Post: #1

Hi,

I need so advice. I am 30 years old there is this girl, 19years old. She seems to be shy and she thinks that I am 25years old. We met at university.

We already went to a thermal baths together and few days later she visited me.

But nothing happend. The normal signals for me to escalate are missing.
It seems like she wants to slow things down, for example:
1.We played checkers, I put the game on my bed and she didn' join me there but put a chair next to the bed.

2.I sat on a bench and she set herself next to me but with a wide gap.


Tomorrow she comes over again and I need a plan. She won't stay over and has to leave at around 9pm. She doesn't drink alcohol. She will be here at around 4pm, what to do?

Post: #2

You're afraid that you'll fuck up. Honestly, you propably will because your mindset is all wrong. Sounds like she friendzoned you already but my advice will be that you escalate, escalate and escalate even more. If she wont budge cut the date short and next her.

Don't be afraid of losing her, there's plenty of other chicks that will happily suck your cock and swallow every last drip of your juices. Abundance mentality!

Good luck man.

Post: #3

Be the man and escalate.

Some girls can be coy like that, I wouldn't say you have been friendzoned already.

Kiss it as soon as you can, see what happens.

Post: #4

I wouldnt worry about it, especially if she enjoys her time with you. But now is the time to escalate.

Post: #5

Run game on her. Get her talking and laughing and touch her as you're talking from time to time. Move in for a makeout session. Based on what you're telling us, you aren't really doing anything to help your cause. She's waiting for you to make a move, man. She's not hanging out with you for her health. Move on this and if she rejects, who cares. Get another.

P.S. Shy girls are horny too.

Post: #6

How to spend the time? Last time we went for a walk and, played some games and watched youtube videos.

Post: #7

Captndonk, do you know if she is a virgin? What is her nationality, ethnicity and family background? What does she do? This is vital information. Flag and status next to your name suggest you're based in Germany, right?

Post: #8

Yes, no I don't know. We never talked about sex or relationships and so on.

She lives with her parents, she is white and goes to university. Yes, she and I are living in Germany. I live in a city with 500 000 inhabitants and she lives in a small town nearby.

Post: #9

OK, caucasian but of which nationality?

Post: #10

She is german. I pick her up at the train station in 50minutes, 5:30pm. It's a sunny day today. Should I go for a walk with her or take her straight home? I assume she has to leave at around 9pm.

Post: #11

I have 'luck' finding virgins so there's a common pattern - because they are not signalling or doing anything, they are virgins as most guys get no 'green light' from them. And they don't get it from them, because those girls don't know or never learnt, for whatever reason, to show you they want you. It's like a catch 22.

Do whatever is comfortable for you and her. A park or your home, doesn't matter. It is a fourth date, you need to take it further, otherwise your risk stalling and her seeing you as a friend, not a man with sex drive. A kiss is a minimum. The way she'll kiss will tell you a lot. No tongue, no lips action, doesn't move her hands on your chest, etc. - inexperienced (and possibly a virgin) If you can find out, if she's a virgin by her admitting verbally, just give her reaasurance by telling her 'I was once a virgin, too, around your age. No big deal'. Absolutely go for a kiss on the lips. This will provide important feedback. Otherwise, you'll roam in the darkness of thoughts forever.

Post: #12

Ok, but today is the 3rd date.
Should I verbally escalate? I mean telling her that she looks nice or something?
I'll bring a watermelon with me and bring her to the river. I think this is more natural than to sit in a dark room on a sunny day.

Post: #13

(08-02-2015 09:56 AM)captndonk Wrote:  Ok, but today is the 3rd date.
Should I verbally escalate? I mean telling her that she looks nice or something?
I'll bring a watermelon with me and bring her to the river. I think this is more natural than to sit in a dark room on a sunny day.

Don't overthink it, man. It will paralyse you. If you feel like complimenting her, do it. If you don't, than don't. The only bad thing is not to do anything sexually related. Kiss her and report back. In the meantime, look for other girls.

Post: #14

Let's work several options:

Option 1 - virgin
Talk to her about former relationship. Ask her about hers. Tell her you understand (show of empathy).
Go for make outs and escalate slowly - hold hands, touch lightly at first. This will take time.

Option 2 - friendzone
For some reason she did not find you "boyfriend material".
You need to use more dominant posture, use a lot of compliance and escalate more.
Tip - talk about how much you weigh and try to lift her to asses how much she weighs. That makes her slightly nervous and slightly giddy.

Option 3 - your vibe is off
You were both having a good time, but you did not transmit your intentions (or she ignored).
Bring up sex in your talks. Hold hands, touch and escalate. Try to go for the kiss. If you miss, wait 5 m and try again.

Abundance mentality. You may lose her. Accept it.
Good luck.

Post: #15

She sounds shy to me and expects you to lead.

When she took the chair to play the game with you on the bed, you could have said something like: "That looks uncomfortable, join me on the bed."

When there was a wide gap on the bench, you could have lied your arm on the bench back and invited her to sit closer: "Do you want that we scream for our conversation? Come closer. " , and make a motion with your hand.

That's really simple stuff. How far have you pushed the envelope so far?

I can already tell you nothing will happen with her on this date, when you don't try it. You are the man. You are the leader.

Ok, you decided to go for a walk with her at the river. With this game plan, you won't bang her tonight. I can already tell you that.

But a make-out should be so possible.

Go for the walk. Find a spot to sit and talk a little. Start with light touching and in a second step, run your fingers through her hair, or put her hair behind her ear, stuff like that.

If she doesn't mind this move, she won't mind being kissed. So kiss her.

Whatever you do this time, push it to the limit, so that the outcome is clear after the date.

- You could kiss her and she wants more.
- She thought about you as a friend and is sexually not interested. Although this was not your expectation, at least you don't waste your valuable time longer.

Ray

Post: #16

I agree that your biggest problem is escalation. You're not even doing it and are just going with her rhythm. As a man, you have to control the rhythm. Not easy but following all the great advice provided will get you there.

Post: #17

I remember way back around 2000 when I was the shyest of betas I met a 20 yo girl on AOL who lived in a bigger city a few hours from me. I was about to graduate college and relocate near her. We emailed and spoke on the phone many times and we finally met up when I was visiting her area to scout out jobs and places to live.

We met in the early afternoon and hung out as friends and then when we were walking to dinner I pulled her in for a friendly hug and said something like 'it's nice to finally meet you in person' and that's all it took. She grabbed me with all her strength and from that moment through the weekend her tongue was down my throat and we banged nonstop.

Moral of the story: ignore her shyness and break the touch barrier. Be the leader and physically move her into you. No excuses!

Post: #18

Damn, here is the story:

I picked her up and she didn't like my idea to go to the river. She wanted to go to my flat first. So we went there played a game und left for a walk. We both initiated some physical contact but always in a playful not romantic way.

But the conversation was going well. We both liked it. We went to a tower and sat on top of the tower very close, with legs touching. But when I finally put my arm around her, she wanted to take a photo of the sky and stood up.

Later back home instead of drying my hands i splattered the water in her face. She kinda liked it and started some fight. We than afterwards sat on my bed and I had her in my arms and she showed me some photos on her mobile phone.

I was stupid to enjoy this small step and didn't push further for the kiss. Few minutes later she had to leave.

I certainly didn't push hard enough and I really regret it.

Post: #19

(08-02-2015 05:20 PM)captndonk Wrote:  I certainly didn't push hard enough and I really regret it.

So just keep working at it! If she's responsive then you can meet her again and keep trying.

I normally sleep with girls within 2 hours of meeting them. But earlier this year it took me 5 very long dates to sleep with a 20 year old girl.

Point being, sometimes it takes awhile to get sexual with a girl.

While by conventional game wisdom, you should have at least kissed this girl already, it sounds like you're aware of your mistakes, which is a good sign.

So keep working at it and don't give up.

Post: #20

Well, don't be too hard on yourself. Although, I think that maybe you have a limerance (oneitis, crush, etc.) that's making you feel extremely outcome dependent on these dates with her. I have an idea...Spend the next couple of weeks approaching and gaming a couple off different girls for a change. Push the issue with them and forget about the outcome. If the sex happens, great. Either way, you'll have a newfound confidence and can go back and escalate hard with the 19 yr old. Also, don't contact her much until then. I mean, very little. Tell her you need to take a trip. Be extremely vague. By running "dread game" and creating scarcity, you'll enhance your attraction and may not have to push so hard.

Keep us informed. Good luck!

Post: #21

Addendum: You've created a predictable behavior pattern with this girl. Running a "dread" scenario will drive her crazy trying to figure out what the hell is going on and should drive her into a sexual frenzy trying to re-attain predictability and a pattern with you.

Post: #22

(08-02-2015 05:20 PM)captndonk Wrote:  Damn, here is the story:

I picked her up and she didn't like my idea to go to the river. She wanted to go to my flat first. So we went there played a game und left for a walk. We both initiated some physical contact but always in a playful not romantic way.

But the conversation was going well. We both liked it. We went to a tower and sat on top of the tower very close, with legs touching. But when I finally put my arm around her, she wanted to take a photo of the sky and stood up.

Later back home instead of drying my hands i splattered the water in her face. She kinda liked it and started some fight. We than afterwards sat on my bed and I had her in my arms and she showed me some photos on her mobile phone.

I was stupid to enjoy this small step and didn't push further for the kiss. Few minutes later she had to leave.

I certainly didn't push hard enough and I really regret it.

Next time, try to get alcohol involved.

Always loosens up the mood.

Post: #23

I have no idea what the dating scene is like in Germany, but I think some things are universal.

As a 30 year old man who deals with the younger girls, you must ask yourself a couple questions...

What kind of man is this girl looking for right now, and am I capable of being that person?

Am I willing to do what is necessary to fuck this girl, even if that means I will not speak to her again?

You have already been given the correct advice. You need to escalate, and be willing to take the loss (RIP Patrice O'neal) if she shuts you down. If she is a virgin, and wants to wait until marriage... that is also a choice you need to address. As far as I can tell, this is still unknown to you.

But I understand where you are coming from and I can empathize. Sometimes we get it in our head that this might be different or whatever. It isn't. Some guys are born with this intuition. For some men, it takes a while to truly 'get it'. Fucking the girls you want is an art. You have to deal with the ebb and flow, and and when the moment hits, you move forward. Trust your gut. If she is making you feel like it's time to fuck, she's wet. You will just know somehow to go for it when you have effectively seduced her. Keep taking. Take more. Make her push your hands away, while she is smiling and laughing. It should be fun for both of you to play this game. It sounds like you like this girl, and if she is a fit 19yo well mannered German girl, I can't hate on you for that. But she will require the same process as all the rest. Stick to the basics. Show her what it is like to be with a man instead of the goofy fuckers she deals with all the time.

If you feel like her gears are grinding about all the what ifs or where this relationship is headed nonsense, just interrupt and tell her: "Hey- I only have one rule. Let's have fun until it stops being fun." Then playfully throw her on your bed and jump on top of her and see what happens. If you fail, so what? She goes home?

Post: #24

The more you continue, the deeper you will get in the friendzone. She didn't want to go to the river, but your flat first. Cue? I think so.

Escalate, caveman, and kick her out if no notch. It's been 4 dates, and she is a white girl. Shouldn't be much of an issue.

Post: #25

Today we will meet again. I hope I can overcome my shyness.