Post: #76

What's stopping you? Can you explain some of your blocks?

I ask because you seem conscious of what you need to do

Post: #77

Fear.

But more than that, I've always had the general feeling in my head that I don't deserve to have any success with women. I don't know why I developed that one limiting belief, but it's always with me when I interact with women. Going out has been a success though since the feeling is starting to dissipate. Obviously it's not gone yet, but it's getting there.

So the solution is to just keep taking action.

Post: #78

Fear of what exactly; rejection?

You should internalize what you're saying and really believe it. Nobody is entitled to anything, we all get what we work for.

It's less that anyone deserves pussy and more about the mindset "I'm going to fuck this girl and by the end of this interaction she's going to be happy to do it". Or "I bet I can make this girl like me". Assume the sale from minute 1. If you aren't congruent with those thoughts they can tell, women are adept at finding a chink in your armor.

This behavior manifests itself in stuttering, hesitancy, being not confident. Instead of "do you want to go dance with me" and waiting for a reply. Grab her hand and gently lead her to the floor. If you can avoid asking a woman a questiom that psychologically translates into "are you interested" show them you are interested and assume that they are by leading with your body language. A woman will fault you 100x more for not being assertive than she will for assuming that she is and just rolling with it.

Part of the reasoning for that; they don't know what they want. They don't even like to make that decision for themselves half of the time. A woman is truely and deeply happy when the man leads the interaction, controls the environment, and makes her have a good time.

Get over your fears, I can tell you re getting there.

Post: #79

Fear of rejection, fear of the unknown, fear of not being good enough. From what I read from other guys doing the same thing, all those fears are normal in the beginning. Courage over time will solve that problem.

The mindset you wrote is exactly what I want to cultivate. I've been having trouble putting it into words.

Post: #80

Get out of your comfort zone and really take note when that type of behavior works. It's one thing to know what you should do; it's another to positively re-enforce that behavior with good feelings and the results of success.

Back in my teens I was probably more beta than you could ever be. Still every day with every approach or interaction I have to remind myself constantly; not to be 'alpha' or anything stupid like that. I have to remind myself to take control of a situation and steer it in a direction that I want it to go. In the end posturing will only get you so far. And it is taking risks and enjoying the fruits of those risks that change you.

My mantra for when an interaction goes badly is "fuck a bitch that's not interested, next". In the moment it works. And when I go home empty handed I take the time for introspection and ask wonderful forums like this for advice.

You're already there. You have a will to learn and the will power to make it happen. Just need to get out of that mindset like women that you don't even know matter, because they don't. You certainly don't matter to them, so don't give people that power over you.

Post: #81

I'm finally back at it. My friends bailed on Saturday, so I went eight days without going out. I found myself missing it much more than I expected.

Tonight I went to a club and met up with a friend who approaches. I expected to be rusty but surprisingly I wasn't.

I was able to do at least six approaches. All but one aren't worth mentioning.

The one good one:

I had just finished talking to a group of girls with my friend. We were just walking away, and I see a cute girl sitting on a trashcan.

With no hesitation, I walk up to her and make a comment about her sitting there. We talk about how the music is bad (we're both black so you can guess our taste in music) among other things. Right on cue, the DJ puts on a good song, and I get her to dance with me.

After the dance we chat a little more, but things start to die down. I didn't end the interaction though. Her friend came out of nowhere and took her away.

As far as my actions tonight, I didn't hesitate nearly as much as I usually do.

As far as the girls' reactions, I got more attention that I usually get. I now need to use the opportunities I get to make something happen.

Post: #82

"I expected to be rusty but surprisingly I wasn't."
"I got more attention that I usually get."
Did you make any conscious changes in your behavior or was it just because you were dressed better?

Post: #83

(02-28-2017 09:33 AM)Harami Wrote:  "I expected to be rusty but surprisingly I wasn't."
"I got more attention that I usually get."
Did you make any conscious changes in your behavior or was it just because you were dressed better?

No conscious changes. Same clothes as well.

I think it's because I'm opening with more commitment now. Girls don't respond to weak approaches.

The commitment on my part comes from my confidence being greater than when I started.

Post: #84

Didn't go out last night. I expected to see a lot of people out tonight, but there weren't many (or I left too early).

First bar I go to I sit at the bar for a while drinking a club soda and scoping out the place. Once I finish, I go outside and some guy starts talking to me about how he saw a titty. I mention this because he was able to take that one piece of information and turn it into a five-minute story that was actually entertaining. I need to be more like that guy.

After I stop talking to him, I go back inside and see an empty dance floor. I see two girls half-dancing, and I go up to them and tell them we should get the dance floor started. They immediately comply, and we head to the dance floor for some awkward dancing. They bail before the song was over.

I then go to another bar where the music is better.

There, I end up dancing with two girls with an obviously high buying temperature as they order their drinks. I didn't want to dance with them once they had their drinks in hand because I didn't want alcohol spilled on me. My plan was to wait it out, but while waiting, I got the urge to go pee (I'm drinking more water than I usually do).

When I get back, I see they're dancing with two guys. Each pair ends up making out with each other, and I'm left there thinking about how I could have been more bold.

After saying hi and bye to the bartender I know, I leave to go to my car. I talk to one fat girl as she exits a bar, but at that point I was more concerned with queuing up a song for the drive home.

I've noticed in the last few times I've gone out that it's getting easier for me to approach girls in easy situations, e.g. one or two girls alone. There's almost room to be more bold though, as I learned tonight.

Post: #85

Corollary, is the point of this thread to meet girls and get laid? Or just to improve yourself in social situations?

Because if you are trying to get numbers, hookup and get laid, you are playing it way too safe. 4 Pages should be an example that you are not taking enough risks. Push interactions as far as you can, get rejected, feel the pain and repeat.

You haven't been rejected enough, you haven't experienced enough pain. Pain can work for you if you let it.

If you keep doing the same thing, you are going to keep getting the same results.

Post: #86

(03-03-2017 04:06 AM)Alche Wrote:  Corollary, is the point of this thread to meet girls and get laid? Or just to improve yourself in social situations?

It's both with an emphasis on the former.

Since the thread itself was created to keep me accountable in the earlier stages, I don't feel like I need to be as detailed and update as frequently as I used to, because I've reach a point where I won't give up.

(03-03-2017 04:06 AM)Alche Wrote:  Because if you are trying to get numbers, hookup and get laid, you are playing it way too safe. 4 Pages should be an example that you are not taking enough risks. Push interactions as far as you can, get rejected, feel the pain and repeat.

You haven't been rejected enough, you haven't experienced enough pain. Pain can work for you if you let it.

If you keep doing the same thing, you are going to keep getting the same results.

I know, and I'm working on it. But if I could summon that much courage every time I wouldn't have any problems.

I'm much more bold than when I started a couple of months ago. I know I could go faster, and I'm trying.

Post: #87

(03-02-2017 04:54 AM)Corollary Wrote:  There, I end up dancing with two girls with an obviously high buying temperature as they order their drinks. I didn't want to dance with them once they had their drinks in hand because I didn't want alcohol spilled on me. My plan was to wait it out, but while waiting, I got the urge to go pee (I'm drinking more water than I usually do).

When I get back, I see they're dancing with two guys. Each pair ends up making out with each other,

You are ready! That should be you!

Agreed with Alche, you need to start getting rejected immediately. Right now, you are rationalising and procrastinating.

You recognised women were there waiting to have a man make a move on them. You are that man. Go get them, spit your game, make a move and if they don't like you, don't worry about it. You'll be richer for the experience and probably get a lot further than you realise.

Post: #88

You haven´t posted in a while, I hope you are still out there.

I really like to read your log, I can see a lot of myself in it. That said, I agree with the other posters that you should take more risks. It might seem the more uncomfortable choice but the learning progress will be a lot higher.

You were able to get some numbers during the last weeks - Did any of those lead to something?

Post: #89

I'm still here.

I haven't been going out much because I've been focusing on stuff in my business. Once I get this product launch out of the way, I'll have more time to go out again.

For the times I do go out, I don't post here because I don't want to bore you guys with lame updates. This thread served its purpose to keep me motivated to go out in the beginning, and I've proven to myself that I can go out.

When I do update it again, I'll post something good. I don't want to have another progress thread here that ends without any conclusion.

As for the numbers, they didn't go anywhere. The birthday girl did text me out of the blue once, but she never responded to my response. I texted her again and nothing.

Post: #90

I started going out again, so I figured it's time to restart this log. I've gone out six of the past seven nights.

I stopped going out a few months ago because of a combination of work and disappointment. I wasn't making any money in my business, so that was a priority, but the bigger problem was I wasn't happy with my results and was discouraged.

Money is no longer a problem, so I had to think about where my disappointment came from the first time around. Here are the mistakes I made that lead to my lack of results and the solutions:

1. Going out alone too much - This actually isn't that big of a mistake, but I could use some extra motivation some nights. I know a guy I can go out with any night, so if I feel like I'm in a slump, I'll hit him up to go out.

2. Going to dead venues - The venues I enjoyed the most were small. There could literally be 10 people in the place on an off night, and that obviously isn't conducive to learning. From now on, I'll only go to those smaller venues on the weekends. On the weekdays, it's clubs only. I live in Vegas, so the clubs have plenty of people on any day of the week. It's actually cheaper me to go to the clubs because they're closer, and I don't have to pay cover to get in Sunday-Thursday.

3. Not analyzing my nights - Not much went on for most nights, but I still could have keep a better log. In addition to posting a summary here, I'll keep a more detailed log on my computer.

4. Focusing on the negative - When I didn't take action, I'd beat myself up. This sent into a negative spiral where I thought about how I'd never solve my problem, which lead to avoiding action even more. Now, I'm going to note only the positive in my log and regularly read it to remind myself what I can do.

5. Not having a plan - There were too many nights where I went out with no goal. I'm sure this is fine for guys who are decent at this, but for me, without a plan I feel lost, and there's nothing pushing me to take action, which leads me to the negative spiral I mentioned before. Now, each night I go out, I will have a specific action plan that makes it easy for me to know if I took the right actions or not. My plan will be to work on whatever I need to work on the most.

I'm also going to take things slow. I know you guys want me to be more aggressive, and believe me, I want to be more aggressive as well, but managing my emotions is the most important thing for me to do. I'd rather baby step my way to success than go for something big and fail. This is actually the opposite of what I'd do in any other area of my life, but I have no success in this area of my life, so trying something different isn't such a big deal.

So here's a summary of my nights out. Nothing major so far, but like I said before, baby steps.

June 22
I go to a club I'd never been to before. I get on an elevator with a tall blonde girl wearing a cami, leggings, and Chucks. I ask her how her night's going, and she responds with a disinterested "umm good." I didn't say anything to her after that. From her appearance and accent, my guess is she's from some Scandinavian country. I actually ended up seeing her join a train of hot girls in the club. I can't believe she put zero effort into her and appearance and went out to a club.

I post up near the dance floor, and a few girls end up right next to me, but I don't say anything. One girl came off the dance floor, looked at me, and then stood so close to me that we were touching, even though she had plenty of space. Obviously she wanted me to talk to her. Once she determined I wasn't going to, she went back on the dance floor. When she came off again, she looked at me disappointed--a look I'm all too familiar with.

It's very common for me to get approach invitations. I don't think I'm good looking, but the girls seem to think so.

June 23
I go to two different venues and don't say a single word to anyone.

June 24
Disappointed from the night before, I don't go out.

June 25
I go to a club with the goal of asking one girl for the time. Lame in a club, but I felt it would be easy for me to accomplish.

After being on a dance floor for a few minutes, I leave and see a fat girl and ask her for the time. With that mission complete, I leave.

June 26
Another club and I decide to ask two girls for the time. But instead of any girl, I had to make sure they were attractive. I was able to complete this goal.

While waiting in line for the club, there were two RSD Immersion students behind me. I overheard their conversation, and I was happy to know there are other guys like me doing the same thing.

June 27
At the club on this night, I wanted to approach one girl, tell her she's sexy, and then leave. I couldn't do this. I got the typical approach indicators on the dance floor though.

I saw one of the RSD guys from the night before, and he was choding out like me.

June 28
At the club tonight, I wanted to start a brief conversation with a group of girls by asking if they're friendly and guessing where they're from. I didn't complete this one because I got distracted by the other approaches I did.

I see three older women wearing flashing hats. I go up to them and ask the best looking one about the hats. She tells me they're from a technology conference, I call them nerds, and then reveal that I'm a nerd myself. I eject after this.

I see a group of four girls facing the dance floor. One girl is wearing a sash and a tiara, so I go up behind her and tap her shoulder. She turns around and says I scared her, I laugh it off and ask her about the sash. She says she just turned 21. I wish her a happy birthday and eject.

I see an Asian girl standing near the bar looking lost. I go up to her and ask her why she looks so lost. She is confused, and I can tell she doesn't speak any English. I say something to her about the bar, and she agrees, but I couldn't think of anything after that.

With each of the girls, they looked like they were willing to listen to talk more. Even the girl I scared didn't have a problem with me. I've accidentally scared a lot of people in my life, so I guess I've learned how to effectively smooth it over, because it's never a problem. I usually throw in a joke about how they shouldn't be scared of black men.

So not much so far, but I'm happy that I'm going out again. I'm not sure how often I'll go out, but once again, I'm available every night. I'll take it night by night this time instead of committing to every night.

Post: #91

I was thinking about only doing weekly updates for this thread, but I'm awake with nothing else to do, so I'll post what happened tonight.

First, last night. I went out to a club, and they were charging cover for locals, which is unusual, so I went back home. Paying for the club isn't too expensive; I just don't feel like it would be worth it given how long I could potentially be in there. I'll have to find out exactly would what cause them to charge cover for locals. I did get there past midnight, and that could have been a factor.

Tonight I was thinking about going to a bar and then someone invited me to the same bar, so I decide to go. He's an old colleague from years ago.

Before I get to the venue, I go into a bar where I knew the cute but fat bartender. She still remembered me and the drink I always ordered. I'll have to go back one of these days to chat with her longer.

When I get to the venue, I see a long line--about 20 minute wait to get in. I go to the end of the line and stand there for about a minute, and then one of the bouncers comes up to me, asks me if I'm alone, and then takes me to the front of the line. I ask him why he was doing it, and he said they wanted to move the line faster. After I show my ID, he tells me I can pay him the cover charge, but he sees a have a $20 (cover is $10), and says he doesn't have change. He still lets me in and I go up to the cashier chick to get in. Before I do I get his name though.

It's obvious he was looking for an easy way to pocket my cover charge and then he would tell the cashier I'm a re-entry. Sucks for him it didn't work out, so next time I go to that place, I'll take $10 and go directly up to him to see if he'll let me in.

In the bar, I find my old friend, chat with him for a while. While order a drink, two girls show up next to me. When the bartender goes to the girls first, they let her know that I was there first. I tell the girl next to me that she's considerate. We have a chat about bar manners and then about random stuff that I can't remember. After she gets her drink, she tells me she has a new tattoo. She pulls up her shirt and pulls out her skirt to show me the tattoo that goes from her torso down her leg. First, it was a typical stupid tattoo that all girls get; I think this one was a flower. Second, this bitch had a horrible body. Seeing her belly fat and stretch marks made me want to puke. After that, I told her that I'd see her on the dance floor and she left. Luckily, I didn't see her again.

While I was at the bar, someone was walking past and spilled their drinks right next to me. Miraculously, no alcohol landed on me. A very ugly girl next to me started cleaning it up, and when she finished we started talking about something that I can't recall.

I opened a couple of bachelorette party groups. The first group had a girl without a sash. I make fun of her for not getting one, and she gives me a sad excuse about how she's not actually a part of the wedding. I could tell she was disappointed about that.

The second group lost the bride, and I tease them about failing at their one job.

I go to the dance floor a couple of times, get a couple of looks and do nothing about it. Typical stuff.

The last interaction I remember was a cute girl who stood next to me when I went back to the bar. I ask her if she's ordering an Adios like everyone else, and says no and gives me a look of disgust. I ask her what she's getting instead, and she says a Blue Hawaiian... I make fun of her choice, of course. The convo died about shortly after that.

There were so many girls I wanted to approach including a very tall black girl, who with heels on was about 6'3". She was getting approached left and right by dudes though. I don't find myself being intimated by a girl's looks, for the most part. My approach anxiety applies to all girls, from the hottest ones to the ugly fat girls. Hopefully once I get over the problem, I'll have no problem talking to the hottest girls.

It was awkward being with my old friend because he invited him current coworkers out to the bar. They were a huge, tight knit group. I didn't feel at all comfortable talking to them.

I did talk to one of the girls in the group though. She had a very pushy personality while being average looking. I wondered how the guys could put up with her, but seeing how she interacted with them, my guess is she fucked at least half of them.

Overall, a good night with much longer interactions than the previous nights. I'm happy with my progress. Baby steps.