Post: #1

To the point. I'm 30 now. I had a lot of time to meditate about women, life lately and my big regret is not having kids 10 years ago.

I've always thought that I have to do very well financially first, that I have to be "ready" for it, that the girl has to be outstanding, etc, basically that it had to be well planned and well timed for the baby's good. However now I'm thinking it was just a mix of excuses, fear and rationalizations. Truth is there is never a perfect moment for having kids. All I had to do was just to do it, go with it and take care of it like a grown man. Besides, I think it's cool to be young father as there is no as big generation gap between you and your kid.

Now that I have such regrets I feel this strong urge to have kids. I look at women differently now. I noticed I'm paying attention to their personalities and mother/wife qualities much more than their looks/sex appeal etc.

Anyone relate?

Post: #2

I'm 33 now and just started thinking that I'd like kids and a family too.

I do not feel as though that I wish I had them 10 years ago.

There's a part of me that is worried that I may not have them though because I haven't had a lot of LTR success, and that's a part of my game I'm trying to improve.

Post: #3

(09-15-2015 04:19 PM)XXL Wrote:  To the point. I'm 30 now. I had a lot of time to meditate about women, life lately and my big regret is not having kids 10 years ago.

Damn you're only 30! You seem alot more wise in your posts.

Anyways yes, I felt it too lately. I think an overload of Western girls over the years.

I think the trade off of becoming financially secure, being 100% ready and committed, and finding the right woman is worth holding off on kids until 30-35 or so.

If I had kids at 20 with a girl I was really into back then it would have been a disaster and we would have been divorced by 23 due to my emotional immaturity and no ability to make a decent income.

I am glad I have waited, although I know I shouldn't wait much longer.

Post: #4

(09-15-2015 04:54 PM)monster Wrote:  I'm 33 now and just started thinking that I'd like kids and a family too.

I do not feel as though that I wish I had them 10 years ago.

There's a part of me that is worried that I may not have them though because I haven't had a lot of LTR success, and that's a part of my game I'm trying to improve.

Go abroad I just had a friend that I talked into going to Vietnam who never dated a girl living in another country like that before is now pretty much falling in love.

Before this trip I used to tell him foreign girls are 10x better for LTR and he was lukewarm and said "you can find Asian girls here in the U.S.".

He changed his mind in a hurry. The new girl has now ruined American women for him and his last LTR was a girl that didn't move here until she was 12. It is night and day as for options.

Post: #5

I'm in my late 20's - I still see the player life as enticing and fun, but I do notice the qualities I want in a woman are higher now.

ONS's I could care less about, young and fun is all I need. With plates I do notice I like more quality and some more sexual exploitation they like (BDSM stuff).

As far as my LTR, she's close to her family, especially her father, was raised right, very low notch count, isn't a career whore, and an 8 in the looks department. She wants children (she's in her mid 20's) and wants them obviously before 30. She's a latin girl whose very emotionally invested in me, and she's got that latina passion, guys who've dated the know exactly what I'm talking about.

The only problem is she smokes (ciggs and weed) that's her only catch in my mind. Now things like children and the effects of smoking even before birth come to mind.

I even brought that up in the conversation we had regarding kids and how it would affect things, obviously we're barely scratching the surface of that topic (we've only been together for 1 3/4 years). I'm STILL screening her for anything that's a red flag in an LTR.

My personal opinion on children is - I'm not ready for it, I might be open to it. My biological father wasn't around, but I damn well know I'd make a good father.

Another part of me enjoys all the women I've banged and the rush from new girls, whose to say I won't find a better LTR than the one I have.

It helps to keep an open mind.

Post: #6

I relate to a degree. The dude-ological clock is real - the want to settle down, to procreate, to raise a family of your own. I've felt it. But after much soul-searching, I am of a mind that I do not want to have children.

Post: #7

feel the same way

Post: #8

Having children and settling down with a mysterious unicorn are mutually exclusive.

If it is in fact children that you wish to have, research the various assisted reproductive and surrogacy methods. Choose an egg from a donor and your sperm. Once your kid is born, hire an au pair to take care of the kid while you’re working. Or should a traditional arrangement suit your tastes, do not marry the mother of your children.

Significantly reduced legal ramifications and complications versus the traditional method should the mother of your children decide you no longer jive with her hypergamous lifestyle. Not to mention the significant financial risk exposure to alimony, child support, and other such father unfriendly wealth extraction strategies.

Post: #9

(09-15-2015 08:11 PM)zerocool Wrote:  If it is in fact children that you wish to have, research the various assisted reproductive and surrogacy methods. Choose an egg from a donor and your sperm. Once your kid is born, hire an au pair to take care of the kid while you’re working.

That is such a bizarre and fucked up suggestion I can't believe you seriously mean it. "Daddy, where's my mommy?"

Post: #10

^^^^

At least he didn't suggest to wife up a single mother!

Post: #11

Being 44, I've never had this desire to procreate.
Besides the expense of raising a kid (about $200k per kid until 18), you have to consider consequences of child-birth for your woman: incontinence, vaginal tearing, prolapse, etc.
For instance, google 3rd, 4th degree vaginal tearing.
She may be unable to fuck afterwards.
Some chicks even have tokophobia, check out this thread:
http://www.thechildfreelife.com/forum/vi...3&start=20

Post: #12

Remember, nature doesn't care what your opinions are.

If you don't pass your genes onto the next generation, you're a failure in the cold eyes of evolution. It's a shame that many solid dudes with good life experience have basically eliminated themselves from the gene pool.

You've basically shown that your genes are unfit for procreation via means of mental disabilities as opposed to physical ones. Disabilities are anything that prevent your genes from passing onto the next generation.

Try and use this argument on a gay couple. Watch the explosions! Haha.

This all of course can be cheated via surrogacy. However, I get the impression that nature has a dirty slap in the face for those who go this route.

Post: #13

(09-15-2015 04:54 PM)monster Wrote:  I'm 33 now and just started thinking that I'd like kids and a family too.

I do not feel as though that I wish I had them 10 years ago.

There's a part of me that is worried that I may not have them though because I haven't had a lot of LTR success, and that's a part of my game I'm trying to improve.

I thought about it too but then I realized I'll never know when I'm good enough or not. That exact thing stopped me. I always wanted to be ready but didn't know what "ready" actually means.

Now I know that there's no good moment to have a kid and the way to go is to just find normal girl and have a child with her and deal with all the things that come after that along the way. That's how I see my friends do. They have good times and bad times but none of them is in hopeless situation that I thought I'd would be.

Post: #14

(09-15-2015 04:58 PM)Travesty Wrote:  

(09-15-2015 04:19 PM)XXL Wrote:  To the point. I'm 30 now. I had a lot of time to meditate about women, life lately and my big regret is not having kids 10 years ago.

Damn you're only 30! You seem alot more wise in your posts.

Anyways yes, I felt it too lately. I think an overload of Western girls over the years.

I think the trade off of becoming financially secure, being 100% ready and committed, and finding the right woman is worth holding off on kids until 30-35 or so.

If I had kids at 20 with a girl I was really into back then it would have been a disaster and we would have been divorced by 23 due to my emotional immaturity and no ability to make a decent income.

I am glad I have waited, although I know I shouldn't wait much longer.

Thanks for kind words but I wouldn't say I'm even close to wise, I'm just realistic, very down to earth and I can see what "game" is and what it isn't.

I'm thinking 20 yo would be perfect for me cause I assume the girl would be 17-18 yo then. She would finish high school and get pregnant then 3-4 years later she could go to college if she wanted. Besides, when we are younger some of us still have parents and even grandparents to help. It just makes more sense to me.

As for being financially/emotionally secure.. I think those things come as you live in certain conditions meaning that when we are forced into something we adapt quickly. I noticed it first hand. When I had no choice but to be something I wasn't before I adapted quickly and did it. If I had 9 months to find much better job than my current one or grow up emotionally I'm sure I would do it. On the other hand when there is no leverage it's much harder to create imaginary pressure out of thin air and put it on yourself.

I was at a family meeting lately and saw a few young couples [22-26 year old] with their kids and I was just envious. They looked so nice together with their children crawling or running around us. And they don't seem too wise or mature in general, they just do what they can at the time and pull it off.

Post: #15

I've always wanted kids everyone in my family has at least two, I have a giant family.

I'm in my mid twenties where I'm from I can have a kid and not even worry about the mother because with 100$ a month for the child she would be more than happy.

Post: #16

(09-16-2015 07:34 AM)XXL Wrote:  

(09-15-2015 04:58 PM)Travesty Wrote:  

(09-15-2015 04:19 PM)XXL Wrote:  To the point. I'm 30 now. I had a lot of time to meditate about women, life lately and my big regret is not having kids 10 years ago.

Damn you're only 30! You seem alot more wise in your posts.

Anyways yes, I felt it too lately. I think an overload of Western girls over the years.

I think the trade off of becoming financially secure, being 100% ready and committed, and finding the right woman is worth holding off on kids until 30-35 or so.

If I had kids at 20 with a girl I was really into back then it would have been a disaster and we would have been divorced by 23 due to my emotional immaturity and no ability to make a decent income.

I am glad I have waited, although I know I shouldn't wait much longer.

Thanks for kind words but I wouldn't say I'm even close to wise, I'm just realistic, very down to earth and I can see what "game" is and what it isn't.

I'm thinking 20 yo would be perfect for me cause I assume the girl would be 17-18 yo then. She would finish high school and get pregnant then 3-4 years later she could go to college if she wanted. Besides, when we are younger some of us still have parents and even grandparents to help. It just makes more sense to me.

I had my first kid at 22. For sure, I wasn't ready for it! But it happened and I don't have any regrets.

There's no school other than observing others that can prepare you for fatherhood, and I don't think it makes sense to wait if you've found the "right woman".

The scare quotes are there since we spend so much time discussing what the "right woman" might be in the different marriage threads here. For me, it was a Russian roullette since I had only known my wife for about a year when my first son was born.

On the other hand, since you are 30 and have a good knowledge of game, you'll be much better prepared for this than I were.

This, to me, is crucial - having the right frame and tools to handle your wife / mother of your children. I've had to learn it through numerous trials and errors.

Post: #17

Had my first kid at 30, my other kids at 33. Highly recommend age range from 33 to 38 as you will have accomplished at least half of your game and financial goals by than. Don't get married, just Heisman pose that shit, long term gf status is the way to go.

Post: #18

Part of me thinks us men on this forum SHOULD procreate with women (albeit not shitty ones) to fight the onslaught of shitty children and parents.

We have the tools to do so and the mindset.

Beast is right, we'd just eliminate ourselves, possible children, traditions, and mindset from the gene pool. How is this fighting decay and immorality in this world ?

The flip side of the coin is, marriage is a joke, even having a child is expensive and women get alot of rights even if not married to a man.

Catch 22 if you ask me.

Post: #19

I can definitely relate. I'm in a similar mind state to you but 10 years older.

So you have nothing to regret. 30 and looking to start a family is perfect.

Post: #20

Im 28 and totally relating. Im also now looking in women more about the personality, being good person etc and not the looks. I feel that I am ready and I want to do it. Im not regretting though that I haven't had kids earlier, I'm happy where I am now and I think I wouldn't have been here when I had the kids, I would never had taken the risks.

Post: #21

(09-16-2015 03:14 AM)The Beast1 Wrote:  Remember, nature doesn't care what your opinions are.

If you don't pass your genes onto the next generation, you're a failure in the cold eyes of evolution. It's a shame that many solid dudes with good life experience have basically eliminated themselves from the gene pool.

You've basically shown that your genes are unfit for procreation via means of mental disabilities as opposed to physical ones. Disabilities are anything that prevent your genes from passing onto the next generation.

Remember, doing exactly what nature wants you to do in a first world modern society is basically the worst thing you can do. When you get cut off in traffic the monkey part of your brains wants you to pull the other driver out and beat him to death. Nature wants you to overeat because it still thinks it's 5000 BC and you don't know when your next meal is coming. Nature wants you to ejaculate in as many woman as you possibly can for the rest of your life. We all know doing those things will lead you to being put in jail, overweight and having 15 baby mommias with child support leaving you in jail, fat and or broke. Irony is that these are traits you tend to see in under-develop ghettos in the US which nobody wants to emulate. It's not a coincidence that countries with the highest birthrates are the worst places to live in the world by a large margin.

Some people are obsessed with perpetuating the family line since they think this is the road to immortality. The only way to immortality is death. Within only a few generations you will be forgotten.

This isn't anti-children post and i'd like to have kids at some point but using mental masturbation points like "you're a failure in the cold eyes of evolution" isn't exactly compelling in modern society IMO.

Post: #22

You should. Having children is normal and natural. Not having children is unnatural. Men have had children under worse circumstances than we have today. You have poor people having 2, 3, 4 children without a care in the world. Surely any man here can handle one child. Contrary to popular belief, there are many women who want this life, and are suitable (I actually meet them fairly frequently). The key is to find your preferred demographic then follow some of the advice given here (foreign born is best). Anyway, I think you know all this XXL. So go out and find a mother. You will never love a woman like you love your child, so that in itself makes it worth it.

Post: #23

(09-16-2015 07:34 AM)XXL Wrote:  As for being financially/emotionally secure.. I think those things come as you live in certain conditions meaning that when we are forced into something we adapt quickly. I noticed it first hand. When I had no choice but to be something I wasn't before I adapted quickly and did it. If I had 9 months to find much better job than my current one or grow up emotionally I'm sure I would do it. On the other hand when there is no leverage it's much harder to create imaginary pressure out of thin air and put it on yourself.

I was at a family meeting lately and saw a few young couples [22-26 year old] with their kids and I was just envious. They looked so nice together with their children crawling or running around us. And they don't seem too wise or mature in general, they just do what they can at the time and pull it off.

I can vouch for the bold part being true. And based on how you're approaching the matter now, I think you'll sail through the problems it might entail.

Of course there isn't an absolute 'right age' for a man to become a father, but I would say near to 32.

I was 29 when it happened to me. I was quite irresponsible through my twenties, had a lot of fun and good experiences though. It's a bit more than 10 years now that I've been a father and I find it a lot easier, for various reasons:

I'm better off financially.

I'm better at dealing with women.

I'm calmer and plan things better.

Over all, it's been positive.



As for the people having children in their 20s, they just 'gain their freedom' at a younger age. If you have a child at age 22, you'll be 40 when they're 18. You should be hitting your prime then so there is some advantage to starting early. However going through your late 30s/early 40s as a father isn't bad either, as you should be able to deal with life better, and should be in a better position to provide, and be able to live comfortably, which is mostly down to your financial situation.


Choose well, you'll do fine.

Post: #24

(09-15-2015 04:19 PM)XXL Wrote:  To the point. I'm 30 now. I had a lot of time to meditate about women, life lately and my big regret is not having kids 10 years ago.

I've always thought that I have to do very well financially first, that I have to be "ready" for it, that the girl has to be outstanding, etc, basically that it had to be well planned and well timed for the baby's good. However now I'm thinking it was just a mix of excuses, fear and rationalizations. Truth is there is never a perfect moment for having kids. All I had to do was just to do it, go with it and take care of it like a grown man. Besides, I think it's cool to be young father as there is no as big generation gap between you and your kid.

Now that I have such regrets I feel this strong urge to have kids. I look at women differently now. I noticed I'm paying attention to their personalities and mother/wife qualities much more than their looks/sex appeal etc.

Anyone relate?

Now imagine the kind of wife/mother you would have chosen when you were less wise 10 years ago!!

Becoming a Father in a dysfunctional family setting is no picnic where one can just make lemonade out of the lemons.

Probably made the right move in waiting, and there's nothing wrong in waiting more.

Imagine what you'll know, realize, and look for in a woman 5-10 years from now.

While you have a definite say in the timing Fatherhood can happen to you, it's been said it's the children who pick their parents.

Not to get all spacey, but it's like all these souls up in the heavens waiting for the right kind of parents, the right kind of home-life, culture, country, and all the rest. When they spot it, they decide that's where they want to be born, because it's the kind of people and environment that will lend itself most to self-realization.

And as always, suffering (in it's many forms) is the foundation of that.

To subscribe to this belief we would have to entertain the idea we too we're up there before...picking our parents and situation.

It's an interesting thing to think about and I've found it's helped me in taking personal accountability for my life, instead of resorting to the default blaming of our parents, class, culture, or what have you.

Post: #25

(09-16-2015 07:34 AM)XXL Wrote:  I was at a family meeting lately and saw a few young couples [22-26 year old] with their kids and I was just envious. They looked so nice together with their children crawling or running around us. And they don't seem too wise or mature in general, they just do what they can at the time and pull it off.

Be careful not to romanticize an ideal. It's like watching a movie where the good guy beats all the bad guys, grabs millions and runs off with the unicorn into the sunset to live happily ever after.

Those happy ending movies never show the characters 2 months or years later after the high of newness has worn off. Similarly you don't see what these families lives are like behind closed doors. In a very real way you are watching their movie, the best of their best possible on display.

Another thing I wanted to mention, before people start a family, is to take a deep look at their own childhood growing up. Their Mother, Father, their relation to each other, their marriage, and how it affected their children.

People most often grow up replicating their childhood experiences in their adult life. In part because it's all they know, but also because at some point in their upbringing they encountered a question.

"Is this the way life should be?"

At that moment we, as a child, decide to either subscribe to it or refute it. Then it becomes an unconscious driving force in our later mating decisions.

All for the purpose of bringing us back to the question to either:

1) Affirm that yes, this is how is should be.

or

2) No, it shouldn't have been that way and I will fix it and do it the way its should've been.

I look back at my own childhood of going through two divorces, and all the rest and it's amazing how I unconsciously re-created my childhood family drama in my adult life.

Absolutely amazing. So, before we go off half-cocked with our shotgun looking to blow a load in some "fair-maiden", let's take some time to reflect on our childhood, parents, and see if there are any deja-vu's going on.