Post: #1

I got through Aaron Clarey's "Curse of the High IQ" which is great for commiseration but low on advice. It's got me wondering:

Most careers bore me, money isn't worth its price, and hedonism wears thin fast. I've tried enough hobbies and travel that little interests me anymore. For what it's worth, yes, I'm nearing (in?) mid-life (early 40s) which may have something to do with my malaise. I have an amazing unicorn wife, but she's as uninterested in the rat race as I. The only thing that reliably does it for us these days is drinking almost every evening.

Has anyone hit this phase and successfully made it through? If so, how?

Post: #2

You have a wife, but do you have friends?

You said enough hobbies, but what exactly have you tried? There is so much in the world that there is no way you have tried and gotten bored with everything.

Mostly, I'd assume your life lacks challenge, when was the last time you looked for something that actually posed a challenge for you?

With a first post though, I'm skeptical as to if you're serious or another sleeper troll. So I won't delve much more into this than that.

Post: #3

The friends question: I'm super gregarious and befriend people very easily, but I've moved so much that my best friends, those who I can have the deep convos with, live elsewhere. I suppose I could reach out more, however, and actually make an effort to go deeper with some of the decent ones I know.

Challenge is definitely something I could use (one of the problems we have in the West: none of our ancestors got "depressed" when survival was a regular struggle). I've always found, however, that trying to challenge myself (if that's where you're going?) hasn't worked. If something fails to interest me, only outside pressure can get me to do it.

Hobbies: too many to list. Others always say to me "Oh my god, what HAVEN'T you done?" "Enjoy anything for longer than 2 years." is the answer, which I generally keep to myself.

I appreciate your questions. I'm not trying to be a downer, I really am looking for a new perspective or strategy.

Also, no troll, just more of a reader than commenter, plus it took me a year to get around to creating an account, due to the whole "only the first week of each month" thing.

Post: #4

If you rated your sense of community on a scale of 1-10 where you live what would it be?

If you rated your level of spirituality on a scale of 1-10 what would it be?

Post: #5

Community: 3. Was at 10, but that was 15 years ago before I started moving between states and jobs. Been living in current state for only a year, in quiet suburbs. Moving much closer to town in a few weeks.

Spirituality: Foundationally, 10, but lately, 6. I'm praying for direction and purpose, but have been in the doldrums.

Post: #6

Malaise is so commonplace this age that it is palatable. You are not alone in this. I would point out that drowning your malaise in alcohol is not the answer. It also sounds like you have been living around the country, which is not helping your malaise. By your account you have a quality wife, talk to you wife about this and see if the two of you can do something together that is not alcohol related. Take a vacation and see some of your long-term friends. If they are good friends, then they may give you some perspective on this as well. We simply don't know enough about your problems, but your friends and your wife would know you better than anyone on here would.

Post: #7

Hoser,

The best thing I found myself to find clarity and hone purpose/current mission is FASTING. I started with water wasting, continued to light "cleanses" and culminated in absolute dry fast (no food, no water, no contact with water). 3-4 days of the latter and you'll turn the page.

To channel David Deida - remove all distractions, remove all the feminine from your life (temporarily), remove all comforts, cut on addictions, sit, move, sing, hum and feel your emptiness. Once you are EMPTY, you'll get filled with SPIRIT and you'll know what to do next. DRY FASTING really accelerates this process but it is of course for the non-initiated and you REALLY have to listen to your body.

GOOD LUCK!

Post: #8

I absolutely agree with you guys on the last couple of responses, and have decided to look into / perform each.

Damn, it's good sometimes to have the counsel of disinterested brothers.

Post: #9

Take a look at the Testosterone Replacement Therapy thread, probably that is all you need.

Post: #10

So you have no kids?

Post: #11

I have no doubt there is one physical activity and one mental activity that doesn't bore you. Low key troll up in here

Post: #12

Low key troll, eh? This is supposed to be the "deep" forum, so I chose to be candid.

According to Clarey, VHIQ people tend to use drink, drugs, and distractions to numb the dullness of everyday life. I came here looking for men who might have other suggestions, because I drink too much and have lost interest in the distractions.

You don't understand the question. Find a different thread.

Post: #13

FH123: TRT might be it. I tried it before, but it just made me horny and cost me money. Maybe things are different now. I'll look into it.

Phoenix: correct, no kids. Definitely a huge factor.

Post: #14

(01-07-2017 02:33 PM)Hoser Wrote:  FH123: TRT might be it. I tried it before, but it just made me horny and cost me money. Maybe things are different now. I'll look into it.

Phoenix: correct, no kids. Definitely a huge factor.

I do NOT have personal experience with TRT and I'm quite a few years younger than you, but I say: FUCK TRT, FUCK TRT, FUCK TRT. The percentage of men who actually need TRT instead of chilling out a little bit and going through the gutter of nothingness in order to touch on their inner YIN is ENORMOUS. One really has to deplete ALL other options before going the TRT route because the consequences are so severe.

You rated your spiritual foundation at 10-out-of-10. Could you elaborate? I don't sense that in you - or this thread would no exist.

Post: #15

Amateur quoting due to phone browser's misbehavior: "You rated your spiritual foundation at 10-out-of-10. Could you elaborate? I don't sense that in you - or this thread would no exist."

I should clarify that by 10/10 I meant not that I had a perfect score; I was more thinking like 90th percentile, as uncomfortable as it makes me to compare myself to others (in this metric). Some years ago, I was in really tight with God, saw his direction in my life, answered prayers, perfect timing that defied any ideas of coincidence, more. Total submission to and trust in God's will, great satisfaction in his love, remarks from others that I encouraged/inspired them or that God used me to answer their prayers, or that they wished they had what I had.

My spiritual life found itself on the back burner when I entered law school and started doing really well there. When not being just stupid busy, I started fantasizing about this glamorous lawyer's life I was soon going to be living. I got in shape and started having higher-status girls proposition me (I remained faithful to my wife, however, and I'm glad I did). However, I soon learned that law practice makes me unhappy. I also now owe so much money I don't have much of a choice.

So, back to spirituality: I believe I understand what most of the (spiritual-based) answers to my issues are, but I'm certainly willing to listen, as well. That's actually the reason I chose to weigh in on RVF. I'd appreciate any sincere advice or questioning, spiritual or not.

Post: #16

What drives you? What drove you to goto law school? What drove you to get married?

You say you fantasized about the glamorous lawyer's life - well, what about the life most intrigued you? Did you fantasize that such life would give you access to money which would translate to ___X__? What was that X factor?

It sounds like you are stuck in a rut because you have gotten comfortable and don't have much to look forward to - you have an amazing wife, a steady income (though an unfulfilling life), and life has been moving at the same pace not really going anywhere.

Try to shake things up - have you considered a career change? If you've done well in law, you certainly have a # of good exit opportunities - you can try going in-house counsel and then transition within your company to the business side of things. Alternatively, you can try to save a bit of money each month and get into real estate investing. What drives you?

Post: #17

(01-06-2017 10:11 PM)A.S Wrote:  Hoser,

The best thing I found myself to find clarity and hone purpose/current mission is FASTING. I started with water wasting, continued to light "cleanses" and culminated in absolute dry fast (no food, no water, no contact with water). 3-4 days of the latter and you'll turn the page.

To channel David Deida - remove all distractions, remove all the feminine from your life (temporarily), remove all comforts, cut on addictions, sit, move, sing, hum and feel your emptiness. Once you are EMPTY, you'll get filled with SPIRIT and you'll know what to do next. DRY FASTING really accelerates this process but it is of course for the non-initiated and you REALLY have to listen to your body.

GOOD LUCK!

Interesting.

I inadvertently did this in the last 3 days, not complete fasting, but severe calorie restriction, plus isolation, and it's having that effect.

I didn't hum, and I didn't cut water, but I did the rest.

That's cool, I may have to repeat this whenever I lose focus.

Post: #18

(01-06-2017 06:16 PM)Hoser Wrote:  I got through Aaron Clarey's "Curse of the High IQ" which is great for commiseration but low on advice. It's got me wondering:

Most careers bore me, money isn't worth its price, and hedonism wears thin fast. I've tried enough hobbies and travel that little interests me anymore. For what it's worth, yes, I'm nearing (in?) mid-life (early 40s) which may have something to do with my malaise. I have an amazing unicorn wife, but she's as uninterested in the rat race as I. The only thing that reliably does it for us these days is drinking almost every evening.

Has anyone hit this phase and successfully made it through? If so, how?

I read through your posts and can identify, although I was in my early 30s when I had my mid-life crisis. You're fortunate to have a great wife and kudos for being a man who is happy to stick with. I noticed some unpleasant habits start when I was laid off in 2004 and didn't really know what to do. Then I had a crisis of faith in many ways, including whether to continue the side business I started as a hobby. That business has since blossomed in ways I couldn't possibly imagine and it's directly tied to knowing why it matters so much to me.

Please humor me and answer this question, as succinctly as you can:

What is your unique talent, which both gives you satisfaction and is also a gift to the world?

The masculine aspect of us is driven by having a purpose, which includes identifying our natural talents. When we don't know our purpose we feel less of a man and it's very frustrating. Chronic drinking, drug abuse, etc. are natural results of that confusion. From knowing the answer to that question 'what is my purpose?' then we can very naturally see where we are drawn to focus our energies and to set goals, which require making plans and achieving milestones. While having self-interest is a part of surviving in the world, our highest purpose is ultimately something that makes an impact on the world.

If you were able to answer the question, which is essentially 'what is my purpose?' then great - we can talk about what goals you're interested in. If you couldn't answer it, then I highly recommend you read my post on the topic and buy the book 'Is Your Genius At Work?' by Dick Richards.

The Meaning of life, 'what is my purpose'

You might buy two copies, one for your wife as well. Going through the book has reinvigorated my life with joy, clarity of purpose, and determination. It took me a year to get around to reading it but I couldn't put it down once I started. I've suggested it to my S.O., friends, and coworkers who have said the same.

The physical recommendations are up to you, everyone is unique in what their body needs but it makes sense to get out of your normal routine, perhaps take a few hours to be in an open empty space, mountains, trees, lake or ocean, around animals. Just reset your system to get back to what's natural. Praying, asking for God's guidance, and giving yourself time and space to hear the answers. The Richard's book is really a special work. Good luck and I look forward to hearing your updates.

Post: #19

Have you considered doing something that's spritually fulfilling?

Post: #20

Guys, this is some awesome stuff you're sharing, thank you! I can't respond fully at the moment, but I will soon.

Curiously, an hour ago I was in the checkout at the grocery store, and the cute young cashier and I were sassing each other back and forth, and it made me think: what if I just focused right now on getting into better shape (again---lost the aforementioned gains due to this funky attitude that's been bugging me for the past couple of years)? It would remove one obstacle to my happiness, and put me in a better position to deal with the rest.

I knew all of this before, of course, but my motivation has been through the floor. Having you guys to talk to is already helping. I appreciate it.

Post: #21

I would start by reading more Buddhism and Zen spirituality material. It sounds like you've been living an achievement-driven lifestyle to have gone through so many hobbies, rather than a process-driven one.

Learning how to thoroughly enjoy and live in the moment is a skill, one that too few people ignore for most of their lives.

Then I'd start reading any and everything that interests me. There's far more variety in intellectual pursuits than physical.

But travel, sports and all other consumption activities and hobbies (even reading) eventually all reach a point where you gain little from it anymore.

At that point you should focus on giving back. Build up your community, give value back in all the ways you know how and try to make the lives of those around brighter. I'm sure you'll find that if you focus on other people's happiness rather than your own you'll find yours improve dramatically as well.

Post: #22

Valentine: yes

Post: #23

fuck reading, I say. You wrote that you were already tight with God and your life was full of synchronicities but that later on you walked off the righteous path. It's pretty damn clear that you have to backtrack and take the right path instead.

Post: #24

A. S.: of course, and the reason I asked RVF was because sometimes others see things we don't.

Post: #25

(01-09-2017 10:03 AM)Hoser Wrote:  A. S.: of course, and the reason I asked RVF was because sometimes others see things we don't.

You were mistaken at calling me a "disinterested brother" though. Are you feeling me? Are you?