Post: #1

This happened recently. Perhaps a sort of shit test.

I made very specific plans with a girl. She first suggested us going to go to this jazz club, then in person (after sex) I confirmed I was interested and told her to get the tickets.

Then, as she was buying the tickets (literally she is on the website) she texts me something like 'Are you sure you want to go to the club tomorrow? We could do another day'.

It's different from most shit tests because there is a sort of deference to it, like she's unsure I am actually willing to go out with her so soon (I got this vibe from her, that she thinks I'm *really cool* - but maybe I'm just propping myself up in my head).

This does feel like a shit test, though it's not one I encounter often. And I don't know if there's a perfect response.

I reacted by throwing the ball on her court and being relatively dismissive. Something like 'if you're busy, whatever, I'll go with friend X'. Unsure if this is the best response, because it's not as assertive as confirming my interest.

Is this a common thing, and do you guys know what it's driving at?

Post: #2

I think the wrong answer is to imply that you have time for her any other day.

So my answer would be. "Yes I am sure, I might be busy later". I would use "might" instead of "will" to leave some plausible deniability and opportunity for her to fight for my evenings.

Make clear from the very beginning that relationship is going on on your terms.

Post: #3

She either got a better offer or cold feet because comfort or attraction spike wore off. Yes, its a common thing which is why the zero-date bang and SNL are better strategies. To make a baseball analogy, you are better swinging for the fence than playing small ball.

You really can't prevent a better offer from coming along except to strike while the iron is hot--if you are texting a girl and attraction/comfort have spiked meet her then or that night, don't wait to the weekend. You could make plans to see the jazz club but tell her wow i'm really excited to meet you, lets meet for a coffee or a drink right now.

If her buying temperature has waned, go back in your mind and think about what might have spiked her attraction or comfort and try to recycle those ideas. Good luck, this isn't easy.

Post: #4

(10-21-2017 05:55 AM)Hypno Wrote:  She either got a better offer or cold feet because comfort or attraction spike wore off. Yes, its a common thing which is why the zero-date bang and SNL are better strategies. To make a baseball analogy, you are better swinging for the fence than playing small ball.

You really can't prevent a better offer from coming along except to strike while the iron is hot--if you are texting a girl and attraction/comfort have spiked meet her then or that night, don't wait to the weekend. You could make plans to see the jazz club but tell her wow i'm really excited to meet you, lets meet for a coffee or a drink right now.

If her buying temperature has waned, go back in your mind and think about what might have spiked her attraction or comfort and try to recycle those ideas. Good luck, this isn't easy.

Could be money issue or attraction/comfort.
Either way, she was probably looking for masculine leadership. Aloof indifference might not have been the best of strategies.

Suggest for a next time, tell her to buy. If she is reluctant to buy, tell her you feel she is not into it. Tell her in that case not to buy, and you will make other plans (and make them).

Post: #5

I read that as she just wants to confirm that you are going to go on that day before spending money for tickets, I'd do the same with male or female friends if the arrangement wasn't concrete before spending money. This is absolutely minor, not everything is a shit test.

Post: #6

(10-21-2017 09:20 AM)Kieran Wrote:  I read that as she just wants to confirm that you are going to go on that day before spending money for tickets, I'd do the same with male or female friends if the arrangement wasn't concrete before spending money. This is absolutely minor, not everything is a shit test.

I agree, I would do the same thing. If she bought the tickets and you weren't interested anymore post bang, that would really suck for her. Why not confirm

Post: #7

(10-23-2017 01:08 AM)True Balla Wrote:  

(10-21-2017 09:20 AM)Kieran Wrote:  I read that as she just wants to confirm that you are going to go on that day before spending money for tickets, I'd do the same with male or female friends if the arrangement wasn't concrete before spending money. This is absolutely minor, not everything is a shit test.

I agree, I would do the same thing. If she bought the tickets and you weren't interested anymore post bang, that would really suck for her. Why not confirm

+1 for these opinions.

No shit test vibes, just checkin you out before spending cash