Post: #26

(07-17-2017 03:52 AM)Thomas the Rhymer Wrote:  Don't marry someone just because you love them. Love is the worst possible reason I can think of for a man to marry a woman. There must be something else of value to convince you to marry a woman. Marriage should be a calculated plus into your life (I admit there is always the risk of it blowing up, but is that not the risk in all things?).

If I recall correctly, the Bible says to "Love the woman you marry" not to "Marry the woman you love."

G

Post: #27

Triple whammy of great posts from the OP further explanation and Leonard and Thomas.

LTR's are at least partly bullshit as currently practiced, what I mean by that is there has to be a point. She has intentions find out what they are and see if they match up with yours. She is waiting on you for marriage and kids?

Post: #28

(07-17-2017 02:56 AM)RatInTheWoods Wrote:  You are 26, so you don't need to make a "marry her" decision for 10 years yet. If you love her and she is awesome, stick with her.

You are correct in zeroing in on the problem being you, a lack of drive, motivation etc. A quarter life crisis?

Excellent choice to hit the road, see some buddies and re-evaluate life when you get back.

Interested to see how this pans out....

x2

People don't know what they want or only think they know what they want in their 20's. Don't rush into anything, especially something like a marriage that can cost you in the long run. And don't lock yourself in your 20's when there are so many things to experience(travel, girls, culture, careers, etc). Also it wouldn't hurt to get some tests done to see if you are deficient in anything(low t, iron, vitamins, etc).

Post: #29

Thanks for the input so far gentleman. Hopefully this thread can help others who find themselves in the same scenario. To answer a few questions:

There is a lot of talk on marrying her. I never mentioned the thought of that in the OP. One of the red flags I had mentioned though (marrying straight out of high school and getting divorced) may actually be an asset. She has already experienced marriage and knows how shitty it can get, as opposed to the younger, never married women who just "want a ring" and to live in marital bliss. If anything, I think this keeps her from wanting to repeat that cycle. Furthermore, I already told her that if she wants a ring or child anytime soon that I am not the guy for that. She claims that she is 100% okay with that, but we all know women...

The original post was to determine if I should continue this relationship or if I should be single again. As Noir pointed out, I am definitely romanticizing my player days. Grass is always greener. But it is measurable and obvious that I have regressed in the gym, hobbies, guy-time activities and am certainly paying the mental price now. As noted before, I am the leader and it is my responsibility to create balance in the relationship, not her --- So this is my fault.

In regards to the sex. It's good, but the passion lacks now. Could be low-T...familiarity...or some other type of mental slump I'm in right now. The old saying of "show me a beautiful woman and I'll show you a man who is tired of fucking her" certainly applies here. This could just be biological.

Normally I wouldn't post about this, but after a life audit i've realized that this is all i've ever done. Meet, seduce, relationship, bored, bye. Rinse. Repeat.

There has to be more to life than that, no?

Another well respected poster suggested that love is not the same as pity but I don't feel as if I pity her. Sure I may play a fatherly role at times and help her out with a lot of things, but I'm not sure as to if it's pity.

Regardless... here is my plan to get some answers:

1) I am packing my bags right now for a two week trip. East coast, NYC, midwest, then back. I can write half of it off for business as well. This will give me time to talk to hard hitters in my field, see my best friend (known each other since age 2 and grew up together), and attend a party of some of my close friends back in my home town. There will be booze, women, and most importantly, good conversation (I hope). getting in touch with my roots and seeing good friends should help to stabilize things, not to mention 2 weeks away from her to give myself some time alone with my feelings. Depending on how much I miss her (or how much I do not miss her) will be telling.

2) Upon return I'll restart a gym regimen and also get my vitamin and T levels checked. It's been a while since i've had blood work done and I know the cycles I ran in college were not the best decision i've made. What's done is done and i'll make the proper adjustments if there is a deficiency.

3) I'll continue checking in on the forum for more advice from you all. Some are not cut out to be in a relationship, others are not cut out to be players. Some, like me, don't know what they want or what makes them happy. I will need to find this.

4) I will be integrating hobbies back into my life. I signed up at a Yoga studio nearby that one of my clients works at (She supports my business and I will support hers). I'll also pick up a set of golf clubs and find my swing again. I'll make it a requirement to hit one networking/cocktail party per week (alone) to meet new people and perhaps find new clients/connections.

I believe, after implementing the following, the answer(s) should shake out. If not... Back at square one but just in better shape and have a new set of clubs.

Flight leaves in less than 24 hours

Post: #30

Hey guys,

Wanted to post a quick update:

After traveling for a few weeks I ended up falling back into the same old routine. While on the trip... I missed her at times.. but not heart crushingly bad by any means. I've tried to spend more time with guy friends, but it seems they'll only do couples dates now... fun.

I've read through this thread (and others similar to it) many times and compiled a list of things that I think are correct and currently affecting me; causing slight depression and anxiety about where I'm heading with my life.

You see, the feeling(s) I have are weird. It's like I love the girl, but at the same time I've begun to resent her. Furthermore, it's not that I miss being single... but I miss who I was when I was single... not for the strange or seeking new tail, but my motivation, outlook on life, work ethic, and desire to take risks (travel abroad, start my business(es), etc.)... I now have none of those traits and I do believe the lack stems from this relationship.

I didn't always have these feelings towards her - they slowly came about. And I know why:

a) I got her a position at my old employer (who I still work with from time to time).
b) my friend group is now her friend group... she's become close with the girlfriends of my best friends.
c) anytime I travel, she's with (this was my main hobby)
d) she has slowly started moving personal items into my place (tooth brush, shoes, dresses, etc)... she moved back in with family (I told her she couldn't live here when she asked)... and I feel sort of bad when she's there for extended times because it's like she's "between places" and uncomfortable.


When I write it on paper... it's clear as day: She has my (old/part-time) job, she now has my friends, she basically has my place, and my main travel hobby to look forward to is now a joint venture. There is no me nor mine anymore... it's simply been morphed into one... and I'm not liking it at all... it's the base of my current depression.

I can't blame this on her... because I allowed all of it to happen in the first place.

In order to rewind it, I spoke to her about it... She said she didn't mean for that to happen but nonetheless I still feel wiped out. It feels like she has gotten all of the positives from this relationship and now what do I have? Depression? Lack of Motivation?

It's like everything she has now (that is good) has come from me... including her happiness... she has no hobbies outside of me, nor ambition to do anything more unless I tell her to. It may sound submissive of her but its actually annoying. If I wanted a child, I could have had multiple by now... but that's not what I want!

So now... If I break up with her; it'll be like pulling the rug from underneath her. She said she'd quit the job, stop hanging out with our mutual friends, etc... but I don't think that would benefit anyone.

She's a great girl, but I can't keep her happiness up by bringing mine down. I feel like 1/2 the man I used to be; if that. I haven't looked forward to anything for months... anhedonia at it's finest. I literally felt short of breath this morning. I made her leave early...and took the day off work. This wouldn't be the first time I've done this either.

I'm highly functional still, but feel the malaise like a distant headache. I don't let it run my life; but it's there.

I've read other members posts about getting depressed in relationships as well. Is it due to childhood psychology? Is it the girl (this has happened to me a few times before so I don't think it's that)? Grass is greener mentality? Stuck in my own ways? or should I get off my soapbox and just admit I'm getting older and life changes.

It kills me to say this but a part of me hates her...and a part of me hates me for hating her... a vicious cycle. She hasn't done anything overtly wrong, at all.

Via PM there have been a few good men who say it's best to let her go...and a few guys who tell me i'll regret it. Both sides are right. It goes back to what was said before "That's what it is to be a man".

Hopefully this helps another reader who may experience this one day.

I'm still here... open to input.

CC

Post: #31

Son, let me tell you a little story...

Once upon a time, a Prince asked a beautiful Princess, "Will you marry me?"

The Princess said NO and the Prince lived happily ever after and rode motorcycles and fucked skinny big titted broads and hunted and raced cars and went to naked bars and dated women half his age and drank whiskey, beer and Captain Morgan and never heard bitching and never paid child support or alimony and ate pussies and ass fucked cheerleaders and kept his house and guns and never got cheated on while he was at work and all his friends and family thought he was fuckin cool as hell and had tons of money in the bank and left the toilet seat up .....

The end

Post: #32

(08-25-2017 05:55 PM)HankMoody Wrote:  Son, let me tell you a little story...

Once upon a time, a Prince asked a beautiful Princess, "Will you marry me?"

The Princess said NO and the Prince lived happily ever after and rode motorcycles and fucked skinny big titted broads and hunted and raced cars and went to naked bars and dated women half his age and drank whiskey, beer and Captain Morgan and never heard bitching and never paid child support or alimony and ate pussies and ass fucked cheerleaders and kept his house and guns and never got cheated on while he was at work and all his friends and family thought he was fuckin cool as hell and had tons of money in the bank and left the toilet seat up .....

The end

I remember that one from my childhood... it's been a while though. Thanks for reminding me lol.

Post: #33

Quote:I've read other members posts about getting depressed in relationships as well. Is it due to childhood psychology? Is it the girl (this has happened to me a few times before so I don't think it's that)? Grass is greener mentality? Stuck in my own ways? or should I get off my soapbox and just admit I'm getting older and life changes.

Read up on adult attachment theory, especially the Avoidant Attachment Style.

Post: #34

Thank you CC to share this here.

First, I would warn you to pay no heed to any "man" that would do this:

Next, this quote comes to mind - https://heartiste.wordpress.com/the-sixt...s-of-poon/

Quote:III. You shall make your mission, not your woman, your priority

Forget all those romantic cliches of the leading man proclaiming his undying love for the woman who completes him. Despite whatever protestations to the contrary, women do not want to be “The One” or the center of a man’s existence. They in fact want to subordinate themselves to a worthy man’s life purpose, to help him achieve that purpose with their feminine support, and to follow the path he lays out. You must respect a woman’s integrity and not lie to her that she is “your everything”. She is not your everything, and if she is, she will soon not be anymore.

I am in an LTR like you. Every day she tests me, if she knows it or not.

Each test she asks "are you a man or a boy? Will you stay solid or fold?"

So far I feel good. I am the man. I work, study, meet with the boys, lead this LTR as I see fit.

At times she may shed tears, real or fake - asks if I truly love her, or if she truly loves me. Again, a test. Do not waver.

But we are just men. Maybe one day you will, at last, tire of her. No more tests. Get the fuck out.

A man must find peace on his own - no woman will give that to you. They are a part of your life, but this is YOUR life.

See the quote above - what is your mission?

Are you about to fail that mission?

Post: #35

(harmonized)