Post: #1

Whether you fucked a girl and she went with another or just went with the other guy, what did he have over me?

I know you shouldnt compare yourself to other men and while I dont do this often the question does pop up sometimes, specificlly if I fucked a girl and she goes to another guy, I get a small feeling of "damn is that guy much better than me?"

I wonder what I did wrong in comparason, did I game too much? Too little? Proper frame? Etc

Thankfully this only happened twice to me, I am the one usually moving on but those two instances kinda made me think a lot, I felt as if I gor played or something.

Has this thought ever crossed your mind?

Post: #2

Things like this are outside of your control. Why worry about it and cause yourself unnecessary stress? Do the best you can and try to learn something from every experience.

This is simply life. There will always be a player with game better than you. There will always be a guy more attractive than you. There will always be men with more money than you. There will always be circumstances where, even if you do everything perfectly, you will lose.

This goes beyond women. "Why did that guy get the job offer over me?" "Why did our other friend get invited over me?" etc.

I know it's hard to avoid this thinking, but it's defeatist. Accept the loss, stand up, write down what you learned, and move on. Bogging yourself down in questions you will never be able to answer prevents your forward movement.

Post: #3

It's healthy to self reflect in the wake of failure, but only to a degree. Don't waste too much time ruminating about what went wrong. It is important to ask yourself questions, but as far as elements that are outside of your control...well they are just that. Do not get caught into a feedback loop in your brain. Remember in your last thread when I said moving on is your most valuable Trump card? Know when to use it.

You won't always win.

You won't always get the girl.

You won't always get what you want.

When you accept this in your heart you won't have a problem walking.

Post: #4

The answer is usually "Perception"
The other guy had better perception in the eyes of the girl.

Self reflect, but talk to yourself as a good friend cheering you up
Brush it off and move on.

Post: #5

Back in the day (10 yrs ago), a woman that I loved had to choose between some guy and me. She chose the other guy. I was crushed. She ends up marrying him, buys a house, and had 4 children. Ran into her brother in March, he tells me she is a hot mess: lost her house (her family had to move in with her mother), filed for bankruptcy, and is currently estranged from her mother, oldest daughter and him. He said she now works as an overweight waitress at Applebee's. All I could think of is how I dodged a bullet. She chose him and saved my ass from a life of misery. Don't worry about her and the other guy, focus on yourself.

Post: #6

(06-17-2016 04:01 PM)Chowder Head Wrote:  Back in the day (10 yrs ago), a woman that I loved had to choose between some guy and me. She chose the other guy. I was crushed. She ends up marrying him, buys a house, and had 4 children. Ran into her brother in March, he tells me she is a hot mess: lost her house (her family had to move in with her mother), filed for bankruptcy, and is currently estranged from her mother, oldest daughter and him. He said she now works as an overweight waitress at Applebee's. All I could think of is how I dodged a bullet. She chose him and saved my ass from a life of misery. Don't worry about her and the other guy, focus on yourself.

LOL!

I can't tell you how many of these "dodged a bullet" stories I have. Some dumped me; others I dumped. This would make for a great thread. One who blew me off in high school ended up so fat she had to get some sort of knee replacement at 40, now walks with a cane, and looks around 65.

As for the original poster's question, expecting rational thought from women is a fool's errand. Guys are pretty simple. It's generally: She looks nice = I like her.

With women, especially younger ones, all sorts of weird shit goes on. I now see (in retrospect) some younger women I knew had masochistic streaks and preferred to be mistreated. I was too much of an idealist to believe this at 21, but time has set me straight.

Others ended up with men exactly like their dads; others preferred guys they could control...one dated only men who worked in firehouses. WTF?