Post: #51

(10-18-2016 11:31 AM)MattC Wrote:  To anyone who is reading this and is umm-ing and ahh-ing about contacting a family member over some past issue, or if you're reading this and haven't seen your folks in a while because your work is in the way, or because the effort seems too much: just fucking go and see them.

I've done this with my dad. Have tried to get closer and let him know I appreciate and care about him. He has noticed. I'm happy about that. Still, 'people' have suggested I visit more frequently because you never know when will be the last time. I disagree. You can't live like that. Just do the best you can, accepting that you can't control the situation.

I watched my mom die. It was wonderful experience in many ways. But, as they say, there is no perfect death. We never really got to say our goodbyes because although we had some good times with here, she didn't exactly know who we were. Cycle of life: your parents become children again as you become an adult.

Post: #52

Giving birth to child definitely doesn´t make anybody father. Being father is earned status. One thing I learned from growing without father - never abandon a son.
I found my "hero" in my grandfather, who passed away last week. I always liked him the most in our family, but I never realized his inflence on my life, until last 2 years. I am thankful to him very much, he teached me a lot and showed me how man should live his life, even though I tried to resist it a little bit, when I was younger. Genereally, all my achievments I achieved only because of him. I adopted underachiever lifestyle from parents, but thanks to him I was always at least with one foot on right track. That´s how I got degree, became good in sports and found a responsibility to my life, thanks to him.
It´s very painful after few days since it happened, but I can´t change it and on the other hand I feel satisfaction and gratitude, that he treated me like his son (he had only daughters) and I didn´t waste his wisdom... what´s better for traditional men than giving wisdom to next generation. I will do my best in my life and that´s how he will live forever with me. I hope he was proud of me and understood my little wrongs. And I hope he knew how much I appreciate him.

Post: #53

This is such an awesome thread.

I met my father for the first time when I was an adult, after finding other family members of his online. My mother never talked about him much, but was very supportive when I said I wanted to meet him.

When he was married to my mom, he was an alcoholic gambler. My mother was both an enabler and an annoyer, and they fought often. He wasn't really responsible enough to be a father, and I don't hold that against him.

Growing up I was always horrendously impulsive and never cared what other people thought, and was not very good at guarding my tongue. When I met my dad I realized that I was just like him in pretty much every way, and despite growing up with my mom, not very similar at all to her.

My father died a year after I met him, and I know it would have crushed him and his family if he had never been able to reconnect with me. I feel so much more confident and comfortable now knowing how my own history and background, and it's prepared me for a lot more in life.

There was a point where I realized I could have been bitter and lashed out and destroyed my dad's spirit, but I didn't choose to, and that decision was the best decision of my life.

Post: #54

What about reaching out to a Mushroom that has abandoned a forum?

Post: #55

Lots of memories surfacing from this thread. Them feels.

My dad left my Mom when I was 5. I don't really have any memories of my parents together and being happy. I remember being rather pissed off about it all and then quite sad. I have been jealous of friends and other people that have had a strong connection with their father. For about 2 years or so he would go out and visit with my brother and I. Then out of the blue he disappeared and I didn't hear from him for about 7 years.

I think I saw him here and there after my 16 birthday for about 2 years and then never again. I don't know where he is. I don't know his email , his phone number, nothing. I don't exactly know how to reach him. He could be sick with cancer and I would probably not know about it.

He became a hard drinker and he just fell apart and I am not sure exactly why he fell into depression and such. I am thinking because he made some serious mistakes and gave up a good life to be basically a cuck to one then another of his girlfriends. What pissed me off was that he was spending more time and money on children that were not his own. Still bothers me.

When I have a children I want them to know that I care, that I love them, that I cherish the time I have with them. I want to be such a part of their lives that they become bored of me, lol. I had a bad example of a father so I want to break way from the kind of life my father had and be the best supportive guy I can be.

I haven't had my father in my life that much. However I have an uncle that has supported me, had fun with, have had excellent and thought provoking conversations, and he's been solid for half of my life, all the time I have known him. He's like a Dad that I visit. Closest I can get and I feel very thankful. Deep down though I wish my father was as cool as my uncle. My uncle has been the greatest red pill dropper in my life and I appreciate his guidance and care that I never got from my father.

Post: #56

That's dope man ^

I like this thread.

Post: #57

My dad was a drug addict and my mom smartly split from him when I was young. Later on after addiction, prison, rehab and getting his shit together I started hanging out with my dad in my early teens. Mostly I learned that drugs are fucking bad, no joke. I also learned a lot about how very poor, felon, ex-drug addicts live.

But really I learned that I have nothing in common with my biological father and we don't talk but maybe once a year. Also I think he has some brain damage from massive drug use. Plus it screwed up his health badly which I think caused some cognitive issues.

I think reaching out would be good, but who knows what you will find. Just because he pumped some sperm into your mom doesn't mean he was or is a good guy. Most people are idiots, really. My dad is more or less one. Yours might be too.

Post: #58

What is wrong with you? You should beat the crap out of your "mom" and then cut her out of your life COMPLETELY.

(10-04-2016 01:26 PM)Mushroom Wrote:  Hey guys, yeah I'm overdue for updating everyone. Awesome that you guys care enough to want to know more.

I haven't had time to post very much lately, been trying to build up my "fuck you money" stash, my business got a $400k contract a few weeks ago and my work hours have been batshit insane, to say the least.

My work has kept me from being able to fly out to visit my Dad in person, but we've been talking on FaceTime every couple of days, just trying to catch up as much as possible. He's back at his home now, so via FaceTime I've met his wife and my three step brothers and one step sister. The oldest kid is only 9, so I don't know if they totally get what's going on, but everyone is extremely nice, wanting me to come spend Thanksgiving and Christmas with them. I probably will.

I asked my Dad for the real story on why him and my Mom split up, he said that an ex-girlfriend of his started a rumor that he was still sleeping with her while he was married to my Mom, he admitted he cheated on my Mom a few times before they were married, but in the nearly 3 years they were married he was completely faithful, but my Mom didn't believe him and became hateful. He tried to turn it around, they went to counseling, but she just never believed him, and even though she said she forgave him, there was no more love and after a year of trying to mend things he gave up and wanted out. He believed the amount of arguing that she was instigating all the time was not healthy for anyone involved, especially me. He was the one that requested the divorce.

I could tell he was still troubled thinking about it, so I talked about how much I had learned about Borderline Personality Disorder from my last relationship and how I'm positive my Mom has it too. I talked about the paranoia and the extreme lack of reasoning and rationale (even more than the typical woman) associated with BPD. Basically, I let him I know that I don't blame him for leaving and that knowing what I know of BPD, it was a battle that couldn't be won and he did the right thing for his own well-being. I think putting it into perspective like that did make him feel better.

We've also discussed him giving away his custody rights to me, he never wanted to do that, but my Mom was just hellbent on taking me away from him completely so she just kept taking him to court over and over, and just like I thought he could no longer afford the expense to keep fighting. I remember going to court at least 5 times, that has to add up in legal fees.

It might surprise some of you, but I'm not upset, or hold any resentment towards my Mom in all of this. I still talk with my Mom often and haven't brought any of this up to her yet. She's got some mental issues (BPD), she was dealt a bad hand at life, so it's just a waste of time to get upset at her for something that she didn't really have the ability to fully rationalize the consequences or reality of. Had I not been through the BPD relationship I went trough, then I'm sure I'd see things differently.

I haven't brought it up with him yet, but I'm considering legally changing my name back. I used to have my Dad's middle and last name, and when he gave up custody rights to me, my Mom had my middle and last name changed to match that of my Step-Dad, whom I've never really got along with. A big part of me feels like it's the right thing to do and that when I have kids one day, I think I want them to carry on my Dad's name.

I'm hoping my part in the contract that came in for my business is mostly wrapped up at the end of this week and that I can take the time to fly out to visit in person hopefully next week.

Post: #59

(11-20-2016 04:54 PM)JosephSchmoeFrackedTheHoe Wrote:  What is wrong with you? You should beat the crap out of your "mom" and then cut her out of your life COMPLETELY.

Post: #60

I would say just make the attempt, no matter how hard it is. The pain is there.

I can't do that now, as my old man is dead. If I could go back in time to when I was 15 and he passed, I would.

Post: #61

I saw my biological father earlier this year after a 27 year absence from my life. He put me on the street around age 15. My parents were already divorced and my mother also had a vendetta against my father.

Unfortunately my meeting with him did not go well because he kept asking em to forgive him when i clearly told him at the beginning of the evening there was no forgiveness to be had from me.

He was nothing like the man i remembered and I felt like i was sitting with a complete stranger. I buried him long ago in my mind but i guess he needed to see me as he is seriously ill with some sort of cancer.

It should be noted that I only went to see him because he reached out and i promised a good friend a year earlier i would try and make peace with him...stupid promises!

After 6 beers, a bottle of wine and 10 shots of lemon chello and his constant winging.... i gave him a real piece of my mind but was so drunk I am not even sure what I said. I do seem to recall him saying to me " Loki it sounds like you want me dead" and i replied "if i wanted you dead you would already be in the ground"

I had a rough time on the streets as a kid because of him and because of my messed up mother so fuck both of them.

A while back when i first joined this forum someone posted that if you wanted to get revenge on 4th rate parents to simply out live them, out earn them and out learn them. I have accomplished all three of those and it was good advice.

Never look back, look forward brother because yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery and today is the real gift which is why we call it the present.

Post: #62

Seems like a lot of people in this thread actually managed to track down their dad?

I've made an attempt, but the most information I could get about my dad is that he is either "incarcerated or in a nut house". That is the official word from the only court document I've ever seen regarding my father.

How did you folks do it? I've tried multiple times over the span of 10yrs now and always hit road blocks.