Post: #1

As it states in the title I love my maternal grandparents more than I can express. The amount of love they gave me growing up sometimes exceeded that of my own parents and i reciprocate it in anyway I can.

As I've been getting older the the thoughts of all of life's biggest events started to creep up. Finishing school, marriage, my first child, etc. and one of the things I always wanted is for all my close family, esspecially my grandparents to be present for these events.

I know a large part of this is totally out of anyones control, but what is, is the time frame in which these events occur. To an extent ofcourse.

What I mean to say is that I'm faced with the dillema of getting myself ready and settling down earlier for the sake of my grandparents or wait until I've had my fun and I am ready.

My grandmother has told me on occasion that she wishes for nothing more than to see my wedding day and i can assume my grandfather shares those same sentiments, even though he has never uttered the words. This happens esspecially after we attend a large family event.

I've made this post to seek advice as well as to see if anyone else has been in a similar situation, and come to a pleasant resolve.

Post: #2

First, I applaud the sincerity in your post...and I can relate.

But my advice to you is simple. Do not rush in, or force something that you're not ready for. It will lead to regret later on in life. Now, who's to say you don't find the love of your life next week....if that's the case, then go for it. But do not settle for the sake of others. Your grandparents will be proud regardless.

Post: #3

My grandmother passed away a couple weeks ago and I miss her a lot. Her passing away has made me rethink some priorities, before I wanted to travel and live overseas and come home every year or so, now I'm not sure. Be glad you get to see your grandparents. I still want to move to a larger city but one that is nearby and an afternoon drive to where my parents, brother and few friends I'm still friends with from growing up live. In your situation I'd say have fun, don't settle down for them but visit them as often as possible.

Post: #4

I totally understand you, I completely feel the same. I only have one grandmother which I love the most. I lost this year a grandfather and last year another grandmother. I passed through rough times, but fortunately time can heal or diminish the pain. One might think we're just some animals inhabiting the planet and that above all no one will remember us in the end. I mean, only our sons and possible grandsons will remember us, but past that, we're just dust in the sky. The best we can do is create memories and take care of our elderlies. I always try to visit and spend some time with my older relatives every week. They have so much to teach us and sometimes we just ignore them.
Nevertheless, no matter how much it might cost you, I don't think you should settle earlier than you should or feel. Unless, you've found the right one, you probably still have so many years ahead before that. You have your life ahead. I'm 24 and my grandmother is 89. She's really old but she doesn't look like 89, no one says she's even 80. If she keeps up the pace, she'll probably have 10 more quality years.
I think above everything, one should prioritize his own happiness instead of the other's. Imagine how you'll feel in 10 years if you don't have grandparents and you feel you've wasted your youth. I'm sure your grandparents would be happy as long as you're happy.

Post: #5

Consideration for your parents, yes, but grandparents? Having great-grandparents in a child's life is inconsequential to raising them well, teaching the meaning of family, etc. More than likely great grand parents will all be gone by the time the kids are 10 anyways, and will need to witness death at a young age. If you're having kids a bit later they will usually start to witness death of their own grandparents by age 20, but will still have formative relationships with them.

Post: #6

In general do people have more love for their maternal grandparents than their paternal grandparents?

I had a really tight relationship with my maternal grandparents, after my grandma passed away I didn't visit my grandpa as much as before, something I still feel a bit bad about. My grandpa wasn't loney, he had lots of children and dozens of grandchildren that were visiting him, but I know he really apreciated any time I'd visit.

I think the love I got from my parents and grandparents is the most unconditional love I'll ever receive. Knowing that your happiness means the world to them is like a warm fire in the middle of an icy tundra.

To OP,
Don't get married and have children because your grandparents would like it, do it because it makes you happy. Seeing you happy is what makes them happy.

Post: #7

I admire the sentiment, but you have to live your life, your way and for you.

If the gramps love you, that's what they want for you too.

Post: #8

I lost my maternal Grandfather this last week, I've tried to hold myself together for my mother and her mother's sake.

The pain just keeps growing inside the more the reality that I'll never be able to hold him again sets in.

I have a few of his last garments, they still have his scent. All I want to do is just hug him one last time and tell him how much I love him man...

I know there's nothing anyone can do about this but RVF is the only place I can turn to right now to express just a fraction of what I'm feeling right now

Post: #9

(09-05-2017 02:11 PM)Svoboda Wrote:  In general do people have more love for their maternal grandparents than their paternal grandparents?

I had a really tight relationship with my maternal grandparents, after my grandma passed away I didn't visit my grandpa as much as before, something I still feel a bit bad about. My grandpa wasn't loney, he had lots of children and dozens of grandchildren that were visiting him, but I know he really apreciated any time I'd visit.

I think the love I got from my parents and grandparents is the most unconditional love I'll ever receive. Knowing that your happiness means the world to them is like a warm fire in the middle of an icy tundra.

To OP,
Don't get married and have children because your grandparents would like it, do it because it makes you happy. Seeing you happy is what makes them happy.

Visit your grandparents often, regardless of which side of the family they are on. I visited my fathers side a lot and in hindsight it still wasn’t enough. They’ve seen life, they’re more red pill than you réalisé and have wisdom to pass to you.

I was under big pressure from my grandma to have kids. I’m glad I didn’t before I was ready.

Post: #10

Damn. I'm jealous. Both sets of my grandparents are giant turds, petty haters that always caused squabbles and divison within the family. Thankfully, I was able to salvage my relationship with my mom after we both recognized that we were being played by these toxic people in the family.