Post: #26

"To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket — safe, dark, motionless, airless — it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable." - C.S. Lewis

A fate worse than death.

Post: #27

(08-12-2015 03:32 AM)Days of Broken Arrows Wrote:  Drive-by journalism. Written to get Web clicks, not to make any substantial points.

How do we know? Because no one could be bothered to proofread it. The word underlined below is supposed to be "lose," not "loose"...the latter of which connotes screws that need to be tightened or some such thing.

Or maybe it's a Freudian slip and the writer is unwittingly saying today's women are "loose women."

Loose chicks sink 'ships.

Post: #28

(08-12-2015 09:22 AM)Sonsowey Wrote:  We all know that virgins are less likely to divorce, we've all probably seen this graphic showing that with more sexual partners in a woman's past, the more likely she is to divorce:



After you have pair bonded, broken that bond, bonded again, broken that bond, well, you simply can't pair-bond as strongly.

I remember my first "girlfriend". She was nothing special in retrospect, she was cute but I've been with much cuter girls. Her personality was ok but I've been with nicer girls too. She was overall a perfectly fine girl but nothing to get excited about.

However I also remember my emotions at that time, being in high school, developing a strong crush on the girl, pursuing her, eventually getting her to agree to go out with me, to be my girlfriend, our first kiss etc.

All those feelings were something I literally have never felt again. It isn't that she was anything special, just the first girl I tried to pair bond with and did.

After we broke up, I was of course bummed and down in the dumps for a while.

But it was a good learning experience, and after that, I never took anything so hard again, whether I dumped a girl or she didn't want to keep seeing me, it rolls off me like water now.

If we lived in a different time, and you were likely to meet a girl, marry her and have kids with her, and not sleep around, any of us might be with our high school sweethearts. We wouldn't be the stone-cold players we are now, we might tenderly love these women, having "silly" romantic notions in our head, feeling a love in our heart that chemically is stronger than any we could feel now.

Now any of us can make a rational decision to start a family with a woman who is attractive and has other positive personality traits. But there won't ever be anything like your first girlfriend, your first kiss, etc. Pair bonding is just stronger the first time you do it.

Sigh, I envy those with their high school sweethearts. I used to get chased a lot by really conservative no sex till marriage girls. Two of them were super attractive. They ended up getting married at 19 and popped out kids by 23. Good people, yet I was in my libtard phase at the time to understand why this was important.

I had two really intense girlfriends in high school. Both of them were good women. I can only imagine how different my life would have been if we got shacked up.

I hope I can still pair bond with a good woman in my future.

Post: #29

I've dodged quite a few disasters. So I'm mostly thankful for the relationships that never were.

Post: #30

This is a sad topic as I feel it's very relatable to a lot of men on here.

Something I believe a lot of men here battle with time and again is beta relapse, bouts of oneitis, etc. There is an ongoing theory that a lot of men just aren’t cut out to be “alpha” or true players. Most men still have the rosy eyed dreams of finding that special someone and settling down with a solid girl. Most men are in the game because they have been jilted too many times and are emotionally exhausted by it. I’m a firm believing that you have full control to change yourself and your life if you put in the effort to do it, but I’m also a realist and know that most people lack the motivation and real ambition to make lofty goals come to fruition.

It’s easy to get caught back up in that, especially if you aren’t a “natural alpha” or have only recently adopted “Red Pill” philosophies and the ideals of Neomasculinity. Catching feelings for a bad bitch is dangerously easy if you don’t keep your blade sharp and your heart icy. A lot of men don’t want to really do that – a lot of men don’t want to be so bitter and jaded that they have to feign disinterest to have success with women.

Deep down most of us just don't want to be put through the ringer anymore so we keep our interactions with women at arm's length.

Post: #31

(08-12-2015 01:40 PM)General Stalin Wrote:  Deep down most of us just don't want to be put through the ringer anymore so we keep our interactions with women at arm's length.

Yeah, I could never trust a woman after the Red Pill. But it is better than getting divorce-raped...

Post: #32

There's is truth in the OP and some men here are deluding themselves in being cavalier.

There is no conscience with hypergamy.

Post: #33

(08-12-2015 03:46 AM)GlobalMan Wrote:  Every single woman from my past looks worse today than when I was with them, while I look exactly the same or better, even if it was 10 years ago.

Every single one I have run into since is with a man inferior to me, and I see the longing in her eyes, the regret.

I do not miss women from my past. They are the past for a reason.

This is very true, even if you are as old as I am (60) and spent a lot of time in the Gym... I had a woman contact me yesterday who was 20 when I first met her and considered me too old to date (I was 32 at the time). Now she's 48 and I didn't recognize her, she knew who I was from 100 feet away...The Gym is a man's best friend.

Post: #34

Only men without game....

Post: #35

Despite the original article having been written by a woman, I'm following this thread with high interest. Very good viewpoints. It bothers me that there are heavy consequences to either steeling himself to protect from heartbreak and possibly divorce rape, or allowing himself to catch feelings and fall for a woman risks be damned.

Becoming infatuated and falling in love with a beautiful woman, and spending time with her, is probably the best feeling in the world, and by keeping your heart ice cold and women at arms length would only rob yourself of that feeling. It's sad that hypergamy has to fuck us over in most cases when we let our guards down. Thinking that game will 100% protect you from this, I think is somewhat delusional.

I'm not quite sure that I'm doing justice in expressing my thoughts on this, except that it bothers me sometimes. Sometimes I think I have a black and white view on this, and that I'm missing the gray area in between. Something like allowing yourself to catch feelings, but keep them in control and bang other chicks in the meantime. It's easy to get this intellectually, but hard to put into practice. I think very few guys have the emotional strength along with solid game to walk that tightrope, experiencing the wonderful things that being with women bring, and also feel at peace with the very strong probability that their relationships won't last. I'm trying to be that guy, but I'd be lying if I said I AM that guy right now.

Post: #36

(08-12-2015 05:30 AM)KorbenDallas Wrote:  I've had a similar experience, girls I've been with since the girl I actually was really close too aren't the same. It's OK though. I'll find another one, and I'm quite young.

Great potst mang. Sums up how I feel to. Their are women who are worth your time. Never been with one who was in the USA though.

They're out there. Though I doubt they're American.

The one worthy one I found here was from El Salvador. One of three serious girlfriends in my life. The other two I found in Europe - a Turkish girl in London and a German girl in Berlin.

(08-12-2015 02:18 PM)CleanSlate Wrote:  Despite the original article having been written by a woman, I'm following this thread with high interest. Very good viewpoints. It bothers me that there are heavy consequences to either steeling himself to protect from heartbreak and possibly divorce rape, or allowing himself to catch feelings and fall for a woman risks be damned.

I think the solution is not a matter of black in white. It's not give your heart to anyone and everyone and it is not give your heart to no one. Rather than harden your heart and give yourself to no one, I believe one should rather be more discriminating in regards to who one chooses to love and take that risk with. Of course, it's not easier and you'll fall a few times. But I believe that's the more rewarding path.

Then again it depends on the man and where he is in his life. As for the age old debate on whether is it is better to have loved and lost or to have never loved at all?

I believe it is better to have loved and lost - at a young age - or to have never loved at all. At a young age, you can at least learn from it and recover. The price of learning is small, but gets more expensive the older you get and the further you go with a woman, relationship wise (fucking, dating, marrying, etc).

G

Post: #37

Some of my worst game moments (and honestly, they haven't been that bad) have been getting over a girl I was really into.

In contrast, my best moments certainly have been during intimate moments with these same girls.

There's good and bad in everything.

If you're not willing to emotionally invest at times, you're evading the bad. But you're also missing out on the good.

Post: #38

This thread isn't going in the direction I expected, in a very good way.



I've though of this sort of sine wave graph (damped sine wave) as a metaphor for life and emotions ever since I first learned about it back in high school. Higher highs bring lower lows. Lower highs bring higher lows.

This also relates to why the opposite of love is not hate but indifference. You can only hate someone who matters to you, deeply. You only feel depressed when someone who you truly appreciate and has given you strong highs is gone: see the first wave on the graph. Conversely, if a woman only gives you a minimal high for whatever reason, say around y=5, you're only going to experience a small dip in your mood.

You only have one life to experience. Make it count.

Post: #39

I'm starting to have some empathy for white knights... Imagine getting a girl who's worth defending. Would you need anything else in this life?

It's only slightly harder to hate on those phaggots. I guess a typical white knight defends literally anything with a vagina though, and not just the unicorn who's worth her salt.

I was always really proud of my grandmother for never being with another man after my grand dad died. She talked about how great he was til the day she passed. If I didn't know her I would have never imagined a world existed where women like that were real. It makes it hard to accept that I'll possibly have to settle for a used and abused sloot or let my genes slip away into the void.

Post: #40

(08-12-2015 10:19 AM)The Beast1 Wrote:  I hope I can still pair bond with a good woman in my future.

As with everything, you'll have to use your brain.

If you married your high school sweetheart, maybe you would have had the luck to have ended up with a good woman, maybe not.

Now hopefully with all your experience with women, you can intelligently choose a good one to start a family with.

Be smart though and pick one with as low a notch count as possible, virgin obviously preferable.

Post: #41

(08-12-2015 02:18 PM)CleanSlate Wrote:  Despite the original article having been written by a woman, I'm following this thread with high interest. Very good viewpoints. It bothers me that there are heavy consequences to either steeling himself to protect from heartbreak and possibly divorce rape, or allowing himself to catch feelings and fall for a woman risks be damned.

Becoming infatuated and falling in love with a beautiful woman, and spending time with her, is probably the best feeling in the world, and by keeping your heart ice cold and women at arms length would only rob yourself of that feeling. It's sad that hypergamy has to fuck us over in most cases when we let our guards down. Thinking that game will 100% protect you from this, I think is somewhat delusional.

I'm not quite sure that I'm doing justice in expressing my thoughts on this, except that it bothers me sometimes. Sometimes I think I have a black and white view on this, and that I'm missing the gray area in between. Something like allowing yourself to catch feelings, but keep them in control and bang other chicks in the meantime. It's easy to get this intellectually, but hard to put into practice. I think very few guys have the emotional strength along with solid game to walk that tightrope, experiencing the wonderful things that being with women bring, and also feel at peace with the very strong probability that their relationships won't last. I'm trying to be that guy, but I'd be lying if I said I AM that guy right now.

I think this is the only way to achieve keeping one's emotions in check: selectively hook up with other girls while still having a main girl and fulfilling her needs.

It's possible, its the model I'm using, and keeps my game/mind sharp as it comes to women and also helps to fulfill my desire for novelty. I tend to game higher then the main girl (why go lower?) and simultaneously drink more when I do hook up with them, because it still feels wrong in a way.

Post: #42

(08-12-2015 08:56 PM)ordinaryleastsquared Wrote:  

(08-12-2015 02:18 PM)CleanSlate Wrote:  Despite the original article having been written by a woman, I'm following this thread with high interest. Very good viewpoints. It bothers me that there are heavy consequences to either steeling himself to protect from heartbreak and possibly divorce rape, or allowing himself to catch feelings and fall for a woman risks be damned.

Becoming infatuated and falling in love with a beautiful woman, and spending time with her, is probably the best feeling in the world, and by keeping your heart ice cold and women at arms length would only rob yourself of that feeling. It's sad that hypergamy has to fuck us over in most cases when we let our guards down. Thinking that game will 100% protect you from this, I think is somewhat delusional.

I'm not quite sure that I'm doing justice in expressing my thoughts on this, except that it bothers me sometimes. Sometimes I think I have a black and white view on this, and that I'm missing the gray area in between. Something like allowing yourself to catch feelings, but keep them in control and bang other chicks in the meantime. It's easy to get this intellectually, but hard to put into practice. I think very few guys have the emotional strength along with solid game to walk that tightrope, experiencing the wonderful things that being with women bring, and also feel at peace with the very strong probability that their relationships won't last. I'm trying to be that guy, but I'd be lying if I said I AM that guy right now.

I think this is the only way to achieve keeping one's emotions in check: selectively hook up with other girls while still having a main girl and fulfilling her needs.

It's possible, its the model I'm using, and keeps my game/mind sharp as it comes to women and also helps to fulfill my desire for novelty. I tend to game higher then the main girl (why go lower?) and simultaneously drink more when I do hook up with them, because it still feels wrong in a way.

CleanSlate's post is exactly what I'm talking about, and ordinaryleastsquared - that practice is tough.

Let me tell you a brief story that's recent and relevant:

I recently RE-dated a girl I dated last year. Broke a cardinal rule (and of course learned my lesson in the end). I dated a girl for about 5 months last year who really charmed me. I fell for her and her feelings faded for me. The power balance in the relationship tipped 180. For the first ~3-4 months she was more into me than I was into her (or so I let on) and she was chasing me. I started to let my guard down after 4 months and soften up to her - showing boyfriend signs. She dried up like a desert and gradually faded away over the course of a month or so. She fed me some shit about how she didn't see us working out in the long run and "its not you its me" BS and I was bummed out for sure. Never really got over her to be perfectly honest.

^I have told this part of the story on the forum before.

She kept texting me randomly once in a while every few weeks/months trying to keep the door open. Basically wanting to keep me as a dick in her back pocket. Come July 4th weekend 2015 and her and I reconnected. I decided to receive one of her nostalgia-laden texts and we talked and she convinced me to give it another go. I wanted to pick up where we left off but I also started banging a more attractive 19 year old (exhibit A) on the side. I cared 0% about the side piece, but was mainly using her as a way to keep myself from putting my eggs all in one basket.

Wouldn't ya know - it didn't fucking matter. I almost immediately feel right back into the strong feelings I had for this girl from last year (even stronger now because she was "the one that got away" that came back) and within merely 2-3 weeks of us seeing eachother again she tells me she met someone else and wants to pursue it. This was yesterday.

I had wisdom on my side, and a solid sexy sidepiece, but it did nothing. Should have gone with my gut and not break the imperative "never to go back to a bitch" rule. It burned me good.

This has been your beta-relapse recap of the day.

Post: #43

I kind of hope that some of my "ones who got away" come back in my life. Not as my longing to reconnect with them emotionally again or get into relationship with, but to test my resolve. I want to believe that from reading and learning from others' experiences, that I have internalized the lessons without having to learn them firsthand.


I look back and shudder at all the 'beta' shit I did in relationships. I'm definitely not doing that again, learned a lot of it the hard way, but in the regard of recapturing lost birds and being able to stay in frame unconsciously, that is what I have yet to experience.

Post: #44

(08-12-2015 11:23 PM)General Stalin Wrote:  I had wisdom on my side, and a solid sexy sidepiece, but it did nothing. Should have gone with my gut and not break the imperative "never to go back to a bitch" rule. It burned me good.

This has been your beta-relapse recap of the day.

If you still have that side piece just keep seeing her and eventually you'll bond with her.

I think a lot of guys forget that bonding is just matter of time. Feelings are a physical reaction of proximity + sex. So if you keep seeing your new girl eventually you'll come to enjoy her more than your ex.

Post: #45

(08-12-2015 05:12 AM)Blick Mang Wrote:  I had a 4-year LTR with a beautiful, young, traditional girlfriend (and virgin) who did everything for me - cooked, cleaned, even asked other girls for threesomes on nights out just to keep my interest. Perfect girlfriend a man could have in retrospect. I broke up with her shortly after joining this forum, because I dove head-first into the hedonistic, anti-marriage, anti-traditional bitterness so many guys with low notch counts seem to have. I was convinced by many posts here that marriage is evil, commitment is evil, all women are evil - and this couldn't be farther from the truth.

I would have told you to keep that had you asked me back then. Dunno what you were reading.

Post: #46

(08-13-2015 10:56 AM)Samseau Wrote:  

(08-12-2015 11:23 PM)General Stalin Wrote:  I had wisdom on my side, and a solid sexy sidepiece, but it did nothing. Should have gone with my gut and not break the imperative "never to go back to a bitch" rule. It burned me good.

This has been your beta-relapse recap of the day.

If you still have that side piece just keep seeing her and eventually you'll bond with her.

I think a lot of guys forget that bonding is just matter of time. Feelings are a physical reaction of proximity + sex. So if you keep seeing your new girl eventually you'll come to enjoy her more than your ex.

Can't say I fully agree with that. Familiarity and intimacy are certainly contributing factors in bonding, but "love" isn't exactly a war of attrition. I have broken up with girls who were great girls merely because I didn't "click" with them he way I wanted to. Attractive, attentive, feminine, etc. but not enough things in common personality and lifestyle-wise to keep me interested. There is a certain level of particularity that goes into selecting a long-term partner.

This side-piece is still in my life (we hung out a couple nights ago), but I am barely interested in moving things forward with her because I can already tell there is a certain connection that needs to be there that is not there and I don't see it magically changing gradually over time.

^The girl I was recently seeing likely experienced the exact same feeling towards me.

Post: #47

(08-13-2015 02:34 PM)General Stalin Wrote:  

(08-13-2015 10:56 AM)Samseau Wrote:  

(08-12-2015 11:23 PM)General Stalin Wrote:  I had wisdom on my side, and a solid sexy sidepiece, but it did nothing. Should have gone with my gut and not break the imperative "never to go back to a bitch" rule. It burned me good.

This has been your beta-relapse recap of the day.

If you still have that side piece just keep seeing her and eventually you'll bond with her.

I think a lot of guys forget that bonding is just matter of time. Feelings are a physical reaction of proximity + sex. So if you keep seeing your new girl eventually you'll come to enjoy her more than your ex.

Can't say I fully agree with that. Familiarity and intimacy are certainly contributing factors in bonding, but "love" isn't exactly a war of attrition. I have broken up with girls who were great girls merely because I didn't "click" with them he way I wanted to. Attractive, attentive, feminine, etc. but not enough things in common personality and lifestyle-wise to keep me interested. There is a certain level of particularity that goes into selecting a long-term partner.

This side-piece is still in my life (we hung out a couple nights ago), but I am barely interested in moving things forward with her because I can already tell there is a certain connection that needs to be there that is not there and I don't see it magically changing gradually over time.

^The girl I was recently seeing likely experienced the exact same feeling towards me.

You are incorrect, but moreso: who cares if you have those feelings? That shit is for woman. Far more important to find a good woman than a woman you have a strong infatuation for. Remember the most important qualities: flexible, giving, and loyal.

I guarantee you that if you kept seeing this girl for 3-4 years you would feel far more strongly for her.

Post: #48

I wonder if many men contributing to this thread have ever personally experienced how easy it is for a woman who claims to be madly in love with a man over a prolonged period of time to quickly become another (rival) man's 'war bride' and start a relationship with him as if the previous man never existed. Hypergamy is lizard like in nature. These lizards would destroy their own hatched eggs in their wombs to shore up their SMVs and their abilities to be socially upward mobile so it is best not to take such betrayals seriously.

A Roman proverb goes something like this: 'An adversary is hurt more by desertion than by slaughter.'

Post: #49

(08-13-2015 05:36 PM)Samseau Wrote:  

(08-13-2015 02:34 PM)General Stalin Wrote:  

(08-13-2015 10:56 AM)Samseau Wrote:  

(08-12-2015 11:23 PM)General Stalin Wrote:  I had wisdom on my side, and a solid sexy sidepiece, but it did nothing. Should have gone with my gut and not break the imperative "never to go back to a bitch" rule. It burned me good.

This has been your beta-relapse recap of the day.

If you still have that side piece just keep seeing her and eventually you'll bond with her.

I think a lot of guys forget that bonding is just matter of time. Feelings are a physical reaction of proximity + sex. So if you keep seeing your new girl eventually you'll come to enjoy her more than your ex.

Can't say I fully agree with that. Familiarity and intimacy are certainly contributing factors in bonding, but "love" isn't exactly a war of attrition. I have broken up with girls who were great girls merely because I didn't "click" with them he way I wanted to. Attractive, attentive, feminine, etc. but not enough things in common personality and lifestyle-wise to keep me interested. There is a certain level of particularity that goes into selecting a long-term partner.

This side-piece is still in my life (we hung out a couple nights ago), but I am barely interested in moving things forward with her because I can already tell there is a certain connection that needs to be there that is not there and I don't see it magically changing gradually over time.

^The girl I was recently seeing likely experienced the exact same feeling towards me.

You are incorrect, but moreso: who cares if you have those feelings? That shit is for woman. Far more important to find a good woman than a woman you have a strong infatuation for. Remember the most important qualities: flexible, giving, and loyal.

I guarantee you that if you kept seeing this girl for 3-4 years you would feel far more strongly for her.

While I do agree with that in a purely objective sense, I have tried it in practice and it just hasn't worked for me so far. Granted I haven't given it the "3-4 years" test as I don't see how I could manage to keep up a charade for that long with a girl that is just incredibly underwhelming to me.

This is something I have been personally struggling with the past year or so. I have wholeheartedly attempted to merely focus on only the key factors that make a LTR work in my favor, but I find myself completely unsatisfied when the personality/lifestyle factor isn't there. Is this beta?

Post: #50

(08-12-2015 02:18 PM)CleanSlate Wrote:  Becoming infatuated and falling in love with a beautiful woman, and spending time with her, is probably the best feeling in the world, and by keeping your heart ice cold and women at arms length would only rob yourself of that feeling.

Since post red-pill I have walked away from many girls without a glance back, all with whom I was very intimate in bed and post-coitus. I dont feel anything other than a slight tingle of "damn shame", then I get back to chasing tail as usual. Sometimes I would get mad if I cant keep a very hot fuck buddy but all is well after a few weeks.

I dont know if its actually really good to feeling like you are in love. You are anxious all the fucking time, you cant concentrate, your ass is always on fire, and no matter how hard you try your frame got flushed down the toilet. You are not yourself when you are not around the person. At that time I thought it was the best feeling in the world, but right now looking back its just me being plain naive and gullible. All those feelings, now that I look at it its fucking silly and unproductive.

This is ironic because among RVF here Im probably the most romantic one. I like doing "couple things" with all girls I date. And I feel great but more like "have a great night with the bros" great, not the "Im so in love" great.

It maybe because I'm discovering that girls are all replaceable. At any rate, we man dont need love in order to fully appreciate a woman. She gives you love, you give her fun, security, resources and commitment. Sounds healthier to me than falling head over heels for a woman that will eventually ditch you.