Post: #76

Giovonny, what exactly do you mean by "have fun"? I just want to know more since the concept seems so broad.

And yes, I didn't shower/wash my clothes because depression just kills your energy to do anything like that. I'm not seriously suicidal but it wouldn't really be depression without some minor suicidal tendencies from time to time.

Post: #77

edit

Post: #78

I just meant post here with updates on your progress in general, but welcome back. Glad you're still working on making some changes.

Are you still reading the books?

Have you checked in with a therapist?

(12-17-2015 01:52 AM)Centurion Wrote:  And yes, I didn't shower/wash my clothes because depression just kills your energy to do anything like that.

Here's a relevant thought I wrote in another thread about depression...

(12-15-2015 09:07 PM)Beyond Borders Wrote:  [...]one thing I've learned over the years is that if I'm feeling powerless or in a depressed funk, the smallest things can make a difference. For example, if you're in a shitty state for a while, you start ignoring small things like cleaning your apartment, and it all starts to stack up.

I've found that just exerting your control over the most trivial things can really being to reawaken your sense of mastery over the world around you and snap you out of it, giving you some footing to really work from. Just getting up, walking across the room, and picking through that pile of clothes lying on the floor. Digging into some dirty dishes, organizing paperwork, polishing up your shoes, or giving yourself a good grooming.

[...] You start by asserting your influence on the world in small ways and you pick up momentum for something more.

Control what you can control instead of focusing on what it feels like you can't.

Beyond All Seas

"The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe.
To be your own man is a hard business. If you try it, you'll be lonely often, and sometimes
frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself." - Kipling

Post: #79

(12-17-2015 03:35 AM)Beyond Borders Wrote:  I just meant post here with updates on your progress in general, but welcome back. Glad you're still working on making some changes.

Are you still reading the books?

Have you checked in with a therapist?

Yeah, still am reading the book. It's quite a long one- after I finish I will go back to this thread and check out the other one. I was telling my existing therapist, he agreed it was quite a good book- and if he knew it would help me this much he would've told me about it months ago, but he didn't think I was the reading type.

@VVVV: It's not that I can't have fun per se, but more that I'm running out of ideas. When I'm on a good idea streak and really start to enjoy myself it can get really good. That's why I was asking him for ideas- what exactly does he mean by having fun.

Post: #80

Just finished reading Feeling Good by David D Burns. Probably am going to try and apply it, but also read this one now /thread-28873.html (A Guide to Rational Living by Albert Ellis)

Post: #81

(12-17-2015 03:22 PM)Centurion Wrote:  I was telling my existing therapist, he agreed it was quite a good book- and if he knew it would help me this much he would've told me about it months ago, but he didn't think I was the reading type.

RVF forum knowledge for the win!

I guess we're not all just a bunch of crackpots here after all...

Great to hear you are continuing to take action on this, Man. It all starts with effort, and that's not an easy thing to muster when you're depressed.

Beyond All Seas

"The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe.
To be your own man is a hard business. If you try it, you'll be lonely often, and sometimes
frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself." - Kipling

Post: #82

(11-28-2015 04:19 AM)Centurion Wrote:  I feel like there is barely anything to live for anymore. Even the few hobbies I do have, I'm just going through the motions just to keep me going, or "distract" me from my actual suffering, as it were, not necessarily having passion for it. I've been approaching/daygaming girls left and right with miscellaneous PUA style game, but mainly Roosh style indirect, and it's annoying how not-open girls are.

I went to this free neighborhood park festival, because a bunch of my Facebook friends were going, and was so disappointed in how boring it was, not to mention how not-open strangers are to you unless they wanted to sell you something. Or even if they didn't sell you anything or they knew you wouldn't buy- they would only be friendly in the context of they had a stall you were visiting. Not like a genuine human connection.

I felt betrayed by my Facebook friends and how bad their tastes of stuff are. Not to mention- I didn't see any of them there, and I was there the whole day. Most likely most of them didn't turn up anyways. A few months ago, when I was desperate for some social connection, I would diligently go along to things everyone on FB was, only to realise the same thing- it was horribly boring, and no one I knew actually went. I actually gave up on that for months- I did this again after I got motivated to meet people and experience "life" again.

It was like people only go to that kind of stuff with their existing friends(or if they went by themselves, it was cause they were introverted and wanted to stay by themselves). But that seems very retarded- the festival(or other events/concerts) were so laughably boring that it's such a retarded reason. If I did have friends I could reliably hang out with, we wouldn't be going to this. I wouldn't say I'm creative- but I definitely have many ideas about interesting things to do. So would my friends, probably. The fact that I'm going to that event anyway suggests I can't hang out with my friends- so want to hang out with strangers and make new friends. But why don't people understand that? Why am I meant to feel so weird and out of place for thinking this? It's not weird that I want to make new friends at a public place- it's weird that everyone is so insular with their own little group and they haven't thought up anything better to do than go to this shithole.

I know I've had many girls like me in the past, and even have this one current prospect(social circle/gymnastics class) seem likely. But being rejected time and again is super frustrating. Not to mention I live in an area with virtually no hot girls. The times they do go out to events like this, they are either with a guy/guys or with a group(sometimes a pair). It's not very fair how there aren't any hot girls on their own. I think Roosh or someone similar said something like "In daygame, forget about approaching girls who aren't on their own", and in my experience, I totally agree because groupthink and cockblocking completely shut you down, so I'm not motivated to approach them. The trouble is, then you spend a lot of time "hunting" around and spending hours walking in order to find a hot girl who is by herself. It feels way worse when the rejection inevitably happens because the approach opportunity would be so rare.

A lot of the time, especially because of depression, you really start to doubt yourself and whether you are worth anything. But often when I walk around, I just observe the hot girls when they do exist. Almost always with a guy, so I tend to observe the guy as well. At least 30% of the time, the guy is quite beta. Way more than me. Or even if I'm skinny/not that tall/good looking, the guy won't actually be in shape, so maybe he looks worse than me. Quite obviously he got her through social circle(unless he paid for her, or I guess is her coke supply). But it's not fair how these betas are getting girls through social circle while I'm just being rejected so hard from cold approaches even though I'm actually way more alpha than them and can actually hold frame etc.

I know this was long, and sounded really whiny. I'm on the tail end of a huge depression low- at times was tempted to kill myself after that festival. But I do want to get better and move forward from this.

Get a passport, get a plane ticket, and get away from your current location. You'll immediately feel better.

Post: #83

(12-17-2015 01:52 AM)Centurion Wrote:  Giovonny, what exactly do you mean by "have fun"?

I just want to know more since the concept seems so broad.

I mean HAVE MORE FUN!

Your life is not fun enough!

This is not a broad concept, this is a very simple concept.

What was fun for you as a child?

What was fun for you as a teen?

The funnest and most enjoyable activities of your life -- Do them! Immediately!

Play is a lost art!

Post: #84

I just noticed you are from NZ Centurion. If you are interested in meeting with a fellow RVFer shoot me a private message and if we are ever in the same city maybe we can organize something.

Post: #85

How's your summer OP

Post: #86

(01-21-2016 01:56 AM)offthereservation Wrote:  How's your summer OP

It's been alright. Ups and downs- Overall I feel a lot better but sometimes I feel really down. Go to parties every so often for social interaction even though they aren't my thing especially with loud music(earplugs help a lot) and late nights. I really don't know what to do socially to escalate with girls- I think there were at least 3 or 4 times when a chick showed interest but I didn't know what exactly to do in the social situation.

Luckily- I don't judge myself on results anymore, so I don't actually feel bad that I'm not sexually getting anything. Am really keen for uni to start again so I can actually have some fresh daygame targets all the time.

Post: #87

Didn't read the thread. But here's one thing I'd recommend - sometimes there's a tangible reason for feeling down, even for very lengthy periods of time. "A thorn in your side" that you may be in denial about, even for years. Stuff like a shitty relationship, not being true to yourself for whatever reason, a shitty job that you hate but too scared to leave cause it pays well, feeling guilty about what truly makes you happy so you end up not doing it, and so on. Be brutally honest with yourself about these things.

Post: #88

(01-21-2016 02:34 AM)Centurion Wrote:  

(01-21-2016 01:56 AM)offthereservation Wrote:  How's your summer OP

It's been alright. Ups and downs- Overall I feel a lot better but sometimes I feel really down. Go to parties every so often for social interaction even though they aren't my thing especially with loud music(earplugs help a lot) and late nights. I really don't know what to do socially to escalate with girls- I think there were at least 3 or 4 times when a chick showed interest but I didn't know what exactly to do in the social situation.

Luckily- I don't judge myself on results anymore, so I don't actually feel bad that I'm not sexually getting anything. Am really keen for uni to start again so I can actually have some fresh daygame targets all the time.

Honestly, I read good news in this post.

First off, try out some other types of social venues, Man. Big parties and clubs are not for everyone - I don't enjoy those scenes so much anymore. Try some live music venues with something a little more mellow. Of course, that's just one possiblity.

The good news is you seem to know exactly what your sticking point is. On top of that, you're not judging yourself based on results anymore, which shows me you are becoming more emotionally resilient and less outcome-invested in these interactions already.

These are two very big steps.

If you feel you're up to it, start reading some game stuff again maybe? I'd specifically seek out intel that deals with your sticking point.

Try to observe what other guys do when you're out in groups too. Look for patterns.

Nice to hear the update.

Beyond All Seas

"The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe.
To be your own man is a hard business. If you try it, you'll be lonely often, and sometimes
frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself." - Kipling

Post: #89

Centurion, do you have any interest in sports? If so joining a local game would be a great way to baby-step yourself out of this funk. Go on meetup or search facebook for a friendly, not too serious side. Playing a team sport ticks so many positive boxes: Great exercise, meet new people with similar ages/interests, benefit from the psychological aspect of team sport. This may well be just aa geeky theory of mine, but playing team sport mirrors so much of what our hunter gatherer ancestors would do whilst hunting. Just by tapping into that you will hit the reset button from our jaded and tired 21st minds.

Post: #90

You should have 1 goal only in my opinion; What can I do to make myself happy? How can I have fun?

And it could be anything... fuck what society tells you..... could be playing video games, mountain climbing, reading books, watching football with a friend, clubbing

Always make sure you have something to look forward to....and if you feel that people are looking down on you because you arent this or arent that.. fuck them off as soon as possible

just my advice

Post: #91

Sounds a lot better

(01-21-2016 02:34 AM)Centurion Wrote:  

(01-21-2016 01:56 AM)offthereservation Wrote:  How's your summer OP

It's been alright. Ups and downs- Overall I feel a lot better but sometimes I feel really down. Go to parties every so often for social interaction even though they aren't my thing especially with loud music(earplugs help a lot) and late nights. I really don't know what to do socially to escalate with girls- I think there were at least 3 or 4 times when a chick showed interest but I didn't know what exactly to do in the social situation.

Luckily- I don't judge myself on results anymore, so I don't actually feel bad that I'm not sexually getting anything. Am really keen for uni to start again so I can actually have some fresh daygame targets all the time.

Post: #92

This is not entirely facetious. Spike Milligan was a manic depressive after being blown up by a mortar in the war.

Post: #93

[

It's been alright. Ups and downs- Overall I feel a lot better but sometimes I feel really down. Go to parties every so often for social interaction even though they aren't my thing especially with loud music(earplugs help a lot) and late nights. I really don't know what to do socially to escalate with girls- I think there were at least 3 or 4 times when a chick showed interest but I didn't know what exactly to do in the social situation.

Luckily- I don't judge myself on results anymore, so I don't actually feel bad that I'm not sexually getting anything. Am really keen for uni to start again so I can actually have some fresh daygame targets all the time.
[/quote]
[/quote]

You shouldnt judge yourself on how you do with women full stop. You should be doing it because it gives you a buzz and it is fun for you. I dont, because it isnt for me. I know I am not doing game, so people on this forum wont appreciate me commenting on this, but for me, judging someone or yourself on how they do with women just makes us a fucking slave to women. Do you want your life to be defined by the amount of pussy you are getting? I dont. I am not saying you guys shouldnt game (its good for you guys, I know the benefits), but I think having sex with women (whilst it is fun according to everyone Ive ever talked to) should not define if you see yourself as a success or failure.

Post: #94

Just hosted the (unofficial) meetup for my city.

Oh man, I was so much more nervous than usual. I felt super tongue tied and had decently bad social anxiety. There were 4 or 5 of us, but most were in their 30s or above and I was the only one who was 19. I didn't feel like I clicked with those guys as much as I should have. I felt disappointed in my social "performance" tonight.

Edit: The protest was pretty uneventful. I went for a bit before the meetup and there was about 10 SJW types- then a bit a few hours later and it was a ghost town. Edit 2: The protest would've ended by the time I went back. Oh well.

Post: #95

Thanks for the update Centurion. Don't be too disappointed-- this was a monumental piece of history that went down tonight, even if it isn't written in the history books, it surely is a milestone in your life. Something you stood for, that you took the risk and did anyway. Well done

Post: #96

I want to add one more thing-- large doses of vitamin B has been shown to have positive effects on brain mood chemistry, I'd order a B complex online and take multiple times a day. It's water soluble vitamin, so very hard to overdose

Post: #97

(02-06-2016 04:37 AM)Centurion Wrote:  Oh man, I was so much more nervous than usual. I felt super tongue tied and had decently bad social anxiety. There were 4 or 5 of us, but most were in their 30s or above and I was the only one who was 19. I didn't feel like I clicked with those guys as much as I should have.

This is a typical sign of depression – feeling bad about feeling bad. Normal negative feelings feed on themselves, until depression results. Instead it's perfectly normal to feel insecure as a 19 year old with people in their 30s. After all, we've lived longer lives, know life better, and even biologically, teenagers are more or less programmed to feel insecure among men. It's not a problem.

(02-06-2016 04:37 AM)Centurion Wrote:  I felt disappointed in my social "performance" tonight.

Unrealistic/too high demands about yourself. Perfectionism, strongly linked to depression. Just stop thinking that way. Easier said than done, but try to get there.

(02-06-2016 04:37 AM)Centurion Wrote:  Just hosted the (unofficial) meetup for my city.

So basically then, judging impartially, you were the most important resource to the meeting, even if you were the youngest.

Also listening to teenage boys rattle away is a pain in the ass for everyone. People from every age and both sexes hate it. Some very few young men can speak wisely at an early age, but they're rare exceptions. So choosing your words carefully and not talking too much until you're old enough to know what you're talking about is an asset for everyone, and you should feel good about that and not bad about it.

Post: #98

Something from the OP about the beta/average guys you see with hot girls.

I see it too and when you are working hard cold approaching, you cannot help but be angry and bitter that these guys are getting laid by hot women, the same guys who wouldn't ever have the balls to cold approach except when blind drunk in a bar at 3am. Even then most guys are too scared and just go home with lighter pockets and a hangover.

It is long been agreed that the western dating marketplace is rigged against men, so that you have to be increasingly excellent just to get average girls. But why then in the western world do we see the majority of hot girls hand in hand with betas, average guys or slightly better than average guys at best?

I believe comparing social circle, where these men meet these girls, to any form of cold approach is a recipe for mental disaster. It is comparing apples and oranges and that is to put it lightly. When I was in high school, I grew up with a lot of my female classmates since the age of 3-4. Others came later when we entered middle school. So by the time I was 18, I had known these girls either for 14+ years, or 7+ years, and a few in between. That is a lot of time. A lot of time of doing nothing. Then suddenly out of the 999999 opportunities to be alone with one of these girls, we start making out. From 16-18 I had a pool of girls that I had known for years, who lived just a few houses, streets or at most a couple blocks away from me. Almost every single difficulty that we have in cold approach is erased by social circle, from getting her back out to see you again to logistics to comfort, everything.

It takes a Herculean effort from me to get a girl from cold approach of similar quality to a girl I would have gotten 15 years ago. And when I started cold approach, for years, the quality was worse, sometimes much worse to the point of me being enraged.

So why try cold approach? Well, I noticed in high school that although I was getting with these girls and some of them were in love with me, what would happen when high school ended? I also got bored of the limited variety of girls. There was also high average quality, but I would occasionally see a stunner on the street or in the store and thought to myself, how do I get THAT? For what I was getting in social circle with no cold approach experience, like the average guys we both see out with hot girls, I had my own price to pay.

The price of social circle is that it takes a lot of time and effort to establish at first, and it is very fragile. There is a hidden fixed cost which goes along with blindly fumbling your way through life as these men do. I don't think they are particularly strong because they "hold frame", I think they "hold frame" because they are pretty dumb and deluded. Stupid guys who can somehow bury their heads in the sand and remain "blue pill" have the advantage that they are less likely to get depressed. They just keep going in their lives and through school, work, friends or family they stumble upon a girl and fumble their way in. It's hardly glorious. There is hidden hard work that you're not seeing, the day to day grind. It's not directly aimed at getting girls, as purposeful cold approach is, but it is time and effort spent nonetheless.

I have talked to quite a lot of these men and on numerous occasions with their girlfriends to see how they met and what the relationship dynamics are like. I figured if I saw them out, instead of getting angry I would get some data so that I could improve myself. I found out that many of these relationships had lasted years, and the girls had cheated once, twice and even three times, and been forgiven every time. The man is forced to surrender a great portion of his self-respect, due to the fragility of social circle. If you make the wrong move in a social circle, you can be ostracized. If you screw up with one girl, there isn't a revolving door of dense foot traffic as in day game, there is very limited supply. I felt this myself in high school. Some men accept this existence of quiet desperation and acceptance, but I cannot, as they do, live with my head held high if a woman is calling the shots in the relationship.

Cold approach is brutal. It is not for everyone. But some men just have the predisposition towards it. Even if they fail in the end, they cannot help but go after the greatest numbers, the greatest varieties, a way of meeting women that is not at the mercy of the whims of any one given woman. Accept that it is harder work in the direct sense but that is the price you pay. Do not envy those betas/average men, because believe me, they are paying their own price. You don't see it as you see them walking hand in hand with a hot girlfriend while you are getting blown out on the streets, but the grass is always greener on the other side, as they say. No one can escape the dynamics of the marketplace.

Once you accept the huge disadvantages and huge advantages of cold approach and social circle simultaneously, the negative feelings you have gradually recede.

Post: #99

If you are going through depression, eat only organic food or just eat real food - fruit, vegetables, wholemeal, meat, fish. Avoid anything in a packet/take away, it's toxic to your system and makes you have no energy for the rest of the day. 90% of health problems are fixed by eating real food which will decrease the bad feelings by 50%+ where I've found the best thing is to buy a juicer. It's hard to feel like shit when you pump your body with nutrient!

Hit the gym for at least an hour a day. Stress builds up when you stay passive so MOVE and do something.

Get into nature/beach if you can, it will feel peaceful and it's one thing I normally always do after a break up. I find it cleanses my soul.

Meditation will also help for 30-60 minutes a day. Great for calming the mind, detox your system and gives you a rush if you do it for long enough.

Avoid any kind of drug (smoking, drinking, weed, caffeine, junk food), it will only kill your energy levels. It might feel good when you do it but it will lower the "happy" chemicals in your brain for the rest of the day/week/month so you feel like shit!

Work out what is stressing you and if you can avoid it. If it's an ex, go out and get 5 numbers and move on!

Focus on 1 thing positive and do it! Small steps is the key!

Think only happy thoughts for a whole day and see how it feels

Avoid the news, it's all negative and try to avoid negative people.

Don't EVER look at yourself as a victim!!! You can't grow and move on if you do where you just end up digging a very dark hole.

Motivation videos can help like








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