Post: #26

Put the kids first, you spoil them.

Put the wife first, you spoil her and the marriage.

Put the mother first, you ignore other pressing life priorities (mama's boy).

So I didn't vote. I'm on the "put yourself first"* train of thought, or if you're the spiritual type, put God first (and then yourself).

When you take care of yourself and your health, you'll have enough vigor to take care of everything else in a balanced way.

*of course, this assumes we're not talking about who gets off a sinking ship first, because we're not usually confronted with that situation anyway.

Post: #27

When I was thinking about how I would answer, I thought of both of my sets of grandparents.

They're both much more traditional than my parents. When I was a kid, up until my mid-twenties, I always used to offer to clean and help do things for them, only for them to refuse most of it. That confused me and irritated me even; I was just trying to make their lives easier because they were old and frail! What was wrong with them? It didn't make any sense!

Until I realized that this was simply a function of how they saw the world. They have lived long lives with good health. Neither of them were rich, but American working class households with one stay at home parent were pretty lucky in the grand scale of things.

At this stage in their lives, they see their story as being written. They've been blessed with the lives they've had for the past eighty years, so the best thing for them to do is see their offspring become stable and independent adults while quietly enjoying the rest of the time they have. At their age, they could have twenty years or twenty minutes left.

So I'd have to say that in a healthy marriage, with well adjusted kids who aren't likely to become serial killers or anything, it would go children, self, spouse, mother.

Post: #28

Yourself comes first. Without being strong yourself, you cannot take care of the rest.

Your tribe comes second. No matter how strong you are, if you are isolated and don't have that tribe to depend on, you cannot take care of the rest.

Children are third. They are your genetic lineage.

Mother comes fourth. She is the only one that will ever truly love you.

Wife comes fifth.

Post: #29

I voted spouse, in accordance with the biblical model. If one puts children above his spouse, and his marriage collapses, say goodbye to both.

Post: #30

What about a man's country, nation, tribe?

Like they say on Stormfront, you are nothing your people are everything.

Post: #31

(01-09-2017 02:14 PM)Mufasa Wrote:  

(01-09-2017 01:56 PM)Jim Johnson Wrote:  His wife comes first. If you have a good marriage, the children will automatically have a decent childhood. Plus, the kids need to see that the world does not revolve around them. Plus, it is Biblical.

not this "happy wife happy life" shit. No untruer words have been spoken breaux...

Posted about this before. That saying is true but not in the modern cucked sense.

The wife is happy when the man keeps frame and stays strong. The modern cucked version has the man trying to make the wife happy by pedestalising her which all of us here know doesn't work.

Alpha husband = happy wife. Happy wife = happy life. Believe it.

Post: #32

Is it too cheesy to say "don't be an idiot and put yourself in a position where you have to choose one over the other"?

Seems this question is in the vicinity of "in order, which do you value most, you arms, your legs or your dick".

All. The end.

Post: #33

Whom you actually love most and whom you appear to love most must not be the same - read last paragraphs of my post.

The first priority, like many have mentioned is yourself because:
1) You cannot take care of others if you have problems yourself
2)The biggest gift you can give your children is being a strong person with whom they can identify and from whom they can learn. Actually taking care of their well being is secondory altrough society teaches you must sacrifice yourself for your family - it is bullshit. It's better for children to have a father they are proud of and who is present and lack the cool toys and clothes then to have an absent father who works all time to pay for their college, expensive toys and brand clothing.
3)Your wife will love you mainly for your greatness not for you treating her well or bad.
4)Your parents will be most happy knowing that their progeny prospers their own well being starts taking second place the closer they come to death.

The second important are your children because they are your continuation genetically and if you raise them well then also culturally, intellectually, spiritually. You must love them unconditionally.

The third important are your parents - father and mother (why father is excluded in the poll is another example of automatic cultural misandry that still lurks within OP). They put effort to raise you so you must repay by taking care of them when they are old and weak, but remember that your success brings them more joy then their own well being unless they are sick fucks. You must love them almost unconditionally - if they had good intentions when raising you - even if they made some mistakes - you must love them. Only if they were abusive or didn't care about you can you abandon them.

The last comes your wife/girlfriend - you must love her totally conditionally - you must game her the whole life and you must be vigilant so that she doesn't get corrupted by surrounding degenerate culture.

The only exception to this is that in the eyes of your children you have to seem more loving of your wife so the children don't get spoiled and that they get an example of family and heterosexual love between a man and a woman imprinted in their hearts and do not grow up as fags. But in reality you must love children more then your wife. Remember that you cannot play this act alone - your wife must also pretend to love you more then children when children see it. Seeing parents love each other gives children much bigger sense of stability and security then situation when parents are at war between themselves and compete for affection of their children - that produces spoiled and insecure children. Also always remember that any woman actually loves her children more than her husband. So do not become a fool who actually loves his wife more then children. But you must both act before your children as if it were otherwise to teach them traditional values.
You must also show that you love your parents more then trivial needs of your children so that they would learn to take care of you when you are old yourself. But in reality you must of course be more conserned with well being oy your children then your parents.

Post: #34

None of the above.

Because he, himself comes first. It's part of the meaning and definition of positive masculinity.

Post: #35

(01-10-2017 03:35 AM)Pride male Wrote:  What about a man's country, nation, tribe?

Like they say on Stormfront, you are nothing your people are everything.

But consider that this is close to the definition of pathological altruism:
"Unintended harm is the outcome of she what calls pathological altruism. She defines pathological altruism 'as behavior in which attempts to promote the welfare of another, or others, results instead in harm that an external observer would conclude was reasonably foreseeable.' (SEE here http://reason.com/blog/2013/06/19/pathol...-to-hell-r )

Thus, the road to Hell really is paved with good intentions.

Post: #36

(01-10-2017 06:46 AM)Leonard D Neubache Wrote:  

(01-09-2017 02:14 PM)Mufasa Wrote:  

(01-09-2017 01:56 PM)Jim Johnson Wrote:  His wife comes first. If you have a good marriage, the children will automatically have a decent childhood. Plus, the kids need to see that the world does not revolve around them. Plus, it is Biblical.

not this "happy wife happy life" shit. No untruer words have been spoken breaux...

Posted about this before. That saying is true but not in the modern cucked sense.

The wife is happy when the man keeps frame and stays strong. The modern cucked version has the man trying to make the wife happy by pedestalising her which all of us here know doesn't work.

Alpha husband = happy wife. Happy wife = happy life. Believe it.

Yup, I guess I should have been more concise in my original statement. Your wife will be happier marrying a man, than marrying a servant. Betas get it wrong in thinking women are like men in that following them (the women) and serving them makes them happy. Nope.

A woman is happy when she is properly led by a man she can respect. What makes her happy is knowing she makes her husband happy.

Post: #37

I think this question should be asked on a Married Men's forum.

Post: #38

I did open this thread hoping "himself" was an option so I didn't respond.

Look, you can consider anyone you want as relevant to your life. However if you're too weak or useless to apply anything meaningful (skills, resources, knowledge) to their lives, you are not doing yourself any justice or favors.

Good luck!

Post: #39

(01-10-2017 06:55 PM)BassPlayaYo Wrote:  I think this question should be asked on a Married Men's forum.

Damn some people just can't let an OP shine!!! lol

Post: #40

(01-09-2017 04:12 PM)Shrodax Wrote:  The problem here is an unclear definition of the meaning of "come first".

Are you asking who to save from a sinking ship if you could only save one? Then the kids come first, because as it's already been said, they're your genetic legacy and the future.

Are you asking who "comes first" in the family hierarchy? Since a traditional family has the man as the captain, the wife as first officer, and the kids as the crew, then the wife comes first because she's in charge during your absence. A husband must maintain a strong relationship with his wife in order to provide a good role model for his children how a healthy relationship should work.

Are you asking who "comes first" in a more spiritual sense? That would be your mother, because you are descended from her. Look at President Trump's victory speech: he thanks his parents first before anyone else because he recognizes the natural order.

Are you asking who "comes first" when in comes to happiness? That would be the man himself. If a man isn't at peace with himself, he's in no condition to provide for his family in the first place.

Glad someone else thought about it this way. I was about to post something very similar.

Post: #41

Maybe its just cause I had a slutty mother growing up who didn't love me enough but I don't even understand why "His mother" is a option in this poll.

If I had to answer this question though I would say himself...... put yourself first and be the best version of you that you can possibly be an lead by example.

Post: #42

Excellent post by Mage above. Probably the best description of the dynamic I have ever read.

After 27 years of marriage and two kids it gels exactly with what I have found to be what works. In effect, the order can perhaps be summerised as;

Himself --> His marriage --> His Parents

But it only works if both the husband and wife see the marriage as something bigger than themselves, the vessel within which they raise their children and something that they both work in service to - typically with the man responsible for the perimeter and beyond whilst the wife takes care of things inside it. The final decision (and the responsibility for the consequences of those decisions) on non-trivial issues must rest with the husband but the wife must be competent enough to make them too, if he is incapacitated for a time. The husband / father will at times have to ask things of his wife and children that they will not like and will not want to do, but which he believes they must do, in order for them all to get to where he sees they need to be - but he cannot ask more of them than he would ask of himself. This is why there is a debate about whether a man's children or wife should come first - at times it's the wife, sometimes it's the children, sometimes neither - there is no hard and fast rule, other than the man must do what is best for the marriage. For in doing that he does what is best for everyone, in the long run.

What I am describing, of course, is marriage 1.0. Western patriarchy really did know it's shit. And the feminists really knew what they were doing when they attacked marriage to bring it down.

In our post feminist utopia, creating this kind of marriage this is harder and riskier for a man than ever. But everything a man needs pull this off is embodied in Game - self improvement, social dominance, frame control. And whilst there are no guarantees, such men have a head start simply due to the success of feminism in teaching the mass of men to be the opposite of what they need to be. Get this dynamic right in your marriage and things quickly start to run a lot more smoothly (I speak from experience).

Finally this;

Quote:The third important are your parents - father and mother (why father is excluded in the poll is another example of automatic cultural misandry that still lurks within OP).

To my shame I was guilty of being dismissive of my father as I grew up, and although he had his faults, he deserved more from me - another example of the cultural misandry Mage mentions. I was raised in my mother's frame. I did not understand the sacrifices that my father made until I had my own family. In his twilight years I hope I am making amends, and I am doing my best to ensure my son understands this too. Wives will rarely understand the sacrifices their husbands make, but children, especially sons need to understand it so that they have a realistic model for when they come to chose a partner for themselves.

Post: #43

1: YOU/children
2: Your family
3: Career
4: Woman/Wife/Girlfriend

Post: #44

First of all, the option should be "his wife," not "his spouse." "Spouse" is a feminist, gender-neutral term that we should avoid using.

In my opinion, the reason you should put your wife first is because if one of your children dies, you can still have more children. On the other hand, if your wife dies, you can't have anymore children (at least not by the same wife). Furthermore, if your wife dies, you become a single father, and this deeply affects all your children.

Maybe it would be different if your wife is post-menopause and your children are all grown up.

Post: #45

(01-11-2017 01:03 PM)Rob Banks Wrote:  First of all, the option should be "his wife," not "his spouse." "Spouse" is a feminist, gender-neutral term that we should avoid using.

In my opinion, the reason you should put your wife first is because if one of your children dies, you can still have more children. On the other hand, if your wife dies, you can't have anymore children (at least not by the same wife). Furthermore, if your wife dies, you become a single father, and this deeply affects all your children.

Maybe it would be different if your wife is post-menopause and your children are all grown up.

Calm down, tough guy. I used "spouse" because at the time of writing it up, the question I initially had in mind was "Whom should a partner put first?" In that context, "spouse" made the most sense, but I just ended up going with "Who comes first in a man's life?" and forgot to change "spouse" to "wife." But regarding the rest of your post, that's pretty much my reasoning as well.

In response to the guys asking why I left out "himself" as an option: I didn't include it because I didn't think it was necessary to. Any person, man or woman, should always (most of the time, at least) seek to take care of themselves first. I didn't think something as self-evident as that needed to be included in the poll.

Some of the responses have definitely made me reconsider my position a bit but I'm still not fully convinced.