Post: #26

HenryM,

There are some guys on here who have spilled their life stories here. I mean that in a good way. They have shared how they suffered and struggled. Many can admit they missed certain signs. Look at cleanslate's signature line. He shares his story and also shares his victory tour after his divorce.

You got lucky. You saw this before you fucked yourself.

Dump her or ease her to being a plate.

And it might suck and be painful. But at the end when you get through it.

You will be Andy Fucking Dufresne.

Post: #27

Others here have said it way better than I can but I can relate having gone through a similar experience a couple of LTR's ago. In the end I asked myself two questions:

"Can you live with someone who views you as her consolation prize?"

"Can you live with yourself?"

For me the answer was in the quote

“Waste no more time arguing about what a good man should be. Be one.”
― Marcus Aurelius, Meditations

Post: #28

(08-04-2015 03:49 PM)samsamsam Wrote:  You got lucky. You saw this before you fucked yourself.

Thanks samsamsam! I'm very red-pill--as tough as it is to see the scorn my gf has for me coupled with the desire to marry me, the blue-pill alternative of going ahead and getting married is far worse.

And soon enough I'll be spinning some plates!

Really impressed with the thoughts here--I do need to work on my inner game for sure (looking at gf's diary definitely did arise from a scarcity mindset).

Post: #29

Quote:Will be out of town a lot for work after Labor Day. Will start doing day and night game while out of town. Once feel have worked the rust off, game-wise, will dump the gf.

Thats super far out in my opinion. Don't start doing day and night game while out of town - just start going out more now!

Waiting till you are out of town is a fearful mindset - you're away from home (no consequences), and your girlfriend won't have as much suspician (fear of her knowing what you're doing?).

You should be blatant. Because why do you give a shit what she thinks?

Just my opinion though - I think its great you realize that you need to do this. Just from my own experiences I know that prolonging this kind of stuff never works out well.

Post: #30

Not going to repeat what all the others said about dumping and moving on but I do have some other advice.

You mentioned hitting the restart button game-wise before totally cutting her off. I can understand that, it's not a big deal to keep her around to fullfill your sexual needs. That is, if she is willing to give you some. One thing though, USE A RUBBER! Seriously, use a rubber and dispose of it through the toilet. I'm not saying she will, but considering her age she might just fuck you over by getting pregnant, especially when you start behaving differently.

She will sense something is going on, she will find it strange that you insist on using a rubber all of a sudden. Don't give in! Make it her choice, sex with rubber or no sex. Start with your abundance mentality, right now.

Post: #31

No children, no marriage? Shit, just let the bridge collapse by dramatically changing your behavior and your schedule.

Dude, she was about to marry your ass in the coldest way possible -- taking the benefit of your stability, fidelity, and labor without giving you genuine love and appreciation in return. She was going to make you a prop, a footstool in her household rather than adoring you as the provider of her hearth.

Fact is, you didn't melt this girl as her lover and you didn't command your interaction with her in such a way to inspire deep affection for you as head of household. That shit stings and a lot of us have been there.

This fish slipped off the hook a long time ago. while it may seem that you might be balls deep in the relationship, at least you aren't in over your head with children, the state, and assets tied together.

Want actionable advice? You might not need it but someone else going through something similar might. Get busy. Like, now. Here's a possible schedule:

* Tomorrow: Gym after work for two hours. Don't have a membership? You do now. Eat a hearty meal afterwards. Go home fatigued and full.

* Thursday: Greet her in the morning and hit work early. After work, go and take a beginning dance class. Salsa, swing, west coast swing...doesn't matter. You're going to go out and have physical contact with other women, however minor.

* Friday: Go out with a friend... try to keep the interaction breezy and find things to laugh about. Go for a walk around the neighborhood or at a park nearby before you get home. Eat at a food truck.

* Saturday: Go run the park in the morning. After that you're "running errands". Find a daytime meetup of some kind...drawing class, pottery class, kayaking, rock climbing, whatever. Talk to some girls. At night, go scope out a few new places on yelp, go have a drink or iced tea there, and see if you could see yourself taking girls there.

* Sunday: Long walk in the morning. Solo brunch. Get some new (stylishly casual) clothes that fit well and make you feel good. Spend some time with family or friends if possible. Throw the frisby or football with a buddy/cousin/whoever.

Don't go out in a blaze of glory calling her a manipulating cunt, don't sit her down and talk to her, don't express your consternation and disappointment with her, and don't give her drama or closure or anything else. Girls want fireworks, but you're not about that life. Be cordial, warm-ish but not affectionate and especially not pliable. If you're still sleeping with her, use a condom.

You're doing your own thing now.

Just fucking start walking away by changing your behavior. It's not so important what exactly you do, what's important is that your calendar and whereabouts this week will look different from the previous week. Next week will then be different from this week and so on. And that in none of the weeks will these events and activities involve her.

In a short while, the dissonance in your behavior will become agitating and she'll drop you or you'll drop her. She'll want to know what's up because she thought she had you locked in and pinned down.

All you need to say is that you feel a change within, that you love life 'out there' more than you love her, and that you don't see her as the mother of your children. That's all that needs to be said, really, and this isn't something you need to go into more detail about or negotiate despite her guaranteed efforts to pry it out. You don't owe it to her - remember, she had no qualms about trying to you down for a marriage under compromised conditions.

Tell her it's an instinct thing--and no need to mention your snooping and knowing her secret thoughts. Now, she may lash out and say she really wants her ex and blah blah blah. She may be relieved. Whatever. All you have to do is shrug and say "guess this is the best way then".

The next part of the conversation with her will be to make plans to divvy up your shit, avoiding fanfare. When you have your things and your own space, you evaporate, ignoring all of her histrionics and only responding with brief, distant politeness if she recalls a fond memory or wishes you a happy bday or something.

In the meantime, by doing new activities, even just for the sake of doing them, you will be scrubbing the eraser by staying in perpetual motion. You will also be in a better position to handle the change when she is out of your life.

What you don't want to do is stay home, drink excessive booze, eat shitty food, watch TV, and stagnate. You have to drink from the chalice of life -- positive social interaction, nourishing food, and movement. You might take to it immediately or you may be uncomfortable doing this for awhile. But if you stay out, stay active, and stay the course, you will find a good rhythm, good friends, a better woman (or women!), and the page will have turned from this current chapter of your life to a more vivid one.

Go get it and godspeed.

Post: #32

You guys live together?

WIA

Post: #33

(08-04-2015 06:09 PM)STriple-R Wrote:  Not going to repeat what all the others said about dumping and moving on but I do have some other advice.

You mentioned hitting the restart button game-wise before totally cutting her off. I can understand that, it's not a big deal to keep her around to fullfill your sexual needs. That is, if she is willing to give you some. One thing though, USE A RUBBER! Seriously, use a rubber and dispose of it through the toilet. I'm not saying she will, but considering her age she might just fuck you over by getting pregnant, especially when you start behaving differently.

She will sense something is going on, she will find it strange that you insist on using a rubber all of a sudden. Don't give in! Make it her choice, sex with rubber or no sex. Start with your abundance mentality, right now.

It will at least save you a month of anxiety when she pulls the post break up pregnancy scare.

Post: #34

(08-04-2015 06:18 PM)WestIndianArchie Wrote:  You guys live together?

WIA

That is the million dollar question. If you do, and she's 31, you may need a stealth extraction.

Post: #35

(08-04-2015 06:48 PM)DarkTriad Wrote:  That is the million dollar question. If you do, and she's 31, you may need a stealth extraction.

This could be the inception of the RVFRHRT (RVF Relationship Hostage Rescue Team)

Instead of this





RVFRHRT

Post: #36

You are incredibly fortunate that she showed her hand before the ring (potentially) went on. Don't blow this. Eject.

Post: #37

You can keep her in your life to practice. Use her to better develop yourself while your dating new girls. Then completely dump her when you feel better about yourself.

This happened with me. I tried to dump the girl and she kept coming back because of baby rabies. I was too much of a puss to push her out. But I used the experience to practice. Now shes gone, I have a way better approach to relationships, and I was dating other girls anyway.

Here are a couple of things to consider to use this opportunity;

Dont spend ANY money on her. Self explanatory. Make her pay for everything. Get her to take you shopping. Whatever it takes. When we were kids and ran "pimp" game in high school, girls paid for everything. Try that for a while. So in the future; you wont be the automatic ATM for your next girls fun.

Go Approach and Sleep with new girls - Approach and date new women everyday. Even while this girl is in your life. Just straight up do it. Talk to lots of women everyday. Do online dating. If her friends tell her, who really cares. Get more women in your life. While she is in your life.

Self Control - Do you talk a lot? About your feelings, your job, your sore shoulder, your shoes, your family, the Knicks, the weather, blah blah blah. Stop talking. Dont wear your emotions on your sleeve. Just dont say anything. Let her do all of the talking, always. One of the most feminine things men do that turns women off is talking too much. Practice silence in front of her and with her. The practice will pay off in the future because the next girl will be secretly wanting you to tell her more about you. Trust me, this works.

Challenge - challenge is not revealing details about your self, not saying I love you, withholding details about your day. Be mysterious. Practice this with her. Dont answer her calls or texts. Ignore the bitch. Stop letting her rape your energy and attention span. Tune her out. In the future your next girl will approach you differently because for the first time in your life you will have created healthy boundaries.

Be Positive - Be Mr Positive. Dont be a downer. Be up, positive, and happy. Dont swear. Dont smoke or do nasty shit in front of her. Show her through your actions that you are superior of her. Women love this. They all want positive healthy winners in their lives. For the hell of it, just try it. Dont run people down. Side with her enemies when she explains how much of a jerk someone is. Take the high road, be the prince. In the future your next girl will be telling you she loves you in 60-90 days. They all want men like this.

Practice it now. It will pay off. You can keep her without any damage, but practice on her the traits you want to have with other women. You may be angry with her, but who cares, she is practice. You may have screwed up through your behavior. Really be hard on yourself here. What was it you did to make her think this way of you? This is a great learning experience, get the most out of it, and get laid at the same time.

Post: #38

(08-04-2015 06:11 PM)arafat scarf Wrote:  Don't go out in a blaze of glory calling her a manipulating cunt, don't sit her down and talk to her, don't express your consternation and disappointment with her, and don't give her drama or closure or anything else. Girls want fireworks, but you're not about that life. Be cordial, warm-ish but not affectionate and especially not pliable. If you're still sleeping with her, use a condom.

Fuck arafat scarf crushed it. Print what he said and keep it in your pocket. Fucking laminate it. And he is super right about the above quote.

Don't fight with her and give her the satisfaction of the drama or knowledge that she gutted you (sorry to say that). As people, we get mad as a result of being hurt. Don't let her have that taste. There is that expression about the best revenge is about living well. Go live well, move on without her. As a man your best year is the year you are in. Hate to be an asshole, but your girl's best years are behind her at age 31.

Post: #39

(08-04-2015 06:18 PM)WestIndianArchie Wrote:  You guys live together?

WIA

I still have my own place, but I spend most of my time at her place and have stuff there. Nothing I couldn't extract in an afternoon though. So shouldn't be a problem. She lives conveniently to her work; I can work from home when not travelling for work so that's why I wound up w/ more time at her place.

Post: #40

I agree with some previous comments, start gaming right away, spinning plates, watch her behavior change as she sees she is losing you and your 'air' becomes more confident. When she realizes whats happening, most likely she'll come crawling back. End it then or keep her as a fuck buddy. No respect from her, no respect for her.

Post: #41

She's 31 years old. That is a Get-Out-Of-The-Relationship-Free card. It's not a loss.

It's actually a loss to be with her still. The most urgent thing for you to do right now is to retrieve your stuff from her place, which you know should never been there regardless of the state of the relationship. Start off with your most valuable personal effects such as expensive watches or any electronics and nice clothes.

There was another thread in this subforum fairly recently where the guy got the order mixed up. So... get your stuff first, then neatly end things with her.

Post: #42

Holy fucking shit. The amount of knowledge, insight, truth and wisdom shared and on display in this thread makes me feel like I've finally seen what's in the briefcase.

Post: #43

Her plan in cartoon form:


Noooope. Bye bye miserable bitch!

Post: #44

+1 On The horrification of betahood!
I was there and just got out!

Seeing these posts makes me not regret it even more.

Post: #45

First: GET THE FUCK OUT OF THE BOX !
Second: If you can't, walk away

Post: #46

I think this is why it's most important to never stop gaming and keep banging pussy on the side(or atleast flirting and keeping some solid prospects alive), even when you in an LTR. The moment she starts falling out of line, you start focusing on other girls. My biggest game learning is that you always always have to be in a ready-to-walk-away-any-moment mode, and that is true for other life situations as well. Never give anyone so much power over you which can make you complain one day. And with woman, you have to take it on another level - always keep them in an artificial crisis mode, it's what they want subconsciously.

It's good that you're not living with her. Move back to your own place, start spending less time with her and start gaming other chicks right away. It will only make her want you more(if that's what you want). Or otherwise, the addiction of fresh pussy is strong enough to destroy any mental barrier that holds you back.

Post: #47

(08-05-2015 08:11 AM)haywire Wrote:  I think this is why it's most important to never stop gaming and keep banging pussy on the side

Yeah I hear this a lot, but it's pretty ridiculous that men would have to resort to that if their actual aim was just to keep one woman.

I think it's better just to keep building yourself, and if your women starts giving you shit in spite of your value, tell her to piss off and find a new one. I think it's mostly a western thing that they do that anyway. If you can't find any woman who'll respect you in spite of being high value and self-improving, you're probably living in America and should leave.

Post: #48

(08-05-2015 08:21 AM)Phoenix Wrote:  

(08-05-2015 08:11 AM)haywire Wrote:  I think this is why it's most important to never stop gaming and keep banging pussy on the side

Yeah I hear this a lot, but it's pretty ridiculous that men would have to resort to that if their actual aim was just to keep one woman.

Yeah bro, the rules of this game are twisted. Had it been straightforward all the "nice guys" would have been happy or all of us here would have remained "nice guys".
Whether or not it is ridiculous is a separate discussion, but the fact is that it is a damn reality.

Quote:I think it's better just to keep building yourself, and if your women starts giving you shit in spite of your value, tell her to piss off and find a new one. I think it's mostly a western thing that they do that anyway. If you can't find any woman who'll respect you in spite of being high value and self-improving, you're probably living in America and should leave.

The goal is to maintain your own mental peace and self respect, and not letting a woman(or anyone for that matter) have control over your life. How one achieves that could vary from person to person. In case of women, banging multiple women/having many options is one means that works for a lot of men because of our biological design. Perhaps that is what it takes to appear "high value" enough to certain women.

Post: #49

I'm not good at game or lookswise but I can pull 18-25 year olds that are decent looking - every once in a while. I'm in my upper 30s. If you want to do the whole marriage kids thing you have to get them before they goto college. Once they get exposed to radical feminazimisn in college they are mostly not relationship material. If just want sex then don't get into a relationship. Any man that is not really hideous shouldn't settle for post wall post cock carousel women goes triply if you have a good income.

Post: #50

(08-04-2015 12:15 PM)HenryM Wrote:  Me: 40's, been on the Game for about 3 years (read and tried to apply lots of Roosh, Krauser, Heartiste)

Gf: 31 (I know, bad age)

Thought relationship started well--met in context of other women with some interest in me; used lines like "that's why we can't have nice stuff" when she was clumsy, etc.

18 months in--sex becoming much less frequent; arguments getting more frequent.

Looked at her diary--to my horror she views me as a classic beta-boy. Pining for a previous lover; would like to marry me but clear that's she's settling; lots of complaints she would only make of a beta; contemplating seeking "emotional support" elsewhere.

Have tried some dread game (vaguely-justified trips to NYC; left flowers feom another girl at my place) but little help.

I know I should NEXT her but feel really bad to be viewed as such a beta by someone I know so well.

You could try to salvage it with solid steel alpha frame going forward.

But, my best advice: