Post: #1

So I have been thinking about making this thread for awhile and in the last 3 days it has been brought up by 3 different people 3 days in a row so I decided now is the time. Apparently I have a mean demeanor or scary look about me. I have had this almost as far back as I can remember but now that I have been hitting the gym and put on some size its been pointed out to me numerous times by girls and guys. Specially here in the Peru in the last few months. Just today having lunch with a forum member and one of his friends I just met the topic of fights came up. The guy I just met said I looked like the type that had been in a lot of fights and that I look like I should be on Sons of Anarchy. Two days ago another forum members date that I had just met said after I left she asked him where I was from and that I looked scary. Numerous girls I have banged tell me a few dates later when they first met me they thought I was a bad guy and looked mean/scary/ect...

I used to enjoy it when people thought I looked mean. To me it was a big compliment.. the thought of looking like a badass sounds cool to me. Plus while traveling I don't really look like a easy target for criminals. However now I am starting to wonder if it is costing me bangs? Like girls are writing me off based on my initial approach because I look like a scary guy? Sometimes I will make approaches here in public in the middle of the day and the girls will just look terrified. Even thought I smile and have a playful vibe when I approach. I used to just think its just cause they aren't used to be approached but now I'm wondering if its cause of my look. I'm not huge like bodybuilder big. I'm about 6"2 with shoes on and have always had broad shoulders on what used to be a smaller frame. Now however I do have a muscular build. Shaved head, short beard, couple tattoos, strong posture.

Does anyone else have any experience with this? I feel like if I try to be anymore fun and easy going when I approach I'm going to come across as a clown. I certainly don't plan on stopping hitting the gym or growing my hair out. One of the forum members I met down here that called me imposing said I should wear lighter colored shirts.

It seems like a strange concept even for me... but it is something being brought up at least 3 or 4 times a week now.

How can I spin this in my favor?


Hard to show in pics because I think a lot of it comes from my demeanor.. Like I have resting bitch face but for guys.. If I dont consciously unscowl my eyebrows I look like I want to eat your children. Even my mom used to say I can make the meanest faces.

That V-taper though...

Post: #2

Post: #3

I'm not sure I can post pics that get my point across without revealing my identity. Body wise theres a few tattoos that are going to show up and pictures of my mean mug are certainly going to give away my identity.

edit: Never mind, pics posted

Post: #4

I think you need to lift more.


On a serious note. There are different ways of being. Much like a 10 people can say hello, but because of the way they are being, that hello can be interpreted differently. The other issue, is interpretation. People see the world through their eyes. And no offense, you are just data/information that they process. So these few people say you look mean, and many people who many never mention it to you, will think you are a badass. You can't affect how they interpret data.

You can adjust your way of being. Part of that is understanding how you operate on a day to day basis. Have you done some introspection on how you are being on a regular basis? Are you putting off mean vibes? Are you putting off mean vibes to protect yourself, etc?

I think a person needs to get a handle on themselves before making changes. I would also ask for feedback from people about why they think that way.

But here is the question, you are getting bangs from the way you look/act. You start changing it to get the bangs you think you are missing, and you might start losing the bangs you used to get.

But maybe you just start tweaking it slowly. I do think the big muscular bald guy is a look and people associate it with violence. You don't want that, maybe you grow your hair out? If this idea sounds repulsive to you, then you are sort of attached to how you are then and in that case, it will remain the status quo. I am not saying, grow your hair to show how bad you want to change, just more to point out that we all have things we identify with, that we think we are.

Post: #5

Yeah, every time we met it seemed like you had just finished whooping a dude's ass.

You've got body language/facial expressions down to a tee, but that only helps you later in the interaction. So as I see it, the issue is in the presentation. If you want to cast a wider net, you need to mitigate that badboy image.

Get yourself some pastel colored v-necks and chuck taylors. If you must wear a hat, wear it backwards to show your eyes and appear informal.

Gaming with a (less intimidating) wing seemed to take the edge off.

Also, where you day game is of vital importance here. Upscale shopping mall > public park full of hawkers; entrance to a supermarket > entrance to a strip joint

Lastly, get post-bang feedback. Ask questions like "Did you find me scary at first?" If yes, then "what exactly?" and "what ultimately made you comfortable?"

Post: #6

My uncle used to be dressed/built like that while he was working in the Mexican shipyards. When he went to China he encountered the same problem; when he was 37 he got into a barfight in Hong Kong and the police assumed he was a Triad. This is what he did to solve the intimidation problems:

- Stopped putting anything in his hair (i.e. wax, gel), but also don't go bald neither. He used to shave his head for shipping work but then it came off as either gangster/security goon/paramilitary.

- Stopped with the black crewnecks and hoodies. Go from black to charcoal, forest green, navy blue or wolf grey if you prefer the earth tones.

- Wear thermal knitted henleys, or part-polyester ones to show your physique. That keeps the bitches eye-fucking you, but the buttons are class personified. Another plus is that I've noticed you have thick, vascular forearms. The long-sleeve henleys might cover that up if you're going with a more reserved woman.

- Keep a joke in your head; one that you'll always laugh at. Now internalize it in your head and then your eyes will betray happiness and naughtiness. A genuine smile can't be faked, because the eye muscles move along with a true smile. I had a salesman working for me who had a natural frown, but reading a joke every morning would keep the aloof sparkle in his eye all day. This is bonus if your game involves a lot of teasing. If this works, she'll ask you, "What's so funny?" or "I can't tell if your making fun of me." even while you're not smiling.

- The less leather items the better. Only the wallet, belt and sex materiels for later on should be leather.

- Start chewing gum. It will make you and her feel cooler and chisel your jaw even more.

- No thick gold and silver chains, watches, bling, etc.

This is the guy you don't want to be, his look isn't too universal...

Post: #7

I think the way to neutralize your size, and maybe even leverage it, is to come in with above average energy and a fun demeanor. Big guys are typically brooding mutes with the occasional: "wats up?" If you come in more relaxed, upbeat, and with: "how's everyone doing. you guys look like fun/cool" you'll throw the girls off and likely also befriend the guys. If you're big, you won't need to prove your bone fides as a tough guy. Being, dare I say, a bit "beta" might contrast your rougher edges and make women feel more comfortable around you.

Post: #8

Suit up.

WIA

Post: #9

smile more

I get where you are coming from. I myself can be imposing (6'3 and pretty muscular) So for me to put girls at ease I smile and crack jokes.

By smiling you immediately put people at ease and they start to see you as a gentle giant instead of a goon.

Post: #10

Wear this when approaching

   

Post: #11

^^ I might try that, I have done some peacocking in my day and always had insane results^^

Also thanks for all the solid advice posted up thus far.

Post: #12

Cr33pin,

Here is what I would say: don't give it a second thought. You have a great look for getting pussy; all you need to do is just to be well-spoken in any interaction and everything will take care of itself.

Don't change anything in too pointed of a way because if you adopt artificial (for you) clothes, hair, mien, etc you will come off as not just scary but creepy and unnatural and that is much, much worse.

Embrace the mean.

Post: #13

Everyone beat me to it, but try lighter colours and fucking smile!

Kidding about smiling, but if you have a *tough* face try to up your fashion game. You dress to show off your body, but if you're built like you are and have a scary face then you have the bad boy Trifecta: uninviting face, muscular body and austere fashion.

Liven it up with of the clothing suggestions people are giving you in this thread. I would listen to whoever said don't wear so much black. Black makes you look older and that can be a bad thing if your'e already scary looking.

Post: #14

Cr33pin you're my favorite poster, always laugh at the shit you write but on to other business,



That is not what I expected you to look like.

Post: #15

(03-07-2015 08:12 PM)Oz. Wrote:  Cr33pin you're my favorite poster, always laugh at the shit you write but on to other business,



That is not what I expected you to look like.

Seconded. With the avatar and all, I was expecting a really scrawny older dude.

Post: #16

I am not sure if it is all just about clothing. Though it might help.

Another way of thinking about being is vibe.

We have all been around people. Ones that you think would be great to hang out with but their vibe sucks. Pretty girls that you sense something is off, or they are total cunts.

I think someone mentioned having a joke in your head going so you are smiling.

Maybe it could be that simple, are you smiling or scowling when you meet people? Or is it a meh/indifferent look?

Post: #17

Act kinda silly and goofy, smile and make fun of yourself a bit.

Post: #18

Even without seeing the rest, I agree that your look really does come across as menacing. If you want to look less that way, shave the beard (maybe leaving just a goatee) and you'll look more like the mild-mannered Steve Jobs. But I wouldn't recommend it, honestly. You shouldn't change your basic looks just because some people are scared of them. I agree with Lizard of Oz in this matter.

Also, I think the suggestion on not wearing black is great. I almost always wear black because I look very non-threatening. For you, maybe it really is a bit of an overkill. And unlike hair and facial hair, color of clothing isn't hard to change and it isn't permanent if you don't like the results.

p.s. be sure to remove the pics from where you hosted them soon, just getting one look at them was enough for anyone trying to give advice and you don't want them sitting here forever.

Post: #19

I like the idea of more formal clothing.

Also, try smiling with your eyes.

Contrasts are generally very attractive and less threatening in both men and women.

Post: #20

I've gotta agree with WIA. Wear suits when you go out. Or even just a write dress shirt with slacks and dress shoes. That will allow you to still look good but give off the impression you are an ascending business man with high test.

Post: #21

I'm a big guy with a shaved head. So I make it a point to look at my body language, and face every time I walk past a window or mirror. Growing up in bad neighborhoods taught me to project that "Do Not FUCK With Me Vibe", so I make it a point to relax my shoulders, and face when I'm out and about. Especially around the eyes. If I see guys that could be a problem I go back into tough guy mode.

Post: #22

I say you stay a bad ass that people find a little scary. Yes it might cost you a few bangs but who cares. Society overall will treat you with more respect.

Embrace the scary bad ass that you are.

Post: #23

While walking around if I have a scowl on and greet women without removing my scowl but say "Hi" or "How are you" they smile, blush, look down in that endearing way, respond with their own cute greeting, etc.

If I catch a woman's eye and smile at her, she immediately puts on her own scowl, ignores me, does not return the greeting.

Women hate nice guys.

Post: #24

Fisto might be some one with some insight on this. He is definitely a bad ass and has a strong presence about him. Maybe he can chime in on this.

Post: #25

Shit you're a big dude.
I think you having a friendly / slightly "nice" demeanour about you could serve as a good juxtaposition to your badass look.