Post: #51

(10-27-2015 09:09 PM)Grodin Wrote:  I'm not a lawyer, just a guy who's been through a divorce and a couple custody cases. I've also known a lot of guys who've been through it, as most of us do.

talk to a lawyer
obviously.
I'm a proponent of word of mouth. Ask people you respect if they know a good lawyer.

women have the upper hand - what to do about it?
Don't wuss out. It's good to recognize the reality you're up against but I've also seen men make this a self-limiting belief. Out of the 4/5 mother's that get full custody many of those are because the father didn't pursue it, of those some didn't pursue it because they rationalized that they stood no chance. Other guys just decided they didn't want it - more power to them.
Also, a woman's upper hand can work in your favor if she becomes overconfident and complacent because of it. From what I've seen many women take it for granted that they'll get what they want, and they just don't go in with a plan of action and preparedness like a man who is ready to battle.

don't be centered on the enemy
Steven Covey talks about the fault of centering yourself on the wrong ideas or objects. One fault is to center your goals on what your enemy doesn't want, rather than what you do want. I think this ties into hanks point about guys not knowing what they want. When you divorce you're in a bad mentality where you and the wife are still "one" identity but enemies at the same time. For both sexes it causes a mental dysfunction where everything about your life is defined relative to the other person. To bring this back to point, this makes it hard to think clearly about what you want other than the easy answer "the opposite of what she wants" or "whatever she is trying to take from me".

be ready to fight but proceed with progressive stages of conflict
What I mean to this is don't rush headlong into a nasty court battle from the get go. Once you have an outline of your goals try to reach them with the least litigation that's needed. Be ready to up the level of conflict but not un-necessarily. Dissolution is the best if you can make it work, but it's not always an option. If that's not the answer, there are other levels besides full on "court battle". Family courts have an interest as well in keeping these battles out of their caseload, and often look positively on the side who is most open/accomodating to trying options like mitigation, arbitration... maybe others I don't know of.
In my case I ended up in mitigation and also agreed to use of a "family advocate". Basically an impartial (cough, bullshit!) third party investigator who would "inform" the court on the circumstances in case mitigation broke down.
Talk to your lawyer about your options. The circumstances of mine aren't important, I just mentioned as one example of what's out there.

if you have kids, the struggle is lifelong... not over when you win/lose the divorce
It's important to keep this in mind for a couple reasons. Mostly I mention this as a reminder to not give up on your goal because of setbacks. Even if you get utterly screwed by family law and a vindictive ex, your kids will have their own hearts and minds some day and form their own viewpoints on their parents. If you stay plugged in and positive in their life, they can come back around even in the worst situations.
Also circumstances change. I've seen guys lose custody battles but stay involved, and then end up with the kids in their teenage years because mom is overwhelmed. Or guys who get half-custody but then realize they aren't cut out for it, and mom ends up with kids anyways.
As a side note I think men make better parents than women in those teen years. Just personal opinion.
In my situation, I won 50/50 custody in my court battle. Years later because of circumstances, I ended up with fulltime custody temporarily, but not on paper. Circumstances changed again and we went back to 50/50 custody. Then once again, and I went back to court and won full custody. That's the short version.

child support sometimes makes sense financially
There are many reasons to pursue custody and/or avoid child support but from a purely financial p.o.v. putting aside other factors:
Sometimes it makes financial sense to just pay child support.
- Full custody often means you're paying all expenses not covered by child support. You're maintaining a residence for whatever family size, rather than a batchelor pad. Your work/life balance becomes mandatory which places restrictions on your career, putting a ceiling on the supply side of finances. Most men who make big money also work hard, long hours.
- Shared-custody means both parents have these restrictions and responsibilities, creating an in-economy of scale. You'll probably also end up paying child support even with 50/50 custody, unless you overcame hypergamy lol. It also means living a dual life of sorts, but that's another topic.
- No custody means you pay a set, finite amount and from a career p.o.v. the world is your oyster. If money and the finer things are important to you... this option arguably has the most potential. Letting go of 33% of your income is harsh but can be offset by making $120k per year rather than $60k per year (if you have the ambition/drive to make that happen).

game your ex-wife during the divorce and after
I'm defining game loosely here... especially since I don't have much of it. But I mean in terms of charm, persuasion, and people skills.
Assuming you have kids. Don't go straight for the fight. Persuade and influence your ex. Make her want to agree with you. Your relationship is over but communication between the two of you will be important as long as the kids are still between you.
Obviously gaming your baby-mama to grease the drama machine takes different methods than greasing her panties. But, both take a strategic mindset.

marriage is still beneficial if you want to raise kids
I'm going to have to go against the grain somewhat because if you want kids, it's not wise to avoid marriage. You can't avoid baby mama drama and child support by avoiding marriage - those things are par for the course unless you overcome them with effort (game, strategy, etc.). From what I've seen, any upper hand that a woman has custody-wise is magnified if she's unmarried. If you inpregnant a woman out of wedlock and want to take part in the kids life you're even more under her thumb than you'd be following divorce.

that's just a couple thoughts that came to mind

Good post, but I'm going to take issue with that last part

"marriage is still beneficial if you want to raise kids
I'm going to have to go against the grain somewhat because if you want kids, it's not wise to avoid marriage. You can't avoid baby mama drama and child support by avoiding marriage - those things are par for the course unless you overcome them with effort (game, strategy, etc.). From what I've seen, any upper hand that a woman has custody-wise is magnified if she's unmarried. If you inpregnant a woman out of wedlock and want to take part in the kids life you're even more under her thumb than you'd be following divorce."

This is coming from an unmarried father that did get full custody...it was a hard fought thing, and if she had the additional hammer of a free (for her!) Divorce lawyer (paid for by me!) there is no way I would have won. I think you're wildly underestimating the power this gives her. Yeah, she'll get Child Support, and that will hurt, but it it will hurt a lot more if you have to give her your house and another 100k in assets. And a free lawyer that stays awake at might thinking of way to make you miserable. And believe me, they make these calculations as well - "If I stay with him, I get this lifestyle, if I leave, I have to leave this beautiful house etc. etc.".. It's HUGE.

Post: #52

Congrats on gaining custody despite the odds. When I wrote that part about married vs. unmarried I was mostly thinking about custody and child support. Everything I've heard and seen an unmarried father faces worse odds in gaining custody.

I hadn't given asset division enough thought, you have a point there.

Post: #53

(10-28-2015 05:27 PM)DarkTriad Wrote:  Good post, but I'm going to take issue with that last part

"marriage is still beneficial if you want to raise kids
I'm going to have to go against the grain somewhat because if you want kids, it's not wise to avoid marriage. You can't avoid baby mama drama and child support by avoiding marriage - those things are par for the course unless you overcome them with effort (game, strategy, etc.). From what I've seen, any upper hand that a woman has custody-wise is magnified if she's unmarried. If you inpregnant a woman out of wedlock and want to take part in the kids life you're even more under her thumb than you'd be following divorce."

This is coming from an unmarried father that did get full custody...it was a hard fought thing, and if she had the additional hammer of a free (for her!) Divorce lawyer (paid for by me!) there is no way I would have won. I think you're wildly underestimating the power this gives her. Yeah, she'll get Child Support, and that will hurt, but it it will hurt a lot more if you have to give her your house and another 100k in assets. And a free lawyer that stays awake at might thinking of way to make you miserable. And believe me, they make these calculations as well - "If I stay with him, I get this lifestyle, if I leave, I have to leave this beautiful house etc. etc.".. It's HUGE.

I agree with you DarkTriad. I don't see marriage as necessary for raising kids whatsoever. With all the knowledge we have at our disposal - why men still choose to get married is beyond me. Alpha men go forth and have heaps of kids to a lady you may love dearly, but do not marry her and sign that legal contract! Then raise these kids to be a new generation of alpha men, but fellas stop getting married and divorced and losing all of your shit.

Post: #54

(10-28-2015 08:59 PM)Grodin Wrote:  Congrats on gaining custody despite the odds. When I wrote that part about married vs. unmarried I was mostly thinking about custody and child support. Everything I've heard and seen an unmarried father faces worse odds in gaining custody.

I hadn't given asset division enough thought, you have a point there.

In my experience, it doesn't matter. I have seen plenty of unmarried fathers awarded custody and plenty of married fathers lose custody.

Post: #55

Also keep in mind that there's a growing trend towards eschewing secular marriage. Some churches are now advocating that you get married in church, change the name on the drivers license, write POAs, and not touch civil marriage.

Post: #56

1 As much as men dominate women physically, women dominate men in family court.
If you don't know that there are 4 court systems in America and family court is run differently than the 3 you are most familiar with from TV, educate yourself

2 Stop thinking your state is safe to get married in or that your pre-nup is worth the paper it is written on. Jurisdiction can always be changed on a whim in family court.

3 Since any woman can change her mind at any time, there is no such thing as a Nawalt

4 Don't underestimate how much the divorce industry salivates over getting you into their system

Post: #57

(10-28-2015 10:54 PM)Easy_C Wrote:  Also keep in mind that there's a growing trend towards eschewing secular marriage. Some churches are now advocating that you get married in church, change the name on the drivers license, write POAs, and not touch civil marriage.

agreed, a covenant with god is not one and the same as a covenant with the state.

Post: #58

(10-29-2015 02:10 PM)Dr. Howard Wrote:  

(10-28-2015 10:54 PM)Easy_C Wrote:  Also keep in mind that there's a growing trend towards eschewing secular marriage. Some churches are now advocating that you get married in church, change the name on the drivers license, write POAs, and not touch civil marriage.

agreed, a covenant with god is not one and the same as a covenant with the state.

The problem with this is the state will consider you legally married in some cases, using the ceremony as "evidence" for being married or "partnered".

Post: #59

Dont do it without an attorney.

Start with The List;
http://forum.mensdivorce.com/viewtopic.php?t=13374

Then use The List as a framework for your divorce with an Attorney, applied to your states laws.

Then get an attorney that agrees with this strategy. Interview a bunch of attorneys, dont rush into something with a slick salesy lawyer. Find one that is on your side, to go after what you want. Often most divorce lawyers will advise you on what most men will get or ask for in the divorce. Often times thats not enough. Find a lawyer who gets it, and really goes to bat for you.

Become a negotiator. Your goal is to treat this as a negotiation, not a done deal where you get screwed. In the courts eyes it is a negotiation and business transaction. The more leverage you have the better, and its possible to build your leverage once the process starts. Of course the sooner you prepare the better. Take care of your mental and physical health. Dont let it affect your job. Come here or the dadsdivorce forum to ask questions.

Post: #60

I agree that a divorce needs to be approached as a business transaction. Essentially you're dissolving a partnership so you need to find whatever leverage you have and use it to your advantage. Keeping your emotions in check is critical as well.

Post: #61

(10-27-2015 09:27 PM)Brodiaga Wrote:  

(10-27-2015 09:22 PM)CleanSlate Wrote:  

(10-27-2015 05:29 PM)HankMoody Wrote:  1. Do not get married. If you want to live with someone, do it. If you want to have kids, do it. You do not need to get married to do these things.

But Hank, what about common law? If we live with someone long enough, they can get us through common law even if we never intended to marry. Is there no way around that?

http://www.allenbwest.com/2015/04/the-ob...-benefits/

Quote:Although our economy is supposed to be improving, and “unemployment” is going down, in one in five American families, no one in the household is working. Data released by the Bureau of Labor Statistics shows that for 2014, in 19.9 percent of American families, NO ONE had a job.

CNS News says, the BLS also calculates these data for single-parent families. In 25.6 percent of families maintained by women with no spouse present, no family member is employed.

But really, it’s no surprise when you see how incredibly easy it is to cash in on up to $69,000 in benefits, paid for by working-class schlubs like you and me.

Want to try it yourself? Follow these proven steps:

1. If you’re a man, don’t get married
2. Have a couple kids
3. Use your mom’s address for your mail
4. Buy a house
5. Rent your house to your girlfriend and your two kids
6. Section 8 will pay $900 a month for the rent on the 3 bedroom home
7. Have your girlfriend sign up for Obamacare
8. Your girlfriend gets to go to college free as a single mother
9. She also gets $400 a month for food stamps
10. She gets a free cell phone
11. She also gets a cash grant to help pay for heating costs
12. Move into your house with her, but keep your mom’s address for your mail
13. Each of you can claim one child on your taxes so now you both get to claim head of household credit ($1295)
14. Have your girlfriend get a permanent disability for “marked difficulties maintaining concentration” or having a “back pain.”

This is all perfectly legal, and is clearly being enjoyed by millions of people.

Here’s how it all adds up:

$22,800 disability + $10,800 housing benefit +$4,800 food stamps + $3,300 Obamacare subsidy + $900 utilities grant + $5,645 Pell grant cash + $12,000 yearly college tuition grant + $8,000 single mother tax benefit + $1,295 head of household credit…

…equals $69,540 – and we didn’t even add in the free cellphone!

Now you know why our nation has a debt of $18,205,125,300,000.

Welcome to #ObamasAmerica.

This all started with Obama becoming president??!

Damn, that's unreal!

Post: #62

(10-31-2015 10:31 PM)Mentavious Wrote:  

(10-27-2015 09:27 PM)Brodiaga Wrote:  

(10-27-2015 09:22 PM)CleanSlate Wrote:  

(10-27-2015 05:29 PM)HankMoody Wrote:  1. Do not get married. If you want to live with someone, do it. If you want to have kids, do it. You do not need to get married to do these things.

But Hank, what about common law? If we live with someone long enough, they can get us through common law even if we never intended to marry. Is there no way around that?

http://www.allenbwest.com/2015/04/the-ob...-benefits/

Quote:Although our economy is supposed to be improving, and “unemployment” is going down, in one in five American families, no one in the household is working. Data released by the Bureau of Labor Statistics shows that for 2014, in 19.9 percent of American families, NO ONE had a job.

....

Here’s how it all adds up:

$22,800 disability + $10,800 housing benefit +$4,800 food stamps + $3,300 Obamacare subsidy + $900 utilities grant + $5,645 Pell grant cash + $12,000 yearly college tuition grant + $8,000 single mother tax benefit + $1,295 head of household credit…

…equals $69,540 – and we didn’t even add in the free cellphone!

Now you know why our nation has a debt of $18,205,125,300,000.

Welcome to #ObamasAmerica.

This all started with Obama becoming president??!

Damn, that's unreal!

Can't tell if serious?

Anyway, Since Obama - the obamacare credit, free cellphones and I think pell grants? are under his watch. The others existed previously.

The $69k is a bit off though, I've estimated it to be 48 to 54K.

Post: #63

There are definitely people that scam and take advantage of state assistance, but it takes a scarcity mentality to even consider it, and then look at what you get..... not a lot compared to what you'd get improving your life.

Unfortunately there are plenty of people with a scarcity mentality and lack of long-term vision. The rest of us pay for their deficiencies.

As bad as it can be in the states, I imagine the abuses are worse in places with larger social nets.

Post: #64

Yeah perfect storm lol you buy a house and rent it to your ol lady when there's probably a two year waiting list.

Post: #65

(11-01-2015 10:41 PM)el mechanico Wrote:  Yeah perfect storm lol you buy a house and rent it to your ol lady when there's probably a two year waiting list.

Yep, Section 8 housing almost always has a waiting list. And the Section 8 housing commission determines where the applicant is housed, not the landlord telling the commission who is allowed to stay at his house.

The stuff about Obamacare the Food Stamps is entirely accurate though.

Post: #66

(11-02-2015 11:06 AM)PUA_Rachacha Wrote:  

(11-01-2015 10:41 PM)el mechanico Wrote:  Yeah perfect storm lol you buy a house and rent it to your ol lady when there's probably a two year waiting list.

Yep, Section 8 housing almost always has a waiting list. And the Section 8 housing commission determines where the applicant is housed, not the landlord telling the commission who is allowed to stay at his house.

The stuff about Obamacare the Food Stamps is entirely accurate though.

Thats why you use section 32 housing. Its for people that have an income but are way under the poverty line. Builders/Developers get a tax credit vs. vouchers and have to have a certain number of units available at a rent controlled rate for poorer people.

The housing is often of higher quality and the neighborhoods not so brutal because a portion of the rentals are full priced.

How does your main bitch get a poverty level of income you ask? You set up a business that pays her via payroll and set her W2 at the sweet spot for food stamps, section 32 credits and EITC. Remember $0 income is not ideal, its more in the $15k range.

Post: #67

Great video about what you are really up against with the DivorceCorp industry:

https://youtu.be/q4BU4OdnbS4

More money flows through the family courts, and into the hands of courthouse insiders, than in all other court systems in America combined. The documentary "DivorceCorp" looks at the business of divorce and business is booming.

Joseph Sorge is the writer/director of DivorceCorp who became interested in the subject of divorce after experiencing firsthand the complexities of the family law system. For more, please check out: http://www.divorcecorp.com

Post: #68

(07-06-2016 06:07 PM)Deepdiver Wrote:  Great video about what you are really up against with the DivorceCorp industry:

https://youtu.be/q4BU4OdnbS4

More money flows through the family courts, and into the hands of courthouse insiders, than in all other court systems in America combined. The documentary "DivorceCorp" looks at the business of divorce and business is booming.

Joseph Sorge is the writer/director of DivorceCorp who became interested in the subject of divorce after experiencing firsthand the complexities of the family law system. For more, please check out: http://www.divorcecorp.com

Watch that video.

Hire a lawyer from day 1; the first day you know in your gut that you are divorcing. Most men go into divorce thinking their lady wouldn't ever decapitate them. Then they get their head served on a platter. I see it all the time. Hire the lawyer first. There are so many intricate laws and rules that will affect your divorce, in the 'in between' stage of living in the home and carrying out the divorce. Its impossible to understand how the littlest actions you take in this stage, can affect you greatly later down the line. Small things that her lawyer can exploit. You will minimize the cost and damage significantly by consulting a lawyer first. I'm not a lawyer.

Post: #69

I was cleaning out my account and came across this in my drafts. I imagine I had a few drinks onboard when I wrote it. Use it at your own peril.

CP


First things first, find out exactly what your states laws are as well as the county that you live in. Rules can be slightly different county to county based on recent decisions and locations of cases.

Having said that, keep a dossier on everything. Let bits drop here and there:

"How is your BMW running since you got it back from the mechanic, Mr. Shylock Lawyer?"

"How do your children like their teachers at XYZ school, your honor?"

Never threaten them but let them know you know just as much about them, their lives, their habits and pedcadilloes as they do about you. Keep track of everything. The banter between the lawyers before court, with the clerk and the bailiffs, all of it.

I enjoyed the look on Shylock's face when I rattled off his make/model/license number. People are stupid now with the info they put out on Face Book and Linked In. Use it.

They want to beat you over the head with the law?

Get inside their head and let them start to fret over what else you know and what you may do.

I cannot stress this enough...do not threaten them! Let their imagination do the work for you.

One of the highlights of the entire Greek tragedy for me was regurgitating her lawyers week, where he had been, who he had met with, issues he had going on at home, etc. When they wanted more material for discovery (bullshit to drag out and cost me more money) I asked him if I should just drop it off at his home.

"You and your wife (name) still live at XYZ, right? I will stop by some night this week and drop it off."

All the color drained out of his face. Yeah, asshole, I know where you live. Maybe now you will be a little more agreeable.

Post: #70

^Do not even think about doing this. You are not Pablo Escobar.

Post: #71

^^ for real, what is this Divorce Court "Breaking Bad" edition? You're just going to antagonize people that know the ins and outs of system... you're just giving them an added personal incentive to really put your balls in the vise.

Post: #72

It was in my drafts folder. I probably wrote it at the same time I wrote this:

/thread-51313...pid1138101

or this: /thread-30-po...pid1088755

I was hitting the bottle pretty hard and was consumed with rage at how unfair the whole system is. I still hate what happened and resent how everyone made money off of my childrens' and my suffering.

I have always wanted to tell the judge that until the scales are balanced, i.e., the guilty parties punished (ex and fuck stain) and I as the aggrieved party am made whole...well then everybody best keep checking over their shoulder.

I have seen her weaselly little attorney twice. When he saw me his eyes went wide. He picked up his pace and he did keep glancing back at me! lol

It really is the little things in life that bring one joy...

Post: #73

Yea today's courts are fucked up.

Before I ever marry a chick am making her go on video swearing on her very life that any kids belong to me. All my assists belong to me if we split up. She can't agree to that am not getting married. [On top of the Prenup.]

Sadly the best divorce advice is never get married in the first place unless the female understands you are KING. She is not and will never be King. She will be your queen. But she will respect you even in th result of a divorce happening.

Post: #74

To the men enduring divorce right now - I send you encouragement. Keep making yourself a little better each day: lift, eat well and drink moderately, tend to your kids and yourself, do your damn job - even when you feel you are falling through space.

I am two years now after my divorce, right in the middle of the holidays. Life is getting better and more stabilized, even more fun and notch-full. Divorce is the little death that keeps on dying, but your life will get better if you keep focused and productive. This can happen to you, so keep the faith.

The men of this forum have been great help to me - and I don't know a single one personally. But I have been following now for almost 4 years, and they are a real advantage to me. I'm grateful for them.

Hang in there.

Post: #75

Hi All,

I’m here to seek advice on behalf of my brother. He is 35, Australian, on very good coin (200k+), and has 2 children (7&9yrs) with his ex. He has been separated since mid last year and will be starting the custody/divorce proceedings in a few months.

Firstly, I will admit that I am not informed on the divorce process at all, so please excuse if I ask some inane questions or make false assumptions.

The divorce is due to the fact that his ex is a raging bitch, essentially. No infidelity on either side, just insanity on one. It’s difficult to describe how toxic her personality is, and in trying to do so my mind just bogles at how he stayed for as long as he did. But the answer is the children. The oldest was one of those ‘surprises’ women have when they are allegedly on birth control.

So he made it work (and had another child?) for as long as he could, 11ish years. They did love each other at some stage, but most that know her would say they suspect she has personality disorders of some description, so it was doomed from the beginning. When his back was finally broken he left her, and despite how miserable he was with her, it is hard to be glad for him, I fear the worst is yet to come and also because of the trauma that woman will cause those kids.

As far as custody has been arranged so far, she has had all the power. He works in the bush and when he is in town (has a stable, appropriate and safe residence at which he hoped the kids could visit) contacts her to arrange to see the kids. Not once, has he been able to see them more than a few hours, and never alone, and often not at all. So, he will be in town for an entire week with no work, he will contact her to say when can I arrange to have the kids, if she replies, and if she agrees, it may be 2 hours at the park. Of course he realises this is bullshit, but he claims that he does not want to ‘start fighting with her until the fighting really has to start” ie. when the divorce/custody proceedings officially commence. In the meantime, he has just been coping, and trying to make the most of seeing his kids when he can, with minimal drama. I can understand this, because I know he has a fear, and I’m not so proud that I won’t admit I have felt it myself, of that woman’s rage/temper/drama/fits. She is that special type of person who is happy to burn it, and those, all down, if it would mean they get their satisfaction.

His hope for custody is that when he is town (one out of three weeks) the children stay with him. His residence is close proximity to where the kids already live/their school/friends. There is no practical or logistical reason why such a custody arrangement could not work, but it is highly unlikely that the mother will have it. Speaking of where the kids (and their mother) live, it is still in the house which he was asked to leave to have the locks changed, where he still pays full mortgage (on top of new addresses rent). Again, it’s for his children.

He affirms that she has no legitimate claims against him. No violence, no infidelity, no threat to the children, no financial dishonesty. And I believe him. However, he also affirms that he foresees her making these accusations against him in the future. Infact, she has already made them against our Father, the kids Grandfather (bullshit claims). She has happily sacrificed her children’s relationship with the 2 people who love them most, after their parents (or at least one parent), purely to satisfy her own spite.

I fear that my brother is unprepared and naïve about the shitstorm that is going to be rained down upon him. He seems to believe that as he has been honest, fair, accommodating and reasonable he will somehow be favoured in court. He assumes that the court will be able to see through the lies and vitriol the other party will be spinning. He assumes that the person making the judgements will bear no bias against him and… brace yourself… he seems to believe he doesn’t need a lawyer and can successfully represent his own case.

I have planted the seed that this is not a good idea. I can see his logic… represent yourself in as honest and reasonable a fashion as able. Surely these law types can tell a fraud when they see one, surely they will see I don’t need to pay someone to strategise on my behalf when I am dealing with honest facts, surely they will see I’m there to settle this in as fair (50/50) and efficient manner as possible and surely it will be fine. I can see his logic, but my gut is telling me otherwise.

I would like to ask any lawyers, is not getting a lawyer as terrible an idea as I think it is… or is it possible that it will be fine as he has no marks against his name and has acted so reasonably? (there’s that inane question).

How soon should he be approaching a lawyer, considering that they will be eligible for divorce in a few months?

Are there any lawyers, or other legal counsel you could recommend (Brisbane)?

What is there that I can do to assist him (aside from slapping him hard and telling him to come to his senses and trying to red pill him as fast as I can without alienating myself)

tldr: my brother is planning on representing himself in his divorce... how devastating could this potentially be?