Post: #1

http://userscripts-mirror.org/scripts/review/125481

Pretty long and doesn't look like the guy is necessarily very red pill, but it's still good for a laugh. Samples:

Quote:// show, don't tell
"(I'm|I am) smart(??!er))": "I am not in any way smart",
"(I'm|I am) intelligent": "I am the opposite of intelligent",
"(I'm|I am) funny": "I am so far from funny that I actually make nearby milk crawl up\
people's noses",
// syntax for the first of the above is obtuse if you don't program--
// it matches "I'm/I am smart," provided that "smart" is not the beginning of "smarter"


// i have NO typical friday night!
"no typical": "injudicious numbers of dicks in and around my mouth",

// my friday nights are NEVER typical!
"never typical": "full of so many dicks that my mouth has developed maximum occupancy\
concerns, which when disregarded present a fire hazard",
// if you ask an okcupid user what their blood type is, they will say "I HAVE NO TYPICAL BLOOD!"

// by the way, coming up with dick situations so over the
// top as to be similarly embarrassing for men and women, straight
// and gay? not easy. i hope you appreciate my hard work.

// God does not play dice, MOTHERFUCKER.
"random": "banal",

// do not reverse causality.
"if you can make me laugh, i'm yours": "If I think you're hot, I'll laugh at your jokes",
// I like nerdy guys!
"nerdy guys": "guys who look good in glasses",
"I'm (such )?a (huge |big )?(nerd|geek)": "One time, I used an Internet machine so that I could Internet",

// use your words.
"I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am\
out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle\
me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best":
"I will expect you to treat me like Marilyn Monroe, though I am at best\
a 6 physically and apparently even have to copy her wit",

"I'm a bitch(,.)?\s*I'm a lover(,.)?\s*I'm a child(,.)?\s*I'm a\
mother(,.)?\s*I'm a sinner(,.)?\s*I'm a saint": "I'm a bitch",

// seriously, use your words.
"my friends (would )?say": "I think but lack the confidence to own up to thinking",
"I consider myself": "I am both verbose and insecure, as well as",

// if you use others' words, i will turn them against you.
"i'm kind of a big deal": "My life is so lacking in anything noteworthy that I still\
characterize it with throwaway 2004 cinema.",

May save time for some RVF members.

Post: #2

Quote:// update: now that they added that as a "body type" classification, i run into all these ridic gorgeous
// girls who my script calls "kind of fat."
// that's dumb. deprecated until i figure out a way to exclude that.

// updated update: found it.
"real women have curves": "real women have appalling amounts of fatness",

Post: #3

Here's the body type translator I'd like to see implemented:

Curvy = Fat and delusional
Average = Only as fat as the typical American
Athletic = Fat, but played a sport in high school
Fit = Fat, but go on a hike twice a year
Rather not say = Rather not come to terms with how fat I am
A little extra = I need a little extra room to fit in an airplane seat
Full figured = Grotesquely obese, shopping for scooters in another tab
Overweight = My doctor says it's a miracle my internal organs haven't been crushed
Used up or jacked = To ease the sting of being on OKCupid, I act like I'm not taking it seriously
Thin or skinny = I get 893 messages a week, so don't even bother