Post: #1

Nothing wrong with men being men, but I think sometimes a few guys don't know the limits.

I play in a traveling dart league.

The bar/establishment my team and I played at the other night was purchased a few months ago by a regular dart player (60's) and his son (mid 40's).

During one match, the owner's son walks up with food that a player on the other team ("Joe") ordered. Joe's outside having a smoke, and can be seen through the large front window.

The son sets the food down at the community table that both teams are sharing, turns to a couple of my teammates, motions to the front window and says, "These are for that dirty black guy out there."



Ok, I think to myself.. maybe they know each other and are pretty tight. Hell, a good (black) friend of mine in the league always tells everyone (with me there) that we're brothers, and I respond that he's the black sheep of the family. He laughs, I laugh, it's ball breaking and both of us know it.

If the son had thrown Joe the middle finger through the window and pointed to the food, I would have laughed and not thought twice about it.

So at that point I figure maybe I'm looking too much into the son's comment...

A little while later, one of my teammates is shooting a match. He frequents the establishment before, and he'd also ordered some food that night.

The son comes out, sets the food down, looks to another teammate sitting at our table, points, and says (about my teammate), "That's for the gay guy shooting over there right now."



I love breaking balls as much as the next person. But I break that person's stones, with them present. And I do it with people that I know are aware that I'm busting their stones.

I guess I'd look at it differently if each of the people were there to hear the son say the things he said, or to that person. "Here's your fries, homo.", TO the teammate, the teammate would have said something back, I would have laughed a little and not thought twice about it.

And I'll even break balls with the person approaching me/us. "You know, if we didn't have that @sshole Bob on our team, we'd be in first pl-Hey, Bob, what's going on ?". Bob also knows the type of person I and my teammates are, knows I'm joking, and usually comes back with a response just as savage.. followed by handshakes and laughs.

I don't know if I'm looking too much into the situation(s), or if I'm not alone in the belief that any ballbreaking should be with all parties present.

Curious to hear the responses..

Post: #2

When you call out somebody to get his fucking shinebox!

Post: #3

Some people are not made for comedy. When they try, they go overboard, or their delivery and choice of words suck.

It's the same guys who try to recite a joke they heard or a comedy routine and completely fuck it up. The original joke was probably funny, but they aren't, so it falls flat, or worse, comes across as crossing the line like it did in your example.

This is also why most men dislike sarcasm from the women in their life. They don't get the nuances of delivery, they are just repeating lines.

Post: #4

Some dudes just take shit too far.

Post: #5

I think it depends on the people and the situation. With good friends, I tolerate a lot more bullshit. With guys I just met, I get annoyed when they start talking shit or bringing up personal stuff they've heard from other people and try to use it against me. For example, one guy I just met told me to "quit being such a bitch" when I said I didn't feel like waking up at 6AM to play basketball when I was going to be up late the night before. Had that come from a good friend, I would have shot it back, but with him being some guy I barely knew, I pretty much wrote him off after that (he had made a couple other comments before that, so that was the last straw).

Post: #6

(01-14-2017 05:31 PM)Alpharius Wrote:  



Some dudes just take shit too far.

That's one of the main features of modern culture I don't like. Nowadays you can say whatever you want to someone as long as it ''seems'' like your joking. The person talking the shit often can have eyes that tell you he's serious yet their voice will of course be goofy and non serious. Get angry? Haha don't be butthurt dude! Punch someone who just said they were coming after your family ''jokingly'' of course, and it's an assault charge for you and sympathy for the ''jokester''. I also think the problem can be someone who simply is not funny or doesn't know how to bust someones balls without coming across as serious. Too much aping of comedy movies and such.

Post: #7

(01-14-2017 02:57 PM)Sam Malone Wrote:  The son sets the food down at the community table that both teams are sharing, turns to a couple of my teammates, motions to the front window and says, "These are for that dirty black guy out there."

That is not breaking balls, that is being a woman, talking behind somebody's back, being a little bitch. Chide a man to his face, to be able to make fun of someone to their face and throw it back at you, makes a bond of being able to make fun of each other to each other, to be a group that laughs at each other, so they will have each others backs when it counts.
Don't be a little limp wristed faggot bitch, if you're in a gorup, be a part of the group, do not sake one man out for your ego, that is how a group is not cohesive and falls apart when it matters most. A tribe does not toss men out willy-nilly to the wolves for the sake of ego, because then that tribe does not exist.

Talking behind somebody's back is a woman's way to get ahead, for resources they cannot use muscle to acquire. A man uses his strength, then men combine that strength to acquire and kill other tribe for its resources. One that will betray the rest for his own sake kills the tribe. So we bust each other's balls, to "shit test" each other to keep our strength united.

Busting balls only needs to go far enough to understand that a group will not betray each other, it is how we survive the harsh world, now the world is easy, covered in concrete and stop lights, so we bust each other's balls.

Post: #8

I don't like people who bust balls when they don't know the person. Especially if it's towards a newcomer to a group, and the ball buster assumes superiority over someone who may well be superior to them for all they know. It happens a lot on forums, unfortunately.

Post: #9

He thinks he's a big shot because his daddy owns the place. There is no rehabilitation for these types. Find somewhere else to shoot darts and make it known this guy is a prick.

Post: #10

(01-15-2017 07:34 AM)Mr Johnny Montoya Wrote:  I don't like people who bust balls when they don't know the person. Especially if it's towards a newcomer to a group, and the ball buster assumes superiority over someone who may well be superior to them for all they know. It happens a lot on forums, unfortunately.

This is little thing called "paying your dues".

If you think it's unfair and unacceptable then you're unlikely to ever be accepted into a group with serious brotherhood and cohesion.

A group will "bust your balls" when you're new to see if if those balls they're busting are strong enough to take the punishment or soft enough to pop. (ugh, I'm done with that analogy).

You need to understand that this is normal and the best way to deal with it not to take it personally. At first you shut up and accept it. Eventually you backchat them every now and then in good humour. "Gee, Johnny, I wish I was as tough as you", with mild sarcasm for example. Organically you will eventually be one of the guys, each busting the balls of the others.

If at some early stage you rib them back to a small degree and they act with hostility then that's a group you probably don't want to be a part of.

p.s. If you're in a transitory situation where you've just been introduced to someone that you're not going to be seeing often and they're busting your balls then give it back to them with interest.

Post: #11

It's only ball busting if the target is within earshot and has an opportunity to retort. In the OP's scenario, the guy just sounds like a dork trying to fit into the camaraderie but failing miserably.

Post: #12

(01-15-2017 07:58 AM)Leonard D Neubache Wrote:  This is little thing called "paying your dues".

If you think it's unfair and unacceptable then you're unlikely to ever be accepted into a group with serious brotherhood and cohesion.

A group will "bust your balls" when you're new to see if if those balls they're busting are strong enough to take the punishment or soft enough to pop. (ugh, I'm done with that analogy).

You need to understand that this is normal and the best way to deal with it not to take it personally. At first you shut up and accept it. Eventually you backchat them every now and then in good humour. "Gee, Johnny, I wish I was as tough as you", with mild sarcasm for example. Organically you will eventually be one of the guys, each busting the balls of the others.

If at some early stage you rib them back to a small degree and they act with hostility then that's a group you probably don't want to be a part of.

I agree with most of Leonard's post, the only caveat being the "shut up and accept it" part. I think a lot would depend on the exact situation and dialogue.

For example, I'm 6'6", size 16 shoe. Whenever I meet a new crew/group, at least one person says something along the lines of, "Holy shit, you're tall !!"

And someone (usually the crew's joker) inevitably asks, "Hey, Sam/Stretch/Big Bird/Stroke/Jolly Green Giant/Bigfoot/Lurch/Shorty/Sasquatch, how's the weather up there ?" I lean to the side, pretend to spit downward, look back at them and say, "Rain". That usually garners a few laughs and oh shits, and the new guy tension is broken. It's a chance for me to show off a bit of humor, while being able to 'hold my own' against (typically) the group's resident ballbreaker.

I look at that as a shit test. In that example, I usually pass.

Take another scenario. I meet a new crew/group, and one member asks and/or comments that "It must be hard being that tall", "Do you have to have your shoes special made ?", "Do you have to duck through certain doors ?", etc., in front of the group, I try to gauge their tone or angle, and respond accordingly.

If the person seems like they're legitimately asking questions, I may answer honestly. If there's a hint or whiff of sarcasm, or it seems like an attempt at belittlement, I respond in kind, low key. For example:

"Yeah, it's a bit of a pain sometimes. I mean, I'm kind of limited to the kinds of cars I can buy, I need to find something that fits my height, you know.. what kind of car do you drive ?"
"I drive a __________."
"Yeah, I looked at one of those once, I could barely fit in it, even with the seats all the way back."

Depending on the height of the potential offender, this can be his crucial moment. He can escalate, become 'offended', or let the matter go. In most cases, they then mention that they have a friend/relative/co-worker that's somewhere close to my height, and has X/Y/Z problems as well.. which is my indicator (for the moment) that they realize I'm not going to take any crap, and they just got a pass and the opportunity to save face.

All the above usually goes out the window with a woman, I simply respond, "No, I won't get anything off the top shelf for you."

I enjoy busting balls. And there are certain situations for it.

And I could see my teammate coming back at the son with a retort along the lines of, "Hey, (son), just because you sucked me off when I was passed out drunk doesn't make me gay".

The difference here was that the objects of the son's comments in both instances weren't in positions to make such a retort. For lack of a better term, they weren't able to defend themselves.

I personally think the son was trying too hard, maybe trying to cover up his own insecurities, and (like Tornado said) also thinks he's a big shot because his father owns the joint.

That'll cost him (and his father's business) in the long run.

Post: #13

(01-15-2017 09:10 AM)Sam Malone Wrote:  For example, I'm 6'6", size 16 shoe. Whenever I meet a new crew/group, at least one person says something along the lines of, "Holy shit, you're tall !!"

And someone (usually the crew's joker) inevitably asks, "Hey, Sam/Stretch/Big Bird/Stroke/Jolly Green Giant/Bigfoot/Lurch/Shorty/Sasquatch, how's the weather up there ?" I lean to the side, pretend to spit downward, look back at them and say, "Rain". That usually garners a few laughs and oh shits, and the new guy tension is broken. It's a chance for me to show off a bit of humor, while being able to 'hold my own' against (typically) the group's resident ballbreaker.

Haven't heard that one before. I'm 6'6'' too, and my usual response to the weather question is 'The air is nice and clean, don't have to share it.' What are some other quips you use for the typical tall questions?

Post: #14

(01-15-2017 07:58 AM)Leonard D Neubache Wrote:  

(01-15-2017 07:34 AM)Mr Johnny Montoya Wrote:  I don't like people who bust balls when they don't know the person. Especially if it's towards a newcomer to a group, and the ball buster assumes superiority over someone who may well be superior to them for all they know. It happens a lot on forums, unfortunately.

This is little thing called "paying your dues".

If you think it's unfair and unacceptable then you're unlikely to ever be accepted into a group with serious brotherhood and cohesion.

A group will "bust your balls" when you're new to see if if those balls they're busting are strong enough to take the punishment or soft enough to pop. (ugh, I'm done with that analogy).

You need to understand that this is normal and the best way to deal with it not to take it personally. At first you shut up and accept it. Eventually you backchat them every now and then in good humour. "Gee, Johnny, I wish I was as tough as you", with mild sarcasm for example. Organically you will eventually be one of the guys, each busting the balls of the others.

If at some early stage you rib them back to a small degree and they act with hostility then that's a group you probably don't want to be a part of.

p.s. If you're in a transitory situation where you've just been introduced to someone that you're not going to be seeing often and they're busting your balls then give it back to them with interest.

Being given a bit of a hard time (in the right spirit) once in a while is perfectly fine, and it's sometimes necessary as a subtle way to establish the pecking order of the group, based on things such as age, experience, and merit / accomplishment. We can't all address each other with the exact same level of familiarity and status, and ball busting can be a good way to establish who stands where.

That's not the issue. The issue is when some punk thinks he can start tactlessly running his mouth at someone who has just entered a group. Insecure, low value cowards who love to dish it out but can't take it when the other person gives them a taste of their own medicine. And all because they're relying on the backup of the group, like the cowards that the are. It's even more pathetic in cases where the person having their balls busted is more experienced / knowledgeable / higher status.

There's nothing wrong with ball busting. The problem is when losers use it to puff themselves up, like the school bully's weakling sidekick pushing people around (some of whom could easily kick his ass) knowing that he has the backing of the bully himself. Not the perfect analogy but it will do. Basically if one can dish it out, especially early on, then be prepared to take it when it's shoved back in your face, instead of hiding behind one's group.

Post: #15