RE: Tests
Now my tests are for someone who wants to be in LOVE, meaning one night stands are not at all my goal.
Girls more available for ONS might be the OPPOSITE in some ways from what I want. For instance, a girl who smokes is likely more promiscuous
(thrill seeking) than one who doesn't. But living with someone who smokes when you don't majorly sucks.
Things I like:
1) Contacts me at least as much as I contact her.
2) Slow to anger. I know I do things that are sort of irritating, and I can literaly see a kind-hearted woman look slightly shaken, then look inward at herself wondering "Am I over reacting." If they are good, they will shrug it off unless you are really being brutal.
I worked once with a married social worker who was so kind ( i was totally in love with her) that I started getting more and more obnoxious as sort of a bizarre game. I wasn't too blatant, and finally after about four months she scolded me in a very low-key way, and I apologied owned up to what I had been doing. I told her I was amazed how long it took her to get mad at me. She still wasn't even really mad, just setting limits.
2) Is responsive to questions implied or explicit. Doesn't just reframe everything in reference to herself or what she needs/wants.
3) Has done SOMETHING with her life, in terms of studying something somehow difficult so she has embodied the concept of working to get something and is enthusiastic about something besides consumerism. Nursing seems almost ideal, caring and disciplined ( the courses are quite hard for the full BSN degree in the USA anyway) but not arrogant like some doctors. Lawyers? You tell me, haha.
Worst case: Someone who says what they like is "travel, cars, shopping" and the like-- all things where she just USES the world instead of being proactively INVOLVED with it.
Good things: Playing an instrument, liking to draw, take photographs besides of herself, read, active sports like riding a bike, serious dancing, helping professions such as nursing or teaching.
4) ( This one is hard with EE girls because they really are often just trying to be pleasing) I like simple grooming, hot without makeup (rare) like clothes in which she can DO something adventurous with me (hiking etc) rather than be a confection waiting to be consumed. But she should have good taste, simple elegant clothes, not just dowdy and careless.
(I believe I am in the minority in that I don't like high heels. )
FAMILY PSYCHOLOGY:
5) Old but true: Parents still in love and together, of course a death could be a reason why that's not so. Girls with married parents have seen that people can work out things and have more a presumption that that is way to deal with each other-- not walk out in a huff and "prove she's right. "
6) Important-- She should BOTH LIKE AND ADMIRE her father. If he is a welder, he should be a good welder in her eyes. If he is a doctor, he's a good one. I was hot for one girl who liked her father but didn't really know what he did. Indicates bad communication to me.
THIS IS REALLY IMPORTANT because although you and her think of yourself consciously as being a different person than her father, people over their lives develop what's called an "introject" which is a model in their minds of who a man is, and if the father is around it is a model of him. It is EXTREMELY difficult to modify, and it is only a slight exaggeration that she really simply pastes your face over the internal image she has of him and starts reacting to you just like she does with him.
7) Probably even more basically important-- Likes her Mother. I had one girlfriend who was just incapable of nurturing. It was rally difficult for her even though she really loved me and was dependent on me. She just didn't know how. Alienation from the mother is less common a problem than father problems however.
8) No cigarettes. No. Fcucking. Cigarettes. Indicates irresponsibility, short-sightedness, lack of athleticism, and much higher chance of mood disorder and irritability. (90%+ of schizophrenics smoke)
I am such a nut about this I want HER to hate cigararettes too. Sorry to guys who smoke, but I work with nursing home patients and the ones who smoke look and function as if 20 years older than the others, and have closed up, gummed up lungs even without cancer. Most of the guys who are in nursing homes while still in their 50s are smokers-- it helps cause strokes, heart disease, lung disease, cancer.... I'll pass.
9) Freak. Compatible sex drives and taste for extremes. Submissive and nurturing. Don't like aggressive chicks that want to ride me like I'm some piece of livestock.
10) Willing to work and not money-grubbing.
11) Age appropriate thinness. She's going to pack on at least 5-10 pounds per kid usually, so at 20-22 she should be a little TOO thin.
Well, it's off to Eastern Europe for me, obviously!!
(This post was last modified: 05-20-2011 11:42 PM by iknowexactly.)
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