Post: #26

some chick messed around with a few other dudes when you were broken up or before you got together and that's a problem? she sounds like a healthy woman to me. why in the world should she confess her details or be punished for doing so now? why would you care about her sex life with other men? respect her choices they have nothing to do with you.

Post: #27

It's impressive that you spilled your guts here...it takes courage to admit the absolute horror and shit that has been your life. Your story was difficult to follow in all ways.

What's not impressive is that a professional fighter would beat up his wife, the mother of his children, a decent women, with what amounts to a deadly weapon.

You need to be alone here. You don't deserve a 'decent' woman or to be a father, right now. You need to sort your life out, mate, before you ever consider partnering up again.

It's hard to not be a judgemental prick about this. I've done some things in my life that I regret but it all turned out ok - no harm no foul and no one is the wiser but my own head. Sorry. But you need to get away from yourself and everyone else.

Post: #28

I feel like giving financial advise here. 30k pound on private schools? Thats too much mate. Why don't you invest that money into an index fund and send the kids to a public school, trust me they'll be grateful to you 20 years later. Making 120k a year and yet not having any spare cash, somethings wrong here.In my opinon private school in the anglo sphere is a waste of money, Id understand sending them to an international school in a third world country.

You are only 35, plenty of time to build a decent nest egg for your kids. Leaving them a portfolio worth in excess of million pounds or sending them to a private school? Pick one.

Post: #29

More details from the OP, which, to me, actually makes the picture murkier.

OP, only you really know this woman. You've spent a decade with her and your essays won't even begin to scratch the surface of who she is.

So. Let me ask you one question. This should help guide your decision, for the now and into the future:

Can you trust her?

Good luck.

Post: #30

(10-16-2015 05:15 PM)SuperBock Wrote:  Just to clarify, I stated that I always knew about one guy when we were broken up for 9 months, that was no issue as I dumped her. When she recently first admitted her notch count was 'a bit' higher, wasn't happy but no big deal, when she told me there was another person in the 9 month break, I said I wasn't really surprised, no no big deal. The one that made me blow my top and beat her (which I am not proud of and most of you are emotionally reacting to) was when she said there was another one in the 6 week break when she dumped me.

[. . .]

I don't want to be that guy, but now she has put me in a position of either accepting it or damaging my kids lives, which creates frustration and yes anger.

Having said all that, time and space is allowing me to adjust to things, trust is growing and I have a better and more realistic take on things. I can appreciate her better qualities which remain and I accept the past stuff as not as important as what is good in the here and now.
I don't want to dwell on the negative past.

I maybe read 10% of what you've written, but it sounds like you beat your wife for something she did while you two weren't "locked in" a relationship.

I'm going to echo the other guys and say yes, a woman in certain situations should be treated as an accountable adult and hit when she steps out of line.

For instance, my mom would beat my dad and he stayed with her for 21 years without doing anything to protect himself. He took it and he really should have beaten the living fuck out of her. Why? To set boundaries and teach her a lesson. To execute violence in self-defense to end the martial abuse. To stop her from breaking boundaries in a house with children and a family.

Quote:The one that made me blow my top and beat her (which I am not proud of and most of you are emotionally reacting to) was when she said there was another one in the 6 week break when she dumped me.

And if she was was able to, she should've beaten the shit out of you for the exact same reason. You lost it and broke boundaries, because she fucked a guy after you two broke up?

That's woman shit right there.

To answer your question: when I was younger and more liberal, I would have said get back with her, but you can't deal with the psychological realities of relationships with promiscuous/American women. Take a break like the other guys said.

And don't paint some of the reactions you're getting about you beating this woman as an emotional reaction--it's logical. You compromised the family with your insecurities over a girl fucking a lot. After you two broke up. That's some extraordinarily blue pill shit.

You beating your wife because she had sex with other guys while you two were broken up was the most blue pill thing you could have done.

You need to finish swallowing the pill, and fine-tuning your inner game, before you deal with anyone else. There are other ways to punish her behavior. You can't be rocked by things like that so easily. Because they will happen. You probably know your wife will cheat. If you beat her again, you put the ball in her court. She has the power because you have piss poor self-control. And in the case you pointed out, it just sounds like your psyche is too weak to deal with the male/female dynamics of the day.

While it sounds like you hit her a long time ago, and you say you aren't proud of it, I'm not very convinced by the tone of your writing that her cheating on you wouldn't prompt a similar response.

Still, takes balls to be as candid as you did and seek advice like that.

You shouldn't get back with your wife. You already know how she is, and you're not comfortable with it, and you shouldn't be. You shouldn't go War Machine on her, but you shouldn't get back with her.

The life of a divorced dad is a much better alternative for what you've experienced. Find a lawyer.

Post: #31

Quit being a douche and beating your wife. Your whole story makes you sound like a selfish bitch and not a victim. You don't need a lawyer, you need pills and to become a better person.

See a psychiatrist, get on antidepressants
Stop being a selfish bitch
Make up with your sweet wife, fuck her well, no more beating women
Spend time with your kids
Be a good role model as a husband and father

That's alpha. What you were doing was not.

Post: #32

(10-16-2015 08:39 PM)Turkish Republican Wrote:  I feel like giving financial advise here. 30k pound on private schools? Thats too much mate. Why don't you invest that money into an index fund and send the kids to a public school, trust me they'll be grateful to you 20 years later. Making 120k a year and yet not having any spare cash, somethings wrong here.In my opinon private school in the anglo sphere is a waste of money, Id understand sending them to an international school in a third world country.

You are only 35, plenty of time to build a decent nest egg for your kids. Leaving them a portfolio worth in excess of million pounds or sending them to a private school? Pick one.

Are you British?

Did you go to private school?

Post: #33

Is it just me, or does his post seem trollish because it's theme's are "women are cheating whores" so "men should beat them up", let's see what RVF member's say?

But I could be wrong.

SuperBock, if you're not a troll and are being sincere than my advice for you is to not go back to your wife. It seems like your relationship with her and your kids are better when you have your own place/space.

It's better for you, for your wife, and your kids. They don't need their Dad there 24/7, especially if it's going to cause conflict. I don't know why you feel you can't keep it this way for the remainder of your kids childhood. Especially when she's allowing you to dictate your involvement and is not getting in the way of that.

Why fuck that up now too?

Your whole relationship with your wife from the get-go has revolved around infidelity, and the break-up/fix-it-up syndrome. On both your parts. That's the glue that holds it all together, for both of you. Pretty shitty glue to have, but it is what is, and you're certainly not alone out there. Not alone at all.

Post: #34

(10-17-2015 09:32 AM)CrashBangWallop Wrote:  

(10-16-2015 08:39 PM)Turkish Republican Wrote:  I feel like giving financial advise here. 30k pound on private schools? Thats too much mate. Why don't you invest that money into an index fund and send the kids to a public school, trust me they'll be grateful to you 20 years later. Making 120k a year and yet not having any spare cash, somethings wrong here.In my opinon private school in the anglo sphere is a waste of money, Id understand sending them to an international school in a third world country.

You are only 35, plenty of time to build a decent nest egg for your kids. Leaving them a portfolio worth in excess of million pounds or sending them to a private school? Pick one.

Are you British?

Did you go to private school?

I'm not British and yes I went to the best International schools throughout my life.

Post: #35

(10-17-2015 11:19 AM)Turkish Republican Wrote:  

(10-17-2015 09:32 AM)CrashBangWallop Wrote:  

(10-16-2015 08:39 PM)Turkish Republican Wrote:  I feel like giving financial advise here. 30k pound on private schools? Thats too much mate. Why don't you invest that money into an index fund and send the kids to a public school, trust me they'll be grateful to you 20 years later. Making 120k a year and yet not having any spare cash, somethings wrong here.In my opinon private school in the anglo sphere is a waste of money, Id understand sending them to an international school in a third world country.

You are only 35, plenty of time to build a decent nest egg for your kids. Leaving them a portfolio worth in excess of million pounds or sending them to a private school? Pick one.

Are you British?

Did you go to private school?

I'm not British and yes I went to the best International schools throughout my life.

Well the OP is.

Frankly, private schooling is worth every single penny in this country.

It's oh so easy to pull the drawbridge up...


Plus, why does he only get to pick one? Money can be made at any time. A child's education cannot.

Post: #36

Waaay too much going on for me to read.

Try marriage counseling first, before you even consider moving back in. See her and kids in public places (park, coffee shop etc.) Look for church-type counselors (cheaper than psychologists, social workers etc.)

Post: #37

Super Bock
When she said "if you knew who it was, you wouldn't want to be with me"
You must have had a list of names
She made it sound like he's your best mate or your brother
Sounds like its closer to home and she might be doing you a favour by not naming him given your aggressiveness
Hate being judgemental mate but its hard not to
Only you can work this out and beating the shit out of her isn't one of them
Get some counselling

Post: #38

Pretty surprised at the number of people here so far who do callously assume that beating your wife is acceptable....
Especially based on what she did.

No woman should ever enrage a man so greatly that she causes him to commit a crime.

No man should ever be so weak.

Post: #39

"If you knew who it was, you wouldn't want to be with me"
Surprised no one has picked up on it yet - Must be the player from the original social circle that she was a plate for...the guy that bothered him for years when they first got together.
Ask her that Superbock. But keep your Fists of Fury under wraps.

Post: #40

Wait, you literally threw her out of your (stopped) car 12 years or so ago, and then when you came back 10 minutes later you went to a nice place for dinner and then anal sex?? And then she married you?? And you are in the UK??

Maybe it's just me but OPs story seems just that, a story.

Post: #41

(10-17-2015 02:25 PM)mammal Wrote:  Try marriage counseling first, before you even consider moving back in. See her and kids in public places (park, coffee shop etc.) Look for church-type counselors (cheaper than psychologists, social workers etc.)

NO! You get what you pay for. If OP goes to counseling, make sure its a professional with an actual track record. Ask them how many couples in that situation they've treated and their success rate. I did church marriage counseling and it was a complete shitshow.

Post: #42

Guys, thanks for all your replies.
There is no clear consensus here but I guess if it the choice was obvious, i'd have done it already.
I met up with a girl today and it was really enjoyable, and i'v been avoiding reading any more replies to this thread because I know the whole fucking situation would just bring me down again.
I suppose that's something to think about.
To those that think i'm trolling or that I think it's OK to do what I did, I don't, and I (and her) will always have to live with it now. A nasty boundary was indeed crossed.
However, it is what it is and is just a real part of my situation that I knew id have to share to receive any useful advice.
I can see how some of the other unrelated information in my OP might have come across as glib, but it took me a long time to write and I should have reviewed it before posting to make sure the overall tone was right.

I also realise all too well that my frame is weak and that if I decide to go, I will have to be the strongest ever because every time I do, she brings down thunder and barrages me day and night with vitriolic texts and threats and makes life really hard, upsetting the kids. Then after I just ignore for a few days she starts pleading again for me not to do it. The kids cry and plead me to come home and I end up thinking fuck! how can this be right to walk away from someone who loves me so much and do this to my kids? on the basis of unprovable suspicions.
So I resolve that we will make a go of it, and everyone is happy again. Except me because the doubts and nagging feeling in my gut remain.

Post: #43

One thing a Family man has to do is control his emotions and not give into self-indulgence to the point where it's harmful to the family.

Sure, being with a new woman is a great feeling. Isn't it always? How long does that last though?

There's going to be a price to pay for whatever choice you make. Get some clarity on what that price is, maybe go over it on paper (Pro's/Con's) for each choice. Afterwards, you may have a better sense of what to do.

I was hoping your wife was ok with you having your own place, but being at the house regularly. Doesn't sound like that's the case though and you're going to have to choose.

Post: #44

Dude,

From what I've read you guys have a turbulent relationships and she has had sex with other people. I wouldn't bother with having a toxic woman in my life. Your case seems to me like marriage should not exist to begin with. I would ditch this woman and go on a self-improvement path.

Post: #45

Your relationship is seriously fucked, if you don't mind me speaking frankly.

Bock, you seem to be volatile. Quick to anger and violence. Your wife seems to be a masochist and a shit stirrer. Seems like she is crazy about you

I think you need to think about your children. Neither of you have the leisure of going away to get your shit sorted out and your children need strong rolemodels so they hopefully don't have to endure the shit both you and your wife are going through right now.

You are in a very tough situation, which I honestly think you've bought on yourself but none the less children and other people are involved. You need to check your anger and figure out what your triggers are so you can avoid them like the plague.

Good luck.

Post: #46

I don't get what your problem is. Let us all summarize to be more efficient in our time.

So she hooked up with other dudes during the 6weeks or whatever time when she was a free agent and that's the moral of this 100page story???

And then u beat her up and think she is slutty and is supposed to tell you and she crossed the line of rationship/marriage.

Could have wrote one sentence and save us time reading.

Oh, and
She didn't press charges on domestic violence yet

Post: #47

I'm sorry man, I don't know what the answer for this trainwreck is besides accepting the situation and moving on to build something new, but I find it hard to be on your side. Beating her up is in no way proportionate to her dumping you that first time.

Quote:She says it was because she loved me so much but since I found redpill, and with her past revealed its more likely I'm the BB in her AF/BB hypergamous sexual strategy.

I don't want to be that guy, but now she has put me in a position of either accepting it or damaging my kids lives, which creates frustration and yes anger.

No. If that were true, she wouldn't have treated you so well during those 12 years - you can count on that.

Besides, I bet the doctor was thinking the same when she went back to you: "Oh no, I'm so nice and have a good career and she goes back to that Muay Thai guy? I hate always being the BB!"

Also, I find it a bit tragicomic that a guy who can fuck 6 girls in 7 months is referring to himself as "beta", "betaized" and whatnot.

Post: #48

the issue is you , reading things here and the success of others has planted a seed for the need of having new pussy , you just finding anything wrong to blame your wife , she been solid for 12 years , she supportive , team player , and your issue is her past when you two broke up and lying who she slept with during that break up .

you made your mind up and just seeking validation from people here , and the majority disagree with u.

when ever mad , dont ever hit a woman no matter how angry she may makes u ,

all the best , put u kids first , hopefully things work out between u and your family

Post: #49

OP

I'm a newbie and a bit late on this post, been reading around a bit, waiting for activation and felt the need to comment on this one in particular because I've been through this type shit with a wife that did cheat and no one likes to see a dude fuck his and his family's life.
As your asking for advice I will give you mine;

This issue is most definitely yours. You might not want to hear it but she sounds like the type of wife everyone is looking for these days with all the shit, lazy examples around us.

Don't want to sound harsh mate but you obviously want to fuck new pussy for a while and if people to tell you your wife was a whore you can sleep better, no one has she seems to have been very decent all the way through. Her vitriolic texts and thunder is despair.

I imagine given your self description and previous, she had very good reasons to lie to you initially, that and because she was young and obviously very in love with you despite your issues and anger.

You have your past shit she has hers and given her upbringing seems she has made the best of the situation and given her love and focus for 12 years to you and your kids. Believe me you are her alpha, no woman fucks and BJ's that much consistently to some BB she just settled with, or who she is cheating on - apart from when you beat her up - that's just totally fucked up!

Don't want to sound like a tit but these days in western society there are not many women if any who would carry you financially,accept all your break up shit, fuck you good like that, look after you first, come back after a beating, etc etc etc this should be proof enough of the person she is and negate the red flags you speak of as you have no proof of any of this shit and she would not have begged you to do the polygraph.

Something to think on is how you will feel when she is happily giving all that she gave to you to someone else?
It will happen!

Only you can make your decision.
I think she would be better off without a husband that beat the shit out of her and emotionally abused her as you say you did. What she did, did not warrant any of that. If I was you I would sort my issues out and be doing everything in my power to keep her, and my family together because if you've got the size 8, pretty, loyal, good fuck that you describing at home I wouldn't be bitchin and looking elsewhere!
Good luck buddy!

Post: #50

Hi Bock
Just picked up this thread.
Put your kids first no divorce works in their favour in the end the research proves true do the right thing for them.
I don't believe this is enough reason to divorce your wife she sounds she's been very good to you!