Post: #1

TLDR: If you are in the middle of a divorce, PLEASE take time out of your life to travel. Especially if it's with a girl that you still have some LOVE for. If not, you risk being pulled back into the relationship. I didn't get pulled back in, but I'm still not out of the line of fire yet.

I am currently in the middle of a divorce. I was married for about to 2.5 years, however it was with a girl that I had been with for a little bit over 11 years. We were not together in the same country for all those years (it was a long-distance thing, but I would spend long stretches over there (Japan) and she would spend long stretches in the US. We are doing an uncontested divorce since we had no property, no kids, no savings, etc. We were pretty much a glorified boyfriend and girlfriend couple that just so happened to be married because we were tired of doing the long-distance traveling, and I wanted her to be in my home country.

I still have a lot of feelings for her and she still has a lot of feelings for me, but we kind of concluded on the whole "this is the best move for both of us because we are both headed in different paths in our life" right now. One thing that I do regret is that right now my funds are very low and I am unable to travel anywhere. The reason this is important is because she knows where I'm staying and I still have contact with her a couple of times a week. It's a risky thing, just because I could be sucked into that sense of love and relationship again. My health is not the best and that also is a huge factor, but besides that, a trip somewhere would have really helped. I still may try to go somewhere to visit family for one to two weeks in the beginning of February, but I need to come back to the US because I have things to deal with financially and with my health.

Before our divorce we had fights so many times and the the divorce topic had been coming up so much more that it's kind of like a non-shock event that occurred. This is a good thing, because we already know what to expect from each other if we did get back together (this will hopefully keep us from re-uniting). I can't really say that I'll never try to get back with her again in the future, 3-5 years from now. I know that nobody wants to hear it, or read those kind of things on this forum, and I also don't even want to say it, because I'd rather just keep her eventually as my once or twice a year fuck-friend.

One issue is that I'm still helping her with legal stuff (health insurance, Green card stuff, etc.). I could be a total asshole about it and just leave her high and dry, and possibly deported, but that is not the kind of person that I am, and she deserves better than that. Also, if I try to make things difficult for her, she may make things difficult for me by complicating or slowing down the divorce. I was her main lifeline here in the US and she was super dependent on me, so the thing that is happening now is that I communicate with her via text every 3-4 days. After her Green Card renewal paperwork is sent, I will fall back because I can't be too involved in her life, because now it's time for me to do my things. That's one reason we're getting divorced.

But yeah... that is the main thing I wanted to say. It seems like a common sense thing but I just wanted to make a topic about it to remind anyone that may be in a similar situation. This really only applies to you if you guys are teetering on "maybe you'll be sucked back into the relationship" mode. If you guys are clearly hateful of each other and lawyers are involved in all of this, then that is a different story and I wish you good luck.

Post: #2

(01-14-2017 04:49 PM)Mr.GoodThread Wrote:  I know that nobody wants to hear it, or read those kind of things on this forum, and I also don't even want to say it, because I'd rather just keep her eventually as my once or twice a year fuck-friend.

What makes you so certain she'll want to be your "once or twice a year fuck-friend"? A pretty girl's vagina doesn't stay empty for very long, especially not nowadays. Hope you're ready for when she moves on - or, perhaps more accurately, are ready to realize she already has.

Also, you need to talk to a divorce lawyer who knows a thing or two about immigration before you inadvertently step into a visa fraud situation with that green card planning going on. You might be fine, but just saying that's the last thing you need at this moment.

Post: #3

Quote:I could be a total asshole about it and just leave her high and dry, and possibly deported, but that is not the kind of person that I am, and she deserves better than that.

If she deserved that much help from you, you wouldn't have a reason to divorce. Ghost her and let her fend for herself.

Post: #4

Ending a relationship is like ripping off a Band-Aid, man...it's better if you do it quick. Otherwise it's going to be a needlessly painful experience for you.

Post: #5

I face no sort of Green card fraud problems as she will be filing with a divorce waiver, and the marriage was entered into with good intentions. I'm just helping her fill out the form, we're not filing jointly. I'd explain it more, but it's technical and boring.

Even if she does move on, and get married, and start a family, I still have confidence that I could bang her 1-2 times a year. We were nearly together for 12 years. Some things you just know. Plus, it's not like I'd be the first guy ever to bang his ex or baby momma (luckily we have no baby)

It is like ripping off a bandaid, and your advice is appreciated. Right now I got other factors in my life creating obstacles though. Plus, on top of all of that, my inner game is SUPER WEAK right now.

The point of this thread however, is to warn others who may be in a similar situation. Take a trip fellas. Get out of the country.

Post: #6

I agree with you 100%.

Case in point; Elon Musk's two divorces with the same woman

""It was an amazing four years. I will love you forever. You will make someone very happy one day."

Post: #7

Take good care of your health, mate. That includes emotions. Not being sure what you're dealing with you could type in your symptoms or condition on YouTube along with "dr wallach" who is the naturopath / veterinarian who has literally written the book on human and animal nutrition. Get your diet right, walk 30 min a day if you can, supplement, and laugh! So many great comics - Russell Peters, Pablo Francisco, Bill Burr, Patrice O'neal, Maz Jobrani, Jim Gaffigan (bacon!), Gabriel Iglesias, etc. - and laughter is the best medicine for an intense break-up. I've been in an intense relationship with a Japanese girl. Not saying they're all the same (clearly not) but there can be both a vulnerability and a hardness which makes them very challenging. I was more blue-Pilled during that relationship but it was the start of seeing the truth. Good health!

Post: #8

Thank you guys

Post: #9

If you want to make a woman crazy, break up with her/divorce her and then bang her intermittently until you get a new girlfriend. They will go psycho because they held onto some hope they could win you back and then realize its over for good.

Bang your exes if you are also the kind of risk taker that bangs herpes girls because they don't currently have a flare up.

Post: #10

(01-15-2017 05:49 PM)Dr. Howard Wrote:  If you want to make a woman crazy, break up with her/divorce her and then bang her intermittently until you get a new girlfriend. They will go psycho because they held onto some hope they could win you back and then realize its over for good.

Bang your exes if you are also the kind of risk taker that bangs herpes girls because they don't currently have a flare up.

You'd be surprised how many of those types of guys are out there .

Post: #11

I had a "friendly divorce" but with no emotions.
I agree with @SlickyBoy. You need to lawyer up. This is critical. Use friends or family for funds if you can.

You need to change the mindset. You are currently in a "struggle" to get what you need. You may give some to get some, but for god sake keep your emotions out of the process. If not you will probably be sorry for the next few years.

Let her go. She has moved to "somebody that you use to know" status. You are minimizing contact which is good, keep it up.

Also - use your "safety nets" (friends, family) for emotional support. You have been with her for a long time and need to be reminded of "yourself" and need support from people who care about you.

And of course - eat well, work out and get plenty of sleep. You need it.

Post: #12

(01-14-2017 04:49 PM)Mr.GoodThread Wrote:  I can't really say that I'll never try to get back with her again in the future, 3-5 years from now.

You would consider getting back with a girl after 3-5 years apart, knowing that she had sex with other dudes during that time?

I wouldn't. You'd basically be marrying what used to be your wife but is now just some other dude's sloppy seconds. Talk about adding insult to injury.

Post: #13

(01-17-2017 12:51 AM)Rob Banks Wrote:  You would consider getting back with a girl after 3-5 years apart, knowing that she had sex with other dudes during that time?

I wouldn't. You'd basically be marrying what used to be your wife but is now just some other dude's sloppy seconds. Talk about adding insult to injury.

Trust me, I really thought about that because no man would want that, but she wasn't a virgin when I got with her, and if I ever did get back with her 3-5 years later (only if I decide that I want kids/family and can't find anyone better), I would be a mostly different person, and as long as all her medical tests came back healthy and everything else was still tight, then it wouldn't really be so much of a big deal (in the grand scheme of life). This possibility wouldn't happen anytime soon though. I appreciate you post though.

Post: #14

Move on with your life or else you will be stuck thinking second thoughts and what ifs. Don't bang her anymore.