cattle ranch in Oregon) They also sell wind turbines and she's into renewable energy and stuff like that. She's a libertarian, use to be a "soldier" for the salvation army blah blah blah (I listened to this crap all night but lost interest in the conversation after "I work on a ranch") So since I'm not really into that stuff I'm not sure what I could come up with. How long should I wait? My original plan (before consulting the experts) was asking if she wanted to hang out and then saying something like "I have a surprise for you".

Post: #15

You must have missed the part where I said I'm not denying that. Cut me some slack here. I'm only 20.

Post: #16

(09-20-2011 10:23 AM)pitt Wrote:  Man get over it, move on, you completely failed. Damn she made it so easy for you, its unbelievable how you messed it up.

I have to second this. You're focusing so much on this girl when you've already blown your only shot. I know it's tough when you're inexperienced, but you need to move on. The fact that you're even giving it this much thought proves that. There are PLENTY of women out there, just have fun with it and get over this one. The next few times you interact with women, even if you fail... learn to get over it quicker and quicker and you'll be well on your way.

Post: #17

Normally I wouldn't care. But just like Tony Romo after failing a The Meadowlands i wanna come back and win @ Candlestick. Surely there has to be SOMETHING I can try once that might work. If it doesn't no big deal.

Post: #18

(09-20-2011 10:45 AM)Bookemdano01 Wrote:  Normally I wouldn't care. But just like Tony Romo after failing a The Meadowlands i wanna come back and win @ Candlestick. Surely there has to be SOMETHING I can try once that might work. If it doesn't no big deal.

No, there's nothing you can do dude. It's over. There's nothing honorable or ballsy about trying to win back some potential one night stand that you blew. Even if you'd been seeing this girl for years it wouldn't be worth it. I don't get the weird football references, what exactly are you trying to prove? [That's a hypothetical question]

Not trying to be harsh, it sucks whenever this sort of thing happens... but you gotta learn your lesson and move on. Nothing good can come from you pursuing this further.

Post: #19

(09-20-2011 10:45 AM)Bookemdano01 Wrote:  Normally I wouldn't care. But just like Tony Romo after failing a The Meadowlands i wanna come back and win @ Candlestick. Surely there has to be SOMETHING I can try once that might work. If it doesn't no big deal.

Try what I mentioned, it can't hurt.

I fcuked up as well last year with a lizard so you are not alone, soldier.

I had one in my room but she was as cold as a...well..reptile..so she didn't respond to anything I did. I called her over for a kiss (she was sitting on the other end of the futon), she did.
Since she didn't react to the kissing, I didn't operate logically, I should have taken her jeans off and gone straight for the punani..but my dumb ass just sat there like a numpty, rubbing impotently at her sides and just kissing like a sucker.

Result: No happy ending and she will never return.

She was there to rebel and test out my kind (her people don't really fcuk with my peoples) and that was my one and only chance.

So no worries, kiddo, just chalk it up and keep soldiering.

The only time you get a is when you quit.

Post: #20

^^That's what I wanted to hear.

I mean what's the worst that could happen? As it sits right now I'm never gonna get a second chance. If I try again and it doesn't work I still don't get a second chance, big fricken deal.

I do think that right up until the point where I turned her down (IDIOT) things were going pretty damn good. I don't know what was wrong with my head. So I think if I give it some time and with a little help from the more knowledgeable, give it my best shot, I think I just might have a chance.

So back to what I said before. All I really am asking for is a few pointers so I can maximize my chances.

Post: #21

(09-20-2011 11:29 AM)Bookemdano01 Wrote:  ^^That's what I wanted to hear.

I mean what's the worst that could happen? As it sits right now I'm never gonna get a second chance. If I try again and it doesn't work I still don't get a second chance, big fricken deal.

I do think that right up until the point where I turned her down (IDIOT) things were going pretty damn good. I don't know what was wrong with my head. So I think if I give it some time and with a little help from the more knowledgeable, give it my best shot, I think I just might have a chance.

So back to what I said before. All I really am asking for is a few pointers so I can maximize my chances.

The problem is not that she will reject you again, it's that you're investing so much time and mental energy into a "second chance." If you'd flip-flop your mindset, you might meet 2 new girls while you were chasing after this one. I just think you don't get it at all, or don't want to... whichever.

The only way you're ever going to see her again is if you A) stop acting needy and re-start with her in a week or two or B) she contacts you first.

Personally, I don't know why you're putting so much effort into it. I've been there, it's never worth it. It also sounds like she's already made up her mind. I hope for your sake you don't continue the pursuit after your next last ditch effort.

Post: #22

(09-20-2011 11:29 AM)Bookemdano01 Wrote:  ^^That's what I wanted to hear.

I mean what's the worst that could happen? As it sits right now I'm never gonna get a second chance. If I try again and it doesn't work I still don't get a second chance, big fricken deal.

I do think that right up until the point where I turned her down (IDIOT) things were going pretty damn good. I don't know what was wrong with my head. So I think if I give it some time and with a little help from the more knowledgeable, give it my best shot, I think I just might have a chance.

So back to what I said before. All I really am asking for is a few pointers so I can maximize my chances.

If you are so adamant about trying again, this is what I would do - even though I personally think it is beta crap and you should simply move on:

- Wait AT LEAST a month, better if 2-3 months of ZERO communication. You must be completely off her life.

- THROW in a restart text "Did you survive Thanksgiving?"
Short, simple text, dont invite her to anything, dont ask how she had been doing. This text is meant to see if she is willing to make an effort. Evaluate the type of reply she gives you. The longer you waited, the more likely you are to get a response.

- If she responds, allude to something fun YOU want to do during the week (check out a new venue, whatever suits your area and style). YOU are going there, see if she wants to TAG along. Better if a high value EVENT. You got guitars, do you play in a band, have friends that do?

Remember, your goal with the restart text is to re-open communication. So, to an extent, if she responds but she cant meet you soon, you still have accomplished a bit. Expect that. Remember that once she is communicating again with you you got to move fast, as her interest will fizzle. She might be intrigued by you reaching out to her but within 2 days you will be lost in limbo again. Act quickly.

- Invite her out to do something else, directly this time. A sudden change of tactic from the previous "invitation" (it worked for me some time). If even this approach doesnt work, move on.

Do you see how much efforts you would be putting in though, right?
And all for a very flimsy chance to see her again. Your only hope is you do catch her at a hornier time. And hopefully father time has helped erase from her memory your previous beta behavior.

IMO it is a waste of time, but you got to learn for yourself, making your own mistakes. Plus, you dont have much to lose. Now though, go out, meet other chicks and stop obsessing about this one for AT LEAST a month.

Talk to you in 30-60 days.

EDIT: if she ever comes out and tags along with you and your buddies, remember to bring a female friend with you, the hotter the better. That will help to rehabilitate your status. As you MUST get rid of that beta taint that she sensed.

Post: #23

Who say's I'm not going to meet 2 new girls while still chasing after this one? I'm not saying I'm not pursing other people. I just want a "re-do" like a street kid playing monkey in the middle. I haven't said anything to this chick since Saturday and I don't plan to until I'm ready. Honestly if my next attempt fails it's not that big of a deal to me. However, I think that due to the fact that things were going well right up until the point I pulled a Romo and she did seem like a forgiving person that maybe if I play my cards right I might just luck out this time.

So my hopes for tommorow is that while I'm cruising the main drag in town on cruise night(She did seem to have a hard on for my LeMans) that maybe since I haven't contacted her in a few days that might be enough to keep me alive while I wait another week and a half before trying again.

Post: #24

@ Oblivion.

Like your style dude. That's the best thing I've heard yet. I happen to know a certain lead singer of a very impressive metal band who lives in the area. Two nights after my fumble with this chick I was out singing karaoke with this guy @ a local bar like it was no big deal.

I'm not sure if I can get her under-aged cunt in or not but it's worth a shot and Vince always has some fly females around. Also to answer the question I actually don't really play guitar I just collect them. I play Bass which I also have several of.

Post: #25

(09-20-2011 01:18 PM)Bookemdano01 Wrote:  @ Oblivion.

Like your style dude. That's the best thing I've heard yet. I happen to know a certain lead singer of a very impressive metal band who lives in the area. Two nights after my fumble with this chick I was out singing karaoke with this guy @ a local bar like it was no big deal.

I'm not sure if I can get her under-aged cunt in or not but it's worth a shot and Vince always has some fly females around. Also to answer the question I actually don't really play guitar I just collect them. I play Bass which I also have several of.

This thread below might provide you with some insights, as you are about to enter the business of "resurrecting cold cases". It works, at times. Heck, my wingman last week just resurrected a cold case of over a year ago!

/thread-5238.h...cold+cases