Post: #1

Hey guys, wasn't quite sure where to put this thread.

I've always had a bad temper. I used to throw tantrums as a kid, got kicked out of basketball games, etc for not being able to keep my cool. Recently, I've gotten a lot better. I haven't had a significant lash out in about 3 years, aside from a couple times when I was wasted. And it's killing me.

The worst part is, I honestly love being angry. Sometimes I hope that something bad happens or someone does something that would justify me losing my cool. I run through fight scenarios all the time in my head. I'll read something that makes me angry just to rile myself up. Anger management doesn't appeal to me because I like having that edge, but I know it's going to have a negative effect eventually. It's like a fattie trying to put down a piece of cake.

Is there any means of reasonably releasing this anger without putting myself or anyone else at risk?

Post: #2

(04-23-2015 09:42 PM)younggun Wrote:  Hey guys, wasn't quite sure where to put this thread.

I've always had a bad temper. I used to throw tantrums as a kid, got kicked out of basketball games, etc for not being able to keep my cool. Recently, I've gotten a lot better. I haven't had a significant lash out in about 3 years, aside from a couple times when I was wasted. And it's killing me.

The worst part is, I honestly love being angry. Sometimes I hope that something bad happens or someone does something that would justify me losing my cool. I run through fight scenarios all the time in my head. I'll read something that makes me angry just to rile myself up. Anger management doesn't appeal to me because I like having that edge, but I know it's going to have a negative effect eventually. It's like a fattie trying to put down a piece of cake.

Is there any means of reasonably releasing this anger without putting myself or anyone else at risk?

well you can like that part of your personality, but just realize whoever you use it on will only end up hating you or thinking you are a tool; and either fire, leave or ridicule you to everyone they know.

Post: #3

I used to be like you when i was was a kid. I got kicked out of a few schools because of my anger usually leading to fights.

Your best bet to get a handle on it is to study martial arts. Then take up meditation. These will do wonders for your anger.

Also start lifting weights.
Anytime you feel the rage building head to the gym before you do or say anything.
After a good workout you'll be less likely to do something dumb because you got pissed off.

Post: #4

Learn how to observe your own thoughts and emotions.

Google "Eckhart Tolle Pain Body"

Everyone carries emotional pain from the past...it's a latent negative thought pattern that resides in your neurons. Almost like how a monitor will "burn in" from displaying the same image for too long. It gets activated at certain times. When you "self identify" with it you actually enjoy the pain. You want more of it and want to cause pain for others.

But it's not actually "you".

If you can learn to recognize and observe it, but not suppress it, nor energize it by giving into it, or identify with it, it will diminish over time.

BTW, this has "inner game" connotations as a lot of times girls will try to get a rise out you. By gaining distance from your emotions like this you become non-reactive.

The key is not to suppress the emotion or else it will just come out later. Allow it to arise and watch it.

Post: #5

I can definately relate to you. I don't know that anger or rage is what I would describe that I have but I'm definately easily annoyed and I like to complain. I guess some may call me negative although in many ways I am very positive and optimistic.

Anyhow, lately I've been getting into trying to get rid of anxiety, find kind of zen or inner peace, be happier.

Something I find that works is fake it til you make it. Act happy, smile even if you don't feel like it. I believe its scientifically proven that if you smile you will be happy or at least happier than you were.

There's some good youtube videos on this subject. I plucked a few ideas from some I watched. One thing I've been doing is writing down 1 thing everyday that I'm thankful for and also before I go to sleep at night writing down one thing I am looking forward to the next day. It may sound cheesy but its working for me.

Post: #6

People think "anger" makes them strong. It doesn't. It makes you weak, because you can be goaded or manipulated. There's nothing wrong with having fire. But fire needs to be controlled or it will consume you and everything around you.

Post: #7

Come on over to the weight lifting section here. We'll help you sort out your anger problems.

Have you considered doing some form of MMA? Hilariously, I go through periods where i'm looking for a fight. Every time that happens I somehow find myself getting signed up for a boxing lesson. Midway through the lesson I get a sort of, "What the heck am I doing?" which always seems to pleasantly settle my pent up anger.

Post: #8

The mind is a reflex organ, producing around 50,000 thoughts a day, that you can't control.

But once you've become a slave to those thoughts, you've lost the game.

Post: #9

(04-24-2015 12:26 PM)The Beast1 Wrote:  Come on over to the weight lifting section here. We'll help you sort out your anger problems.

I disagree and don't think weightlifting will help "cure" anger issues. Weightlifting is great, but it's not an outlet for anger.

I feel that there's no such thing as an outlet for anger. Sure, you can hit the boxing bag or spar and envision the person you hate as your sparring partner and that temporary alleviates some anger. But the next time you see that object of your hatred, you're going to be just as angry again.

Doing something to let out anger doesn't really make your anger go away permanently. It temporarily disappears but rears itself again a short while later.

Personally, I think the only way to deal with anger is actually who you perceive the situations that make you angry. Ask why they make you angry and if they really deserve to make you angry from a rationale point of view. This is sort of going along the psychology of mindfulness that asks you to observe your emotions and find the root of the problem.

Post: #10

(04-24-2015 04:58 PM)monster Wrote:  

(04-24-2015 12:26 PM)The Beast1 Wrote:  Come on over to the weight lifting section here. We'll help you sort out your anger problems.

I disagree and don't think weightlifting will help "cure" anger issues. Weightlifting is great, but it's not an outlet for anger.

I feel that there's no such thing as an outlet for anger. Sure, you can hit the boxing bag or spar and envision the person you hate as your sparring partner and that temporary alleviates some anger. But the next time you see that object of your hatred, you're going to be just as angry again.

Doing something to let out anger doesn't really make your anger go away permanently. It temporarily disappears but rears itself again a short while later.

Personally, I think the only way to deal with anger is actually who you perceive the situations that make you angry. Ask why they make you angry and if they really deserve to make you angry from a rationale point of view. This is sort of going along the psychology of mindfulness that asks you to observe your emotions and find the root of the problem.

I agree and disagree with this. I agree punching a punching bag ins't going to solve your problems or even help you deal with the root of where your anger is, however I just recently got back into working out and it definately helps alleviate some stress and anxiety which are often things that sort of trigger anger. Also working out you feel more self confident, get endorphins released, etc so I definately think working out can help out with stress, anxiety, anger, heck even depression.

If your not working out I can pretty much gurantee working out will imrpove your life in some way. I'm not saying you gotta become a power lifter but shit run a mile a day and do some pushups and crunches and your life will improve.

Post: #11

I think excessive anger comes from insecurity.

As the others have said; lift, meditate, read and train a martial art (maybe even two; traditional martial arts are great for calming behaviour).

Post: #12

I had a period in my early 20's where I had anger problems. I'd go out drinking with my brother or with teammates and basically look for trouble. At the time I thought my anger gave me an edge, or was somehow macho. I'd be secretly proud when people would tell stories about fights I'd been in.

Thinking back now I'm just embarrassed for myself. No one respects a person who can't control his emotions.

As for the solution, I think a lot of it is just growing up and maturing, as I assume from your handle you're a young guy. But I also agree that weightlifting, martial arts, and yoga can be good proactive suggestions.

Post: #13

First off, I don't think you have anger issues as bad as you might think. The angriest people aren't aware of their anger. If you are aware that you have a level of anger that is affecting your ability to enjoy day to day life, then you aren't in the worst of spots.

As LINUX already said, a human has thousands of thoughts a day. You will have fleeting thoughts of anger, lust, jealousy, annoyance and the whole gamut in a given day. There isn't going to come a day when you no longer have anger, anxiety or any of the like -- the hope of maturity is developing the skillsets to handle these conflicting emotions.

Generally speaking, anger usually bridges over unmet needs. Anger is usually a sign that something is wrong in your life. You might not be paying attention to your own needs enough, you are avoiding dealing with depression or -- if you are very young -- simply maturing and are justifiably impatient with the haphazard and confusing process of growing up.

Regardless, as you already seem to be aware, anger is both destructive and addictive. It is destructive because it consumes your thoughts and prevents your ability to be rational and enjoy positive emotions. It becomes addictive as it crowds out your ability to enjoy life as you wait for the times you feel you can lash out. The more you give into the anger, the more you feel you can indulge the anger and use it to feel better about yourself.

Venting anger doesn't work. Sure, sometimes hitting the gym can help you cool off, but it doesn't take care of the underlying issues that caused your anger in the first instance. Venting the anger usually means indulging the anger, giving it a footing on which to stand. It seeks not to heal, but to perpetuate itself.

If you want an extreme example of what happens when anger goes unchecked, check out Tumblr. The SJW's & feminists are walking containers of unregulated anger and self-righteousness. Hungrily seeking out their next fix (outrage-inducing event) like an addict might, they only really exist during their explosions of anger. Having neglected any true sense of duty to the self or learning to turn that destructive anger into more constructive channels, they have allowed themselves to be completely controlled by their anger.

Now, since anger usually lies over top of unmet needs, what you need to think about is why exactly you think you have issues with anger. Very rarely in a person's life is one singular issue contributing to feelings of anger -- usually it is a small number of unmet or under-met needs that is causing you irritation.

As we have preached on this forum, an often unmet need in a man's life is his health. We are talking nuts and bolts here: getting enough sleep and enough water and nutrients. The benefit of working out might not be that it is helping you vent so much as it is helping you get the exercise your body needs. It should also go without saying that a regular sex life ratchets down anger as well.

As CrashBangWallop has suggested, you might be in need of some real "me time." Spend some time meditating, reading or engaging in activities that can help you can some insight into the workings of your own mind. This isn't getting high or goofing off playing video games, but some dedicated time spent trying to understand yourself.

If this last part sounds like mental masturbation, it just might be. These sorts of issues don't lend themselves at all to cut and dry solutions. Here is an old post by myself on this forum: "Walking Distance," On Why The Past Is Best Left In The Past. Writing is cathartic for me, as is writing with a specific life lesson in mind.

If you are looking for something more concrete, here is a link to an excerpt from a book called "Seeking Safety:" Healing From Anger. Ignore the part at the end about the anger contract -- just read about anger and how to deal with issues around anger.

Post: #14

A friend of mine that I went to school with who had a younger brother who had downs syndrome. Simultaneously his brother also had Leukaemia and as a result died. My friend was maybe 14 at the time and felt very angry about it. I got the impression that he blamed himself. He had several months off of school and his older brother had some time off too. I don't know what he did during his time off but I noticed a significant improvement in his guitar playing abilities. I think what he did was practice the guitar for many hours per day to both refocus his mind and channel his anger into something productive.

Others have mentioned something similar by channelling that angry energy into something productive (mostly weight lifting). Are there any hobbies that you have that you could improve significantly by channelling your anger?

Or anything else you could do/build whilst in a state of anger. A few years ago I was angry but I found myself going to a nearby driving range and smacking 50 balls of so and would come out relaxed. I kept a few clubs in the car for that purpose. Seeings as you like fighting though i'd recommend setting up a punch bag and releasing your anger on that.

Post: #15

Boxing used to help me a lot when I was an angry teenager. I wanted to hurt people because I endured a lot of shit from other people for being a fat nerd. A couple years of that got the immediate urges of anger out of my system. I trained with a former amateur boxer and he'd clock me good (wearing headgear) if I was getting too aggressive.

Longer-term anger comes from leaving some mental or emotional need unfulfilled. Religion, meditation, yoga, and/or a martial art can help you develop a mindset that can more readily accept and anticipate future gratification. Listen to Mike Cernovich's podcasts about mindset. You can learn to stop and question yourself every time you're dealing with an emotion that's not helpful. You don't want to suppress the emotions but instead understand why you're feeling what you're feeling in a moment and talk to yourself about what's going to get you through it. Your left-brain knows what to do when your right-brain isn't overwhelming it with a emotion, and engaging yourself logically lets the left-brain take over.

Post: #16

(04-24-2015 04:58 PM)monster Wrote:  

(04-24-2015 12:26 PM)The Beast1 Wrote:  Come on over to the weight lifting section here. We'll help you sort out your anger problems.

I disagree and don't think weightlifting will help "cure" anger issues. Weightlifting is great, but it's not an outlet for anger.

I feel that there's no such thing as an outlet for anger. Sure, you can hit the boxing bag or spar and envision the person you hate as your sparring partner and that temporary alleviates some anger. But the next time you see that object of your hatred, you're going to be just as angry again.

Doing something to let out anger doesn't really make your anger go away permanently. It temporarily disappears but rears itself again a short while later.

Personally, I think the only way to deal with anger is actually who you perceive the situations that make you angry. Ask why they make you angry and if they really deserve to make you angry from a rationale point of view. This is sort of going along the psychology of mindfulness that asks you to observe your emotions and find the root of the problem.

Of course very true, but in the grand scheme of things cooler heads tend to prevail.
However it's the difference between going in with a rage level of 85 versus 25 because you took off 50 points at the gym.

You will however ultimately have to face the source of your anger.

Post: #17

I struggle with anger issues.

What helps me is talking to people who have the same problem as me. And, I like to study and research the topic.

I like talking to older guys and asking them about the anger management strategies that have worked for them.

I Google "anger management strategies" and read about other peoples experience.

Sometimes, when I'm at the mall, I go into a bookstore and read a bit of literature on the topic.

Getting help, having a support network, and communicating honestly are what have worked for me. I went to a psychologist for a little while and he helped a lot. (find a good one, most are shitty)

I have made many mistakes due to anger.

Now, when I get angry, the best thing to do is to just do nothing. I go home, eat, workout, play ball, go online, or watch tv.

Playing sports helped me a lot cause they gave me an outlet to release a lot of energy.

Don't fight the battle alone. GET HELP!

NOT GETTING HELP IS A MISTAKE!

Post: #18

I call this a Ghetto Behavior.
This is first reason I want to stay away from bad neighbor hood and trash bars. its because you will constantly run into people who look unhappy, argue each other and want to start shit with you for nothing. You don't see this in an average bar.
I believe their problems in life are affecting their anger level.
I don't know your personal situation but fix your problem in your life first. Ive acted more than necessary with customer service when my stress level was high and Ive dealts with friends who freaked out on me over his problems.

People want to stay away from an awkward person no mater how nice they are.... A person who will start shit with you for small incident? No way in the hell, they want that person in their lives.