Post: #1

Met her at a bar, very hot, let's call her Marta. She's flaky and sends very mixed messages.

Monday: Met at a bar and got her number. She showed a lot of interest. Set up a date at a fashion event on Wednesday.

Wednesday: She cancels at the last minute saying she has to work late but she'd love to get a drink later. I call her and no call back for a couple of hours. Tired of waiting, I hit the bar. At 11pm I get a text from Marta saying she's at the bar with a friend sorry for not getting back sooner; I should join them at this bar.

I'm at the same venue already so I just write back "Lame. I'm there by the bar with my friend." She comes over, I escalate kino fast and we make out within half an hour. Then I invite Marta over to my place for a drink and she declines and leaves with her friend.

After she's gone I pick up another (much less hot) girl to go home with. At home I get two texts from Marta: "Sorry I couldn't come for a drink it was so much fun, tomorrow night?" then "Now I want to come to your place for a drink can I still come?" I don't respond since I'm busy making the beast with two backs with the other girl.

Friday: I invite her to an art event. She apologises saying she's got some family thing and promises never to refuse an invitation from me again, suggesting we meet for a drink that night. That night AGAIN she's hanging out with her friend and wants me to join them at some lame club. I tell her I don't party on weekends and leave it at that. She writes a couple of texts pleading with me to come out, but I don't feel like chasing her and her girlfriend across town.

It's not normal flakery since she's always down to see me. At the same time she keeps changing plans, being late and doing things on her terms. It's like she's scared of seeing me alone or committing to one on one plans with me. Is it a lack of comfort? Is she just immature? She's 21 years old.

Players, what's the best way to deal with this? Help much appreciated.

Post: #2

It is normal flakery, stop rationalizing the shit.

Flakery is a part of the young girl game. I rise above it, just because she's young and immature, doesn't mean you have to deal with it. Last minute cancelling for no real apparent, justifiable reason and asking you to tag along with her when she's already hanging out with her girlfriend, to me that's just disrespectful shit.

Either she's down or she's not, this half-in, half-out shit which is designed to make you chase her like she's a carrot on a stick is just a waste of your time and energy, I'd move on.

Post: #3

She does not value you or your time together enough to stop putting other people/things ahead of you and blowing you off for them.

Move on and leave her alone unless she makes a clear, visible effort to correct this.

Post: #4

(06-12-2011 03:01 PM)jariel Wrote:  It is normal flakery, stop rationalizing the shit.

Flakery is a part of the young girl game. I rise above it, just because she's young and immature, doesn't mean you have to deal with it. Last minute cancelling for no real apparent, justifiable reason and asking you to tag along with her when she's already hanging out with her girlfriend, to me that's just disrespectful shit.

I'd love to tell you to jump ship and let this one go, but the truth is that if we dismissed every bitch for even the minorest flake transgression, we'd rarely score young talent. Young girls = flakiness. They do it because they can. They have a wealth of options and this invariably corrupts them with a hubristic extravagance and inconsiderateness they pay for on the other side of the beauty curve (late 20s, early 30s).

If they have the sense (and modicum of respect) to come up with a decent excuse, I will grant flakes a second chance (though never more than that). But I usually call them out in a gentle, but manly way. When trying to re-schedule after a first flake, I might say like, "I don't usually hang out with flakes, but I'm going to make an generous exception," or "I have a new rule: whoever flakes pays for the first round."

You can often rope them back in with a little bit of firm leadership. If not, they're rarely worth the additional effort.

Post: #5

(06-12-2011 04:00 PM)Tuthmosis Wrote:  You can often rope them back in with a little bit of firm leadership. If not, they're rarely worth the additional effort.

Thanks for the advice guys. I think the above summarises it pretty well. I'll give it a firm shot one more time but not chase or waste more time on it than that.

Post: #6

My two cents:

Instead of this "reactive" behavior you're showing... next time she says "we're going here" you can respond. "I'm at bar X" and NOTHING more than that.

In other words, you request nothing of her nor do you extend any invitation and you do not accommodate her, but you let her know where you are. This way, you avoid making any commitments, real or symbolic, but give her the option of sucking your dick if she wants. If she shows, it's ENTIRELY her idea.

Her: "You should come join us!!!!! Plzzzz"

You: "Sounds like a blast - I'm doing pretty good right here." or "Nice! I'm headed over to Bar Y now"

Edit: avoid the word or words like "but", "have to", "need", "cannot" etc. in your correspondence with her... be 100% proactive.

Post: #7

(06-12-2011 04:04 PM)Caligula Wrote:  

(06-12-2011 04:00 PM)Tuthmosis Wrote:  You can often rope them back in with a little bit of firm leadership. If not, they're rarely worth the additional effort.

Thanks for the advice guys. I think the above summarises it pretty well. I'll give it a firm shot one more time but not chase or waste more time on it than that.

It's one thing to pursue, it's another to chase. She's done nothing to deserve your advances, so you're just chasing her because you want the pussy that she hasn't made readily available.

Post: #8

(06-12-2011 04:00 PM)Tuthmosis Wrote:  I'd love to tell you to jump ship and let this one go, but the truth is that if we dismissed every bitch for even the minorest flake transgression, we'd rarely score young talent.

Last minute cancellations without reasonable explanation and invites to chill with a third wheel present shouldn't be classified as minor transgressions.

However, I don't pedestalize young pussy just because it's young pussy, so I'm approaching this from a different perspective.

Most of these young chicks are dealing exclusively with young dudes, and young dudes are the wackest of the bunch. Their presentation, game, money, knowledge, sexuality, is often on some real below average shit, so as far as I'm concerned, a young chick (18-22) should be lucky to have met a dude on my level (I'm 26), so if she's gona come at me with that same game she plays with the beer pong buddies, then she can step.

Post: #9

you are right..its not a normal flake.

look at yourself....you are a needy dude.

when she canceled the date on the last minute...you started calling her again n again and then even you are angry that there was no response?

she judged your over needy behavior and now she is a lost cause.

STOP calling her and contacting her. !!

Post: #10

(06-13-2011 01:16 AM)sir_seducer Wrote:  you are right..its not a normal flake.

look at yourself....you are a needy dude.

when she canceled the date on the last minute...you started calling her again n again and then even you are angry that there was no response?

she judged your over needy behavior and now she is a lost cause.

STOP calling her and contacting her. !!

I think you are exaggerating things.

Anyways, throwing in one of Tuth's lines he just shared seems like a good idea, nothing to lose, I say give it a try and if it fails then move on.

Post: #11

not exaggerating ...he just have shown a ''lot'' of interest already...and even more...he showed anger and over calling when she canceled the date....

its not exaggerating...its a simple and basic principle any guy should learn.

in the past i used to do these kind of mistakes and ruined any attraction i build in the start.

Post: #12

(06-13-2011 01:37 AM)FretDancer Wrote:  Anyways, throwing in one of Tuth's lines he just shared seems like a good idea, nothing to lose, I say give it a try and if it fails then move on.

This isn't aimed at Tuth, but that nothing to lose is shit is just more rationalization so this dude can be a chump. He could call the girl 1,000 times, and each time he technically has nothing to lose.

Post: #13

(06-12-2011 05:09 PM)jariel Wrote:  Last minute cancellations without reasonable explanation and invites to chill with a third wheel present shouldn't be classified as minor transgressions.

However, I don't pedestalize young pussy just because it's young pussy, so I'm approaching this from a different perspective.

Most of these young chicks are dealing exclusively with young dudes, and young dudes are the wackest of the bunch. Their presentation, game, money, knowledge, sexuality, is often on some real below average shit, so as far as I'm concerned, a young chick (18-22) should be lucky to have met a dude on my level (I'm 26), so if she's gona come at me with that same game she plays with the beer pong buddies, then she can step.

I also have zero tolerance for this shit. If the bitch can't respect you enough to not waste your time, just totally cut off all contact. Life is too short to waste it on someone changing their mind every 2 minutes, or being too dumb and irresponsible to make basic arrangements. What kind of frame are you setting if you let them get away with this? I'm sure there are plenty of desperate losers willing to tolerate this shit, but we're here because we're trying to be (and many of us legitimately are) better than that.

The best way to deal with a girl that is too flighty is to say goodbye.

Post: #14

(06-13-2011 05:28 PM)jariel Wrote:  

(06-13-2011 01:37 AM)FretDancer Wrote:  Anyways, throwing in one of Tuth's lines he just shared seems like a good idea, nothing to lose, I say give it a try and if it fails then move on.

This isn't aimed at Tuth, but that nothing to lose is shit is just more rationalization so this dude can be a chump. He could call the girl 1,000 times, and each time he technically has nothing to lose.

Yeah, but then again nobody adviced him to call her 1,000 times.

Post: #15

I just deal with flakes by gaming new women


Do whatever the flakes say "Oh I'm sick, oh I can't be here today, blah blah blah"

WHATEVER

Acknowledge their excuse and see if they leave open the possibility of meeting up with you again; if they do, seem like you're iffy about it but reluctantly agree.

Do not expect her to follow through on any of her plans.


Meanwhile, game more girls. If on the off chance she doesn't flake you've got a prospect for a lay, but you should also have gotten new prospects so her flaking should be irrelevant to you.

Post: #16

(06-14-2011 12:19 AM)Samseau Wrote:  I just deal with flakes by gaming new women

Perfect. The real and only answer. We keep hoping we can change a hot chick, because we don't want to do the work of opening 15 more like her to find one non-flake. Personality is stable, certainly over years, even over DECADES.

Even if you get her to [temporarily] behave appropriately by adroit maneuvering, using other chicks to make her jealous, DHV, etc, as soon as you let up
it all starts again. Phooey. ( Or is it"Fooey"?)

Difficult women remain difficult.

Post: #17

Thanks for all the advice. What threw me was her always making seemingly very sincere excuses for flaking but in the end it's standard flaky behaviour.

I accidentally sent her a message meant for another girl saying I was going to fuck her brains out tonight.

So now she's either coming to my house for a good seeing to or we're done

Post: #18

(06-12-2011 12:58 PM)Caligula Wrote:  At 11pm I get a text from Marta saying she's at the bar with a friend sorry for not getting back sooner; I should join them at this bar.

That night AGAIN she's hanging out with her friend and wants me to join them. She writes a couple of texts pleading with me to come out, but I don't feel like chasing her and her girlfriend across town.

Maybe she wants a threesome?

Post: #19

(06-14-2011 10:02 AM)Caligula Wrote:  Thanks for all the advice. What threw me was her always making seemingly very sincere excuses for flaking but in the end it's standard flaky behaviour.

I accidentally sent her a message meant for another girl saying I was going to fuck her brains out tonight.

So now she's either coming to my house for a good seeing to or we're done

LOL

If you are positive she is such a flake, the only way to handle her (if you have time to invest) is to be equally flakey.

I have a buddy that (as I think I also read in Bang or on some other forum) started flaking on every girl on the first date. IF and only IF, he senses the girl is a flake he systematically cancels the first date via text (still sounding affectionate and with good notice). Later on he would reschedule the date.

I havent tried it myself, but he argues that it works like a charm, de facto lowering the chances the flaky girl would cancel the first date.

Credible? false?

He stresses that since he uses this technique, plenty of numbers that would have gone nowhere (as he expected the girl to be flakey and cancel date #1) became "real" dates.

Impossible to confirm it, but considering I live in flaketown (LA) I'm quite keen to test this technique. Once again, only on a girl that gives me the wrong vibes.