A few months ago, I matched with a girl on Tinder. That's not unusual, I usually get one or two matches a week when I swipe a lot every day. What was unusual was that this one talked back. American girls on Tinder rarely reply to me, it really killed my ego when I first made a profile. Needless to say, I was excited by her positive response and immediately logged in to Kindle to brush up on "Bang" because I knew my own skills were weak.


As I re-read pertinent sections of the book, I realized that I hadn't been on a date in seven years. I was surprised by the math, but it was accurate, I hadn't been on a date since I graduated school. I followed Roosh's advice closely and as the week drew to an end I was pleased with myself. I had set up the date for Thursday at my favorite bar and the girl was still responding to my text messages.

I wasn't as nervous as I expected to be. Even when she texted me that she would be 30 minutes late to our 8 PM appointment I didn't let my nerves get to me. I simply uncased my rifle and did some house-clearing drills to kill some time. I didn't want to get there before she did because Roosh recommends not to do that for some good reasons.

I ended up arriving there first anyways because she was a few minutes later than her estimate. I wasn't bothered because she sent me some very apologetic texts as I waited. I killed some more time by sipping water and chatting with the bartender and owner who are friendly with me because I always tip well. I talked to the owner about my date. I told him she was probably going to be fat, but I didn't mind because she had a pretty face and huge tits.

When she finally arrived, she was fat, just as I expected but she also had a cute face, a nice ass, and tits big enough to clog a toilet. I was pleased. I kept my back to her as she walked through the door and I ended my conversation with the owner. When she was only a few steps away I climbed off my bar stool, and smiled genuinely as I said hi and hugged her.

She apologized well for being tardy as we sat. I told her it was ok, I probably should have teased her or told her I would spank her or something but I missed the opportunity. We ordered drinks and began to chat. From time to time, my leg closest to her would sway from side to side in a nervous way, I think she noticed.

We talked about alcohol, guns, family, video games, her ex and the service industry. At one point she asked me what kind of holster I use for concealed carry and I said "Give me your hand". She did and I placed it on the Glock 19 in my waistband, letting her feel it through my shirt, I said "I'll show you later". She liked that. I also read her palm, I could have done better with my improv on that but she liked it even though she said I was being cheesy.

We each had two drinks plus sushi. When last call came, I paid the tab even though she offered to split it. I told her she could get it next time. As we left the bar I tried to venue change to an arcade a few doors down but it was closed. I said "Oh well, I guess we have to go back to my house and play Super Smash Bros instead." It worked. She drove me to my car and followed me home, a convenient 30 second trip from the bar. As she followed me, I thought about the handcuffs I had seen hanging from her rear-view mirror.

She had to spend the first ten minutes at my house befriending my wary dog.Then, she looked at my booze and requested whiskey. She drank hers fast, and I barely touched mine. After that, it was smooth sailing for a while. As we sat down to play Smash Bros on my Gamecube I told her that I was sitting in the only comfortable chair, so she should sit on my lap. She asked if I was saying that only because I wanted her to sit in my lap. I said "Yeah" and she sat in my lap.

I kicked her ass in Smash for a while, teasing her skills and slowly working my hands into a position where I held the controller against the underside of her boobs. At some point she turned her head toward me and I kissed her. I stood her up, kissed her some more and somehow ended up putting her in a Half Nelson. A lot of this stuff is going to sound weird on paper, but in the moment it was natural and enjoyable for both of us.

She halfheartedly tried to hip throw me. I said "Try to hip throw me, huh?" I put her in a Full Nelson, and pressed my crotch into her ass as I pushed her down the hallway to my bedroom. I think it was around this point that she began to mumble "It's not fair." I think her tone of voice was meant to be enticing, but it was a turn off for me. I do not understand what she meant by it.

I gently pushed her onto my bed, she sat down and rolled onto her stomach as I arranged the lighting and turned on music. I took her shoes off, here is a picture of that moment:



I got on the bed with her and took off her clothes and mine as she offered some token resistance. I fumbled with her bra and after two tries I said "I'm going to rip this off of you". I waited one second and tore it off. Her tits were ok. They were big but I could see veins and were a little saggy. When I took off her panties I became a bit disappointed by her fat thighs and pussy. As I got off the bed to remove my pants and underwear, she sort of peeked around the blanket and pilows to see my cock. It was very cute, and I remember that moment fondly.



This is the part of the story that could go one of two ways. I could tell you the sanitized version that I tell my friends, the version where she sleeps over and we fuck all night. But I'm not going to do that, I'm going to tell you the truth because it feels good to get it off my chest.




I laid next to her on the bed and kissed her with one hand firmly around her throat, my other hand slid between her legs. She mumbled about not wanting to go this far with someone she'd just met. I mumbled about that being good because I'm not a "sex on the first date" type of guy. At this point I wasn't yet worried about my lack of boner.

She was really wet, and I fingered her curling my middle and ring finger in her pussy in a "cum hither" gesture. I had read that this technique made girls squirt and I had great success with it. She moaned and closed her eyes as her pussy gushed all over my goose down comforter.

I put her hand hand on my cock as I continued to finger her. She jerked me off, but she was really bad at it and she stopped after a minute or so of no response from my limp dick. I made her cum a couple more times and then took my fingers out. As I laid there next to her I licked my fingers behind her back because I had never tasted pussy juice before. I honestly detected no taste on my fingers, I was disappointed.

She rolled to face me and said " I didn't want to go this far with someone I just met." I stared at her with a blank face, broke contact and moved 180 degrees to the head of my bed where I laid my head on the pillows. After a few seconds she moved and put herself in a spooning position and we cuddled. I kept trying for a boner even though my cock felt dead.

I made her cum once more and then she got up and started looking for her clothes. I got up and gently bent her over the bed. She didn't resist and I proceeded to finger her from behind as I twisted her arm behind her back and bit her fat ass. This was pretty fun for me and she loved it. Her legs gave out as she came a huge soaking puddle on my tile floor and her shirt

I didn't stop and I put her in a chokehold on the floor until she asked if we could lay on the bed.

She slept over and I held her all night. I couldn't get any sleep. I listened to her snore until my alarm clock went off.

Neither of us had brushed our teeth. We kissed with rancid sushi breath and didn't care. She gave me a longer handjob but her technique was awful. I told her to spit on it but her mouth was dry and she couldn't make enough spit to lube me up. I told her to suck my cock, she mumbled and for the sake of my ego I'm going to remember her saying "I'm not ready yet" instead of "It's not ready yet".

I pushed her over and began to rub my cock on her pussy lips. She moaned and closed her eyes, but soon opened them and asked me to put on a condom. I had a shitty halfway boner but I rolled the rubber on anyways and put about 5% of the tip of my cock into her pussy before I shriveled up severely.

I said "Yeah, it's not gonna happen" as I got up from the bed. She said "It's the condom isn't it? I know a lot of guys will go soft at the drop of a hat for a condom." I said "Yeah" as I walked into the bathroom.

I rushed to get ready for work. She put her shirt in my dryer because she squirted all over it. We had a short, pleasant shower together. She told me that she didn't know my name because she labeled me in her phone as Blondebeard. I told her that I didn't know her name because I labeled her in my phone as Big Tits.

We stood outside her car in my driveway and she hugged and kissed me. She reminded me that I had said I would take her shooting. I said that we could go next week. We said goodbye and she left.

After that, the texts trailed off and I haven't seen her since. Overall, it was a weird experience for me. I don't know if I actually lost my virginity, I think not because I didn't cum. I ended up paying $50 for her drinks and sushi, but she tells me the bra I destroyed is worth $36, so it could be worse. The whole situation rocked my confidence for a while but it's water under the bridge now. I am worried about ED however, ever since then I've been paying more attention and my boners are pretty weak.

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