Post: #1

Hi guys

Over the last couple of month I have witnessed the breakdown of my parents marriage. I am kind of mentally stuck. The redpill part of mind blames her. She's my mother and will do anything for me. But I dislike her for that reason. I feel that her over doting me throughout my life has done me no favours ( I'm 22. ). and recently she has accused me of taking "sides" with my step father. My step father is the one who had comiitted adultery and I have never seen eye to eye with him since I've have ever known him until now.

I respect my step father more than I like him. He's always been an ass to me but I understand that it has been for my benefit, he's fairly alpha male. So I can appreciate what he says, more so as I have grown older but I am aware that I should look after my mum more.

The problem is she whines about the most mundane small shit and I respect her less for it. She has more to gain and talks/fights in a way that suggest she is on the winning stance. Going says that the woman my step father had an affair with is ugly - I've seen a picture and she looks fine to me for her age (45).

I am aware that I am supposed to take sides with my mother but since thinking in a red pilled manner I have started to despise her. I dislike her past and I am from what may be consider a "broken home" although I am very fortunate that I have always had a masculine role model in my life. My dad adopted me when I was 3.

I stopped caring what happened to her a few month ago but the real straw that got broke was a few days ago. She went on on holiday, she far as, as far as I am aware, enjoyed herself but turned into a real bitch after she got back. Continuously bad mouthing my step father on Facebook and posting how much fun she was having (it looked like she was having a pathetic time). She wrote posts about my step father medical problems and how that effects their relationship. Going as far to compare a relationship from when she was in early early 20s IE incompetence.

I told my stepdad that if she didn't think with her brain instead of her heart she will end up with less of a settlement (she mentioned dragging lawyers out for years). He told her this conversation which she confronted me about, then put on the water works and I stopped listening.

Several hours later she mentions that I told my step dad that she had bad mouthed him and asked me if that was true, it is. She called him various words and instructed mutual friends on Facebook to delete him. I told her this was true and she accused me of taking his side and not caring about her, then turned on the waterworks again. I am fed up, the more she does it the more I start to despise her and she is my mother.

My question to fellow RVSers is what would you do?

I'm going to tell her to meet up with me for lunch tomorrow and tell her
how to behave but I feel that she won't listen and the more less I care.

What is it that I can do?

I don't want to cut her out of my life completely but there is not much of her annoying shit I can take.

If it makes much of a difference I am about to move out of the family home into my own place where I no longer haver to deal with her shit. But I do care about my mother and will still have to drop in from time to time.

Post: #2

Sounds like she's trying to use you as a chess piece in the divorce war. It's a very common tactic in the US, but it's a bit ridiculous when the kids are your age. 22? You should just say "Thanks for everything, mum, but I'm an adult now - you leave me out of this and hope everything works out for you and dad. Now if you'll excuse me I've got a ho to bang"

(Ok, you can leave that last bit out, but you get the idea - call her out, gently but firmly. She's your mum, but this isn't your business.)

Post: #3

Sorry to ask but it matters: where is your biological father?

Post: #4

I'm 21 and my mother and FATHER are like this as well. They're not divorced but I wish they were.

I don't know how old your parents are, but mine are 58.
One thing I've learnt over the years is that people don change.

The best thing you can do is move out and not care about their shouting matches. It's tough but that's life.

My parents are not divorced by the way, but the issue of divorce has always cropped up and I too have been asked by both my parents who's side I will pick if they get divorced.

I told them I couldn't give a shit. It's their choice, and they're old enough to figure out what they want.

My father was telling me the other day that his friends are getting divorced because they cheated on their wives and it's irresponsible blabla. I responded with : have you seen his wife? I would cheat on her as well.

Then the conversation segwayed into this "I won't divorce your mum because it's irresponsible blablabla" I told him, whatever makes you happy.

Blue pill as fuck, this father that I have.

AnywAy. You have to live your life and not worry about your parents. They're old enough to decide whAt the best course of action is, and deal with the ensuing consequences (if any).

Some people just shouldn't get married

Post: #5

Also..
About lunch tomorrow


Tell her that she's a strong independent woman and you are not in a position to give her advice.

Mention that you're moving out and steer the conversation away from the divorce. (To make her realize that she can either bitch to you all day while you're around or enjoy the limited time you have with her )

Post: #6

You're 22 years old. You're a grown ass man. You shouldn't be in middle of your parents business at all.

You should be living alone by now and calling your parents once in a while to check on their health and to tell them that you love them; not meeting them for lunch to discuss their Facebook antics and give marriage advice.

Post: #7

I would just say, "I don't know what to tell you Mom..." and just change the subject. Not sure why he cheated by the way. Is your Mom getting fat? Did she abuse him emotionally?

Also what happened to your bio Dad?

Post: #8

I have parents (mom + step-father) who argue incessantly in much the same matter. I resolutely refuse to get drawn into taking sides with either of them. Whenever I head home to see my parents it's usually only a matter of time before I see them going at each other constantly. Thankfully at this point I live away from both of them - having to deal with that dysfunctionality on a daily basis would likely drive me mad.

Post: #9

Makes you wonder why people get married if they're just gonna argue all day

Post: #10

Not sure how to multi quote.

She is objectively fat, as far as I can remember she's always been like that. She does go to the gym regularly though but I think her diet is terrible. Secret eating perhaps.

I have zero contact with my biological father.

I have already taken the initiative on getting my own spot. I actually pick up the keys Friday evening. So once that's done I am out.

Thanks for the advice. A lot of it was similar to my line of thinking.

Post: #11

Get out from the middle of the drama as fast as you can. Deflect her questions. "Tell her how to behave" is actually the worst possible thing you can do, I really hope you didn't do that. Unfollow them on facebook, don't talk about them to anyone else beyond a bland "yeah, too it's a shame" and change the subject.

Tell your mom:
"I just don't want to know the details of your guy's personal lives. I love you and will support you, but let's not talk about this. Let's talk about taking the dog for a walk and enjoying this great day outside instead" or whatever along those lines.

Give her the space to figure out her new situation by herself and with her friends, priest, whoever but not you. It shouldn't be any of your business (trust me, I know from personal experience both the kid's side and the parent's).

Spend your time on yourself, sounds like you're very self-aware and intelligent. Don't let your emotions toward either of them right now eclipse the 22 years they spent raising you.

Post: #12

Some people are just pulling unnecessary punches.

Just say: "Mom, I love you, but in this case you are being unreasonable. All this anger, hate and bitterness is not leading anywhere. I am not taking sides here, I take the side of reason and common sense etc. etc. ..."

You can make it clear to her that she has to behave appropriately. It's an emotional time for her, but that is no excuse to behave like that.

Your step-dad adopted you while you were a little kid and I guess he supported you and your mom financially and was a certain kind of role model. So he has cheated on her - big deal.

Your mother is not aware what she is doing. She is in her 40s I guess - dating will be hell for her. She will have to settle for someone much lower in value than your step-dad.

Don't let the tears impact your judgement. Also remember that women get their own dose of propaganda, feminism, female empowerment, divorce porn etc. They don't realize that it will leave them less happy.

I would aid your step-dad if she becomes crazy with financial demands or legal costs, which might leave him destitute for years to come. Men commit suicide because of that. And again - loving your mother and heeding her irrational or even negative commands is another matter altogether. You can even take your step-father's side in court while loving your mother. Besides - he adopted you, so legally you are his son as well despite a lack of warmth between you. I am sure he did plenty for you without you realizing it.

Post: #13

(07-05-2015 11:47 PM)Agreddor Wrote:  My father was telling me the other day that his friends are getting divorced because they cheated on their wives and it's irresponsible blabla. I responded with : have you seen his wife? I would cheat on her as well.

Hilarious, and astute. Wish I could have seen the look on your dad's face when you said that!

Post: #14

My advice is a little bit similar to that of Engineer:

Quote:Get out from the middle of the drama as fast as you can

Tell your mom that she is your mother, and you understand she is going through some tough times (all true).
Do not tell her what to do. She is way older than you. You are not running her life.

Tell her that if she needs something, you will do your best to help.

Also, looking at what Zelcorpion wrote:

Quote:Don't let the tears impact your judgement

Be calm. She is your mother, do not hate her. Feel pity for her.

You never know when you are going to need her. So don't "pick sides" or "tell her how to behave".
She may need to vent. Tell her that you feel weird about it and it creeps you out. Even if she will be mad, she will understand eventually (you are her son after all).

As per your step dad - do whatever is good for you. You don't have to share it with your mother. However, tell him that since things are now "unreal" he should keep quiet about the two of you.

Hang in there, I'm sure it's tough.