This is targeted purely at Davis, so everyone else, feel free to skip over my rambling.
(05-28-2016 05:43 PM)Aurini Wrote: As for me, I'm willing to believe pretty much anything you tell me, so long as it doesn't mean any sort of financial investment or emotional commitment on my part.
You've answered your own question.
Quote:He's the sort of guy you'd like to spend time with, that you'd like to network with or do business with
This is your urge to 'fix' and 'save' people coming out again, Davis, which is something I struggled with for years myself. You know what his deal - don't try to imagine a nobler, 'if only...' fantasy construct for him.
He is what he is. If his lies are non-destructive to those around him, you can either tolerate them with good humour, find other company or directly-challenge him.
Quote:Have any of you guys run into characters like this? How do you deal with them? If you call them out will they respect you more?
A large majority of women are compulsive liars to generate sympathy, so I'm not bothered by it in women. That just requires game, and some degree of non-reactivity to bullshit. (This is why I've encouraged greater non-reactivity in you to personal attacks by those who lie about you, so as to lower your LolCow status in the eyes of those who actively seek to milk you, because you are on the radar of /cow/ and Kiwifarms. Righteous anger will only excite them).
Whilst people are talking about Psycho/Sociopaths in this thread, and you're considering that, what you're describing sounds much more mundane to my ears. It's just the Gamma Male thing again that Vox Day has absolutely nailed down in his writing.
You know how Progressive types jostle for Social Status via Virtue Signaling? All the Gamma Males I've known jostle for Social Status using Exaggeration and Inflation of their Lived Experiences and Accomplishments.
The key giveaway you're offering me is their both their
observable, genuine achievements; the
lack of outright maliciousness intent behind their falsehoods; and their tendency to
rewrite a shared reality on the fly, even in front of multiple witnesses.
Gamma Gamma Gamma.
Are you familiar with the concept of 'Staircase Wit'? Where someone insults you passing by on a staircase and you only think of the perfect response by the time you've reached the bottom of it and they're long gone?
From what I've observed, Gamma Males seem so
consumed by how other people view them that they recognise even as they're telling a story its not painting them in the best light, so you'll get what I can only describe as this jarring crunch of gears as Reality is replaced by what I think of as
Staircase Reality, sometimes, mid-sentence.
I posted pics on here a while back of my Gamma teenage friend Eeyore rewriting a "I only see you as a friend and that's all we'll ever be" letter from a girl in front of my eyes in class, and then presenting this proof-read, rewritten version to me as 'proof' of how into him he was. You have to understand their reality
is that delusional, and they hate that bubble of protection being popped. (Incidentally, he's was the only man I've ever met who dots every 'I' with a circle, in classic teenage girl fashion).
My stepfather is terrible for this. A lovely, caring man otherwise but grew up very socially-isolated on a farm and neglected by his mother because she'd lost a previous male child around his second birthday, so reacted to this by barely bonding with my stepfather at all,
just in case. He is so desperate to be loved by everyone around him, that he'll constantly be halfway through a story, and then someone will interrupt with a comment such as:
"Why didn't you do
X?"
This is usually stated as such an obvious course of action, the Gamma then must panic and realise the story is making them come off bad.
Reliably, the next sentence will begin with "I should have..." but
by the end of the paragraph the original Reality has become Staircase Reality: "And then I..."; "And I told them..."
You know how poor writers often change tense mid-story? Similar concept.
Since the listeners see this happening, no-one believes them. My mother was always rolling her eyes at this and complaining about how he'd "... big note himself like a hero, but the moment conflict happens, he shut down like a wimp and I have to step up and take charge."
My sister just sighs in that 'patronising babysitter taking about a youthful charge manner' when she discusses this: "Well, you know [stepdad] and his alternative reality. Let him have it, because he won't listen anyway."
We all tolerate it, but the problem is, it makes him immensely-unlikeable to people who don't know him, and this is the danger of friendships with Gamma Liars: you risk their social stigma poisoning your own standing. This is why I've never gotten involved with him in any of his outside hobbies, even though he's encouraged me to.
He has a habit of taking up a hobby, joining an existing group; deciding everyone is doing it wrong and he knows just how to fix it; putting himself in a position to take over the said group because he makes himself useful by doing the boring stuff that no-one wants to do; getting into power; drastically-changing everything and the group collapsing because of it, one of them even forming their own club to specifically keep him out.
I've sometimes wondered if I could weaponise him, and get him involved in local Green Politics.
He took up a new hobby late last year, out of the blue, saying he was 'tired of the politics' in the old club. A mate of mine - even he jokes about '[Stepdad] Reality' - "I'm guessing they overthrew him."
My stepdad: "Yeah this new hobby is great... you can kind of just do your own thing and compete against yourself."
I'm thinking:
"Maybe he's finally learnt his lesson."
Talking to him on the phone in Feb: "So a group of us went to get our scores and the guy there was telling us no-one handed in scores for the second round, so I said [imagined Alpha Confrontation he's incapable of]. I can't believe they're letting someone like that keep scores..."
I'm thinking:
"And so it begins..."
On the phone last week: "... so I went to this event and they didn't have enough food on site for everyone. I don't know why they don't get people to sign up online first and pay the money upfront so they know exactly how many people are coming. I'll bring it up at the next meeting."
I'm thinking:
"Ah cool, I want to get into that hobby when I'm back in Oz. I should be able to buy cheap all that Top Of The Line Expensive Equipment he bought to make everyone in the club envy him, which he would think would mean they'd like him, by the end of the year."
Look, he's family, we're stuck with him. We love him, but, for fuck's sake, it can be damn hard to
tolerate him at times, which is probably part of the reason I have the patience of a saint with women's bullshit. Having him in my life growing up taught me a lot about non-reactivity, which women adore in a guy, so I can thank him for that, but, man, it's taken my sister and I thirty plus years to get him to the stage where he only talks over us half of the time by, say, offering a solution to a problem we haven't even got all the details out of yet.
Have you ever seen a dying woman whose been drifting in and out of a coma for days, hear someone arrogantly-talking over a doctor trying to explain what doses of Morphine and how regularly she needs to be shot up with, summoning up all her strength to sit her shriveled, wretched body into a sitting position to firmly say "WILL YOU JUST LISTEN? YOU DON'T KNOW EVERYTHING!" My Sister and I have,
but I'm not entirely sure he did.
Reality-rewriting Gammas are deeply-damaged and insecure in a way that's hard to understand to normally-socialised people, so it's not just a matter of, say, being at a pub where a mate is exaggerating and you can say "Oh, pull the other one, mate" and everyone laughs and moves on. If you do that to a gamma, they will remember the social embarrassment and will spend years privately-seething and seeking to destroy you, and their previously-stated tendency to infiltrate administrative positions like a lesbo means they usually end up in being in a position to do so.
By this stage of my life, I simply don't have Gamma Friends - once I gave up having Feminist-Indoctrinated Sympathy for being Fair and Nice and Letting Everyone Play, even if they're Willful Losers, my social circle improved immensely and I don't stumble across them outside of work environments. There'll be other network and social opportunities. I'm very wary of the Millennial Generations because I see there's a huge component of gamma males and - unbelievably - even gamma females, which I'd never run into before until this generation, and I have a suspicion this has something to do with absent fathers / dominant, narcissistic mothers in a childhood relationship.
If you
really need to continue the relationship with the man in question, simply bring a beautiful woman into the mix. The level of contempt the female sex has for Gammas is mindblowing, and they try the patience of even the nicest, 'just be yourself and girls will like you / i only see you as a friend' girly-girl eventually loses her patience with them. The Gamma won't try to destroy them, because, they believe they could still - somehow - win her heart if only she's see him for the noble knight he is, but eventually the cognitive dissonance makes them move on and find a more receptive audience.
It took my sister fifteen years to shake one guy that we all referred to as 'Fan Club' often enough that we eventually forgot his actual name. One day she just
snapped over his constant slimy attempts at integration and just physically-launched into him, fists and all, screaming 'just leave me alone'. Everyone watching was amazed because usually she's a ultra-polite, soft-spoken girly-girl, but, amazingly, this wasn't the first time I'd seen a woman physically-attack a Gamma for seemingly-no reason.
This is how awkward gammas make social interaction, and why I'd suggest you cut them out of your life. Otherwise, they'll be sulking at parties; mouthing off and starting fights that you're supposed to get involved in; creeping girls out by being overly-supportive and white-knighty; creating schisms in existing groups forcing you to choose sides. It's not worth it.
I finally got rid of Eeyore in my teen years due to the younger sister of a friend - beautiful girl - who learnt to despise him enough that she just would sneer
"RRRRRRRR!" - what Aussies would recognise as the 'onya!' grunt - every time he tried to speak his Staircase Reality. He drifted away into a Loser Scene that had even lower value than D&D Geeks or the Goth Fags. Yes, that's possible. He described it as 'the only scene in town', genuinely-believing it.
Staircase Reality, brother. I always laugh when I see Losers retweeting this. At least they're honest about it:
I don't know if any of that is any help or not, but it's something to consider in terms of Threat Assessment.