Post: #26

Congrats on beating it. You're a champ.

Post: #27

Congratulations, bro, welcome back. And fcuk compromising for those lizards, let them compromise to you!

Post: #28

Kid, I'm right there with you.

Two and a half years ago I entered the hospital with severe UC (Ulcerative Colitis) symptoms. I'd been shitting blood since early 2012, and while it was mild and not painful at first it later became very uncomfortable as I went more and more frequently- every hour, and then finally every 20-30 minutes before I ended up in the hospital. I remember it got particularly bad after Hurricane Sandy when my ex and I were couchsurfing for two weeks and then in a hotel for almost a month while my place was being dried out and repaired.
There was one morning where two GI doctors were there along with my father. They were almost certain I had a perforated colon- which pretty much means you'll be dead within week. I was given a biologic drug after high dose steroids failed to stop the bleeding. The drug worked and I continued to take it by infusion every six weeks, going to an oncologist (insurance wouldn't cover it through my GI) and sitting with the folks getting chemo. I missed out on a great 3 month summer gig across the country since I had to be here (nyc) for the treatments.

Two weeks after that hospital stay I left my wife. We were married only a few years, but together for over seven. It was a relief to be rid of her, as her narcissism and borderline tendencies had flown out of control. One morning she was screaming and pushing and trying to get me to hit her, and I just broke. Basically went no contact. I'd been thinking about leaving for 6-7 months- around the same time in which the disease really became worse. I lost a lot of weight. I'm only now beginning to process the loss because of all my medical problems in the last few years.

I lived with my folks for 4 and a half months. I slowly tapered off prednisone. I moved back into my place with some costly legal manuevering. Started dating girls again. My game became decent after some trial and error, failures. I got back to lifting. I was getting numbers around my neighborhood and doing online game. I got a girlfriend.
The drug worked for 7 months. From the end of the summer into the fall things went downhill again. More shitting blood, more pain. The only real option was surgery.

I was brought in a week earlier than planned into the ER to have my colon removed. What was supposed to be two operations would now be three. Instead of 3 months with an ileostomy (you shit out of your intestine coming out of your stomache into a bag- you're basically walking around with an open wound), 6 months (it ended up being 7). I woke from the surgery screaming in pain as I'd developed a tolerance to a mild painkiller. Similar thing happened when I got out of the hospital and I had to be readmitted. I woke up my first night out of the hospital in a pool of my own shit. The bag had leaked. I had to learn how to shit in this new way. Showers were tough. Changing the bag was a dance.
After 2 months I was addicted to painkillers. The symptoms were awful. The pain doctors gave me a weaning schedule that involved tapering off over the course of a month. I was off in 10 days.
The second operation was even more painful. Then the last one, just a bit less than a year ago. Finally no more shitbag. BUt it felt like I had to shit all the time as my body adapted to my jpouch- a new colon pouch made out the small intestine.
All of a sudden I could barely tolerate any food. I couldn't drink Ensure, or tolerate any dairy, soy, vegetables, anything with fiber. I was put on antibiotics for chronic pouchitis, along with the other medications I need to get by (anti-diahrrea, steroid).
Apparently the 2nd surgery in which they built the pouch had not been entirely successful - they had to leave a bit extra diseased colon. Which is now just one more thing I have to manage along with everything else.
Over last summer I got better on the anti-biotics, dumped the girlfriend, got off anti-anxiety/sleep meds, and then started getting light-headed while lifting. Then just while getting up. I almost passed out after 5 minutes of frisbee in Central Park one weekend. I had iron deficiency anemia- not uncommon to jpouchers.
I had an allergic reaction to the first iron treatment, then 6-7 weeks of more infusion treatments. I gave girls a rest for awhile, not that I'd been doing that great anyway.

By late fall I felt a little better. Gave SA a whirl and banged a handful of cute girls, but the hamster hookers got tiresome. So I've gone back to traditional online. I have very little patience for it, and no motivation to clown. Rarely go on dates. Day game seems futile. I have little energy for night game. I hit the gym a lot, and try to work on creative stuff but find it very tough to focus. I think about my ex-wife a lot. Her life is kind of a mess. I've got one regular FB I see about once a week. It'd be nice to have a couple more plates, but I just can't seem to get anywhere with it. The doctor thinks I should be on anti-depressants. I'm trying CBT, but it's slow going.
I have to make most of my own food or suffer digestive consequences. My energy is often low. Going to the gym more helps a bit. The medication schedule is pretty rugged. I can't do most of the work I used to do as it's too physically strenuous. Most of my effort and energy is spent taking care of myself. I look normal and healthy to people, but the reality is that problems with my condition can come back anytime an quickly. Still, I get up everyday and try to do shit even though I feel like my fire is mostly gone. It's almost PTSD.

I understand what you mean about the black cloud. I can't drink either, and being out at night can be tiresome.
They say the recovery period from this thing is like 6-12 months. I'm about 10.5 months out. I've gained some weight back. I'm able to tolerate some more foods, but the idea that I'm different and more limited than others is nearly always there. And the truth is that life with will never be the same.


Still, I do have some better days and things could certainly be worse. Things are slowly getting better.

Post: #29

I've not seen everything, but more than my fair share....and all I see reinforces my belief that people will not, CANnot, truly change until they endure/suffer a life-changing experience....one that challenges everything they believed was Gospel truth. That's what it takes to break down the paradigm and set people on a new course. Nothing less.

Divorce, death of children, wasting diseases, disfigurement, death in combat. Seen it all, or know those who have.

No amount of "good advice" will do it. We all have to be taken down to our core to build a new foundation. There are no short cuts.

I'm both sorry about your cancer and elated that you beat that sonofabitch. Build your new foundation, and live well. You have insight that very few will ever have.

Post: #30

Feel like a chump replying on this thread, my circumstances aren't anywhere near surviving cancer, but I can relate.

I went through a divorce, changed jobs after 9 years at the same place, and in the divorce there were all these accusations of alcohol abuse, so I don't keep alcohol in the house and don't drink around my kids - that alone has changed my life to the point that I really think before I go out and have a drink because of those allegations. I think they're bullshit but at the same time it makes me conscious of proving that they're bullshit. And one consequence is that I tend to not go out to bars without a purpose. It's one thing to meet a friend and have a drink, but just go out solo and hope to meet a chick to take home? Nope.

I'll admit I've broken the cardinal rule myself. I find myself longing to go back to 1993 when buying a girl dinner was a legit strategy. Like Doc Holliday said, I enjoy a good meal with a woman who's made an effort to look good for you.

dies irae makes a great point. My dad died last year and that got me thinking about mortality. My dad died last year and that made me really face mortality. My dad seemed like he would live forever. He was an avid cyclist and swimmer and did both well into his 80s, but time caught up to him too.

Aristotle makes a good point, there is nothing wrong with being a man who's been through some shit and has no use for nonsense. But I don't want to be that guy, because I know I'm not an Iraq vet who's seen buddies blown up by IEDs, I'm a guy who got divorced. It was shitty, but lots of things are worse. My kids have a couple medical conditions that require visits to the local children's hospital and I see it every time I go in - thinking "man this condition sucks for me and my kid, but look at that poor kid".

I've made some changes. I'm focusing on me, focusing on being organized, focusing on doing the things I want to do and living the life I want to live. The fact that I can do that is hard after being married so long to get used to. And honestly I'm not sure how women fit into that. I'm damn sure not getting married again.

One thing is that you should not let the cancer define you. It's a big thing, but with my divorce I've quit telling people about it unless they ask. I try not to talk about my ex, or the fact that I have to pay a stupid amount of alimony. It's just a big debt payment I make on a big mistake - like buying a house without insurance and the place burned down. Still got the mortgage. Oh well, don't be an idiot again.

Post: #31

"The more one has suffered, the less one demands. To protest is a sign one has traversed no hell." - Emil Cioran

New England is full of quite a number of demanding, protesting white women.

I know how you feel. Having suffered a serious illness myself for several years, I often experience the same feelings of alienation. I understand that everyone has their own crosses to bear of one type or another, but I find the gulf of disconnect is vast between myself, and some folks who for all intents and purposes seem to have had things set on easy mode from the get go.

I think it's part of the reason why so many Vietnam veterans and others committed suicide. Not that the intrinsic horror of what they experienced had necessarily broken them forever - humans have a remarkable ability to recover from trauma given the correct tools and environment. I can hardly imagine anything more traumatizing than having an atomic bomb dropped on your head, but many of the survivors of Hiroshima and Nagasaki went on to live full and productive lives, even ones who were badly injured.

But it was the disconnect, the alienation. They come home from a world of suffering and war and then it's shopping malls, fast food, network television, mundane trivia, and what the hell is this? Nobody could understand, and nobody really wanted to. In a sense the survivors of World War 2 in Europe and Japan had it better, as their nations were blasted to rubble. Everyone had suffered together. Everyone knew the real shit.

Sort of like the Grand Canyon, one can talk about it all day and never get anywhere. To understand, one must see it for oneself.

There's a great scene at the end of "The Pacific" where some college admissions floozy is talking to Sledge, asking about what job and educational experience he has. Exasperated, she says something like "Well what DO you have experience in?"

"Killing Japs."

Post: #32

You are a success story. This is just the beginning of your new path. Enjoy it, take your time, and you will find your way. With life-changing experiences comes new perspective and wisdom. What you are feeling is normal and you will have to adapt your game to whatever feels... "right." I've arrived there myself in a bit of a different fashion. Keep at it and be yourself. "Monk mode" as you call it is temporary, and while you may be forever changed, I guarantee that you will come to discover new ways to enjoy life that you never knew existed.

Post: #33

(03-11-2016 03:42 PM)Kid Strangelove Wrote:  Plus I feel like my cancer battle is now a permanent black cloud that hangs over me in my dating life. I can no longer be the "fun, carefree" guy after I faced something so serious.
...
So I ask you this RVF - have any of you dealt with something similar in your lives? What do you do? Do you think it's temporary? I'm willing to listen to all advice, and this forum has never steered me wrong before. Thank you in advance.

I have had two near-death experiences.

Some things just seem like entertainment for children once you have had a brush with reality. The mundane-ness for me never left. It has been years. I found joy in other things.

In theory, if you want to, you can immerse yourself in your old culture and regain a good part of the previous experience.

But probably you should try to move on.

Post: #34

(03-18-2016 07:49 AM)RockHard Wrote:  ...

Do you have a post anywhere about what caused your divorce?

Looking back were there signs to look out for in the beginning?

Post: #35

(03-18-2016 04:57 PM)Travesty Wrote:  

(03-18-2016 07:49 AM)RockHard Wrote:  ...

Do you have a post anywhere about what caused your divorce?

Looking back were there signs to look out for in the beginning?

Here: /thread-47827.html

Post: #36

I want to say I can relate however my story has some significant differences. First, I had my illness age 17-19. Prior to that I was simply a miserable fat kid. Secondly I didn't learn about game until age 21.

Being terminal, mute, and unable to walk for two years put me in monk mode as you say. I read, meditated on my thoughts, and preached my story(online.) I'd say I was 'redpilled' on everything save feminism due to the fact I simply wasn't dealing with women and knew I wasn't getting any in that state. I'm unemployable as I saw no purpose in playing PC when I wasn't expecting to survive.

Getting into game has been interesting, far as the above is concerned I have little tolerance for pandering & little sex drive as my brain still runs in survival mode. Otherwise I started on square one. Hell, I got into game as I was aiming to promote healthy relationship dynamics. Intuition led me here.

I wanted to offer you advice.. all I've got is not to underestimate this 'monk mode.' Perhaps you focus on the big picture as I do, perhaps not. Not having the ability to focus on your individual priorities is a threat to your game. I've a self-sabotage problem due to my seeing women as a distraction & my counting off my life(ego took on martyr persona.)

Post: #37

I've never had any life threatening illness, but I still find most people unrelatable due to their apathy toward improving their own situation, their taking for granted of the incredible gifts they've been given, their pretty delusions that should've been beaten out of them by any sort of major life struggle, and their ridiculous faux crises that have no tangible impact on their lives.

I can't imagine what it's like for someone who suffered through cancer to read about the "horrors" of thin privilege, weird guys trying to strike up a conversation, and being microaggressed.

Post: #38

Much congrats and huge respect for Kid Strangelove for beating cancer.

While I didn't face my own mortality, I came to the same epiphany about not wanting to be a clown anymore on one night out. It was a very simple moment of clarity, while I was in a group with bad ratio trying to game this 21 y.o birthday party girl. I just suddenly came to the realisation that I was wasting my most precious gift - time - on people who are not worth it, and decided to leave. It felt like a huge relief as I felt it in my gut for a long time before that point, that I was fighting my masculine nature to be more like a clown. Since then, I have dated much fewer women but of significantly higher quality, with my current LTR being the traditional feminine woman I've always looked for. The attitude also got carried over to work realm, with me achieving many great things in my profession and earning plenty of respects along the way.

The monk mode phase always follows this epiphany, as it did for me, but it will pass and you will discover your surroundings in a different light, and see more places that used to be invisible.

Now on the practical realities of Not Being A Clown game, if you don't drink (I do, just a little bit socially) I would suggest these options for meeting girls:

- Partner dancing - these scenes are low on drinking, because most people cannot drink and dance
- Night markets - either foods or arts or cultures
- Live music events at small-medium venues (there's plenty of drinking but you don't need to, and they end before mid-night)

For dates, just do whatever the hell you want to do, now that you're done with clown game. If the girl doesn't like going along with it, drop her. On the second date with my LTR, the one which she talks about the most as her top favourite, I just told her I'd pick her up after work, and we'll improv from there, and all I did was to walk her through a few different parks in the city on the way back to my place. Drinks = zero, cost = zero.

This is a strategy that will weed out 99% of the girls you run into, but the ones who make it through will be quality. In a way, it reminds me of what I read when I first got into Game: The Anti-Dump Machine, compiled by Pook, the guy who wrote The Book of Pook.

All the best, brother.

Post: #39

(03-11-2016 03:42 PM)Kid Strangelove Wrote:  I no longer drink, it has become unbearable to deal with. To take down a bitch shield only to discover the walls being put up were hiding an insecure, petty, stupid, childish spoiled person just feels like a giant waste of my time.

I can no longer be the "fun, carefree" guy after I faced something so serious.

have any of you dealt with something similar in your lives?
Yea, I used to be amazing with game !! I could think on my feet, I was clever and always said the right things...

that is, until I started hanging out with guys who fit the description of what women wanted (White, Tall, Dark, Handsome = WTDH). My WTDH friends didn't use any game at all "minimal" game at most. Little to no effort was needed for these guys to have sex; women threw themselves at these men or went out of their way to sleep with them. I would constantly lose women to these guys or they would constantly tell me the amount of women who confessed their love to them. An honest combination of pride and jealousy forever changed the way I felt.

Thats when I realized, "I am not wasting any more time and effort trying to prove how awesome, clever and witty I could be for women who will sleep with WTDH guys who don't need to do anything but validate them."

I already know I am the type of guy that will be a great asset financially, emotionally and socially to any woman I become involved with but my days of clowning are over

What do you do?
Focus on my education, hit the gym and receive endless blow-jobs from women I don't romantically care about (

you think it's temporary? It is definitely permanent. I have grown very bitter by women's poor ability to make good decisions. My bitterness will only grow as I become rich/financially secure.

I will always be a great guy to any woman I become involved with but my gaming efforts have been greatly reduced.

P.S. you will still be a fun care free guy but it will take a woman you find attractive and interesting to bring it out of you.

Post: #40

I have never beaten cancer so I must tip my hat to you, but I can relate to what said about the lack of sympathy for lazy people, and to the lack of need to prove yourself to less intelligent (and sometimes very arrogant) people. I think that if you have the number of notches you want already and you are getting laid on a consistent enough bases to prevent "the thirst" then monk mode is totally acceptable. As for redeeming yourself after taking a girl to dinner get her to pay half, this helps you retain some of your value though it is difficult with some girls. Again your story is inspiring and I wish you the best of luck.

Post: #41

velkrum Wrote:"no game"-game

I do hope all this is not just a myth, but I’ve personally never seen anyone mastering a conscious shift to this no game, woman chasing man, you attract what you are etc. mode in real life. Becoming so good that “game” is barely noticeable, yes, but this … no.

Post: #42

(03-11-2016 03:42 PM)Kid Strangelove Wrote:  As some of you know, I have spend most of 2015 battling cancer. It was truly the greatest test I have ever faced in my life, but I feel like I have come out of this experience as a better, stronger, more determined person. When the doctors told me that they couldn't find any remaining traces of cancer, I was overjoyed, and I couldn't wait for life to become "normal" again.

"Normal" for me involved going out and hitting on girls. I was pretty good at it. It was part of my life. It was part of my personality. I was the perfect "clown", as Roosh would describe it. And in NYC - a fast paced city where everyone feels like they have a better option just around the corner - clown game was a necessity.

Ever since I tried to re-integrate myself into the dating world, I've been finding it impossible to "clown".

• I don't feel like I have anything to prove to anybody.
• I don't feel the need to justify my life and choices to someone less intelligent than me
• I find it impossible to sympathize with anyone complaining about things that can be easily fixed with a little hard work, discipline and/or elbow grease.
  

These feelings are especially magnified when I try to go out. I know that women put up "bitch shields" at a bar or a club, and since I no longer drink, it has become unbearable to deal with. To take down a bitch shield only to discover the walls being put up were hiding an insecure, petty, stupid, childish spoiled person just feels like a giant waste of my time.

Plus I feel like my cancer battle is now a permanent black cloud that hangs over me in my dating life. I can no longer be the "fun, carefree" guy after I faced something so serious.

The whole experience felt like a giant personality shift for me. I've kind of retreated to a "monk mode", of sorts. I focus on my work. I focus on my fitness (on the plus side, I've lost 20 pounds already this year as my crossfit addiction and lack of alcohol consumption are paying huge dividends). It's completely unappealing to hang out till 4 am.
I admit, I've been violating one of the cardinal player rules, and it's my fault for doing this. I've been taking girls out to dinner. But in my defense - everything else I can think of involves alcohol and I don't drink anymore.

So I ask you this RVF - have any of you dealt with something similar in your lives? What do you do? Do you think it's temporary? I'm willing to listen to all advice, and this forum has never steered me wrong before. Thank you in advance.

I want to punch this guy in the face. I want to gain the power of time travel just so I can have a "Tyler Durden Fight Club" moment with myself. Fuck. I'm mad.

You can't undo a Red Pill. You cant spit it out. You cant "go back to how things were". The Red Pill is the ugly truth in a sea of pretty lies. And no one is immune from the truth, no matter how you try to rationalize it. Women, aka "the vaginal Jew", were my first red pill, and yet I allowed myself to think like a bitch and I paid the price.

Was I disenchanted with "game" post-cancer? You damn right I was. I was looking for more meaning, more.... something.

And you know what, I thought I found it.

I found it in a girl who had the same type of cancer as me, and actually HELPED me during the hardest time of my life. I though she understood me. And all the while she was waving more red flags than a Soviet Victory Day rally, and... I didn't see it. I though there were exceptions. I thought.... It doesn't matter what I thought.

What was the TRUTH, the UGLY TRUTH, was that I was living with a drug addict that was draining me financially. And I didnt see it cause I was blind, cause I thought I was "special"

I'm getting out. I wont bother with the details but they're ugly, believe me. But I'm getting out.
I'm counting my blessings that weren't married or had no children. It could have been a lot worse. Guess my trademark optimism still exists to some degree doesn't it? Good, means I'm alive. I'm here. I'm human





Guess I can still make jokes when life is in such a weird place. That's good.
Don't matter.
Live your life.
Take the red pill
Trust no THOT

Post: #43

Kid Strangelove -

Good for you making another positive shift.

I for one definitely understand the power of a "distinctiveness" bond - some woman who matches you in something rare or unorthodox so it amps up the sense of scarcity, it stands to reason you'll never find someone who checks that box again so you get spun up on keeping her.

Don't beat yourself up. Most of us have allowed ourselves to be bamboozled - for years, even - by chicks. It's part of their game.

Post: #44

This thread is for you Kid Strangelove. Congrats for taking a big hit and coming out of it alive and strong. Double props for not getting yourself locked into something that would have cost you dearly. We are all weak and vulnerable when on the rebound from a traumatic event. Having survived two near fatals in my 40s I can attest to how that sort of thing changes you, or should I say brands you body and soul like a hot iron. I had great back up from family and friends during my health ordeals but no one knows but you exactly how it feels mind, body and soul. This forum is mostly for the under 40 crowd, so I usually just read and lurk. Know that 18 and 21 years removed from my crises I'm still able to go to the gym and give my all. I've had a defiant attitude all my life and my personality hasn't changed much since I was a kid. When you go through ordeals like this you no longer care too much how you are perceived by others. You've gone through the fire and no longer need the approval you once did. Anyway, I'm starting to ramble and I've already take more bandwidth than I wanted. You're a young guy, just stay strong and visualize yourself being a bad ass old man some day.