Post: #1

Wednesday my brother and I meet my girlfriend for dinner at a Chinese restaurant near her place. During small talk I asked her if she ate anything that day and she nervously said "Yes I actually came here earlier with a friend". Now when a girl says friend instead of a name it usually means a guy, but I'm fine not knowing and moving forward. Later that evening we go to Walmart to get some ice cream and while there I grab some Reese's puffs. I joke on our way to check out that we must look like stoners. She then nervously says "well I had a chance to buy weed today". Now my girlfriend doesn't smoke but I ask what she's talking about about and she then tells me the guy she met for lunch was an old co worker who was known for dealing weed. She probably hasn't seen this guy in several months and won't see him again any time soon, but the idea of my girlfriend associating with a guy who's a known drug dealer has been eating at me.

Whats the play? I don't care if she goes out with co workers or occasionally hangs with guys but the way she delivered the information and the fact he's a weed dealer bothers the fucking shit out of me. I want to call her out but i know looking insecure isn't the thing to do, and I'm not sure if i can just get over it.

Regards, Mike.

Post: #2

I hate to say this - but if you think she sounds shady, she's probably being shady. Now I'm not saying she definitely cheated or is considering cheating on you; but at the very least there was some sexual tension or flirting that she knows you wouldn't be cool with if you were a fly on the wall.

To even the playing field, I would drop a dread bomb:
- go out with your friends and don't answer your phone all night
- flirt with another girl right in front of her
- get tickets to a concert or event you like and don't invite her; bonus points if you don't normally do that kind of stuff

This is the passive aggressive option. The direct option (only to be used for a REAL girlfriend, not a fuckbuddy) is to say you are not comfortable with her doing what she is doing, and that if she continues to do it, you are going end the relationship. It's key to say the second half of that statement. If you simply forbid her to see other guys, you will rightfully be labeled insecure and controlling. Let her be responsible for her own actions - make rules, let them be known, and if she breaks your rules again, she loses the privilege of being your girlfriend. Simple.

Her being less than 100% honest, even once, is not a good sign of things to come if you don't get your act together. If the two of you breaking up isn't even an option for you, you are in for a world of hurt. Try to make it work and be kind if you like, but set your boundaries and stick to them. No exceptions.

Post: #3

Blame goes back to you

- you decided to go into an LTR - 1st mistake. Anytime you invest in a chick, you take a loss.

- you haven't been educating your broad on what it takes to keep you, what love means to you. So because you haven't been instructing her, she's doing whatever she wants

- shady drug dealer dude from her past, may have already smashed back then, maybe not. But the fact that they're rekindling the relationship, and she's keeping it on the low - means at least she has some bit of shame, but not so much that she'd refuse to hang with dude.

So now you got a wayward chick on your team, that's probably going to be taking some dick from the side dude and then coming home to you.

You want to blame her, you want to blame him, but you got into this situation without giving the chick some guidelines, without coming down on her for doing shit that displeases you.

The only reason you coming at us is because your emotions are now involved, and she's threatening your emotional life by chatting with the next guy.

You can of course yell at her, occupy her time, lay down the rules now, make ultimatums, beg and plead....

Or you could go on the offensive mode and cut down your interactions with your girlfriend and get on some hoes. And try to induce dread, try to make her jealous, keep yourself occupied with some new pussy - but the damage is done. Ego has taken a hit. You're in a fragile place.

In either case, the relationship is done, because your trust in her is GONE. You may stay dating. It might have just been lunch. Chicks love to flirt with danger. But in the back of your mind you know you got a wayward bitch. You can't ever let your guard down.

That's not the way to live, in my opinion.

WIA

(03-13-2015 02:20 PM)MikeyMikeB Wrote:  Wednesday my brother and I meet my girlfriend for dinner at a Chinese restaurant near her place. During small talk I asked her if she ate anything that day and she nervously said "Yes I actually came here earlier with a friend". Now when a girl says friend instead of a name it usually means a guy, but I'm fine not knowing and moving forward. Later that evening we go to Walmart to get some ice cream and while there I grab some Reese's puffs. I joke on our way to check out that we must look like stoners. She then nervously says "well I had a chance to buy weed today". Now my girlfriend doesn't smoke but I ask what she's talking about about and she then tells me the guy she met for lunch was an old co worker who was known for dealing weed. She probably hasn't seen this guy in several months and won't see him again any time soon, but the idea of my girlfriend associating with a guy who's a known drug dealer has been eating at me.

Whats the play? I don't care if she goes out with co workers or occasionally hangs with guys but the way she delivered the information and the fact he's a weed dealer bothers the fucking shit out of me. I want to call her out but i know looking insecure isn't the thing to do, and I'm not sure if i can just get over it.

Regards, Mike.

Post: #4

Don't agree to something that you're not OK with.

She's shady as fuck. If I were you, I'd end that. I never recommend the passive-agressive option, but simply tell her straight out that it doesn't work.

You decide.

Post: #5

This is speculation, but maybe it resonates with you:

If she hasn't banged this guy (or even if she has), now you know who (one of) your replacements will be after you break up. They don't say "THIS IS YOUR POTENTIAL REPLACEMENT," but they let you know...

I'm going to take an educated guess that you're kind of young... the one thing to avoid in this situation is to call her out or make a scene. Please don't do this. If there is fear and worry coursing through your veins - feel it, but let it pass by remembering that your girlfiriend will not be the last girl you fuck. Also, remember that you're on this forum and are therefore too smart to wife up a girl in the US. Stay calm, no scenes...

If you're kind of young, I'm assume that she's kind of young, too. As has been documented on this forum many times, girls get A TON of attention in the US and the ratios are poor... sometimes they get attention from dudes who sell herb.

^I'm thinking you had this girl on a pedestal... she's your gf, in a normal world that's fine... America, 2015, is far from normal so she had (at minimum) lunch with the drug dealer and acted coy about it.

Also, the drug dealer is a more of a "bad boy"-vibe relative to yourself. Stay calm and keep an eye out. You won't have to look hard - if the sexual switch turns off in the relationship then something's not right. If she's being a more of a bitch, then something's not right... you get the idea.

In your mind prepare to walk and discontinue all contact. Don't be the fag who "wants closure" and don't do that "Oh we broke up, but banged a couple times later..."

^ With all that written, it could be nothing. If I had to bet though, I would bet otherwise. Stay calm, keep an eye out, and approach some other women (please).

Best wishes to you.

Post: #6

Fuck, WIA layed it out perfectly.

Can't hate on the guy, he's doing what us guys do, game girls.

She was all nervous and sketch talking to you.

I think Baldwin's right: I think you're a young guy.

Like WIA said - go on the offensive, go start gaming other girls, stop relying on her.

When the trust is gone, it's time to move on.

Next her.