Post: #1

Earlier this week I asked a girl to go to lunch on Saturday. She said maybe, text me Friday. So I texted her today...

Me: I'm going to the hockey game tonight in DC, you ever been? (DC is like 2 hours away)
Her: No I haven't but I've been to a Redskins game.
Me: I'm excited. I'm trying to plan when to leave tomorrow... We still on for lunch at noon
Her: sounds like a good time (I thought she was saying lunch sounds like a good time, but she was referring to the hockey game). We don't have to if you gotta rush.
Me: I gotta be back for (bullshit excuse). Cool, cya at the pub at noon.

That is the end of the convo. I'm not gonna text her again to ask because that's dumb as hell. Did she confirm the date?

Post: #2

Before I clicked on this, I thought the question was going to be a slam dunk, but it really isn't. I can't tell if she confirmed the date, which basically means don't count on her being there if you have no futher contact with her. What I would do is call her tomorrow, early enough so that she will have time to make it if she is planning to go. Any further texts might make you look needy and/or elicit more unclear responses from her. Also, I think you planned this way too far in advance. Setting up dates days in advance gives her all the time in the world to make other plans or flat out forget. Keep that in mind.

Post: #3

I agree about the too early part. The "we don't have to.." Makes me think it's a yes. Then I said cya there and didn't get a response which has pros and cons.

Post: #4

What about texting her on Saturday and saying you're running late and let's meet at 12:30 instead. That's the textbook confirming without confirming way to do it.

Post: #5

I was thinking about that too. Saying something like "I'm running a few mins late, can you grab us a table?" ... Make her wait, build suspense. Option 2 is to flake on her

Post: #6

I love this thread -- language and syntactic ambiguity is interesting and often humorous. This is a great example of it, regarding the phrase "good time" (the game? the meeting time for lunch? the lunch itself??).

Why the text about the hockey game in the first place? Making conversation? Or more of a "making sure she's still responding" feeler?

What did you mean by the word "when" here: "I'm trying to plan when tomorrow"? Did you mean it like "I'm trying to plan my day out -- when's good for lunch?"

Post: #7

The hockey game was a starter.. I didn't want to jump right into the confirmation. I edited the when part... I was basically trying to say I needed to help someone out later in the but I didn't know when I was leaving DC. If we meet for lunch, I should prob leave earlier.

Yeah the "good time" shit really threw me off here.

Post: #8

Ah I see the edit now... so your intent was as a "starter", which is cool, leading to a confirmation, cool. However...

My "issue" (since it's up for discussion) is that you tied it all together and weighed down the conversation to essentially ask her: "I may be adjusting my plans to accommodate our lunch -- is that still what I should do or no?"

Her "We don't have to" is kind of like a neutral parry -- it's still up to you... are you telling her "hey let's push lunch back to 3pm"? Or "I can't make lunch, no clue when I'm getting back"?

So it's a litttttle wishy-washy, and I think the subcommunication exposed a little more of your "I hope she doesn't flake" than you may have intended.

Post: #9

Possible other way it could have gone:

You: I'm going to the hockey game tonight in DC, you ever been?
Her: No I haven't but I've been to a Redskins game.
You: I'm excited. Let's hit [place] for lunch tomorrow, their [dish] will do wonders for my hangover.
Her: sounds like a good time [referring to hockey game]
-- now the onus is on her to confirm, so you'd say nothing --
Her: [confirmation, or not]
You: great, see you at noon.
-- then tomorrow, if you are actually running late --
You: actually, 1pm

So disassociating the starter (hockey game tonight) from affecting your plans -- regardless of "trying to plan when to leave", you are asking for a confirmation. So do so without tying it to your own plans the night before, it's a touch TMI and belies your uncertainty about her flake status.

Post: #10

To answer the OP, my thoughts aside, I'd say it's squarely ambiguous. Def go with the "actually 12:30 cool?" approach. If she doesn't answer that before tomorrow morning, it's off.

Post: #11

Point taken and thanks. Well since its "up to me" is that confirmation?

I've ben with girls and they say, "Are we still going to the bar tonight, its up to you"... has a similar feel. Regardless, so I send a "I'm gonna be late" type text? Or just say fuck it and go

Post: #12

Just send her a text earlier on that day that you'd prefer it a little later (30 minutes or so). Simple enough.

Post: #13

She technically said "we don't have to", not "it's up to you" -- I am trying to imagine her perspective (as I've been with girls while guys text them), and she might be thinking* "look do you want to have lunch or not? are you asking me to decide based on your day's earlier plans?" Contrast to if you had directly just said "hey, we still on for tomorrow?" which is a yes or no that is not dependent on you, but only on her.

*If she likes you, she's only 5% thinking that. If she is iffy on you, that could magnify to 50%. It's so subtle how things come across.

I don't mean to overanalyze with my posts here, but it's crazy the subtext of texts. If she's feeling you (how can we know from this thread alone?) this may be nothing, of course she'll be there tomorrow, go lunch it up. I'd kind of expect one more text from her, an "ok cool", or a text in the morning.

Post: #14

No clue how much she is into me... your guess is as good as mine. I haven't seen her in a few months. I dunno, I read the subtext of "we don't have to" as we are going and if you need to change it then cool. But yes, you make some good points, thanks bro

Post: #15

... Updates?? heh

Post: #16

Said that I'm gonna stay an extra day in DC so we should reschedule to Sunday. She agreed, so it's on for tomorrow.

"Sounds like a good time" ... Lol what a mess

Edit: said I'll be going to church around the same time, might go sports coat and slacks... Haven't decided