Post: #26

I would like to thank you guys for this thread as I am struggling with making a girl comfortable and creating some rapport.

Last example was yesterday where I opened this Colombian chick in a pub. The interaction went pretty well but I could not build any comfort nor create any rapport between the two of us. I teased her a lot, push pull and all.

I successfully created attraction since at the end of the interaction all she was saying was your funny while holding eye contact giving me "that look" when she's in love. I got her number but my chances of second date are pretty low. My buddy says that I tease too much ("asshole" game) sometimes the girls tend to get defensive. This hurts me big time for second dates.

I would build the attraction qualify a bit and challenge, push pull, tease her but I fail to make her comfortable and fail to create any kind of rapport between the two of us.

Did anyone go through this path from teasing too much to building more rapport comfort? Any insight would be greatly appreciated. Thank you guys!

Post: #27

Here is my question - though a bit off topic. With all the feminist turbulence and misandry happening and the laws against men -- where women can make false sexual assault claims - even years later, and do serious harm to a guy, how does one create sexual attraction in this kind of environment -- is it even possible? I mean even having a girl at your place can be risky and nerve racking since she knows where you live.

Also most women you often do not want repeat bangs bc you start seeing her feminist influence coming out. You want her out of your life. And that can get her quite angry and upset.

Post: #28

(05-25-2016 01:05 PM)papaiela Wrote:  I would like to thank you guys for this thread as I am struggling with making a girl comfortable and creating some rapport.

Last example was yesterday where I opened this Colombian chick in a pub. The interaction went pretty well but I could not build any comfort nor create any rapport between the two of us. I teased her a lot, push pull and all.

I successfully created attraction since at the end of the interaction all she was saying was your funny while holding eye contact giving me "that look" when she's in love. I got her number but my chances of second date are pretty low. My buddy says that I tease too much ("asshole" game) sometimes the girls tend to get defensive. This hurts me big time for second dates.

I would build the attraction qualify a bit and challenge, push pull, tease her but I fail to make her comfortable and fail to create any kind of rapport between the two of us.

Did anyone go through this path from teasing too much to building more rapport comfort? Any insight would be greatly appreciated. Thank you guys!

Is this all Spanish? Native speaker? Colombian?
Or broken English and bad Spanish?

I ask because humor is very cultural.

After reading most of the Colombia threads, and a lot of the Latin America threads using the mystery method framework is helpful to get to the basic issue.

But in the cross cultural context, you need to reconfigure mystery method/basic attraction to work on a primal man to woman level.

I forgot how good this thread is.

WIA

Post: #29

(05-25-2016 01:31 PM)tanner Wrote:  Here is my question - though a bit off topic. With all the feminist turbulence and misandry happening and the laws against men -- where women can make false sexual assault claims - even years later, and do serious harm to a guy, how does one create sexual attraction in this kind of environment -- is it even possible? I mean even having a girl at your place can be risky and nerve racking since she knows where you live.

Also most women you often do not want repeat bangs bc you start seeing her feminist influence coming out. You want her out of your life. And that can get her quite angry and upset.

I'm glad you've studied the red pill literature.
It's important to understand that the matrix is the blue pill for betas and squares. The red pill says this is what is happening to the clueless blue pill men.

Game is the cheat code. Those rules don't apply to you when you run tight game.

If you break up with a chick and she goes ape shit, that's typically a preventable problem.

With the rape accusation issue

#1 issue is that the guy is not paying attention to the girl's emotional state. Mattress girl got fucked in the ass, and the douche bag dude didn't know how to de-escalate her. Five minutes of post bang comfort and genuine connection would have put a stop to any evil shit before it starts.

You could even do something like after the bang, reach for her and say something like "keep acting like this and I might stop being a jerk..But I know you like jerks, that's why you're here" in a humorous tone, of course. Post bang both of you should be a little bit vulnerable.

But the more chicks you bang, the more dick she's taken, the more you both retreat into emotional shells post bang. As a player you're supposed to manage these things for a girl so she can make that walk of shame into a strut of pride. This is why it's helpful to read feminist literature on the topic and give her those feelings.

After you fuck a chick she should be happy about it, and not feel used. This is where the old idea of

"Leave her better than you found her "really makes sense.

Her pussy should be sore, not her ego.
She should tell her slutty girlfriends that you fucked her so good, not that you fucked her over.

#2 is bad screening. All girls have daddy issues, like all boys have mommy issues. What kind and degree of issues does she have? Did she witness her father being abusive to her mother? Does she date bad boy losers exclusively?
Did her mother henpeck her father? Etc.

You can find this out during the initial pull.

"My folks are having an anniversary....They totally love each other..wasn't always like that"

When a chick is in seeking rapport from you, she'll take your tone and your frame and just supply details from her own life.

#3 and sometimes a bitch will blindside you. Random. That's the risk everyone takes. And it's low risk.

These three are all low risks. If you believe the rape stats, it's 1 in 5. The jails would be overflowing. So even if it's as prevalent as they say, the statistics are still in your favor of a chick that feels wronged by you that she just goes on with her life.

To conclude, the sky is not falling.
Make sure the chick is alright throughout the process, from the beginning through the end.

WIA

Post: #30

I could write a book about this topic...

Mystery is the one who coined the terms attraction, comfort, and seduction. The Mystery Method is one of the most important books on game ever written.

Unfortunately, there are two types of comfort. The more common type, or really misnomer, is "one of the girls" comfort. It generates zero attraction. That's where she feels comfortable calling you, texting you, borrowing your car, sleeping on your couch, talking about her sexual conquests, etc. I have no problem with this type of relationship for girls I've already friend zoned. That said, if you're her bestie, you're not fucking her.

However, comfort as Mystery meant it is comfort that you're a high value, high status, masculine male worth fucking. It means reassuring females that you're cool, basically. Car breaks down? You don't cry and panic - you change the tire like a man (or AAA because you're a baller). She throws a tantrum? "Hun, settle down. There's no need for that." You have friends, hobbies, and you're not a placating dork. Her friends are going to be around you and say "he's rad". You pass shit tests with ease and you're able to wither her strong emotions and remain masculine at all times. You're the guy people look to for direction.

I think the issue is Mystery coined the term with a bad name - it should have been called "assurance." Comfort is not about being their bestie, it's about reassuring them that you're a masculine male. Roosh put it a lot better in his treatise on neomasculinity.

Post: #31

(05-25-2016 04:07 PM)WestIndianArchie Wrote:  

(05-25-2016 01:31 PM)tanner Wrote:  Here is my question - though a bit off topic. With all the feminist turbulence and misandry happening and the laws against men -- where women can make false sexual assault claims - even years later, and do serious harm to a guy, how does one create sexual attraction in this kind of environment -- is it even possible? I mean even having a girl at your place can be risky and nerve racking since she knows where you live.

Also most women you often do not want repeat bangs bc you start seeing her feminist influence coming out. You want her out of your life. And that can get her quite angry and upset.

I'm glad you've studied the red pill literature.
It's important to understand that the matrix is the blue pill for betas and squares. The red pill says this is what is happening to the clueless blue pill men.

Game is the cheat code. Those rules don't apply to you when you run tight game.

If you break up with a chick and she goes ape shit, that's typically a preventable problem.

With the rape accusation issue

#1 issue is that the guy is not paying attention to the girl's emotional state. Mattress girl got fucked in the ass, and the douche bag dude didn't know how to de-escalate her. Five minutes of post bang comfort and genuine connection would have put a stop to any evil shit before it starts.

You could even do something like after the bang, reach for her and say something like "keep acting like this and I might stop being a jerk..But I know you like jerks, that's why you're here" in a humorous tone, of course. Post bang both of you should be a little bit vulnerable.

But the more chicks you bang, the more dick she's taken, the more you both retreat into emotional shells post bang. As a player you're supposed to manage these things for a girl so she can make that walk of shame into a strut of pride. This is why it's helpful to read feminist literature on the topic and give her those feelings.

After you fuck a chick she should be happy about it, and not feel used. This is where the old idea of

"Leave her better than you found her "really makes sense.

Her pussy should be sore, not her ego.
She should tell her slutty girlfriends that you fucked her so good, not that you fucked her over.

#2 is bad screening. All girls have daddy issues, like all boys have mommy issues. What kind and degree of issues does she have? Did she witness her father being abusive to her mother? Does she date bad boy losers exclusively?
Did her mother henpeck her father? Etc.

You can find this out during the initial pull.

"My folks are having an anniversary....They totally love each other..wasn't always like that"

When a chick is in seeking rapport from you, she'll take your tone and your frame and just supply details from her own life.

#3 and sometimes a bitch will blindside you. Random. That's the risk everyone takes. And it's low risk.

These three are all low risks. If you believe the rape stats, it's 1 in 5. The jails would be overflowing. So even if it's as prevalent as they say, the statistics are still in your favor of a chick that feels wronged by you that she just goes on with her life.

To conclude, the sky is not falling.
Make sure the chick is alright throughout the process, from the beginning through the end.

WIA

Great reply. Many thanks. However, I live downtown Toronto and am stuck here. You know of TO's reputation with women. Most of it is true. Am I being over cautious and paranoid? When I visit another city, I am so much more at ease and do a lot more approaches. But here in TO , I just shut down - and I go into a cautious state. It is difficult to approach in that frame of mind.

Post: #32

Great reply. Many thanks. However, I live downtown Toronto and am stuck here. You know of TO's reputation with women. Most of it is true. Am I being over cautious and paranoid? When I visit another city, I am so much more at ease and do a lot more approaches. But here in TO , I just shut down - and I go into a cautious state. It is difficult to approach in that frame of mind.
[/quote]

You can't let the fear mongers scare you.

Learning how to avoid spam approaching and obvious poor calibration is the key.

Feminist or not, she still has urges to mate. Run proper game and you bang. Most of the great guys in the game come from hell holes. D.C., San Francisco, Toronto. You have a chance to be great

Believe me, somebody is fucking them chicks. Rudebwoy and Drake can't handle all of em.

WIA

Post: #33

(05-25-2016 03:33 PM)WestIndianArchie Wrote:  

(05-25-2016 01:05 PM)papaiela Wrote:  I would like to thank you guys for this thread as I am struggling with making a girl comfortable and creating some rapport.

Last example was yesterday where I opened this Colombian chick in a pub. The interaction went pretty well but I could not build any comfort nor create any rapport between the two of us. I teased her a lot, push pull and all.

I successfully created attraction since at the end of the interaction all she was saying was your funny while holding eye contact giving me "that look" when she's in love. I got her number but my chances of second date are pretty low. My buddy says that I tease too much ("asshole" game) sometimes the girls tend to get defensive. This hurts me big time for second dates.

I would build the attraction qualify a bit and challenge, push pull, tease her but I fail to make her comfortable and fail to create any kind of rapport between the two of us.

Did anyone go through this path from teasing too much to building more rapport comfort? Any insight would be greatly appreciated. Thank you guys!

Is this all Spanish? Native speaker? Colombian?
Or broken English and bad Spanish?

I ask because humor is very cultural.

After reading most of the Colombia threads, and a lot of the Latin America threads using the mystery method framework is helpful to get to the basic issue.

But in the cross cultural context, you need to reconfigure mystery method/basic attraction to work on a primal man to woman level.

I forgot how good this thread is.

WIA

The conversation I had was in both Spanish and broken English however she was getting all the jokes, the girl was laughing and starring at me giving me the bambie eyes. Attraction was built but no rapport or any comfort.

This is a weakness right now in my game as even when I approach in French (my mother tongue) I would get the same result.

I am starting to understand the building rapport part, trying to find commonalities between me and the girl and elaborate on that maybe share experience, in order to create an "emotional connection" between you and the girl.

I believe that comfort will come naturally after rapport has been built.

This thread and the one on building rapport (/thread-11069.html) are GOLD.

Thanks again WIA!

Post: #34

I agree with the OP, basically "attraction" is good for getting laid, comfort is good for maintaining a relationship.

No attraction but comfort is basically what the "best male friend" is who fills that surrogate role for the girl who's with the jerk boyfriend.

If "attraction" is like desert, then "comfort" is like a tofu smoothie; it might have all the vitamins but it's boring as hell, so most people would much rather have the candy bar.

Unfortunately today the whole thing's become a "contest" over which is "better", but in reality it's neither, it's both. But when it comes to just getting laid, attraction is better than comfort. (If people were only motivated by what's logically "healthy" then gym memberships would sell better Xbox games or fast food).

Post: #35

(05-25-2016 06:01 PM)papaiela Wrote:  Last example was yesterday where I opened this Colombian chick in a pub. The interaction went pretty well but I could not build any comfort nor create any rapport between the two of us. I teased her a lot, push pull and all.

I successfully created attraction since at the end of the interaction all she was saying was your funny while holding eye contact giving me "that look" when she's in love. I got her number but my chances of second date are pretty low. My buddy says that I tease too much ("asshole" game) sometimes the girls tend to get defensive. This hurts me big time for second dates.

I would build the attraction qualify a bit and challenge, push pull, tease her but I fail to make her comfortable and fail to create any kind of rapport between the two of us.

Ah I see.

(05-25-2016 06:01 PM)papaiela Wrote:  Did anyone go through this path from teasing too much to building more rapport comfort? Any insight would be greatly appreciated. Thank you guys!

It's called the friend zone!

(05-25-2016 06:01 PM)papaiela Wrote:  The conversation I had was in both Spanish and broken English however she was getting all the jokes, the girl was laughing and starring at me giving me the bambie eyes. Attraction was built but no rapport or any comfort.

This is a weakness right now in my game as even when I approach in French (my mother tongue) I would get the same result.

I am starting to understand the building rapport part, trying to find commonalities between me and the girl and elaborate on that maybe share experience, in order to create an "emotional connection" between you and the girl.

I believe that comfort will come naturally after rapport has been built.

That's one way of looking at comfort and rapport.

In this situation where the cultures and languages aren't perfect, you have to go to a more primal way of establishing both.

Comfort, how I've recently explained it, is the idea that she's
- comfortable with you. Not afraid of you. Not afraid of what you're going to do, what you're going to do to her/with her.
- comfortable with your touch
- comfortable touching you on her own
- comfortable going places with you.

I think trust is a better word.

So it's less about an "emotional" connection like you might see in the movies.
And more about making her feel safe that you're not an ax murderer.
You're a fun guy, you're not going to hurt her.
If her body language goes from warm to "back off" you back off, smoothly and don't change your upbeat mood and positivity. (or maybe you're low energy, getting into that sexual state - you don't get mad when she's not ready)

^Nothing in the above has anything to do with language.

But....if you want that movie style comfort, if you want that back and forth, if you want deep rapport - what needs to happen
- she needs to speak from the heart about something important
- you have to understand
- she has to see that you understand.

If she sees that you "get it", she'll give you more.

A player used to the game will actually say things to her that suggests he "gets it" before she even thinks to bring that kinda stuff into the conversation.

To me, this is where it gets tricky in your situation. With different cultures in play, some of the social signals are different.

Cause what she's actually saying is not that important. But the sub-communications are. This is where when i've gotten with tourists and ESL type chicks, it's easier to get that sort of "conversation" going physically.

That's what I think you can do.

A real subtle thing that good players do is immediately treat a chick they haven't banged as if they've been banging forever.

So if you've got your chica at the bar,
- get a little closer
- maybe hit her with the eyes
- but grab her hand, pull it down, squeeze it a bit, and then motion with your eyes/head nod at something.

The idea is to start creating that "secret" language between the two of you. Like you see something and you want her in on the joke, so you can laugh about it together.

This is not the same as being able to listen to her heartsong, but you can get a level of intimacy very quickly by being her Novio in quince minutos.

Those two things
1) establishing trust and comfort via touch/and moving her around
2) The boyfriend experience

Should make the # more solid, because you're more memorable.

The downside to my approach, is that girls will want you. She's not going to see you as her provider, but it's not really her "good time" guy either.

You've become someone she can see herself with. You can do much more damage to a chick with a proper holding of her hand than you can by fingering her. Rub the vajajay in the club, and she'll feel slutty afterwards and avoid your calls because she thinks all you want is sex.

Have a little moment where the two of you see the same thing the same way, and suddenly you're different.

I can tell you from personal experience, if you can get attraction, comfort, and logistics - you can have more fun. It's ideal to have your boy head to the next place, get an instadate with the girl, and try to get her back to your place.

If you delve into deep rapport, you're liable to kick in her "love" sequence.

The boyfriend experience is not the only way, or even the best way, to make sure your number is solid.

But off top, it's thing I know I can do that's gonna have the most emotional impact. And the most emotional impact is what makes the phone # solid.

So be careful. You want her to fuck you, not have your babies.

WIA

Post: #36

(05-25-2016 08:54 PM)WestIndianArchie Wrote:  You can do much more damage to a chick with a proper holding of her hand than you can by fingering her.

This shit is Confucius level.

Post: #37

(05-25-2016 08:54 PM)WestIndianArchie Wrote:  

(05-25-2016 06:01 PM)papaiela Wrote:  Last example was yesterday where I opened this Colombian chick in a pub. The interaction went pretty well but I could not build any comfort nor create any rapport between the two of us. I teased her a lot, push pull and all.

I successfully created attraction since at the end of the interaction all she was saying was your funny while holding eye contact giving me "that look" when she's in love. I got her number but my chances of second date are pretty low. My buddy says that I tease too much ("asshole" game) sometimes the girls tend to get defensive. This hurts me big time for second dates.

I would build the attraction qualify a bit and challenge, push pull, tease her but I fail to make her comfortable and fail to create any kind of rapport between the two of us.

Ah I see.

(05-25-2016 06:01 PM)papaiela Wrote:  Did anyone go through this path from teasing too much to building more rapport comfort? Any insight would be greatly appreciated. Thank you guys!

It's called the friend zone!

(05-25-2016 06:01 PM)papaiela Wrote:  The conversation I had was in both Spanish and broken English however she was getting all the jokes, the girl was laughing and starring at me giving me the bambie eyes. Attraction was built but no rapport or any comfort.

This is a weakness right now in my game as even when I approach in French (my mother tongue) I would get the same result.

I am starting to understand the building rapport part, trying to find commonalities between me and the girl and elaborate on that maybe share experience, in order to create an "emotional connection" between you and the girl.

I believe that comfort will come naturally after rapport has been built.

That's one way of looking at comfort and rapport.

In this situation where the cultures and languages aren't perfect, you have to go to a more primal way of establishing both.

Comfort, how I've recently explained it, is the idea that she's
- comfortable with you. Not afraid of you. Not afraid of what you're going to do, what you're going to do to her/with her.
- comfortable with your touch
- comfortable touching you on her own
- comfortable going places with you.

I think trust is a better word.

So it's less about an "emotional" connection like you might see in the movies.
And more about making her feel safe that you're not an ax murderer.
You're a fun guy, you're not going to hurt her.
If her body language goes from warm to "back off" you back off, smoothly and don't change your upbeat mood and positivity. (or maybe you're low energy, getting into that sexual state - you don't get mad when she's not ready)

^Nothing in the above has anything to do with language.

But....if you want that movie style comfort, if you want that back and forth, if you want deep rapport - what needs to happen
- she needs to speak from the heart about something important
- you have to understand
- she has to see that you understand.

If she sees that you "get it", she'll give you more.

A player used to the game will actually say things to her that suggests he "gets it" before she even thinks to bring that kinda stuff into the conversation.

To me, this is where it gets tricky in your situation. With different cultures in play, some of the social signals are different.

Cause what she's actually saying is not that important. But the sub-communications are. This is where when i've gotten with tourists and ESL type chicks, it's easier to get that sort of "conversation" going physically.

That's what I think you can do.

A real subtle thing that good players do is immediately treat a chick they haven't banged as if they've been banging forever.

So if you've got your chica at the bar,
- get a little closer
- maybe hit her with the eyes
- but grab her hand, pull it down, squeeze it a bit, and then motion with your eyes/head nod at something.

The idea is to start creating that "secret" language between the two of you. Like you see something and you want her in on the joke, so you can laugh about it together.

This is not the same as being able to listen to her heartsong, but you can get a level of intimacy very quickly by being her Novio in quince minutos.

Those two things
1) establishing trust and comfort via touch/and moving her around
2) The boyfriend experience

Should make the # more solid, because you're more memorable.

The downside to my approach, is that girls will want you. She's not going to see you as her provider, but it's not really her "good time" guy either.

You've become someone she can see herself with. You can do much more damage to a chick with a proper holding of her hand than you can by fingering her. Rub the vajajay in the club, and she'll feel slutty afterwards and avoid your calls because she thinks all you want is sex.

Have a little moment where the two of you see the same thing the same way, and suddenly you're different.

I can tell you from personal experience, if you can get attraction, comfort, and logistics - you can have more fun. It's ideal to have your boy head to the next place, get an instadate with the girl, and try to get her back to your place.

If you delve into deep rapport, you're liable to kick in her "love" sequence.

The boyfriend experience is not the only way, or even the best way, to make sure your number is solid.

But off top, it's thing I know I can do that's gonna have the most emotional impact. And the most emotional impact is what makes the phone # solid.

So be careful. You want her to fuck you, not have your babies.

WIA

Thank you for this comprehensive answer WIA! I know exactly what you mean as I previously had a relationship where too much emotions were involved. The ending was messy.. I need to find a good balance between building emotions enough so she wants to see me again and not enough that she wants my babies.

Post: #38

(05-17-2015 01:26 PM)RedParadigm Wrote:  Pulling (talking about something she's into etc.) creates rapport and comfort. Pushing (teasing/ challenging) and sexualization creates attraction. As a general rule the more beautiful the girl, the bigger her ego, the more pushing and sexualization I do. But I wasn't do this enough with more average girls and this was the reason I was failing with them while succeeding with higher end girls.

So let's look at a recent example:

I opened a woman in the supermarket with an indirect opener about the cookies she's looking at. We talk about cookies for awhile (pull). I then look into her cart and see a lot of sodas. I told her she must really love her sugar (push). I look her up and down (sexualization) and said, hmmm, well it certainly doesn't show (pull).

Thanks for explaining this. I see push-pull everywhere, but not really broken down like this.