Post: #1

Get a load of this...

Quote:A SUSPECTED coven of voracious vampires is causing chaos in an African country with two people arrested for threatening to suck people’s blood.

Violent protests against the suspected vampires have led to 140 arrests and nine deaths in the south east African nation of Malawi.

The uprising began on 16 September when three men, who were suspected of being blood suckers, were killed by a mob. A further two men were killed on Thursday in Malawi’s second city of Blantyre.

One was stoned to death, the other set on fire, reports the BBC.

A Reuters reporter said the man who was set alight was epileptic and was killed while walking home from a nearby hospital.

When updated about the vampire outbreak President Peter Mutharika said, "What?! Fucking vampires again?"

Quote:The suspected vampires attacks has got so bad, town administrators and the UN aid have reportedly pulled staff out of areas where the violence has been the greatest.

Local website Malawi 24 has reported that the attacks are based on magic, Satanism, superstition and ignorance.

Victims have been suspected of being vampires simply because they have metal in their homes.

The website said Malawian MP had said blood sucking is real and people were dying due to it.

“People are seeing gold pipes in their homes and get weak,” the MP said, an apparent reference to folklore that certain kinds of metals can be a vampire’s weakness.

The vampire craze isn’t new and has bubbled under the surface in some parts of the country for years. The BBC reported that some villagers believe blood sucking is a ritual that originates in neighbouring Mozambique and is said to make people rich.

Suitcases provide good protection when fleeing Daywalkers. Walls work, you see.









As much as feminism sucks, it's not like this.

Post: #2

When I lived in Africa, my mother used to tell me to be careful of blood suckers. They were usually witches and real people murdering, incantation chanting sons of bitches. Now many people will not believe that these people exist, and that is fine. However you must know that at the minimum, even if it's just their imagination, they believe that they get super powers from sucking blood and the like.

One thing I can say to you guys that is true whether you believe in vampires or not, stay out of the villages (unless you have trusted family). Those people are wicked. The cities are much safer and filled with secular people generally.

Post: #3

They hunt albinos for body parts in Africa, so why not vampires?

Post: #4

Post: #5

They just need to plant garlic around their village like that one town in Ohio.

Post: #6

Little by little, the question of 'why do so many people in Africa have AIDS?' is being answered.

Post: #7

All fun and games, until you get over to the dark continent and you realize that all that stuff works over there...

Post: #8

(10-21-2017 11:13 AM)Nonpareil Wrote:  Little by little, the question of 'why do so many people in Africa have AIDS?' is being answered.

This.

Worst part about it is that since vampires are undead they can spread the AIDS forever since the virus won't ever kill them.

There's only one man who can stop the vampires in Africa.




Best part is that Wesley Snipes already lives there because that's where he moved after he ran from the IRS to avoid paying back taxes.

Post: #9

When you realize the term "blood sucker" is not a clever metaphor but is, in fact, a literal description of someone.

Post: #10

Maybe it's the work of some of Madonna's Malawi foundation graduates?

Post: #11

(10-21-2017 12:13 PM)Aurini Wrote:  All fun and games, until you get over to the dark continent and you realize that all that stuff works over there...

Not sure if...

Post: #12

And this ladies and gentlemen are what we are importing into Europe and parts of America.

Post: #13

I surprised at the lack of posts in this thread. I thought this would be something we could all get our teeth into.

Post: #14

(10-22-2017 01:26 PM)Ski pro Wrote:  I surprised at the lack of posts in this thread. I thought this would be something we could all get our teeth into.

It's probably time to put a stake in it...it's done...

Post: #15

Burning seems to the preferred method of punishment for everything in Africa.

Post: #16

Post: #17

(10-22-2017 01:34 PM)netguy68 Wrote:  

(10-22-2017 01:26 PM)Ski pro Wrote:  I surprised at the lack of posts in this thread. I thought this would be something we could all get our teeth into.

It's probably time to put a stake in it...it's done...

Sometimes people just can't see what's in the mirror.

Post: #18

(10-21-2017 12:32 AM)Conscious Pirate Wrote:  A Reuters reporter said the man who was set alight was epileptic and was killed while walking home from a nearby hospital.

Also, I'm calling BS on the epilepsy.

Post: #19

(10-21-2017 12:45 PM)Goldin Boy Wrote:  This.

Worst part about it is that since vampires are undead they can spread the AIDS forever since the virus won't ever kill them.

There's only one man who can stop the vampires in Africa.

Why???



...Don't tell me that Wesley has AIDS too?!?

Post: #20

We wuz KAAAAAAAAAAANNNNGGGGZZZZZZZZ!!!!!![and vampires]


Vampires were clearly stolen by the white man therefore it's cultural appropriation curse you Le Fanu and Stoker. Vlad Tepes was clearly African.

Post: #21

(10-22-2017 01:34 PM)netguy68 Wrote:  

(10-22-2017 01:26 PM)Ski pro Wrote:  I surprised at the lack of posts in this thread. I thought this would be something we could all get our teeth into.

It's probably time to put a stake in it...it's done...

I agree, this thread sucks.

God save us from people who mean well. -storm

Post: #22

I guess this is what happens when Count Chocula no longer does it for them, they move on to blood. I hear it's a gateway thing.

Post: #23

This is just a plot by Malawi government to steal tourists from Romania and increase budget.

Romania likely to respond to the threat of losing the only thing that makes it recognizable in international sphere and likely to declare war on Malawi for survival of cultural identity.

We already know the leader of Eastern European Nosferatu special forces:
   

vs the leader African Albino Demons unit: