Post: #1

Hi guys,

So I'm a beginner and wanted to record here my progress daily/weekly/monthly, especially for my own personal reference (too much info out on the web, and it's easy to lose perspective on my own journey), but also if others have specific advice/comments/criticisms for me, I'd be happy to hear them.

@mods - i hope such threads are ok? if it's inappropriate let me know and maybe I can move it elsewhere.

Background -
I'm 25y old, live in Paris, have a good job, travel frequently, been with 2-3 women in the past, and have a few very good friends. Nothing really to complain about. But nothing extraordinary either.
5y ago, I was extremely introverted, and made a conscious effort to become more social. This was before I knew anything about women and gaming.
Today I'm an average social guy, but still by no means extroverted. I've realised I'm still very shy among women, especially women in groups (of men or even other women). This has affected me in 3 ways - I don't get the woman I want, limits my professional ambitions, and leaves me with a general feeling of unhappiness 20-25% of my day everyday.

long-term goals (6 months) -
1/ be happy 100% of the time, embrace who I am
2/ get to a basic level of extrovertedness where I enjoy talking to anyone (guys or girls) anytime, anywhere voluntarily, and not with an agenda in mind
3/ achieve a change in mindset from thinking of conversations/socialising in a logical way to a more emotional way
4/ build a wider repertoire of friends in paris (preferably more women than men)
5/ appreciate all the cool/creative/interesting things I do in life and nurture them to genuinely be a high-value individual
6/ reduce my need for alone time
7/ finally, get laid lots!

My journey -
Day 1 -
Goals for the day : no real goals, 1st day, just go out and have fun.

Let's call today day 1. It's friday night. I just met up another friend from the community and we hit some bars near Republique/Bastille. I wasn't really feeling great not having slept last night and only had a 3h nap this evening. Ended up drinking alcohol to get me in the mood (I usually try not to drink and don't smoke).

I made 5 approaches overall. All were disastrous, getting blown out in the first 10 sec, except one. The highlight was the one approach I made to a group of 5 women (work colleagues as I learnt). They were responsive for a while and then they all left the club (not because of me, I swear!) My buddy approached much more than me. All good practice, though it was a tough night overall.

Post: #2

Welcome! I was in the same boat last year, and I realized my approach anxiety was due to an even deeper social anxiety. Just remember socializing is a skill like anything else, and you will get good just with more practice. There's the 10,000 hour rule, which states that anything you do for 10,000 hours, you will become a master at. Good luck!

Post: #3

Thanks edtf, I looked at your journey thread, but you haven't been updating it after first few weeks. Interesting to know I'm starting off from a similar place as you.

Day 2 -
I thought about going out this afternoon for some day approaches, but I didn't even gather the courage to leave my house. I've done day approaches only once in Lithuania when I was on vacation. I am such a different person traveling.

Instead I've been working on a few things today.

First, I thought about everything wrong with my current approach strategy. My first post suggested, approaching with a result-oriented mindset vs process-oriented mindset and conversing from an emotional standpoint vs logical standpoint. Today I've realised there's also a big psychological block I need to break. All my life I've been brought up with the idea that aggressive men are bad and should be hated on (they don't respect women). So now everytime I even THINK of approaching, strong negative feelings fill-up my head. If I do approach a girl/set, and I don't get a positive repsonse from her in the first 5 sec, my subconscious automatically goes to defensive mode and involuntarily my shy, unassertive responses come out of me. So these are the 3 things to work on for the next 2 weeks.

Second, I hit up 2 girls online. One is thai and the other is a porto rican. Sadly neither of them live in france. The thai girl approached me, and I approached the porto rican cause I thought she was french (location said paris). But she'd just put paris to chat up some guys to practice her french. Annoying. But I'll entertain them both for a few days just for fun.

Post: #4

I think I have the same problem. I didnt really think about it but its really the inner game that should be strong first. Build from there.

Post: #5

Yes, the deprogramming process takes a while, but just know there's 2 types of girl:

Type 1: Girls that like you - escalate hard, and let her put out the stops, they will forgive you for escalating too fast, but will abandon you if you escalate too slow
Type 2: Girls that don't like you - doesn't matter what you do or say, she is not interested. Whether or not you escalate, she will still not be interested.

Realize that there are more Type 2 girls than Type 1 girls, and don't let the rejections of those uninterested girls discourage you from running game on girls who actually like you.

Post: #6

Day 3 to Day 13 -
Work has been quite busy. Been socialising whenever I can. I go out 3 times / week, and meet strangers. Basically been practicing to always feel genuinely happy (have amped up my meditation) and opening sets.
A girl in the office is giving me constant IOIs for 2 weeks now. I'm not reacting yet as I'm already in the midst of political wars in the company. Wiser to stay low-key until things have settled down. Also I'm not comfortable hitting on work colleagues.

Day 14 -
Went to an afterwork party and socialised well. Opened many sets. Engaged few women, 2 of whom seemed pretty attracted to me. A croatian girl was giving a few IOIs during our convo, but it was a pretty formalish event, so didn't make any advances.

Day 16 -
Went out at 3pm and stayed out till midnight. Opened many sets and engaged a few women. Idea was to feel extroverted (usually more than 3-4h of socialising tires me out because of my introvertedness. This didn't happen today. I was full of energy the whole 9h). At one bar I opened every single set, and towards the end, one of the women was hitting on me, which was nice. She was extremely shy though, which taught me how shy women can be easily attracted to outgoing men.

Improvements -
Last two weeks have clearly made me easy going and feel comfortable in social settings. I no longer worry about being in the groove or feel socialising as expending energy, thus tiring me out. I feel confident enough to go up to any set, but engaging women is still an issue. Sometimes when I approach women (even with no intention of hitting on them, but to simply socialise), they reply in 1-2 words and walk away. It hurts, but I'm learning not to let that affect my mood or momentum.
I guess as edtf says -
"Type 2: Girls that don't like you - doesn't matter what you do or say, she is not interested. Whether or not you escalate, she will still not be interested."

Next steps -
Starting next weekend, I'll start working on engaging women deeper and building attraction.

Post: #7

Haven't been going out as often as I'd like due to extreme workload. I try to go out 2-3 times a week.

Day 25 -
Met up with a member of the community. We tried daygaming. Goal was to approach 10 girls each. We each managed that. I didn't engage too many women for >3min. My friend did well. Nevertheless I think I totally enjoyed myself, and felt the limitless possibilities. We're progressing.

Day 28 -
Met up with a member of the community. We tried daygaming and then hit some bars. Not too much to say here. Realised how easy socialising is when you are in a good group / have a wingman. I'm getting the hang of it now.
Funny thing, I met a work colleague by accident at a club after midnight, and freaked out!

Day 29 -
Went out alone and met a young French girl at a bar. No fear of approaching. I think I did well to engage in conversation and display high value by introducing her to other people at the bar. I tried physical escalation, but everytime she would just pull away. Looking back, I think I subtely displayed low value on occassions - for eg. letting my friend lead conversation with her for about 15 min while I was just a passive listener and small contributor, talking to a group of Spanish speakers and asking them what some words/phrases meant (not in a good way), etc. I was also not smooth during physical escalation. Things to work on for future.

Day 34 -
Afterwork bar visit with 2 friends. Enjoyed myself. Key focus for next week is to engage conversations for >15min (bodylanguage + multiple threads + no filter - in that order)