Post: #1

http://www.duffelblog.com/2015/03/op-ed-...underbolt/

Op-Ed: I Sexually Identify As An A-10 Thunderbolt
The following is an opinion piece written by Spc. Herbert Pansing, US Army. The opinions expressed are not necessarily those of Duffel Blog or the editors.

I have finally found the strength to admit it.

I was 12 years old when I realized that I’m not really a man at heart, but rather a 19 foot, 10.5 inch long gatling gun strapped onto a 24,959 pound airframe.

All my life has been a lie but I’m setting that right today. I was designed to kill Soviet tanks. From now on, call me “Warthog.” That’s my real name.

I’m having plastic surgeons attach a GAU-8 Avenger 30 milimeter rotary cannon, 1,200 pounds of titanium armor, and two General Electric TF34-GE-100 turbofan engines to my body. Sgt. Major Fairchild said I’m fucking stupid and I can’t be a jet, but I’m beautiful and I am a goddamn jet.

If the Army won’t pay for me to get the surgery, I’m just going to bring in Code Pink and point out that that Manning loser is getting hormones and he’s in prison so why shouldn’t a perfectly well-adjusted and honorably serving soldier have the right to be who they truly are, a metal killing machine?

I am so sick and tired of being oppressed. Now we A-10’s are on Congress’s chopping block. It’s sickening to see all the white cisgender nazi shitlords literally raping my people with their actions.

It’s my right to spray 2,100 to 4,200 depleted uranium rounds per minute at both soft and hard targets and if you don’t support me and my transformation then you’re an aerialphobe and need to check your weapon platform privilege.

Post: #2

This thread title sounds so troll.

Post: #3

^ I figured it was ok since I posted it in the everything else section

Post: #4

(03-20-2015 05:45 PM)Fortis Wrote:  This thread title sounds so troll.

This. I just stopped in to see the OP before Tut layed down the ban hammer.

The article was ok...would've been better if he had pic of himself wrapped in foil with gray styrofoam taped to his arms as missiles. And if he mentioned that he jacked off to pic of the Decepticon Starscream.

It's not to late to change the title. If OP gives Steve McMahon a rep point he'll probably give him a better one haha

Post: #5

(03-20-2015 05:42 PM)h3ltrsk3ltr Wrote:  http://www.duffelblog.com/2015/03/op-ed-...underbolt/

Op-Ed: I Sexually Identify As An A-10 Thunderbolt
The following is an opinion piece written by Spc. Herbert Pansing, US Army. The opinions expressed are not necessarily those of Duffel Blog or the editors.

I have finally found the strength to admit it.

I was 12 years old when I realized that I’m not really a man at heart, but rather a 19 foot, 10.5 inch long gatling gun strapped onto a 24,959 pound airframe.

All my life has been a lie but I’m setting that right today. I was designed to kill Soviet tanks. From now on, call me “Warthog.” That’s my real name.

I’m having plastic surgeons attach a GAU-8 Avenger 30 milimeter rotary cannon, 1,200 pounds of titanium armor, and two General Electric TF34-GE-100 turbofan engines to my body. Sgt. Major Fairchild said I’m fucking stupid and I can’t be a jet, but I’m beautiful and I am a goddamn jet.

If the Army won’t pay for me to get the surgery, I’m just going to bring in Code Pink and point out that that Manning loser is getting hormones and he’s in prison so why shouldn’t a perfectly well-adjusted and honorably serving soldier have the right to be who they truly are, a metal killing machine?

I am so sick and tired of being oppressed. Now we A-10’s are on Congress’s chopping block. It’s sickening to see all the white cisgender nazi shitlords literally raping my people with their actions.

It’s my right to spray 2,100 to 4,200 depleted uranium rounds per minute at both soft and hard targets and if you don’t support me and my transformation then you’re an aerialphobe and need to check your weapon platform privilege.

All I care about is whether he's an Autobot or a Decepticon.

Post: #6

(03-20-2015 05:48 PM)h3ltrsk3ltr Wrote:  ^ I figured it was ok since I posted it in the everything else section

He who shall swat thou with thine hammer may think otherwise. I'd suggest a different title.

Post: #7

This was hilarious. It helps invalidate and humorize all of the multi gender/sexuality bullshit theories.

We need more articles like this.

Post: #8

Don't care, loved the title, laughed my ass off reading this.

I enjoyed reading this.

As much as this is weird to say:

Team #savethewarthog

I fucking idolized this beautiful piece of technology since I was a kid, got to see it roar over my head at an airshow.

It sounds like a mother fucking screaming eagle of freedom.

It's saved my friends lives out in the 'Stan.

It's a fucking sexy machine of death.

"Puff the magic dragon"

Post: #9

(03-20-2015 05:42 PM)h3ltrsk3ltr Wrote:  if you don’t support me and my transformation then you’re an aerialphobe and need to check your weapon platform privilege.

Terrific. I love the duffleblog--their article on the Washington Redskins still cracks me up.

Post: #10

Fine. Title changed.

#savethewarthog

Post: #11

Not to belabour the joke, but I hear Optimus Prime's motto has been changed to: freedom is the right of all sentient LGBTQABCXYZs.

Post: #12

Awesome. The guy who wrote that must have based it on my favourite copypasta at the moment:

Quote:I sexually Identify as an Attack Helicopter. Ever since I was a boy I dreamed of soaring over the oilfields dropping hot sticky loads on disgusting foreigners. People say to me that a person being a helicopter is Impossible and I'm fucking retarded but I don't care, I'm beautiful. I'm having a plastic surgeon install rotary blades, 30 mm cannons and AMG-114 Hellfire missiles on my body. From now on I want you guys to call me "Apache" and respect my right to kill from above and kill needlessly. If you can't accept me you're a heliphobe and need to check your vehicle privilege. Thank you for being so understanding.

Laugh every time I see it. Doubly since it infuriates the usual suspects each time too.

Post: #13

Much better thread title.

Post: #14

#savethewarthog. I love that plane, its like the 'musclecar' of airpower. You haven't been in awe until you've been under that 'buzzsaw of death' noise when it fires its cannon flying a few hundred feet over your head.

Post: #15

After the SR-71 the A-10 is my favorite plane. I don't think a better ground support air plane is flying today or probably ever would fly. At least not for what these cost. Sheer politics and bullshit trying to eliminate it.

Post: #16

I've heard these things are so durable they can damn near fly with one wing shot off. Amazing plane.

Post: #17

http://www.nytimes.com/1998/12/25/us/air...guish.html

Game could have saved his life...