Post: #1

I don't know if there's already a thread on this. I'm in a place with really crappy interwebz connection so searching is a real pain.


:@Long story short: I went on a date and I was a complete gentleman and a nice guy. I want to know how to come off as less of a nice guy again.



Basically, I met this hot chick at the Opera Ball in early April... since events season is rapping up and she's in development she's been real busy, so all our plans to meet up fell through for a couple of weeks (I know, if a girl REALLY wants something she'll find a way... I guess I didn't make a great first impression).

Ran into her and her friends (which were very nice to me, including the guys) again at the end of April for the Symphony Ball and we made plans to meet up a few days later. It was a terribly bland date. I broke my no dinner rule, but I did stick to my usual venue change. I noticed she cringed at my corny funny comments:

Her: "Thanks for the great evening."
Me: "No, thank you for existing!"

(that usually gets a cheesy laugh out of most girls, in my experience)

Anyways, I behaved like a total nice guy, beta, a gentleman. Kissed her on the cheek when I walked her to her car. I guess she was taken aback by me not trying to kiss her because she hugged me again like 3 seconds later.

That was a Wednesday. On Friday I found out I was flying out the next morning and invited her out since I was flying out and she said she had plans, "but thank you though!"

Total nice guy grave I dug for myself, as opposed to my charming drunk self I was at both Balls.

How do I change this dynamic? We don't have the same friends and we probably won't organically run into each other again until events season begins again around August. How can I come off as less of a nice guy now?

Again, if there's a thread on this already, please someone point me in the right direction.

Post: #2

Why didn't you try to kiss her?

Post: #3

Because I was going through a stupid oneitis week in which I thought she was made out of sugar and was a delicate snowflower... MAJOR F UP... I know I could've done it.

Post: #4

(05-21-2015 02:56 AM)mikeraw Wrote:  Because I was going through a stupid oneitis week in which I thought she was made out of sugar and was a delicate snowflower... MAJOR F UP... I know I could've done it.

Okay fine, she's made out of sugar. Great. She's cool and you decided to break your own rule and take her to dinner.

This means that you believe dinners are somehow better than going out for drinks. I suggest you take a look at that belief. Dinner is just not a great first date, it makes for a more stiff social situation. It gets in the way of alcohol consumption. Let alone the fact that you might be paying dinner for someone who you're not going to see again. From her point of view, it's also not great - she sees you as a guy who's giving things too easy. Guess what that tells her about your value.

And how do you know she's made out of sugar? Your made out of sugar girl might be banging tattooed bikers on Tinder every week. She might be a hidden narcissistic bitch. She might be terrible in bed. You have no idea. Get to know her a bit.

Eat by yourself and have some casual drinks with her. Key word - casual. Relaxed. No need to be a gentleman. There's a lot on this forum about how to proceed on dates.

Post: #5

I know. I do all that. I NEVER buy dinners. I just broke my own rules this time and went full retard, full beta, full supplication, pedestalizing, etc...

What I want to know is how to dismantle this idea of me being such a nice guy next time. I'd like to go out with her again but under different circumstances so that I can redeem myself.

Any ideas?

Post: #6

(05-21-2015 03:31 AM)mikeraw Wrote:  I NEVER buy dinners.

What about appetizers?

Post: #7

See her again and start a fight with some random guy while she is with you.

Chicks love crazy.

Or you leave her alone for a bit, then she might think you were not that crazy about her and then try to restart when you can give off a cooler/chiller vibe.

Post: #8

How about you just forget about her? I suggest you do that instead

Post: #9

Move on. It's hard to recover from this.

Post: #10

(05-21-2015 04:20 AM)samsamsam Wrote:  See her again and start a fight with some random guy while she is with you.

Chicks love crazy.

Or you leave her alone for a bit, then she might think you were not that crazy about her and then try to restart when you can give off a cooler/chiller vibe.

Probably not best to hulksmash some random for a girl as you might kill him or end up getting arrested.

Post: #11

Couple things:

-"Recovering" already means you are fighting an uphill battle and that you have to prove yourself to a girl. This attitude will hurt your inner game.
-As my mentor always said, its way better to just build a new ship than running damage control on a sinking ship.
-Dont be nice to girls who has not earned it.

I know its tough if you are getting out of a oneitis. Everything about oneitis traps you in a mood of depression, desperation and a downward spriral to the ass-end of fuck-up town.

I think it might be better to recover from your mood. In your situation fuck all the girls in the world, you need to help yourself first. Go do some sport, join a gym, martial art, hang with best buddies, party and get wasted, etc. everything to get you back on the right mood.

Not to be a dick, but you almost made me vomit my delicious roasted duck lunch with your "thank you for existing" line. I dont think it can get any more miserable than that. So, just by existing she is doing you a favor? What is she, a God? She certainly thinks she is if guys keep saying stuff like this.

We keep blaming women, but men are the only ones to blame. Women are children, some men can be grown-ups. A spoiled child = bad parenting.

If you are serious about this whole stuff, you need some shock tactic to recover from being a nice guy. Give a holla and I ll try to help.

Post: #12

Do the chips and salsa at the Mexican place count as an appetizer? What if we eat them while we are drinking?

Seriously though a Mexican place is actually a good place to take a date for drinks. The one I go to serves strong drinks and before you know it you are half drunk and have consumed three baskets of free chips and salsa. You get your drink on and have a free appetizer. This is a win win for team appetizer and team no appetizer.

Take this girl out and get her hammered on margaritas and let your true asshole come out. She will respect you in no time. And for fucks sake don't pay for the guacamole. Tell her to eat the damn chips while you feel her up. Things will take a turn for the better.

Adios,
Dino
(Team free appetizer)

Post: #13

To treat your oneitis, let's talk about different girls

Post: #14

Start approaching other women and gaming other women and fucking other women. If you want to take another crack at the girl in your story in 6 months, sure go ahead. If you really are a different person, it might work out. Don't hold your breath but right now just concentrate on gaming other women.

Post: #15

If you want to try and save the notch I would game as usuall the next date. Pretend the 1st date never happened. Kino hard, show intent, neg her, I give it 50/50 either your in after 2nd date OR you confuse her and lose her. In any case good luck.

Post: #16

First thing I thought...

first impression ≠ I went on a date

A first impression is within a second, maybe a few seconds.

She went out with you based on a social situation hoping you wanted to have sex with her once you two were alone. You fell apart once you two were alone.

You were afraid to show your true self...that you did want to have sex with her.

Tell her that without saying it. That's a big first step in game. ACT, BEHAVE like you feel, that you want her, but never say it.

You need to be able to do this with any and all attractive women, not just her (you hardly know her, so at this point she *is* every other woman).

Post: #17

Bro, congrats on improving. But for the love of all that's pink and moist can you stop with the self depreciating crap? So you had oneitis and you were acting all beta, let it go! Move on!

You begin every post with "I was being a little bitch..." then you ask good questions and report progress. Like Dalaran said, this attitude will hurt your inner game. We all had and still occasionally have beta moments and fuck ups. Stop focusing on them and fake it until you make it. Just keep telling yourself you have what it takes, you clearly are motivated to get to a better state, so act like it. Stop letting this past beta shit drag you down, you're better than that!